


What Goes Up Must Come Down

by kikubeamblah



Series: What Goes Up Must Come Down [1]
Category: Free!
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-06
Updated: 2014-09-10
Packaged: 2018-01-18 09:03:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 89,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1422418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kikubeamblah/pseuds/kikubeamblah
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Haruka is a first class flight attendant and has some connection to Rin Matsuoka, a Tokyo businessman/official. They seem to have been fated to meet, but can Rin get over his past to recognize the love in front of him? Main Pairing Harurin, but everyone else and all other pairings are featured too.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, this started as a one-shot mile high club idea and became so, so much fucking more. There's a couple of OCs, a whole lot of drama, but ultimately, Rinharu/Harurin. So, get reading.
> 
> P.S. Last Semester isn't over either. I'm finally getting settled in my life. Enjoy this and enjoy my other works!

XXX

“Nitori...It’s been awhile. I need a favor, it’s my family...my children...” the telephone made the man’s voice sound many years older than it was.

“You know I’d do anything for you and your family. You just name it.”

“I can’t...not over the phone...we...we have to meet. Come to Tokyo. But, be discreet. No one can know…” 

XXX

Haruka stood in front of the men’s bathroom mirror in Tokyo’s Haneda airport. Gate 5 in the International Terminal. Gate 5 was where all flights from New York and San Francisco went back to Japan. It was even home to the occasional Washington D.C. flight. Haruka was especially familiar with this gate.

He’d been here before. He’d be here again in another three days. Then, another seven after that. Or was it eight? He couldn’t say for sure. He didn’t know, he’d have to check his calendar. Haruka hardly knew where he was on any day, given how much he moved it all blurred together, but the shapes of the sinks reminded him. Airport bathrooms all look the same, but they have slightly different sinks. Spend enough time in enough airport bathrooms and sure enough, it becomes clear, all the sinks are different. Japanese ones were rounder than the American ones. And when Haruka was in Japan, he was only ever in Haneda. He looked at his watch, 5 AM. Well, that was what it was in New York time. He still hadn’t changed it over. It was later in Tokyo, evening, but it felt like 5 AM.

His eyes were a bit sunken in, and he looked like death warmed over. But he had learned when he first started almost 5 years ago what to do to fix that. He pulled out of his department issued suitcase a miniature make-up bag. Yes, not only did Haruka have a girl’s name, but he also wore makeup. The makeup was all business though. When you worked for Japan Airlines, or JAL as everyone in the “biz” called it, you wore makeup. Because if you didn’t, you looked jetlagged, and if a customer complained that you weren’t bright and happy, you were sacked. And for all of its miseries, Haruka actually liked his job.

He pulled a small thing of concealer out of his bag. He began to work on his eyes some.

He heard the sound of more suitcase wheels screaming against the floor. He didn’t have to look over to know who was now standing next to him. It was the person responsible for Business Class on all of his flights, his old swim coach who had recommended him for this job when he first started out. It was the person who first taught him how to blend the makeup onto his face. Haruka felt a bit badly that he had surpassed him, but his old coach never seemed to mind.

“Let me guess who that is for,” Sasabe teased putting on makeup himself.

If Haruka weren’t so tired, he probably would have blushed. Sasabe was referring to a certain passenger who frequented Haruka’s first class compartment. He was referring to Matsuoka-sama, one of the highest ranking Japanese officials, who was also a major investor in technology that made several trips to the US. And the man who Haruka served on every international flight. Instead, Haruka rolled his eyes, “I do this before every flight. You know that. You taught me after all.”

Sasabe patted Haruka on the back, “And I had a damn good student after all. Hard to believe you’re running first class on international flights after only five years.”

Haruka felt a pang of guilt, but Sasabe was being sincere. He was truly proud of Haruka. He was rather content with business class. JAL had tough requirements for its crew, but it compensated them well. Sasabe simply enjoyed the luxury of travel. Haruka had other reasons for working so hard.

Haruka dabbed some blush on his face. His stoic face made him seem unapproachable, which was certainly not acceptable for the cabin crew’s first class leader. The blush added just enough color to his face to make him seem less scary. Afterwards, he put everything back into his makeup bag, and slipped it back into his suitcase. He looked at his reflection in the mirror.

He wasn’t as young as he was when he had begun, but today, he had to be at the top of his game. After all, it was three years ago today that he had met Rin Matsuoka, and although Haruka waited on several famous passengers. There were none like Rin Matsuoka. Rin was the one who kept his job exciting and made it worth doing.

XXX

Haruka brought over a tray with several glasses. One third were filled with champagne, one third were filled with orange juice, and the last third were filled with sparkling water. He leaned the tray over, “Matsuoka-sama, would you like champagne, orange juice, or sparkling water?”

Rin’s eyes twinkled as he looked up at Haruka. He was dressed in a pinstripe suit. Haruka imagined it had to be Armani. That or it was custom made. Suits may make every wearer look better, but no one in the world looked that good in a suit. Rin’s red hair was longer than he would have thought would be allowed for an official, but there was something so intoxicating about it, that Haruka was sure anyone who knew him decided that it was acceptable, “You know what I always start with, Haruka.”

And Haruka reached for one of the champagne glasses to hand to Rin. Rin nodded taking it and placing it on the small side table next to him, “Thanks.”

Then, a sort of devious expression appeared on his face, “Say, Haruka, why don’t you sit down in the aisle next to me and have a drink? It’s been, what? A year since we met? Something of an anniversary drink then.”

To the day, Haruka thought, but he doubted that Rin Matsuoka would keep track of something like that. For Rin, what happened that day probably hardly mattered, but for Haruka it was life changing.

Nagisa, a blonde man sat next to Rin, and already had his drink from an earlier passby that Haruka had done. Haruka had seen him with Rin a few times, he couldn’t decide whether the two were associates or if Nagisa was Rin’s assistant. Nagisa cleared his throat.

Rin turned to Nagisa, “What? We’re the only two people in first class during this jaunt,” he turned back to Haruka, “Am I wrong?”

Haruka bit his lip. It was unintentionally seductive and Rin’s grip on the glass tightened a bit. Haruka lowered his eyes to look at Rin’s hands. They were surprisingly muscular. Haruka wondered how they would feel wrapped around his- the look on Rin’s face indicated that he was expecting an answer. Haruka cleared his throat.

“Y-you’re right, but unfortunately, I’m not allowed to drink during work hours.”

Rin raised the glass to his lips but spoke before taking a drink, “Suppose I command you to drink with me? Aren’t you supposed to put the customer first?”

Haruka felt himself flush a bit.

“What’s wrong with it Haruka? It’s not like we’ll get you in trouble for it.”

Haruka looked over to Nagisa hoping for a bit of help on this one. The blonde man was in the company of Rin and definitely could be Rin-ish, for lack of a better term, but he had his moments where he could be the voice of reason, or so Haruka had seen over the year. Nagisa helped him, “Rin, you’re not being fair and you know it.”

“It’s a 13-hour flight. It’s not like we’re going to get him pied. It’s one glass of champagne.”

“Rin…” his tone was a bit harsher this time.

“Fine, Nagisa,” Rin rolled his eyes and turned his attention back to the darkhaired man, “I guess you’re going to get to stay sober, Haruka. This just means I’ll just have to find another time to buy you a drink.”

Haruka’s cheeks felt hot, he moved quickly out of the room, “I better get your dinners ready.” Before he left, he placed a sparkling water down next to Rin’s champagne, letting their fingers brush up against each other for just a passing second.

When he was out of earshot Nagisa commented, “I know your game here, Rin, but jeez. You’re going to ruin his life. There’s no reason to make him fall in love with you on top of it.”

“He’s an adult, Nagisa. He can feel whatever he wants to feel. Christ though, I need to have more patience. The pieces aren’t in place yet,” Rin polished off the champagne.

XXX

If Nagisa had to pinpoint a time when it all began, it must have been when he had been in college with Rin. That had been when he discovered himself, when he discovered his best friend, Rin, and when the two of them had entered a sort of partnership. 

The two of them lived in the same suite in college. Their college dorm was made up entirely of individual rooms, but a set of about six individual rooms shared bathrooms and kitchens. He and Rin had met because the both of them were got up early to do morning swims. Neither of them were going to be olympists, but Rin said it cooled off his head, and Nagisa felt strangely similar. One thing led to another and the two of them ended up at a ramen stand outside of Tokyo University drinking beers and eating bowl after bowl of freshly prepared ramen.

“So, what’s your big secret?” Nagisa slurred out after about five beers.

“My big secret?” Rin’s face was flushed.

“Yeah. You always seem like you’re hiding something, something huge,” Nagisa took the last swallow of his beer and then ordered another.

I am, but Rin didn’t know Nagisa well enough at that point to reveal all of his past. In fact, Rin had never known anyone well enough to reveal it all. They were either already part of it, or he kept his mouth shut. Getting close to anyone only meant you’d get hurt. That was what Rin had learned from his family. Rin chose to sip on some of the soup in the bottom of his bowl. He needed to stay sober enough to protect himself.

Nagisa sighed, this wasn’t getting him anywhere. He had been hoping to make a new friend. Rin seemed like a great guy, “Fine. Then, tell me this, why are you here?”

“At Todai?” Rin asked.

“Yeah.”

Rin furrowed his brow. The answer to that was complex. Actually, it wasn’t. It was getting there that was complex, “I want to accomplish something. I think that going to school here will help me with that.”

“Whaddya wanna ‘complish?” Nagisa asked.

Rin sighed. The blonde wasn’t going to let this go, was he? Very well, “Have you ever wanted something so badly, that it’s all you can think about? Ever?”

Nagisa smirked, “Finding a sexy male model to fuck.”

Rin laughed, but then his face straightened out, “I’m serious. Something that compels your very existence. Something that you need so badly that if you don’t achieve it, you’ll die.”

“Nah,” Nagisa shook his head, “I don’t think I have anything like that.”

Part of the problem was that Nagisa was definitely drunk. He did have goals and aims, but Rin was being so serious. Too serious. Nagisa thought he’d have to help get Rin out of his shell, “So, what is it then? What is it that compels you live, Rin?”

Rin’s answer was simple, one word, “Revenge.”

Nagisa only stared him, trying to focus.

Rin continued, “There’s a certain man who I want to make so ashamed that he kills himself.”

Nagisa laughed, “You’re kidding.”

But, Rin’s expression told him otherwise.

“Fine.”

“Fine?”

“Yeah, fine. I’ll help you get your revenge Rin.”

“What?” Rin actually laughed. No one had ever said that to him. Everyone else had tried to get him to move on. Nitori, Gou, Nitori’s father, all of them had tried to help them by trying to get him to simply move on. No one had ever offered to help him, “You’re drunk.”

“Yeah. But, I’m serious. You’re an interesting guy. I’d really like to be friends with you. Tell you what, I lied. There is something I want too.”

“Oh?”

“I want to make more money than anyone in my family.”

Rin raised his brows. He knew that Nagisa came from a family with good business ties. Nagisa’s father and mother were probably worth around 45 million American dollars.

“I want them to recognize me. So, let me follow you. I’ll help you get your revenge. If you help me get rich.”

Rin nodded, “That sounds like fun.” 

Rin knew he needed money to do what he wanted to do. Working with Nagisa would have benefits, but he’d keep the blonde on a need to know basis.

“Drink on it with me, Rin.”

“Alright,” and Rin ordered the two of them a few more beers.

The two of them had been friends a long time as a result and they had helped each other enter office. In the time they’d been friends, Nagisa had slowly gotten Rin’s entire past out of him, but, Rin’s revenge seemed far off. So far off that frequently, Nagisa forgot entirely about it. 

And so, when the two of them landed in New York that time, and Rin turned to Nagisa and said, “Nagisa, I need a favor,” Nagisa was caught off-guard, but obviously he agreed.

“It’s about that thing.”

Nagisa’s brows raised, “And you’re trusting me?”

“Second to Gou and Nitori, I trust you more than anyone else.”

“Why aren’t you asking them then?” Nagisa could figure out the answer, but it was rare for him to be placed on par with Rin’s most important people.

“You know why. Gou is completely against getting any revenge for what happened.”

Nagisa’s expression tightened. To be fair, Nagisa wasn’t particularly keen on it either. He wanted Rin to be happy, he just doubted that Rin’s revenge would lead to that.

“And, if Nitori figured it out, which if the pieces were laid out in front of him, he surely would, then he’d be sad,” Rin paused. And then, he looked at Nagisa, “You though... You’d be amused.”

“The pieces?”

“Yes, you, Gou, and Nitori all have as many pieces of the puzzle as I do. But, I believe a new piece has landed right in front of us. What luck,” something about Rin seemed distant.

Nagisa looked puzzled. Rin’s eyes stared at the substitute first class steward, “The sub?”

“The sub. Look into his background. Tell me what you find. If I’m right, I’m too close to it. It’s too dangerous. But, if I’m right, I want to get him promoted. I want him to be my personal steward. And when the time comes, I want to use him to get my revenge.”

Nagisa only repeated it, “The sub?”

The man was darkhaired. He had some girl’s name, but he was nothing special. Nagisa had hardly paid him any attention except to notice that he wasn’t the usual guy who took care of them on their flights.

“Just see what you can find. I think if you look deep enough, you’ll realize what I have. It’s all in his eyes, ‘Gisa.”

Nagisa shrugged, “Alright.”

A few weeks later, Nagisa knocked Rin’s San Francisco Hotel Room door. Rin answered it, “Do you have documents for me to sign?” He assumed that it had to do with their business in San Francisco’s Japantown.

“I do. But, that can wait for tomorrow. I have news about the sub.”

Rin’s eyes widened, “Come inside.”

Nagisa let the door fall shut behind him.

“Well?”

Nagisa smiled, “You’re going to like it. You’re going to like it a lot.”

XXX


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So, I’ve written 14,000 more words of this story. Here’s the next 3800 or so. I’d put them all up, but it’s tough to decide on the order. UTL was a lot easier in that regard. There’s still more to write. I think this’ll probably end up being around 30,000 words or so. It may be doable in less, but I think that rushes Haruka/Rin and focuses more on the drama. So, we’ll take it slow. Some of these scenes may be a bit confusing until you have more. Sorry about that. I’ve spent a lot of time trying to get the order of the reveals right, but that’s been tough.

XXX

Today, was a special occasion for Rin. He had been out of college a year and had been angling for a position in the UN, a position that would cement his aristocracy in Japan and help him get the power he needed in order to access to the man he wanted to effectively kill. Sadly, he hadn’t gotten that position. Instead, he had ended up in another sector of the government with Nagisa as his assistant. Well, in title only. He never treated Nagisa as an assistant, he saw Nagisa as a partner, but in terms of rank Nagisa was below him. Today though, he had received a promotion. Not the one he was angling for, but one that ultimately led to the same conclusion. Rin had become Japanese Ambassador to the United States, the youngest ever. Starting a week later, Rin would go back and forth to the US, run some businesses on the side, but mostly try to foster more Japanese and American partnerships. He had been selected for this position because of Nitori’s father. Nitori’s father believed that by getting Rin this position, Rin would be too busy to concern himself with the past. The opposite occurred of course, but Nitori’s father couldn’t be blamed for that. The man had no idea how much the thoughts consumed Rin. But, none of that mattered. Tonight was a night for celebration.

The two of them had gone to the old ramen stand by Tokyo University, where they had first cemented their friendship.

“This brings back memories,” Nagisa was on his third beer.

Rin only had one. The last time he had blacked out, he learned regret and had sworn to never do that again. But, that was another matter entirely. And it was not on his mind tonight, “We’re a step closer to our goals Nagisa.”

Rin’s promotion wasn’t the only thing they were there to celebrate.

“Yes,” Nagisa smiled, “I saw that our corporation is faring pretty well today. You expanded our clothing stores into the US I saw. Uniqlo isn’t the only famous Japanese clothing brand in the US anymore.”

“That’s right.”

“Does anyone know it’s all the two of us? That all these famous businesses happen to also be owned by the famous up and coming Ambassador and his assistant?”

“People just think I’m investing my father’s money, and that's where my wealth is coming from. No one knows that the mysterious recluse ‘Nagisoka’, owner of Nihoncorp is actually us. Well, maybe Gou figured it out, she’s always had a knack for knowing things I never want her to,” Rin was of course, referring to Nitori’s father’s money, “45 million is nothing, Nagisa.”

Nagisa smiled gently trying not to feel offended by that comment. He knew that Rin didn’t mean it that way. But, it was true, for Rin, it was nothing. When he found out about Rin’s past and who Rin’s birth father had been, Nagisa felt embarrassed to have even believed his family’s money was worth anything. Still, his goal was his goal and he’d be happy when he accomplished it. He worried about Rin’s revenge though.

“Hey!” the guy behind the Ramen stand cut into their conversation, “You guys made the front page! I remember when you came here as students.”

He passed a copy of the Yomiyuri over to Rin and Nagisa. Then, he turned and went to go take other orders.

Rin smirked, it was a full-page article about them and their promotion, “We’re finally starting to get where we want to get, Nagisa.”

Nagisa smiled.

Rin’s eyes narrowed on his own name though, he said mostly to himself, “How quickly Japan forgets. Someday, my real name will be in here.”

“You can’t blame Japan for that, Rin,” Nagisa said knowingly meeting Rin’s eyes, “after all, everyone thinks you’re dead and no one knows where your family’s money went.”

“They’re in for a surprise,” Rin put the paper to the side and drank his beer.

XXX

“Thanks for doing this for me,” Sasabe dabbed some makeup on himself, “I really appreciate it. It’s good for your career too. Well, as long as you don’t fuck it up.”

Haruka sighed, “You’re scaring me more than I already am. I’ve never been on an International flight. And to be dealing with first class customers no less.”

“Most of them aren’t too bad or so my friend tells me. I’d do it myself, but I was already covering another friend’s business class. At least we’re on the same flight. If you run into any issues, just come find me. Whatever you do, don’t get fired.”

“Thanks,” Haruka looked at himself. He wasn’t wearing any makeup which was unusual, but for once he didn’t need it. He was so nervous that he had shocked any bags away from his eyes, and he had managed to add natural flush to his cheeks.

Not only was it his first time flying on an international flight, but it was an international flight to New York, meaning that it was a long flight. He’d run first class flights that were domestic in Tokyo, but international first class was a whole different ball game. Rich people took first class domestically. Important people were in it internationally. People who owned full corporations, people who made laws, people who Haruka couldn’t even imagine.

“It really shouldn’t be too bad, there’s only two people listed on the register. Usually, first class seats don’t get sold out. There’s a total of like 12 seats in the entire cabin on international flights, so more than the domestic ones, but the airline is lucky if they even fill 3 of them. Not that it matters, a fucking ticket goes for at least $9000 dollars each direction.”

Haruka’s hands fell to his sides. $9000 was what he took home in like 2 and a half months of full salary and he considered himself well paid, almost overly paid.

“The coach class is only $700 or so each way.”

“Only,” Haruka rarely joked, but damn.

Sasabe laughed, “Well, good luck.”

Haruka got onboard the plane. It was much larger than most of the domestic flights that he was on. Usually he managed both the first and business class sections of domestic flights, but apparently for international flights those roles were separated. He understood why when he considered that each seat was more than his monthly salary.

He began by organizing the server’s portion of the cabin. He wanted to make sure that all the dinners, wines, cookies, anything that would be needed by his clients were in tip-top condition. He was completely and utterly at their mercy. If they made a single call, Haruka would be fired, and that would mean that he wouldn’t be able to give Makoto what he wanted to.

When that was finished, Haruka changed gears, he couldn’t help himself. He had to explore the first class cabin. He’d been working for JAL for a little over 2 years now. But the fact of the matter was, the first class cabin of a domestic flight had nothing on the comforts of the international ones.

Sasabe appeared behind him, “Impressed at what 9000 dollars could buy you?”

“A little,” Haruka admitted. He wondered about the lives of the people who could afford such seats. He wondered what people thought, what they felt as they flew in them. He wondered if they were simply used to it, if it wasn’t even a luxury for them. These were questions he’d never know the answer to, he thought feeling a bit jealous.

He sent a text to Makoto, who was happy for him. Haruka was going to be making almost quadruple what he made per flight for this favor.

“We’ll have to have the best Mackarel in Japan for dinner,” Makoto had teased Haruka before he left.

Haruka had been happy then, but actually thinking about what he was going to have to do now, was difficult. What if they disliked him? What if they reported him? He felt like he was going to throw up.

Before long it was time for first class to board and Haruka greeted the two people. He took their coats and led them to their seats.

“So we have a newbie,” the blonde man whispered to the redhead.

“I’d guess he’s a substitute for Miko, she went on vacation in Hawaii or something,” the red headed one answered.

Haruka checked out both of them. He couldn’t help himself, they were both perfectly polished. They hardly looked like humans at all. The redhead was especially attractive. Haruka’s thoughts went back to Makoto, but it was hard. This man was new, mysterious, unique, global, and interesting. Something about him and his silky hair pulled Haruka in.

Based on their conversation he discerned that they must have been regulars in first class. Haruka didn’t recognize either of them though. But, he assumed they were probably American given their hair color and the fact that they were speaking English and so, Haruka did the same, “My name is Nanase Haruka, I’ll be substituting for Miko. Please treat me kindly,” Haruka looked at their seat numbers and discovered the blonde was Nagisa-sama and the redhead was Matsuoka-sama, “Mr. Nagisa and Mr. Matsuoka.”

“Your English is shit. Speak Japanese,” Rin said in Japanese, “or what? Did you assume that because we look like we’re foreigners we aren't Japanese?”

Haruka’s face drained of color, and he bowed deeply. He was a bit taken aback, but now was not the time to show that. No customer had ever commented negatively on his English. Most assumed he’d lived abroad considering how well he spoke. He studied it in school, but it was through Makoto, who was half-Japanese that he had mastered it. Then, he spoke in Japanese, “I’m terribly sorry, Matsuoka-sama for my English. Allow me to please get your first drinks and let me know if there is anything I can do to make you more comfortable.”

“What bumfuck part of Japan did you come from?” Rin asked, “You call that Japanese? Christ, your English is better. Is there any other language you can speak? This is supposed to be first class you know.”

“I can also speak some German, Spanish, and French, Matsuoka-sama,” all were languages he had to study in school, and that he had been able to perfect due to his job.

“I doubt it, but let’s hear them.”

Haruka tried German first.

Rin looked over at Nagisa, “Well, you’re the one who is supposed to be fluent how is he?”

Nagisa only rolled his eyes, Rin was teasing him, because Rin had mastered all of the same languages as Haruka, Rin’s German came out polished, “You’re a little nasally, but I guess it works. How about Spanish?”

“What would you like me to say?” Haruka asked, still in German.

“You could have said that in Spanish, or can you not actually understand German?” Rin asked, still in German.

“I’m sorry for the mistake,” Haruka was in Spanish now, “We will have to take off soon, Mr. Matsuoka, so I must ask you to please fasten your seatbelts and I will bring your drinks.”

“Wait, you little shit,” Rin spoke in Spanish, “what about French?”

“What do you care about it?” Haruka asked in French, his attitude was starting to appear, and so he spoke with the informal you, but he realized his mistake a little too late.

“What did you say to me?” Rin used the informal you in his own French.

Haruka went back into Japanese, “I’m really very sorry, sir,” he bowed even more deeply this time, “I will get your drinks and then, after takeoff, I will do whatever necessary to make up for that.”

Nagisa looked over at Rin, “What was the point of that? He spoke perfectly up until the end, which to be fair, wasn’t really his fault.”

“I was having a bit of fun. Something about his eyes just made me want to fuck with him. We never do anything fun anymore and you know this trip is going to be hell,” Rin sighed, “Besides, it annoys the crap out of me. He’s only a fucking substitute and he can speak that many languages. Do you ever wonder why we Japanese make people who are in shit paying jobs like this one go through that much training and let them stay in this shit job?” Rin asked.

“Is that another thing you’re going to change in office, Rin? Japan still has a class structure. It’s all about birth, you’re well aware of that.”

“All about birth…” Rin repeated.

Around that time Haruka reappeared with the drink tray. He offered in all 5 languages the drink services to the men. This time he remembered to use all of the formalities.

Rin started to reach for a champagne, but Haruka gave it to him. Their hands touched and their eyes met. Rin stared at them even more than he had previously. Haruka’s eyes were familiar, so, so familiar, but where had Rin seen them? Haruka yanked his back as quickly as he could, but there was something absolutely electric about the redhead’s touch, “I’m sorry I touched you with my disgusting hands,” Haruka apologized in all the languages and bowed again.

He was sure he was going to be fired, he was sure that Rin was going to get him fired, but he wanted to be sure that he had at least done his absolute best to prevent it. Rin’s tone was different, he wasn’t playing around anymore, “It’s fine. Speak whichever one you want to. You don’t have to keep repeating everything.”

“I’m not sure which language you are most pleased with, sir,” Haruka answered feeling the sweat gather up on his back.

“Japanese, I’m going to be hearing a shitton of English over the next couple of days,” Rin answered.

Haruka nodded and bowed again, “I will do my best to speak the highest quality Japanese for you then, Matsuoka-sama.”

When Haruka left, he gritted his teeth. For as beautiful and attractive as the redhead was, he was a complete asshole. Over the loud speaker, the captain told the crew members to sit down and Haruka obeyed fastening himself in. At least he’d have a 15 minute break. This was probably going to be his last ever flight so he may as well enjoy it, he thought.

Nagisa appeared in front of Haruka.

“Yo.”

“Y-you should return to your seat for now, Nagisa-sama. It’s dangerous.”

“I had to use the toilet.”

Haruka nodded, “Please be as quick as possible, Nagisa-sama. It is very dangerous for you.”

Nagisa was more Haruka’s typical first class customer. Most of them didn’t think the rules applied to them, before the airplanes had changed their regulations and allowed small handheld electronics, people tried to sneak them on, but no one had ever spoken to him the way that Rin had. No one had ever quizzed him on his language use, especially not on Japanese. He knew he wasn’t perfect, but jeez. Haruka felt a strong urge to be curled up in Makoto’s arms.

Nagisa didn’t go for the toilet though, “I lied,” he sat in the extra crew member’s seat next to Haruka, “I wanted to talk to you.”

Haruka looked a bit puzzled.

“You’re really talented. You’re pretty young to be eligible to spare for first class. And you don’t have to worry about Rin. He tends to haze the people around him for his own amusement. It’s cruel, I know, but he’s not a bad guy. So you can relax. You held your own pretty well though. You’re going to probably end up being the youngest ever first class cabin leader.”

Haruka shook his head, “I’m not that special. Just helping a friend.”

“Don’t sell yourself short, and just take it easy. I’ll go back to my seat now.”

“Wait,” Haruka asked, his hand was still stinging from where it had contacted Rin’s.

Nagisa turned around.

“How long have you known him? What kind of person is he?” Haruka couldn’t help himself. He was curious and Nagisa had only fueled that curiosity.

Nagisa bit his lip and raised an eyebrow. Then, he chuckled, “Good question.”

But, Nagisa didn’t answer him. He just went back to his seat.

Rin glared at him, “You ruin all of my fun.”

“He was probably gonna piss or shit himself if you kept that up, and I’m the one who’d have to smell it for the next 12 hours.”

Rin laughed heartily, “Admit it, that would have been a good story.”

Nagisa shook his head.

“Well, thanks for apologizing on my behalf, but I have to say, he held his own well. Interesting guy. There’s something about him, I can’t put my finger on it,” Rin stroked his chin.

“Ugh. I know what that means. I’ll be using the back bathroom then,” Nagisa was referring to the fact that the first class bathroom was larger and offered more room for multiple people to perform certain activities.

Rin laughed, “I’m not going to do that. Didn’t you see the necklace he was wearing? Someone out there cares a whole lot about him.”

“I’m going to bed.”

“Okay, I’ll play nicely while you are asleep,” Rin reached down for the Sky Magazine, and looked at the cover. He had a sudden realization, it wasn’t possible. It couldn’t be possible. Could it be? He looked over at the blonde, but the blonde was already asleep. Rin smiled, it could wait. When they landed though, he was definitely going to need a favor from Nagisa.

XXX

“When are we going to the fashion show?” Gou asked Rin.

Rin sighed, Gou’s transition into the Nitori household had been a bit difficult. Sometimes appeared to be more at home with the Nitoris than she ever had in the Kikumarus*, other times, she had moments like this one where she seemed to completely disconnect from reality, “We’re not going this year. You know that.”

“But, Mom promised. She’s going to take me. She promised she’d take me. She said we’d get front row seats to all my favorite designers. She said she’d introduce me to Vera Wang. I’m going to have her custom make my wedding dress when I get married,” Gou babbled on.

Rin sighed, “We’re five years old. You’re not exactly going to be married anytime soon. Also, for the hundredth time, we aren’t going this year.”

“What are you talking about? Mommy is going to take me, she promised.”

“Get into bed, Gou,” Rin demanded. The two of them shared a room in the Nitori guest house. The Nitori manor was not the same size as their mansion, but given that the Nitoris lived in the countryside even with less money than the Kikumarus they were able to have quite the household.

“I don’t understand why we haven’t left yet. The show is next week. Mommy told me we’d spend the month in New York.”

“Well, we aren’t going. Mom’s dead, Gou. Stop doing this. She’s dead and so is Dad and they aren’t ever coming back.”

“You’re lying!” She screamed at him, “she’s going to take me.”

“Calm down,” Rin was frantic. He didn’t know how to handle his sister’s erratic behavior and he just wanted her to be happy. He’d promised her after all.

“Then, stop lying!”

He gave her a hug and she started crying. It was during that time, that he vowed to get revenge on the people who had done this to them.

XXX

Two years was a long time, Haruka thought. It had been a long run. He’d enjoyed it. He hadn’t loved it, but he’d enjoyed it. That was what had made this all so difficult. He pressed the buttons on his phone and he called Makoto and told him that he was sure he was going to be fired. Makoto took it surprisingly well.

“You can come back to school then. We’ll figure it out.”

Haruka didn’t want to go back to school. He wanted to go back to flights he was comfortable on. Not executive flights, just the moderate rich. He could handle those. What about him had so disappointed Rin Matsuoka, he wondered. There was something about Rin that made his blood boil too though. The guy was arrogant, he was a complete jerk. That stupid game with the languages wasn’t enough. He must have made Haruka get fifteen different drinks and snacks prepared for him during the course of the flight and nothing was done right. Rin found something to complain about for each of them.

Thinking about it had made Haruka angry. He apologized to Sasabe. That was the part that made him feel the worst. Sasabe had done so much for him and Haruka had failed him. All because of some stupid redhead.

The phone rang. Haruka looked at the ID. It was JAL Airlines customer service.

Haruka sighed. He was in New York City, the alleged greatest city in the world, his first trip ever to America. Well, he could take some time and stay here, a week or so, before going back to Makoto.

Hesitant, Haruka answered the phone, “Haruka Nanase.”

“Mr. Nanase, I would like to speak with you about feedback received from one of our customers.”

Haruka nodded even though there was no one to see it, the voice that came out from him didn’t even sound like his own, “I know. I’m terribly sorry. I did my best to follow the handbook.”

“Nanase-san? Your phone must have cut out,” the guy on the other end of the line sounded so damn cheerful. Was this how they told you that you were about to be fired?

Haruka didn’t even bother trying to apologize, this time, he just said, “Yes?”

“I’d like to congratulate you on your promotion, sir.”

“What?”

“You received excellent feedback from one of our highest VIP clients. Matsuoka Rin has requested that you be the server on all of his international flights. He’s never been so taken with any of our crew members. In fact, he’s never done a single survey in the past. We were completely shocked. He told us that if you would not serve him, he wouldn’t fly with us anymore. So, we are pleased to announce your promotion to International First Class Lead Attendant.”

It had to be a joke, “I...okay.”

“You will be flying Mr. Matsuoka back to Tokyo tomorrow, and then, we will manage your schedule around his. We thank you for continuing to offer the best service and we congratulate you on becoming the youngest ever International First Class Lead.”

“Th-thank you.”

The fuck.

Haruka took a deep breath when he got off of the phone. Then, he told Makoto the news. Makoto was delighted for him. Haruka couldn’t believe the salary boost that they gave him when he received the offer. He could handle waiting on Matsuoka, Makoto was going to get his dream, and Haruka was going to get to travel the world.

XXX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I chose Kikumaru because Eiji also has red hair. Teehee.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Lots of Haruka/Makoto stuff, some foreshadowing for a hella funny scene that i’ll post eventually, but the best scene in this chapter is the last one.
> 
> Sorry people who hate Nitorin, but if you know my writing at all, you know I love making Haruka pretty much want to kill himself using Nitori.

XXX

Haruka felt a giant pit in his stomach. He’d never felt this way in his entire life. Nothing had ever gone this way in his entire life. He’d never been perfect at anything, he was always at least adequate though. For the first time ever though, thanks to Rin Matsuoka, he felt like an absolutely terrible person. Rin made his heart race, but Rin also was beyond what Haruka could handle.

“I...I don’t think I am cut out for this position,” Haruka had called his supervisor when the flight landed and he was in his hotel. Seeing how strong his reaction was when he had thought that Rin had a girlfriend, had been bad enough, but his reaction to Rin grinding against him had been much worse, “I don’t mean to be troublesome, but I just...I don’t think I can do it.”

His supervisor sighed on the other side of the phone, “Haruka, you don’t have any other choice. If you ask to be transferred from Rin Matsuoka’s rosters, your career at JAL will be over. He’s too important of a client for us to refuse the request of. For your sake, I’m going to pretend this conversation never happened. I hope you’ll be smart enough to know what I mean by that.”

He thanked his supervisor for the “guidance” and then, ended the phone conversation.

He called Makoto next. Makoto had always been his best friend first. But, Makoto wasn’t his best friend anymore. He and Makoto had been together a long time. A very long time. Makoto had even moved to Tokyo mostly for him. Makoto waited at him for him when Haruka went on these long flights halfway around the world.

The phone rang. Makoto picked up, “Haruka? Is everything okay?”

It was early evening in Japan, but it was around 3 am in New York. It was natural for Makoto to be worried. Why would Haruka be calling him at this time unless something was really wrong? To Haruka, it really was, “I...I don’t think I can do this job.”

“Why? What happened? Is it the hours? Did Rin Matsuoka do something to you?” Makoto was the worrying sort and Haruka felt so guilty. He didn’t want to make Makoto worry, especially not when it was entirely his own fault.

Haruka sighed, “It’s me. I just...I don’t think I can handle him.”

“What did he do?”

“Nothing.” It was mostly true. Everything that had happened, there was a reasonable explanation for, it wasn’t like Haruka had given him a handjob. Mostly. 

After all, for Haruka, Rin Matsuoka didn’t have to do anything. He simply had to sit around being redheaded and dead-sexy and that was enough for Haruka’s blood to boil. That said, even with the mostly reasonable explanation, there was no way Haruka could say exactly what happened.

“Haruka, you’re worrying me. What happened?” Unfortunately, Makoto knew Haruka well.

Haruka felt the back of his neck begin to sweat. The words came out unexpectedly easily, “I...I’m attracted to him.”

Makoto laughed. It hadn’t been the reaction Haruka was expecting, “So is more than half of Japan. Haruka, don’t worry about it. I trust you.”

Somehow, that didn’t help.

“I’m serious, Makoto, I think I should quit.”

“And what will you do then?”

“Go back to school?” Haruka had no idea.

Makoto snorted, “Haruka, you hate school. I don’t think you should quit doing what you are happy doing.”

Suddenly, Haruka realized, it wasn’t that Makoto truly trusted Haruka, he didn’t have to. It was that Makoto knew Haruka had no chance with Rin. And it depressed Haruka a bit that he had to agree.

He thanked Makoto and headed for his hotel, where he planned to think for most of the rest of the next week until Rin was ready for the two of them to fly back to Japan.

XXX

Makoto was mad. Haruka hadn’t expected that. He’d expected Makoto to be surprised, but not mad. He’d hoped that Makoto would have been happy.

“You want to quit school and go be a flight attendant?” Makoto repeated it again, with more emphasis on attendant. It was like Haruka had asked to be a stripper.

“I just...you won’t take my money and we need money for you to be able to follow your dreams.”

“Haruka - I don’t want you to feel like you have to give up or do anything for me to follow my dreams. They don’t matter. I just want you to find something you want to do.”

“Well, I want to do this.”

“You’ve never even been on a plane,” Makoto said.

Haruka shrugged, “Sasabe said it was swimming in the air.”

Makoto sighed, this was typical of Haruka, “What about school though?”

“What about it? I’ve taken all of my core classes, and I still don’t know what I want to do. I’ve been studying languages and that’s been fun, but I could actually practice them. I don’t know, maybe I’d figure out what I want to do. It just seems interesting and we could save some money,” Haruka explained, “when you graduate in ten years or whenever that will be, then I could stop. I don’t know. It doesn’t matter. It’s just something to try out.”

“I’ll miss you.”

“I’ll be home almost every night. You’ll probably see more of me than you do right now because I won’t have any night classes.”

Makoto smiled, “Alright then, I guess you can try it out. Sasabe always seemed to know what was best for all of us. He always cared about us when no one else really did.”

Haruka nodded slowly.

“I’m going to go study for my midterm.”

XXX

“Tell me about them,” Makoto said.

The two of them were laying side by side in bed. Haruka had on blue flannel pajamas. Makoto was wearing a tight t-shirt displaying his muscles. Haruka bit his lip gently, “What about them?”

“You met two of Japan’s most famous people. I can’t believe you mistook them for foreigners. Don’t you ever read the news?”

Haruka shrugged. It had been a miracle he googled anything about Rin after meeting him. He’d been surprised to find out that Rin was the Ambassador and blah blah blah, but he didn’t actually care. He’d waited on some other rich people in domestic first class. None of them cared who he was, so why should he care who they were? This was hard to convey to Makoto though.

“They’re super important people, Haruka. Tell me about them,” Makoto urged. Haruka wasn’t the easiest person to get information out of. Sometimes, he required extra goading.

Haruka sighed, “I mistook them for foreigners, because they looked foreign and were speaking English.”

“I speak English. You speak English. Doesn’t make us any less Japanese.”

Haruka didn’t argue with that. Makoto’s opinions of his citizenship changed depending on the conversation and Haruka knew better than to argue with him about it, “Yeah, but...I don’t know. I guess they seemed international. Both had on really nice suits and had nice luggage.”

“What’s Rin Matsuoka like though?”

“I-I don’t know,” Haruka felt his face get a bit hot.

Makoto noticed, “You’re blushing.”

Haruka shook his head, “I just, I don’t know. He’s different. He’s kind of a jerk, but...but he gave me an excellent review and that’s how I got promoted…”

“Speaking of which,” Makoto smiled, “I got approval to go to Todai.”

“I’m not surprised. You’re ridiculous when it comes to school.”

It was Makoto’s turn to blush, he had always been rather modest, “Well, should I be concerned that you’re going to be spending so much time with such an attractive, exotic, and rich man?”

Haruka rolled his eyes.

“What about his assistant? Nagisa Hazuki? You have a thing for blondes after all.”

A bigger thing for redheads apparently, but Haruka was done with the conversation. He leaned over and kissed Makoto. Makoto’s eyes closed. Haruka pulled back, “You have nothing to worry about. They can do a lot better than me.”

“I disagree.”

XXX

Nitori came home and saw it all over the walls of their dorm room. He looked at Rin, Rin had obviously pulled another allnighter, staying up and trying to figure out his next steps in this plot.

It was one thing when we were children, Nitori thought, but he wondered when Rin was ever going to let this go. It consumes him, and nothing and no one matters to him as much as this. Not even me.

Rin was laying on top of his bed with his eyes shut. His exhaustion had finally caught up with him and he had fallen asleep.

Nitori put a blanket over Rin which caused Rin to open his eyes, “Nitori,” he whispered softly.

“It’s fine, go to sleep.”

Rin obeyed and Nitori sat at his desk thinking about how to tell Rin everything he had wanted to tell him for so long. The most painful thing in the world, he thought, is loving someone who does not and cannot love you back.

Hours passed and Rin laid asleep. Nitori finally decided to settle in and do his homework. He must have fallen asleep at his desk, because when he woke up, Rin was next to him with a fresh cup of tea.

“You work too hard,” Rin said.

“Coming from you, I don’t want to hear that,” Nitori sighed. Rin lived like a zombie, Nitori made sure to always get at least 5 hours of sleep.

There was silence between the two boys and Nitori took a drink from his cup.

“We have to talk,” the two of them said it at the same time. That broke the dreadful atmosphere, but it was not enough.

Nitori looked away, “You go first.”

“I think...I think I’ve finally decided what I’m going to do with my life, Nitori.”

Nitori’s eyes widened.

“I’m going to use your father’s limited power and my father’s money which he left with your family to increase the status of both of us, then together we can find that man and get my revenge,” the excitement in Rin’s voice almost made Nitori lose himself. It was hard enough to say no to Rin.

But, he had to. He couldn’t do this anymore.

“Rin, I think you should do what makes you the most happy, but I...I can’t support this anymore. It’s not healthy for you. You’re going to run yourself into your grave, your parents’ sacrifice will have been for nothing,” the words poured out of Nitori’s lips. But, when he was done, he suddenly felt more afraid than he had before. What if Rin hated him now?

“I see,” was all Rin said. Then, he laughed, “So, I guess you’re abandoning me too then.”

“It’s not like that.”

“How is it not like that?”

“Rin, I just can’t. I can’t watch you spiral like this anymore. I can’t come home to find you dead exhausted from having poured over all those old news articles. I can’t keep this secret from your sister anymore. I can’t do any of it.”

“Fine.”

“When it’s over, when it’s done, I’ll still be here.”

“I don’t want anyone in my life who doesn’t support me.”

“Don’t be like that,” Nitori sank into his chair. He regretted bringing any of this up. Why did Rin always have to be this way?

Rin shrugged, “It’s fine, Nitori. We can still fuck when you get bored or drunk and decide you want to, and I’ll deal with my own problems. I don’t need your charity or your family’s. I got my own scholarship into here and I’m doing just fine.”

Nitori sighed, “I’m going to bed.”

“I’m going to join you, but only because I’m tired,” Rin said stubbornly. The two boys had pushed their beds together to create a large bed, which was more convenient anyway, in their dorm room.

Rin laid on his side away from Nitori. Nitori frowned. This conversation hadn’t gone as he had wanted it to, but what about that was new? He inched over and spooned Rin.

Rin turned around and faced Nitori, “What do you want from me, Nitori?”

“Nothing. I don’t want anything from you, I just want you.”

“I can’t be the person you want me to be.”

“I know.”

“But, if the day comes when I can be,” Rin’s hand brushed Nitori’s hips, “Then you know I’m yours. I’ll always be yours.”

“And between now and then?”

“Anytime you want a good fuck, I’m yours.”

“I’m holding you to that.”

“And I’ll support you in terms of business. But, you know what my main priority will be.”

Nitori didn’t want to talk about that anymore though, “Give me a good fuck.”

“Are you sure? I’m only going to ask once,” Rin’s eyes flashed.

Nitori’s body shuddered against Rin’s, “Yes, I’m sure.”

XXX

Haruka remembered the day that he met Nitori better than he remembered meeting anyone else who Rin brought on board. Few people stood out to him, Rin’s sister had, because he had stupidly mistaken her for his wife. Nagisa had solely because Nagisa was always rather nice to him. Nitori hadn’t seemed like anyone to stand out when he had boarded the flight with Rin. He was an attractive man, no doubt about that, but he didn’t stand out. He looked like any other business partner of Rin’s. How wrong Haruka was.

The two men took their seats next to each other. There was one other person on-board that flight in first class, a man who was not connected to Rin, and they sat at opposite ends of the cabin. He was some American businessman who slept the entire flight and wanted nothing from Haruka. This allowed Haruka to focus as he usually did, on Rin.

As usual, at the start of the flight while the other passengers were boarding, Haruka brought Rin his champagne. He offered the orange juice, champagne, and sparkling water to Nitori.

Nitori stared at him for a minute, and Haruka assumed he was solely deciding. Finally, he settled on champagne.

Haruka left after serving it and Nitori turned to Rin.

“I’m feeling oddly jealous, Matsuoka-sama,” Nitori teased.

Rin shrugged. At that point, Haruka hardly mattered to him. He was attractive sure, but he was a pawn. He was a piece in a much larger game, but Rin would have liked for Nitori to not figure that out, “He’s no one important.”

Nitori’s eyes flashed, “Bullshit. You think you’ve found a tool, Rin.”

The color from Rin’s face drained. He knows.

“But, you like him. You like him so much, you can’t even see it. You’ve never looked at me the way you just looked at him. This won’t go the way you’re planning it, I guarantee it,” Nitori polished off his champagne.

“Not true, you’re the only person I’d ever be able to love and you know that,” Rin scoffed and drank a sip of his champagne.

“Not anymore.”

“Yes anymore.”

The plane was beginning to take off and Haruka was in another section of the cabin.

“Fine, prove it to me,” Nitori urged Rin on.

Rin shook his head, “You’re being stupid.”

“Have sex with me, here, in front of him.”

“In this cabin? There’s another guy here.”

“In the bathroom then.”

“No.”

“See, I knew you wouldn’t.”

Rin rubbed his temples, “It’s not that I wouldn’t do it for that reason, I just don’t think it’s good for you.”

“What?”

“You and I have been keeping it business for how long now Nitori?”

Nitori shrugged, “I’m fine with whatever we do.”

“No, no you aren’t and we both know it. I’m a terrible person, Nitori, and I’m even worse when I do that shit to you. I can’t be who you need me to be, and you can’t just have a hookup. You’re not that kind of guy.”

“I’m an adult Rin, I can make my own decisions. I want it. I want you. Right here, right now, in front of the new guy you’ve found.”

Rin closed his eyes. He had a terrible headache. He knew he would say yes to Nitori any other time. It couldn’t be, could it? It couldn’t be that he could actually be concerned how Haruka would react.

“I have to say I’m rather hurt,” Nitori truly meant that. He and Rin had mostly gone their separate ways, and it always seemed as though the timing was wrong, but he had truly always believed that the two of them were meant to be. He never expected that Rin would fall for anyone else, especially not who he had fallen for. It came as a complete shock to him.

“Fine.”

“Fine, what?”

“Fine, let’s sneak off into that bathroom and we’ll do it.”

Nitori’s eyes widened. Had he misjudged Haruka then? Was this man really only a pawn for Rin?

The plane leveled out and the light came on indicating that they could use the bathroom. The two of them went for the front bathroom. Rin knew as did Nitori that they would have to pass Haruka’s working station to get there. They both knew that Haruka would know what that meant.

Haruka heard them approach as they did. Until that moment, he hadn’t thought much of Nitori. Had he read the news at all, he would have known that Nitori was a member of the family that had adopted Rin. He would have known that the two of them had a long history, and had attended schools together. He didn’t though. So, he just assumed Nitori was another business partner or some other government official. No one important.

He started to get ready to offer food and snack service to them, but they passed by him. They weren’t interested in him at the moment. They were interested in the large bathroom across from him. Haruka’s eyes met Rin’s as he walked by.

I know what you’re going to do, they said.

Rin didn’t say or do anything, he only closed the door.

Haruka sank into the kitchen. He lied to me. He told me there was no one important in his life, but he brought some man on-board and now he’s going to fuck him here. Right in front of me. Haruka felt himself get angry, then hearing what he heard, he felt his anger turn to jealousy. I have no right to be, he told himself again and again.

It wasn’t their first time doing it on an airplane, but this was different for Rin somehow. He knew Haruka was right outside. Something about that turned him on more. He wanted to see Haruka get jealous.

Rin undid the buttons and zipper on Nitori’s pants and slid down his boxers. He kissed along Nitori’s collarbone, and he felt himself harden knowing what was going to happen soon.

“Rin, faster, please.”

Haruka’s face whitened. He could hear them. The wall between the bathroom and him was very thin. He was going to be able to hear everything.

Rin slid his free left hand into Nitori’s mouth, partly to get him to shut up, but mostly because the two of them were entirely in sync. This was how they worked. They didn’t have to communicate, their bodies simply knew.

Nitori obeyed, he licked Rin’s hand and prepared the fingers that he knew would be entering him soon. Rin started to take his hand back, eager to enter Nitori. But, Nitori didn’t allow it. He held onto Rin’s hand with one of his hands, and his tongue swirled around one finger, teasing Rin. Rin crushed his hips into Nitori’s backside, allowing Nitori to see what he had done to Rin.

Nitori caved and gave Rin back his hand. Nitori reached into his pockets to give Rin more lube and a condom before letting his pants and boxers which Rin had loosened fall to the ground. He spread his legs a bit and arched his back.

Rin looked down at the backside of the man in front of him. Nitori was sculpted by God, he had decided long ago, but it had been months, probably almost a year since he had had Nitori. He felt himself be taken into the moment, and forgot that Haruka was standing right outside.

He slid one of his fingers into Nitori. Nitori allowed a moan to slip through his lips.

Haruka shuddered when he heard it. He knew what was happening. He was no stranger to this kind of thing. He had felt Makoto do the same to him, and he had done the same to Makoto. He gripped onto the counter to help steady himself.

“Rin, more, I want to feel you in me, please.”

And so, Rin slipped another finger into Nitori causing the smaller man to tighten around him. Rin kissed his neck, “It’s okay, I’ll be in you soon. There’s no rush.”

“Rin -” Nitori commanded.

He’s not going to, he’s not going to actually. Please, Rin. Please just stop, please God I’ll do anything if you just let him come out of that door, Haruka thought. It wasn’t like he hadn’t known that Rin probably had sex, but he hadn’t expected it to happen right in front of him. It hurt. Everything in his body hurt. But, he couldn’t help feeling himself tighten. The truth was that he was jealous. He wanted to be the person that Rin was pushing against the bathroom door. He wanted have Rin in the entire first class cabin. Hell, he wanted to have Rin in every area of the flight.

But Rin didn’t stop. He yanked his own pants off, almost causing one of the buttons to snap off. He rubbed the lube that Nitori had handed him on himself, and slid himself between Nitori’s cheeks.

“Ai,” Rin moaned. He never used Nitori’s actual name, only when they were doing this. Hearing it caused Nitori to moan.

Haruka’s eyes widened understanding the double entendre of the name. His chest hurt. His stomach hurt. Everything hurt. Right in front of him, Rin was banging some other guy and saying his name like the word love. No, the word for something beyond love. Haruka couldn’t handle it, he walked to the back part of the plane. He walked past the sleeping man, into the first class back bathroom. It was smaller, but it would do. Haruka leaned over and threw up.

He was jealous, and he shouldn’t have been because he had Makoto and the combination of emotions made him literally, physically ill.

Rin didn’t know or care about any of that now though. His focus was entirely on the man in front of him.

“I love you,” Nitori moaned. It had slipped out. He usually kept himself under good control, even with Rin inside of him, but he couldn’t contain himself. There was something about the flight attendant that made him feel as though he had lost Rin, and he wanted to remind Rin that he was here. He was right in front of Rin. He was the one who Rin was inside.

Rin pumped himself deeper into Nitori, “Feels - so - ah,” and it did feel good. The two men had been connecting since they were teenagers, and that had always been amazing. Rin’s eyes glazed over and he forgot where he was.

He and Nitori continued, until he fit his hand hit the wall and suddenly he remembered. He was in first class, he was doing Nitori in front of Haruka. He thought about Haruka, he thought about how attractive the darkhaired man was. He thought about how well Haruka filled his uniform. Strangely, he felt himself get harder. He felt himself get closer to the edge. He wanted to hear Haruka moan his name. He wanted to hear Haruka call him sama whilst doing so.

“Nitori, I’m going to -”

“M-me too.”

Haruka was back outside their door. At least it’s almost over, he thought with a sigh. He had felt better since emptying his entire stomach contents into the back bathroom. He hadn’t gotten sick on a flight ever, but the air around him felt like poison. This must be what it’s like to have air-sickness, he thought, but he knew better.

“Cum for me Nitori,” Rin groaned, he had slid his hand over to Nitori’s hard member and pumped Nitori in rhythm.

Nitori moaned, “Rin, ah, Rin, I’m going to cum, ah, please Rin -”

Rin only groaned three words, “M-me too Ai,” and the men finished simultaneously.

Rin grabbed some of the towels that were next to them in the bathroom and wiped off the door and Nitori. They flushed the towels and pull their pants back up.

Rin gave Nitori a chaste kiss.

“I love you,” Nitori whispered.

Haruka’s eyes widened hearing that. This man loved Rin? He couldn’t hear what if anything Rin said back. It didn’t matter though. At first he had decided that this was fine, this would be fine if it was just a hookup of Rin’s, but love? Rin had lied to him, always telling him that there was no one important in his life. Haruka was all too harshly reminded, I’m no one and I’m nothing to him or to anyone. It’s just me and Makoto.

And suddenly, it all hit Rin and he felt rather guilty. Because what had just happened meant one of two things and neither was good. Either he had used Nitori to make Haruka jealous for his plotting, which was something he had never wanted to do. He never wanted to hurt Nitori, Gou, or Nagisa. They were all he had.

Or worse, he hadn’t been using Nitori, he had just simply wanted to make Haruka jealous.

Rin chose to just kiss Nitori instead of thinking about it or responding. Nitori knew that this was how they were. He understood. It hurt him, but he understood.

When they tumbled back out of the bathroom, Haruka stood waiting. Nitori smirked at him and then walked ahead to his seat.

“I put the water out,” water was supposed to be the next ‘course’ before he served dinner. That was all Haruka said. There was no color in his face. He didn’t use formal Japanese speech, but Rin didn’t say anything about that.

Rin just nodded and walked past him.

XXX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: buahahahahahahahahah
> 
> okay guys no updates for like a week. I’ve got another 11,000 words written or so but I have to write stuff in between and I have like no time.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: In this chapter, if you read between the lines, pretty much everything is revealed about what Rin wants and why.
> 
> Enjoy :)
> 
> There’s still a lot more to come though…

XXX

Gou pushed up her big Gucci sunglasses. She and her brother were sitting at a small coffee place on Tokyo University’s campus. He was going to graduate in around a month or so and she was visiting him from New York where she was presently living. Gou had become a rather successful model in the US and as a result was rarely in Japan. When she was, she spent most of her time in Iwatobi paying her respects to Nitori’s family for everything that they had done for her.

She sipped on the coffee in front of her and ate a few carrots.

“You’ve gotten thin,” Rin commented.

She laughed, “Usually, I’m the one that worries about you, Rin. Besides, I am a model. Part of the job.”

She slid a carrot into her mouth. It was true, Rin usually forgot himself in his side project or in school. On occasion he’d go out partying with Nagisa, have more than he could handle and wake up in some corner of Tokyo, but mostly his life was rather boring.

“So why are you here?” Rin asked.

She sighed and shook her head, “I come all the way from New York to visit my twin brother and you couldn’t at least pretend to be more excited? Seriously?”

Rin chewed on his lip.

“I’m dating someone,” she cut to the chase.

Rin’s eyes narrowed.

“It’s serious. I like him a lot, Rin. He wants to meet you. And I want you to like him. No matter how you feel about him, I want you to be okay with it. If you really love me, you’ll accept him for me.”

Rin rolled his eyes. His sister ran threw boyfriends faster than he did and that was saying something. There was no chance she had actually seriously fallen for someone, still he tried to be supportive, “Okay.”

“Just remember, Rin, I really like him and I want you to let it go.”

“You’re not dating someone in the Yakuza again, are you?”

“I was in high school. And he wasn’t actually in the Yakuza. God, Rin,” she shook her head, she changed topics, “Well, how about you? Anyone serious?”

“Has there ever been?”

“I think you’d hurt Nitori’s feelings if you said that to him.”

Rin looked away. As much as he loved his sister, sometimes he really hated her.

“Have you spoken to our brother recently? I’m sure he misses you.”

Rin glowered at her, “Don’t be gross. He’s not actually our brother. None of them are actually our family. They’re only in it for the money our father left them.”

She reached across the table and slapped him, “Shut up. Just shut up. They are our family, Rin. It drives me nuts when you say shit like that. 

Rin didn’t say anything.

She continued, “And our family will eventually grow. I really care about this guy, Rin. You should work on finding someone who you care about.”

“Yeah, whatever.”

“Well, how’s school?”

The conversation between the siblings went on for awhile, but then, they separated for the evening. Gou was going back to her hotel room to prepare for a shoot that she had that they were doing in Tokyo instead of New York since she was supposed to be working while on her vacation. Rin decided he wanted to go out and forget himself for awhile. He loved his sister, but she really could grind his gears.

He’d been partying a lot harder lately. Perhaps it was the strange isolation he felt or it was Nagisa’s influence. Or it could have been the fact that he felt like he was accomplishing nothing. Rin couldn’t be sure, but he found himself even going out by himself. That was what he decided to do tonight. He just wanted to black out and find some perfect stranger. He went to a bar in Roppongi and spent a bit of money getting himself nice and drunk. Before long the walls were spinning and he had moved himself onto the dance floor. He felt a man grind up against him, and Rin turned to face him. Rin was too drunk to realize that he knew who this man was, so Rin leaned in to kiss him. The man was all too happy to take it. Not long passed and the man led Rin back to his place, and Rin continued to drink.

XXX

“Starting today, your name will be Rin,” Erin’s father looked tired, but he trudged on. He knew that if he could not make his son understand his will, that everything he had done and everything he would do would be for naught.

Young Rin nodded, “I’ll be a Nitori for now, but someday I’m going to change my last name and Erika-Gou’s. Even if we can’t be Kikumaru’s, I want us to have names that are our own.”

His father smiled at him gently. His son was too young to be thinking things like this, but he thanked whatever God there was, that his son did, “I want you to promise me something.”

Rin listened carefully.

“Promise me you will always let your sister be happy. She’s a free spirit like your mother. You may not always agree with what she does, but you have to let her make her own decisions,” His father sighed.

Rin promised his father to do that. Already his sister wanted her own stupid things that made no sense to him. He’d do his best to ensure she always had them.

“Lastly, I want you to promise me that you will continue my legacy.”

At that point, Rin took it to mean competing with and beating the Mikoshibas, but legacy is a funny thing. Rin realized almost too late that his father’s legacy, his true legacy was not one of hate or revenge, but one of love.

XXX

When Rin woke up, he was in an unfamiliar apartment. This wasn’t a completely unfamiliar scenario to him. There was one thing that was nice though. He felt content. He had a bit of a hangover, but that would pass. He’d had a good night last night. Most hookups didn’t feel this way. Whoever had been inside him had been good. Rin didn’t usually let people inside of him. But, last night he had and it had been among his best easily. He only remembered flashes, but nothing concrete. 

Fuck. Whoever it was, he had been really good.

He felt himself getting hard again. Perhaps he’d go to breakfast with the guy, see what happened.

A door opened and steam rolled out. A man wrapped in a towel walked out.

Rin’s eyes widened seeing the man in front of him.

He knew exactly who he had slept with and he couldn’t believe himself. Stay calm, he thought, followed by the thought that he would never allow himself to get so drunk again. How could he have possibly done this? Worse, how could he have enjoyed it? This could fuck up everything.

In front of Rin stood the son of his father’s sworn enemy, in front of Rin stood the heir to JAL airlines, Seijuro Mikoshiba. Stay calm, he has no idea who you are, “So-sorry, I’ll get going.”

Seijuro sat on the edge of the bed, “You sure you don’t want to go for another round? You can stay as long as you want, Kikumaru Erin.”

Rin’s eyes widened, “What? My name is…” he paused, thinking that he should probably lie. His head was pounding how had he gotten here? Of all the fucking people to fall into bed with, Seijuro Mikoshiba? And worse, he’d enjoyed it. 

Fuck.

“Oh, I want to hear this,” Seijuro clapped his hands together, “What name will you use? Matsuoka Rin? Nitori Rin? You have so many aliases. How can you even keep up with them?”

Rin was caught off-guard. How had Seijuro figured him out? Could it be that Seijuro’s father had figured out the charade? Impossible. Nitori’s father was so distant a friend to Rin’s father that there was no way anyone knew. How could this be happening? Stay calm, Rin thought.

“I’ll let you sort out who you want to pretend to be. I’m sure you know who I am.”

“Of course, I do,” Rin said, choosing to ignore the other situation for the moment, “Every man in Japan studying business knows the Mikoshibas.”

“Yes, especially those who attend Todai where my father has given millions. Did you know that we are actually classmates, Erin?” Seijuro’s voice was silky, “Given that we are both studying International Business, it’s too bad that we haven’t been properly introduced and haven’t had any classes together. I guess I am a few years younger than you though. Are you wondering now if I followed you to school? The way that I followed you to the bar?”

Rin knew that Seijuro was a student there, he knew everything about the Mikoshibas. He hadn’t thought anything of it though given that the Mikoshibas had all attended Todai.

“What made you want to go to Todai? Is it because it’s where your father went to school, Erin?”

“My father didn’t go to college,” Rin answered. Nitori’s hadn’t. Rin’s birth father though, Seijuro was right about. Rin’s birth father had also gone to Todai.

Seijuro laughed, “Our fathers were rivals even in college, Rin. They met on swim team, and fought even back then. My father, of course, won in the end. Such a shame about your family.”

“I think you have me confused with someone else,” Rin’s head was pounding, he needed to get out of here. He needed to get to Gou. He needed to get to Nitori. He needed to get them somewhere safe. He’d royally fucked up. Nagisa would be able to help.

“I don’t have you confused with anyone, Erin. You were not the only child who looked into his father’s past growing up. You went to boarding school in Australia and Gou...or should I say, Erika, went to school in the US. I went to high school in the US too. I’ve watched your beautiful sister’s modelling career unfold, Erin,” every time he said Rin’s real name it came with malice, “she’s got such unique redhair, Erin. You two dyed it to cover it up as kids, but now what? It’s been enough time? When I saw her, I knew I’d seen that shade of red before, after all, your sister’s modeling wasn’t her first time in the news, was it?”

Seijuro went over to his dresser and pulled out a news article from a paper many years ago. Rin didn’t even have to look at it to know what it was. It was about the fire that he supposedly died in. The fire that his parents had set to kill themselves. Rin knew that there was a photo of the two of them from elementary school in it. He’d read the article hundreds of times. Seijuro knew that he knew this. How am I going to get out of here alive?

Rin gave, “What do you want?”

“Giving up that easily, Kikumaru-sempai?”

Rin’s eyes narrowed, “I’ll admit nothing, but I do have to find it interesting that the son of the world’s most famous traditional Japanese family man politician and businessman is gay. What would your father think if he knew? If I’m not mistaken, that Kikumaru family you’re talking about, their household head was gay, wasn’t he? Didn’t your dad out him and he kill himself and his whole family? I can’t imagine it would look good if you were outed.”

Seijuro smiled, “Bi actually. Unlike some of us though, and unlike your father, I’m careful to cover my tracks. No scandals. Also, I’m in love with a woman.”

“In love?” Rin’s brows raised, he shifted on the bed. His ass hurt in a way that he was all too familiar with, “people in love don’t fuck other people.”

Seijuro walked over to Rin and placed a hand under Rin’s chin. He raised Rin’s face up to him, “They do, when they have to make threats.”

Rin raised his eyebrows. So this was just a threat?

“Your sister, Rin. I’m in love with Gou. And you’re going to let me be with her.”

“What…” Rin’s eyes widened.

It’s serious. I like him a lot, Rin. He wants to meet you. And I want you to like him. 

Seijuro nodded, “She’s unbearably beautiful Rin. I can’t handle it. The moment I saw her in the magazines I fell in love. And when I met her at a function in the US, I discovered, she’s beautiful in every way. Beautiful isn’t even the right word. She’s beyond that. There’s no word for it in any language and like you, I speak several. I’m absolutely in love with her.”

No matter how you feel about him, I want you to be okay with it. If you really love me, you’ll accept him for me.

Rin laughed. He couldn’t help himself, “My stupid sister is in love with the son of the man who killed our parents and he’s one of the best I’ve ever had. What a fucking joke.”

“One of the best? I’m hurt. Last night, you said I was better than the only man you thought you could love. You should be careful how drunk you let yourself get Rin. In this world, it’s when your enemies find your weakest spots,” Seijuro reached out and touched Rin’s chest causing his back to arch.

Rin felt a pang of guilt suddenly remembering that he had talked about Nitori, “There is no way in hell I’m letting you continue with her. When she finds out who you -”

“Who I am? You don’t give her any credit. She knows exactly who I am.”

Rin had to acknowledge that. Of course his sister knew who Seijuro was. Why was she doing this then? “Your father will never allow it.”

“Lucky for you, my father hasn’t put it together. He has no imagination. He thinks the two of you are dead. Once in awhile, he even feels a bit guilty about that.”

“Why wouldn’t you tell him otherwise?”

“Because Rin, I’m serious. I love her,” there was something earnest in his voice, “I wouldn’t expect you to understand that, but it’s the truth.”

“Why’d you actually fuck me? You could have done this whole charade without doing that. I was drunk enough to not recognize you at the club and come home with you either way. You didn’t actually have to...” Strangely, that was the part that was bothering Rin about it the most. That was the one part that didn’t make sense. He woke up feeling like he had incredible sex. The best ever. Why did he feel that way about one of his worst enemies?

“You’d try to mess it up with Gou, Rin. We really love each other. And so, I had to prove once and for all, if you ever try and go up against me, you will lose. You can try to mess with my father, if that’s really what you want, I couldn’t blame you for that. But, if you include me in any of your schemes, not only will I beat you at your own game, but you’ll only be hurting her,” that wasn’t true. Seijuro had planned the whole night out, but he hadn’t planned on actually fucking Rin. There was something about the Kikumarus though. It was like their blood called to him. He couldn’t fucking help himself, not when Rin was so easy to have.

“You really want her for yourself?” Rin tried to figure out his sincerity.

“You make her sound like a commodity, Rin. She’s a human being, and she loves me, and I love her.” Seijuro’s voice became soft, “I can’t imagine life without her. Honest.”

“Fine,” Rin agreed to it, but only for Gou. What she had said to him at lunch kept replaying in his head. His father’s last words about her echoed in his mind. She was his to protect, but she made her own decisions. Rin never had been able to control her.

“This could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship, Rin, but unfortunately, I’m going to follow her to New York full time. I’m transferring to Columbia. Whatever game you try to play here is your own.”

Rin nodded. This wasn’t ideal, but there was nothing he could do.

“You don’t have to worry about me telling my father. I hope that much is clear. Frankly, he’s not worth my respect, if he can’t handle you on his own.”

Rin laughed, spoken like a true son. 

“I trust you’ll support my relationship with your sister. And that this could be our little secret. Though I’m sure she’d actually be amused if she knew I’d fucked you, it’ll make the wedding more awkward than it needs to be.”

“Wedding?” Rin’s eyes widened.

“Just playing with you. If that happens, it won’t be for several years. Now get the hell out of my apartment.”

There seemed to be nothing that Rin could do about it and so he left. He knew he couldn’t trust Seijuro, but against Gou there was nothing he could do. Even so, he’d gotten some good advice. Seijuro was right about one thing, Rin could not take any more risks. His enemies were sure to find him if he did. Still, he kept his hair red, there were some things he simply didn’t want to hide anymore. But, that day was the last day that Rin got black out drunk. 

XXX

Nitori knocked on the door. Rin knew it was Nitori because his knock had a particularly soft tone to it. Rin threw the magazine in his hand under his bed, shit, he thought. He hadn’t been expecting Nitori this afternoon and there was no way to hide what was all over his desk. If Rin ignored him, Nitori would just come in. Nitori knew where the spare key was.

Shit, Rin thought again. Then, he sighed, might as well face him. Rin stood up and walked over to the door. He opened it.

“Hey,” Nitori said, his tone was casual. The gray haired man was carrying a small package, “I brought you a gift from my trip back home, thought I’d drop it off on my way to Kyoto.”

Nitori took off his shoes and stepped all the way inside. Then, he saw it. He saw all of it. He dropped the package, but it landed safely on one of Rin’s counters.

“You told me that you stopped,” Nitori’s voice was flat, “You promised you stopped, Rin.”

Rin sighed.

“What, Rin? You thought I wouldn’t find out? You thought you could just keep this a secret?” Nitori frowned, “It was one thing when we were kids, but dammit Rin. We’re freshmen in college now, you live in Tokyo far from anyone who can protect you. You have to start to think about what will make you happy.”

Nitori was going to college in Kyoto and Gou was modelling in New York City. Other than Nagisa, Rin was mostly alone at college.

Nitori’s eyes poured over Rin’s desk. Thrown all across it were news articles and clippings from the past. He had collected everything he could find about his father and mother, everything that was ever written about them. And he had collected everything he could ever find about his father’s sworn business enemy, the man who had shamed Rin’s father so much, Rin’s father and mother killed themselves and faked their children’s deaths.

“You could never understand, Nitori,” Rin’s voice was cold.

But, Nitori’s was colder, “Really, Rin? I could never understand? Are you that much of an idiot?”

“You aren’t my brother, we aren’t roommates anymore, we haven’t fucked in ages, what I do really doesn’t concern you,” It was cruel, but it was true.

“I know we aren’t actually brothers, Rin,” Nitori’s head had begun to hurt, “I know we aren’t blood relatives at fucking all. I know you aren’t my boyfriend. But, Christ Rin, we are something. You and I...I mean jeez, Rin,” Nitori shook his head, he was angry. Rin had expected Nitori to be upset, but he hadn’t expected how angry Nitori would be, “Aiichirou. Ai. My father fucking named me after his brotherly love for your’s. When I found out I ‘wasn’t’ an only child, it was the happiest moment of my life, Rin. I’ve loved you since we were five years old. And of course I have, I was fucking doomed to love you, it’s written in my goddamn name. So, don’t say shit like that. I want you to be happy Rin and doing this, it just worries me. If people figure out who you are...you’re not the only one who gets hurt.”

“I doubt anyone will come after you, Nitori.”

“I’m not talking about me, asshole. If they come after me, it doesn’t matter. I don’t care about that, Rin. I’m talking about Gou. You’re not the only Kikumaru who is supposed to be dead.”

Rin chewed on his lip, “I know...but I can’t stop. I just I can’t. I think everyday about what he said to me before he left me with your Dad.”

The smaller man closed his eyes, “Rin, you are going to run yourself into the ground if you do this. This is why we…” broke up. He couldn’t finish the sentence, because he wasn’t sure if they were ever actually together.

“I know. But, Nitori, I can’t. I can’t love anyone until I get what I’ve been looking for,” Rin stepped forward to embrace him.

Nitori stepped back, but the counter blocked him from moving. 

“So,” Rin asked, inches away from Nitori, “What’d you buy me from back home?”

Nitori glanced at the box by his side, “It doesn’t matter,” Rin was so damn close to him. Nitori could hardly contain himself, something about talking about the past brought everything back, “Kiss me. Please Rin. Please just...for five minutes.”

“You know that when you ask, I’m not going to refuse.”

“I know,” and Nitori knew he’d get hurt every time, but how could he stop? It was Rin. And he had lied. He’d loved Rin before he was five. Until the day that Rin and Gou had moved in with him, there had been something missing in life.

XXX

“So, are you going to let me in?” Nagisa asked holding the folder with everything about Haruka in his hands.

Rin practically yanked him into the room.

“Tell me everything you found.”

“What would you do for this information, Rin?” Nagisa asked, his eyes flickering. There was something about Rin that managed to attract everyone to him. Nagisa didn’t love him. It wasn’t like that. But, he’d had Rin a couple of times before, much to Nitori’s chagrin. Rin didn’t love Nagisa either, but the two did have fun together once in awhile.

Rin closed his eyes and smirked, “What are you asking for, Nagisa?”

“Would you blow me for it?”

Rin just licked his lips.

“Would you fuck me for it?”

Rin scoffed, “You know the answer to that.”

“You don’t even know what the information is, Rin, and you would probably do just about anything for it,” Nagisa relished in having something to hang over Rin’s head. Usually it was Rin who knew everything about anything.

Rin crossed his arms, “I know enough without that. You don’t want to play this game, Nagisa, you’ll probably lose.”

Nagisa caved. He didn’t actually want anything from Rin, but it would have seemed off to Rin if he had done anything differently. The truth was that Nagisa had someone who he was interested in. It wasn’t much so far, but that man was making Nagisa change. Nagisa gave up the information, “Nothing concrete. He was orphaned as a baby. His mother is hard to find information about, she died during childbirth though. There is no information about his father. His name isn’t even on the birth certificate. That’s the one problem. It’s going to be hard to prove without a confession.

“Haruka might know though,” Nagisa offered thoughtfully, “If you got close to him, he might reveal it to you. Or maybe, he’d reveal something equally useful.”

Rin nodded.

“He’s had a tough life though Rin, not too unlike your own,” that much Nagisa had been able to deduce from his search.

“That’s not really my problem,” Rin answered. There was only one thing on his mind, after all.

XXX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hope you enjoyed the SeijuroRin. It’s not a pairing I particularly feel one way or the other about, but it definitely helps the story as it goes on. Plus, I just like the idea of there being someone out there who can actually get under Rin’s skin.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I didn’t have to actually write anything for this update. I just had to copy and paste and edit. I still have a lot more to write for this story though. Probably 5 or so more chapters...kind of hoping it’ll be longer than UTL. But, I’d imagine it’ll be able the same length(ish) as UTL.
> 
> I put all my stories and stuff on AO3 too. You guys should also check out my new fic Written in Stone (WIS). Even if you don’t think the premise sounds interesting, I am certain you will LOVE it. <3
> 
> Also, Seijuro is my new favorite character to torture, but I haven’t gotten to that in WIS yet. Go get hooked.

XXX

 

Rin sighed collapsing down into his seat.  There was no one else in first class.  Thank God, he thought.  He was taking a flight back to Japan out of Washington D.C.  He didn’t spend much time in D.C., but every year during cherry blossom time, he was expected to split his time between Japan and D.C.  

 

This had been a rough trip though.  One of his biggest business deals that he had been working on for almost a year fell through.  He was hoping to acquire a deal with a translation firm based in New York for all Japanese technology translations.  They backed out at the last second, and went for a different bidder.  It didn’t matter to Rin that much, but it weighed on him because the buyer was a competitor of Nagisa’s family’s business.  It also frustrated Rin because he’d worked so long on the project.  

 

Even so, the week had been okay because he had been able to enjoy the D.C. blossoms and soon he would see the ones back in Tokyo.  Perhaps he would go pay a visit to Nitori’s place in Kyoto.  He wondered if Haruka went cherry blossom viewing with Makoto.  It was too soon to ask though.  He’d only known Haruka, what?  Three months now?  He kept reminding himself that he had to be patient.

 

A voice in the back of his head tortured him with thoughts that what he had planned for Haruka would probably go south just like this deal.

 

His head ached.  He reached in his bag and pulled out three times the recommended amount of advil.  He threw them back without any water.

 

Haruka came by with his champagne and laid it on the tray table at Rin’s seat.  He greeted Rin in Mandarin.  It was Rin’s sixth language.  Obviously, Haruka had been practicing.  What an interesting guy, Rin thought, this means I’ll have to learn a seventh.  But, Rin’s mood was a bit sour, “Just speak Japanese,” he said.

 

“Sorry, sir, I’ve forgotten how,” Haruka teased in Chinese.  His expression was as plain as usual, but something about his tone conveyed that he was joking.

 

Rin was caught a bit off-guard by Haruka’s sense of humor, but his head was throbbing, “Sorry.  I don’t think I’ll require any service during this flight.  I’ve got a terrible headache.  Just tell the captain to turn the lights off and keep them off.”

 

“Oh,” Haruka’s face whitened.  He had gotten overly excited about practicing his Chinese and for the moment he forgot that he was supposed to be waiting on Rin.  This man could make or break my life.  What the fuck am I doing?

 

Haruka bowed.  His stomach turned a bit.  He walked into his area in the cabin and turned off the lights for Rin.

 

Rin frowned when they went off.  He hadn’t meant to be curt with Haruka.  Think of the long run.  Think of the purpose here.  But, he was so damn tired.

  
He caved and his eyelids closed.

_Erin.  Promise me, Erin._

_The tragic death of Mr. Kikumaru and his wife on Thursday._

_Rin, I love him._

_Rin, you promised me you’d stop this._

_Rin…_

_Rin…………._

_RIN!_

Rin woke with a start.  The flight was a little over halfway finished, when he awoke.  Judging by the wet sweat on the back of his neck, Rin decided that he must have sweated out some kind of fever.  His headache was gone, but he didn’t feel much better.  He clicked the light on above his head, and revealed a cup of fresh tea, still steaming in front of him.

 

Rin looked at the label, Mariage Freres.  It was a French tea from Paris that he was familiar with.  It had been his birth father’s favorite, but he wondered how it had gotten in front of him.  First class served nice tea, but on JAL, all of the tea was Japanese.

 

He took a sip of it, it was an earl grey blend and it was good.  He wondered how frequently Haruka had been making it for him while he had been asleep.  Probably every half-hour or so.

 

He pushed the button to call the service over.  He heard Haruka sigh quietly from his part of the cabin, and he trudged his way over.

 

Rin spoke in Mandarin, “I’m sorry for earlier.  I wasn’t feeling well.”

 

Haruka shrugged, “It’s fine, Matsuoka-sama,” he spoke Japanese.

 

“I don’t understand Japanese,” Rin spoke in Mandarin and winked at him.

 

Haruka’s lips curved upwards slightly.  That was all he had wanted to hear.  All his work on Mandarin was just for that.  He wanted Rin to go back to his usual self - he wanted Rin to give him a hard time.  He enjoyed it, because it was just how Rin was supposed to be, Haruka obeyed and repeated it in Chinese, “I said that it was fine, Matsuoka-sama,” he looked down at the cup, “What can I get for you?”

 

“I wanted to ask you where you got this tea,” Rin continued speaking in Mandarin, “I know it’s not from the cabin or even this stupid flight.  There’s no way in Hell JAL has French tea.”

 

“It’s mine.”

 

“Yours?”

 

Haruka nodded, “Every year for my birthday when I was growing up, the foster mother gave it to me at the orphanage.  I like it a lot.  Helps when you’re sick.”

 

Rin smiled and said thoughtfully, “It was my Dad’s favorite.”

 

His hand went up to his lips as he said the words.  This was not something true about Nitori’s Dad, he was talking about his birth father.  And using the past tense...He mentally kicked himself.  He never made that mistake.  He never talked about his birth father to anyone except Nagisa, and on occasion Nitori and Gou.  Why would he say something stupid like that to Haruka?

 

Haruka seemed not to notice though, “It’s a good tea.  Well, are you feeling hungry, Matsuoka-sama?  I can give you your food if you’d like.”

 

Rin nodded, “That sounds good.  I really am sorry about earlier.  I’m impressed though, Haruka.  You seem to be doing well with Chinese.”

 

Haruka smirked slightly, “Looks like we’re tied.  I’m going to have to work on a seventh.”

 

“I’ll have to find the time to do the same.”

 

“What are you thinking about studying next?”

 

“Who knows?  Maybe I’ll do two at once, just to make it more difficult for you.”

 

A smile appeared on Haruka’s face and Rin motioned for him to take the seat next to him.

 

“I’m glad you’re feeling better,” Haruka remarked, taking the seat next to Rin.

 

Rin nodded, “Yeah.”

 

XXX

 

Kikumaru walked into the foster home.  He looked around and felt ashamed.  He could hardly believe that he had ever been in love with a man who would abandon a child here, even if he was a child born out of wedlock.

 

He was disgusted with himself and disgusted with his society that it had come to this.

 

“Do you have an appointment, sir?” The woman, Maria, at the front desk asked him.

 

He shook his head, “I’ve come a long way though.  I’d like to speak with the Head Parent here.  I can wait as long as necessary.”

 

“That would be my father, James...he’s usually out of town though looking for families to help with placements.  It’s a hard job.  I handle almost everything here.  Can I help you?”

 

“Well, let’s see,” Kikumaru smiled softly.

 

Maria led him to a back room.  She heated a pot of water and started to add a tea bag to it, but he stopped her.

 

“I’ll share some tea with you.  I have some from my last work trip to Paris.  You can have it and keep it here.  It’s my favorite, they make quite nice tea in France,” James pulled a small box filled with french tea labelled Mariage Freres out of his luggage.

 

She looked at it, “It smells nice.  This is from Paris?”

 

He nodded.

 

She mixed the tea and sat with him, “So, what is this about?”

 

“Well, I’m Kikumaru of K-Corp.”

 

Her eyes widened.  His name was not unknown to her, especially with what had occurred recently in the news about him, she took a sip of tea and figured out how to phrase the words that she knew she would have to say, “I’m afraid Kikumaru-san, that if you are here about adoption, it is unlikely you’ll be able to find a match.  Your life decisions will make that difficult.”

 

He laughed softly, “You don’t have to worry about that, Maria.  I’m not here to adopt.  I already have enough children of my own to think about.  My life decisions as you call them, have made their lives difficult enough.  I’m not going to mess up the lives of more children.  That said, I’m here about a child in particular.  I believe his name is Nanase Haruka.”

 

“I cannot talk with you about whether or not we have any children by that name,” those were the rules of privacy.

 

He sighed, “Well, if he is here, I’d like to leave him money.”

 

“Is he your child?” Maria asked.

 

Kikumaru shook his head, “All my children are redheads.”

 

“Then, why him?  Why not leave money for all the children?”

 

“I can do that too, but I’d like to leave him extra,” Kikumaru was as patient as he could be.  He slightly regretted introducing himself.

 

“Why?”

 

“He’s the child of someone important to me.”

 

“You know his father?”

 

“I thought I did.  The man I knew never would abandon an innocent child in such a way,” Kikumaru waved a hand, “It’s not important.  Anyway, I want to make sure that this child is cared for.”

 

She looked at him thoughtfully and she sighed, “I’ll get his file.  Hold on a minute.”

 

Maria returned later with the file and pulled out a photo of Haruka, “That’s him.  Is that the child you’re looking for?”

 

“The spitting image of his father at that age,” Kikumaru’s voice sounded oddly pained.

 

She looked at the image and then, she looked at Kikumaru, suddenly, it seemed to click in her mind, “Impossible.  It was...Mikoshiba in those photos?  This child is ...”

 

Kikumaru didn’t confirm or deny it though.  He simply got out his checkbook, “I want everything he ever wants to be taken care of.  All of it.  As for every other child here, I’m writing a check for them too.  Take care of them all for me.”

 

She nodded.  Then, she saw the value of the check he had written and was embarrassed, “I’m sorry about earlier.  I didn’t realize you were planning on doing this.”

 

He shrugged, “It’s nothing.  Take care of all of them for me, especially Haruka.”

 

“I give you my word.”

 

Kikumaru smiled and left.  

 

A week later when she read the news article about the fire, she regretted her conversation.  Why didn’t I ask him more?  Why didn’t I talk to him more?  Why didn’t I ask about his poor children?  She thought about the man she had met though.  He wasn’t broken.  He hadn’t been broken.  He was hurt, but she never would have foreseen this.

 

She looked over the box of tea.  It had been good tea.  She just wished she’d taken more time to drink it.

 

XXX

 

Rin had a terrible headache.  Standing in front of him, he had a pawn, but he wasn’t sure how to use it.  He had bigger concerns beyond Haruka to think about as well.  Since he had become Ambassador, his life had gotten a lot more hectic.  He had pushed his revenge aside for the time being, but that was difficult.  It was especially difficult with Haruka standing right in front of him.

 

He handed Haruka his coat.  He looked around, he was the only one in first class.  This was a good opportunity to learn more about Haruka.  He regretted hazing the boy so much last week, it was going to be more difficult to learn his innermost secrets that way, but at the same time, there was something about Haruka that just lit a fire in him.  He wanted to pick on him.  He had to pick on him.

 

“Matsuoka-sama, what would you like to begin with?” Haruka asked in Japanese.

 

“Huh?” Rin asked, he was a bit groggy, “Sorry.  Champagne.  Always champagne.”

 

Haruka nodded and placed it by Rin’s side, “Nagisa-sama isn’t with you today?”

 

Rin shook his head, “I left him in San Francisco.”

 

“San Francisco?”

 

“Yes, in the last week, Haruka, I went with Nagisa to San Francisco and came back to New York.  I would have had your service on those flights as well, but unfortunately, you don’t work for an American carrier and JAL doesn’t do direct service between SF and here.”

 

Haruka nodded and blushed.  He hadn’t thanked Matsuoka for the phone call that led to his promotion yet.  This seemed like a good time, “Th-thank you for that by the way.”

 

Rin smiled, “It’s no problem.  You did a good job.  You’re a good sport.  Since I’m your only customer this leg, I’m sure I’ll get to learn much more about you, Haruka-chan.”

 

Haruka blushed darker, “I’ll-I’ll do my best, sir.”

 

The two were parted while the plane took off, but they did spend much more time together.  Rin invited Haruka to sit next to him.

 

“A-are you sure?”

Rin rolled his eyes, “Haruka, if I ask you to do something, please just do it.  Otherwise I’m going to have to start commanding you to do what I want.”

 

Haruka blushed.  Was Rin remotely aware of what he was insinuating?  Haruka wondered if he even cared, but he took the seat next to Rin.

 

“Tell me about your childhood, whatever you can remember.”

 

“My childhood?” Haruka asked.

 

“Sure, why not?” Rin tried to play it cool, but there were some things that Nagisa hadn’t been able to answer, and he wanted to know as much as possible.  There was no room for error.

 

“Not much to say,” Haruka found himself sharing more than he would have otherwise.  Something about the redhead made him more talkative than he normally was, “I grew up in an orphanage.  Moved in with one of my brothers,” his hand touched the necklace, “and now I’m working.”

 

Rin frowned, thinking of his own relationship with Nitori, a childhood boyfriend would make this harder.  He had been hoping to move faster, but winning over Haruka was going to be slow if he was right about him, Rin feigned surprise about Haruka's parentage, “You’re an orphan?”

 

“Mother died when I was born.”

 

This was not new information, but Rin was much more curious about his other parent, “And your father?”

“Presumed dead.  They were never able to get ahold of him.”

That was a disappoint.  Rin was going to have to either make assumptions or get closer to Haruka and slowly learn more.  Still, for it to seem more normal, he continued to drill Haruka, “How’d you learn all the languages you know?”

 

“I went to a decent international school in Nagasaki.  An anonymous patron left me money,” your guardian angel, or so the orphanage foster mother used to say.

 

“Hmm,” Haruka was connected to someone rich then, but that was still not enough information, “you don’t remember your father at all?”

 

“He was never in my life.  My mother died in childbirth and I never knew my father, if he was even alive,” Haruka couldn’t believe he had shared all of this with a complete stranger.  Sure it was a customer, but it felt different.  Rin seemed genuinely interested in his past.  He couldn’t guess why, and weirder, Haruka was actually compelled to tell him, “well?  What about you?”

 

“What about me?” Rin asked.

 

Haruka said, “Tell me about yourself.”

 

“What do you already know?  I’m sure you googled me after I got you promoted.”

 

Haruka flushed this guy, “I know you’re fluent in six languages.”

 

Rin laughed, “Guess you’re going to have to learn another one to keep up.  Otherwise I might come on board and mysteriously forget all the other five languages we share.”

 

“I know you’re the youngest ever Japanese ambassador at 22.  So you’re one year older than me.  Of course, I look like a failure next to you,” Haruka sighed a bit.

 

Rin shrugged, “To be honest Haruka, I probably wouldn’t have done any of it if I didn’t have the right motivation.”

 

“The right motivation?”

Rin nodded, “Yes, motivation is everything,” and he touched Haruka’s cheek with his hand, one of his fingers slid close to Haruka’s lips causing Haruka to turn red.

 

Haruka’s face flushed, and his heartbeat quickened.  He was sure that it was going to pound out of his chest.  He reminded himself of Makoto.  He looked down though and saw Rin’s muscles through his button down shirt.  He took a deep intake of breath.

 

Rin let him go, “So, tell me about this guy you live with.”

 

Haruka bit his lip and looked away, what the fuck am I doing, “His name is Makoto.  He's half-Japanese and he’s a scholar.”  
  
“So, you’re the breadwinner then.”

 

Haruka nodded, “Something like that.”

 

“Cute.”

 

“Is...is there anyone in your life?” Haruka could hardly believe he had the guts to ask that.

 

Rin laughed, “No.”

 

XXX

 

Haruka had been serving Rin for about four months when he met Rin’s sister.  Usually, his conversation time with Rin was relatively short.  He didn’t bother reading or looking into Rin’s past after their first real sit down, because he learned that pretty much everything that was printed about Rin was a flat out lie created by the media.  Several rumors went around about Rin finding some girl, or being interested in and dating a woman, but the one or two times that Haruka dared to ask, Rin denied anything about it.

 

Haruka continued waiting on Rin and dating Makoto, looking at Rin as unattainable.  Rin went on doing whatever Rin did.  Haruka didn’t ever get jealous, not until a day that he saw Rin board with two people.  He recognized the blonde with Rin as Nagisa, but he had couldn’t recall ever seeing Rin with a woman, and certainly not with a woman of the caliber that was with him.  Haruka hadn’t seen her on the register, but she took the seat next to Rin.

 

“Can I help you, Miss?"

 

“This is Gou, Haruka-chan.  She’ll be flying with me today.  I purchased her ticket last minute, they probably haven’t put her in your roster yet.  I assure you, it’s taken care of.”

 

Haruka nodded, but he couldn’t get his eyes off of her.  She was gripping tightly on Rin’s arm.  She looked perfect for him too.  The two of them had similar red hair, hers wasn’t quite the shade of Rin’s, but they shared perfect bodies.  She had to be a model.  He felt insanely jealous and he wasn’t even sure why.  Rin wasn’t even remotely his to feel jealous about, but he couldn’t help imagining Rin talking kindly to her, being gentle with her, laying next to her.

 

Gou stared at him too.  Then, she turned her attention to Rin.  Something seemed to click in her mind, but she said nothing about it.

 

Haruka felt his stomach turn, “I...I understand.  I’ll get your drinks, Matsuoka-sama.”

 

“Matsuoka-sama,” Gou repeated and then, she snorted, “Please tell me you don’t actually let this poor guy call you that.”

 

“Of course I do, Gou-sama.  Here at JAL, we refer to our customers, yourself included, with the highest respect.  You will have to excuse me.”

 

“Gou-sama,” she shook her head and laughed, “he’s smitten with you Rin, and he has no idea why you’re interested in him.”

 

Rin smirked choosing to ignore what she was insinuating, “You think so?  I enjoy torturing him a bit, but I don’t think he’s that interested.  He has some man at home.”

 

“You want me to make him jealous?  How would Nitori feel?” Gou teased.

 

Rin closed his eyes.

 

“You shouldn’t feel as badly about that as you do.  When was the last time you saw him?  He refuses to talk with me about you.”

 

Rin snorted, “It’s been a few weeks.  I had to give him control of one of my companies.”

 

“All business then?”  She looked suspicious of that.

 

“That’s how I’ve been keeping it.”

 

“He wants more.”

 

“I can’t give him what he wants.”

 

She nodded, “I know.”

 

Haruka’s heart was on fire.  He poured the champagne into glasses and his vision blurred.  What the fuck was wrong with him?  Rin was in a whole different league than him, there was no way that he was ever going to get to be with Rin.  Besides, he already had Makoto.  Why was he so jealous?  Because she’s beautiful.  Rin would never go for someone plain like me, even if he were interested in men, which he’s obviously not.

 

Two tears burned down Haruka’s face.  He wiped them away and brought out the tray.

 

“Matsuoka-sama, would you like some champagne this evening?” Haruka’s eyes were on Rin.

 

Gou answered, after all, she too was a Matsuoka, “I’d like orange juice actually.  Thanks.”

 

“You’re married?” Haruka asked.  He couldn’t figure out why Rin hadn’t told him.  He couldn’t figure out why neither of them were wearing rings, but why else would she be all over him, and why else would she be answering to his name?  Had Rin figured out his feelings and decided to tease him with even more embarrassment?

 

Nagisa snickered.

 

Gou nodded, “We’ve been married almost 2 years.  And we just got the great news, I’m with child!”

 

Rin’s eyes met Haruka’s, he kept his face steady, “It’s true.  I’ll be having my usual champagne only this time to celebrate.”

  
Haruka picked the glass up, but it slipped from his hands.  It fell all over Rin and his suit landing in his lap.  Haruka’s eyes widened. Shit, he thought.  Now I’ve really done it.  Why am I upset anyway?  I have Makoto.  What is it about this guy that draws me completely in?

 

Rin’s lips spread into a smirk.

 

“I’m really sorry, my-my hand must have slipped,” Haruka bowed profusely, “let me get something to wipe it up with.”

 

“That’s okay, I’ll go into the back with you.  Nagisa, take care of the wife will you?”

Nagisa couldn’t even nod, he was laughing too hard.

 

Rin stood up and followed Haruka into the back.  Haruka was amazed he managed to carry the tray without dropping the rest of it.  His mind was going at a million miles an hour.  All along it had just been harmless flirting and competition, he reminded himself.

 

He got a big towel from the back and started to help wipe off Rin’s stomach and shirt, “I’m surprised you’re married.”

 

“Why’s that?” Rin asked.

 

“I just…” Haruka looked for the right words, while he skirted around a certain place on Rin’s pants.  Unfortunately, that seemed to be where most of the champagne had gathered, “I didn’t think…”

 

“What?  Do I seem like that horrible of a person to you?  Am I so unlikeable that I’d be impossible to marry or date, Haruka?”

 

“It’s not that,” Haruka answered quickly.  It’s the opposite of that...It’s that I thought someday if something happened then maybe you might look at me.

 

“Somehow Haruka, you seem to have touched every bit of my body except where the stain actually is,” Rin looked down.

 

Haruka blushed, “Um...I…” he started to offer Rin the towel.

 

Rin shook his head, “You make the mess Haruka, then you clean it up.”

 

Haruka’s eyes went back and forth between Rin’s zipper and his face.

 

“Come on now, we don’t have all day.  It’s almost time for take-off.”

 

Haruka lowered the towel onto Rin’s pants.  They tented a bit and Haruka realized that he had given Rin a boner.  His hand rested there almost too long.  He thought about how he had managed to touch all around Rin’s thighs and legs cleaning up this mess, and how he had managed to give Rin a boner.   Haruka instinctively tightened his grip on Rin’s pants.  He stayed touching it for just a second and he felt one appear in his own pants.  He let out a sort of moan.

 

“Christ, Haruka,” Rin groaned and he felt himself slip away just a bit.  He had to remind himself that there was a point to all of this.  There was a reason for all this, everything had to be timed perfectly.  No more fuckups.

 

Haruka seemed to realize what he was doing just as he was about to unbutton Rin’s pants, “y-your wife is right out there…” and he stood up, Makoto, he thought, shit shit.

 

Rin pushed Haruka against one of the shelves in the service area, “I don’t have a wife, Haruka,” Rin touched Haruka’s hair, it was softer than he had expected, “I believe I’ve told you several times that I don’t have anyone.”

 

“But…”

 

“The girl out there is my twin sister.  She dyes her hair for her job, which is why we look slightly different, but we share a lot of features.  For example, she shares my sense of amusement with torturing the people around us.”

 

Haruka’s eyes widened.

 

“Of course, she picked up immediately on the fact that you’re an easy target.  I’m happy she did,” Rin allowed his hips to dig deeper into Haruka’s.

  
Haruka was certain that Rin could feel that he was not the only one of the two of them that was hard.

 

Rin leaned in and gave Haruka a chaste kiss on the lips.  Haruka’s eyes widened and he managed to turn redder.  Then, Rin stepped back, “Instead of worrying about whether or not I have anyone to be concerned about, you should probably worry about how you’re going to tell your roommate about this.  What was his name, Makoto, I believe?"

 

Haruka didn't answer.

 

Shit.

  



	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Yeah, so some of you may go through this whole story and find out that the time doesn’t really line up in terms of months or whatever.
> 
> Sorry about that. Poor planning. It might all actually work, but I probably fucked this up.
> 
> For anyone interested, the bar is in the Empire Hotel and they serve Gossip Girl themed drinks as it’s supposed to be the hotel that Chuck Bass owned.
> 
> The drink Rin orders is to die for but I don’t remember the name.

XXX

When Haruka returned to Japan, he was mentally and physically exhausted. His trip to New York had been nice. He’d never been out of the country before and so it was enlightening. He had few problems getting around and communicating in English. Haruka had a knack for languages, but within his second languages, he felt most comfortable in English. After all, he’d not only studied it in school, but Makoto had also helped him perfect it. Makoto was a foster child, just like him, but he was old enough when he entered the care to remember his parents and to have heard English as a child. As a result, he was able to help Haruka with it in school. Haruka always surprised Makoto with how quickly he picked things like language up.

Makoto always seemed to enjoy helping Haruka with English, “It reminds me of my father.”

Haruka saw a photo of Makoto’s parents once, and he had inherited his father’s hair and eye color, along with his mother’s sincerity. Haruka knew this even though it was just a photo. He frequently asked Makoto about his family. He never wanted to push the boundaries and upset Makoto, but Haruka wanted more than anything as a child to know what it was like to have parents. Makoto’s stories though made little sense to him, and as time went on, Makoto forgot most of the stories too. It didn’t matter to Haruka though. He enjoyed the remnants. After all, Haruka knew nothing about his parents. He only knew that there was someone out there who had left him money in a trust, and the foster home took care of it when he was growing up, and gave it to him as an adult. It wasn’t enough to change his life, but it had allowed him certain things in his youth and it allowed him the freedom to decide to take the year off school to be a flight attendant. The year off that became a permanent job...

He thought about his trip to New York on the flight from Haneda to Nagasaki. JAL had given him the ticket back to Nagasaki before he had gotten his new position. After all, Nagasaki was his normal base of operations. When he was working solely domestic flights, he flew back and forth between Nagasaki and Tokyo; or Nagasaki and other nearby airports all day long. At the end of the day he’d end up back in Nagasaki, rinse and repeat. JAL had given him the airfare back and forth to Tokyo because they had expected that he would be working back out of Nagasaki after his “one time” New York excursion.

With his promotion though, that changed. He’d probably have to get an apartment in Tokyo, he realized rather suddenly. Not that that would be a problem. Makoto had spoken about taking a few years and doing a graduate student exchange at Todai. Still, Haruka thought, it would be different now. He wouldn’t be home as often.

Especially not while he was Rin Matsuoka’s personal flight attendant.

Who has personal flight attendants anyway? He wondered.

Thinking about Rin made him feel strange. Rin was indescribably attractive, Haruka had thought, but his personality was unnerving.

Well, Haruka reasoned, he wasn’t as bad on the flight back from New York.

Haruka still couldn’t figure out why Rin had decided to commission him personally. Thinking about it too much made his stomach hurt.

He thought again about his trip to New York. He couldn’t wait to tell Makoto about that. Makoto had taken a semester to study abroad when they were students, and he had been to America. He told Haruka that he thought Haruka would love it in California. Based on his feelings about New York, Haruka doubted it. To him it just seemed like any other city, but dirtier. That said, Makoto had told him that California was different than New York.

He let out a sigh and looked at his watch. Usually flights went relatively quickly for him, but it seemed eternal.

That was probably good though, he decided, after all, when he got home everything would change.

XXX

“Hey,” Rin said to Haruka as he got off the flight. Nagisa had left before him to start to go get their luggage.

“Can I do anything else for your Matsuoka-sama?”

“I was serious about the drink. If you want to grab one this week, I’ll take you out.”

Haruka flushed. He wondered if this was an elaborate joke and if Rin was still teasing him. As a result he said nothing.

“Well? What’s your schedule?”

“You’ve got to have better things to do.”

“Not really. Unless you’re interested in being my date to a fashion show?”

“What?” Haruka asked, now certain that Rin was only messing with him.

Rin shrugged, “My stupid sister, who I’m sure you remember,” Haruka’s face turned a shade darker, but Rin continued, “used to love this fashion show when we were kids,” Rin avoided saying that it was his mother who had brought her. After all, it was his birth mother and he didn’t want to talk to Haruka about that. He specifically avoided talking to Haruka about that as best as possible. Part of him, a part that he hated wanted to open up entirely to Haruka, “When she became a model, she made it her mission to work the show. Now she pretty much runs it and every year I have to go and have my photo taken.”

That made sense, Haruka thought, “Okay.”

“Okay, you’ll come to the show?”

“No. I’ll get a drink with you,” Haruka tried to seem as casual as possible about it, but he was sure that he was about to faint.

“Bummer. You could end up in all sorts of newspapers and weblogs.”

Haruka shook his head.

Rin smiled, “Monday night then.”

That was two nights from now, and two nights before they’d be back going to Tokyo, “Okay. Where?”

“There’s this bar I like on the West Side, it’s in a hotel. It’s nothing fancy, casual really, but it’s pretty decent and relatively quiet.”

Haruka wondered what Rin thought of as nothing fancy.

“We can go to a club if you want to dance, but I think it might be nice to just talk.”

Haruka felt oddly compelled to go to a club with Rin. It was completely unlike anything he’d want to do, but something about Rin made him oddly adventurous, still just imagining grinding up against Rin seemed like it would lead to dangerous territory. He still had a boyfriend to think about, “Let’s just go to a quieter bar.”

Rin nodded, “I’ll pick you up at your hotel at 7, where are you staying?”

“Um,” Haruka hesitated. He didn’t want Rin to see where he was staying. JAL didn’t exactly put its workers in the fanciest places, “That’s okay. I can just meet you there.”

“Okay, I’ll text you the address. Give me your number.”

Haruka hesitated again, but the digits came out of his mouth. Rin Matsuoka was going to text him. He was going to have Rin Matsuoka’s phone number in his phone.

“Sounds good, see you at the bar at 7 instead then?”

Haruka nodded.

XXX

The bar was in a hotel on the West side. The hotel had two bars. One was up at the top on the roof, but usually it was closed for events. Rin didn’t care much for it as it didn’t have much of a view for a rooftop bar. The one that he liked was on the first floor of the hotel. It was kind of weird because you could see people checking in, but they had couches and it was more quiet and the drinks were good.

Rin arrived at the bar early. He wanted to make sure that he could get the two of them a couch. He was dressed rather casually. Normally, Haruka saw him in one of his suits, because usually, he had meetings when he landed. This week he was half on vacation and here primarily for his sister. As a result, he was wearing jeans, and a t-shirt. He was utterly unrecognizable, and that was how he liked it. While he was waiting, a couple of people came up to him and asked him if they could buy him a drink, usually Rin would have taken them up on it, but tonight his mind had one objective: Haruka.

Rin ordered a drink for him and the same one for Haruka. It was some kind of mixed champagne that ended up tasting almost nothing like champagne. Rin thought it was pretty good and that specifically why he had picked this bar.

He made it through one of them, while waiting for Haruka and so he ordered himself a second.

Haruka was late. He had caught the wrong subway, and then ended up on the local, and shit shit shit, he was so late. He raced up to the hotel. He didn’t have nice enough clothes in his little JAL issued suitcase, and so he had gone to go rent what he thought would be “casual” for Rin. He found a tux rental store on the west side that he could afford. And so, he rented a suit for the night that was of the quality that Rin normally wore. Haruka didn’t bother putting on any makeup, as he was sure the alcohol they would drink would go straight to his cheeks. He was excited about this. He was so excited about this. He had text Makoto to let him know what was going on.

Makoto didn’t seem to mind though. Haruka reminded himself that Makoto never thought that he’d ever be able to attract Rin’s attention.

When Haruka appeared in front of Rin, Rin was surprised. He found himself checking out Haruka. Haruka breathed something out about being late, but Rin didn’t seem to mind or pay attention. He only motioned for Haruka to sit down next to him.

“For someone who speaks what - seven languages, you sure have an interesting definition of ‘nothing fancy’,” Rin remarked.

Haruka flushed, “I didn’t think -”

“What? That I knew what casual meant?” Rin asked.

Haruka sighed. He grabbed the drink on the table that was clearly meant for him and took a swallow.

Rin smiled, “Happy Anniversary, Haruka.”

Haruka looked away, why does this guy say shit like that? He’s just playing with me, the only one of the two of us who cares about something like that has to be me, “Cheers.”

“I’m really happy that I was able to meet you and have you put up with me over the course of the last year,” Rin smiled.

Haruka continued to sip his drink a bit embarrassed.

They were silent for a minute, before Haruka decided to ask Rin about the bar, “Is this where you stay? Why’d you pick here?”

The drinks weren’t that expensive. Seeing that Haruka only knew Rin to fly first class, he was surprised that Rin would come to a place like this. Even so, the hotel was nice. He imagined Rin probably stayed in the top suite.

“No. I’ve been to this bar a few times with Nagisa and we both like it. No one knows who we are here, and we can be how we were in college.”

“You went to college together?”

Rin nodded, and continued, “It’s a nice hotel, but I stay in my apartment when I’m here.”

“Apartment?” Haruka asked.

Rin nodded, “I have a beautiful pent house on the west side, that looks over the park and out to New Jersey. You’ll have to come see it some time.”

Haruka couldn’t help being curious. He nodded slightly. He’d like to see how Rin lived, “I thought your sister lived on the east side.”

“Oh, she does. That’s where Nagisa has an apartment too. It’s quite a nice part of the city,” Rin commented.

Haruka knew this, the famous Upper East Side of New York. He had walked along the streets there. He had only assumed the Rin would live there too, if he were to have an apartment in New York. The West Side was more expensive than anything Haruka would be able to afford, but it didn’t have the same vibe of classiness that he expected from Rin and associated with the East Side of Manhattan, “So, if your sister lives there and Nagisa has a place there and the UN where you work when you’re over here is on that side, why would you want to live all the way over here?”

Rin smiled, “My sister lives with a guy who I really don’t like. I just don’t want to see his stupid face whenever I’m out and about.”

Haruka laughed, it sounded so childish to him, “So you lived on the other side of the city?”

“Yeah. Unfortunately, he went to Columbia though, so he sometimes comes over here,” Columbia was also on the West Side.

“What don’t you like about him?” Haruka asked.

Rin took the last swallow of his drink. He had ordered a third one which was lined up waiting, he didn’t share everything but he said, “He’s an asshole. She could do a lot better.”

Haruka figured the last part was at least true. He remembered meeting Rin’s sister. She was beautiful. Haruka couldn’t imagine anyone being good enough for her.

“Oh, and he fucked me once for his amusement,” the alcohol must have loosened his lips he decided.

“What?” Haruka laughed. Rin was so weird, so complex, and so hard for him to understand.

“Yeah. I got really drunk and he decided that would be a fun way to mock me,” Rin could hardly believe that he was sharing this with Haruka. Not that it mattered, Haruka would never figure it out, but it was hard for him to talk to anyone other than Nagisa or Nitori about Seijuro and about his family. Why did he feel so comfortable talking to Haruka?

Haruka took another sip from his drink and shook his head.

Rin pulled Haruka close and said, “The worst part, and this is something I haven’t told anyone, but he knows, is that I kind of enjoyed it.”

Haruka looked at Rin and shook his head again, “So you hate the guy? Are you sure you aren’t just jealous of your sister?”

“Oh god no. We’d never work as a couple,” that much Rin knew for certain. Too much history. Rin took another drink, “Besides, she’s really happy with him and him with her. They’re actually a good match. But, I like having my privacy in New York. She harasses me enough as it is. To tell you the truth, Haruka, I don’t think there’s anyone in the world who I belong with.”

“What about that one guy?” Haruka pretended not to remember his name. He had thought about Nitori so much, but he didn’t dare say it to Rin.

He must mean Nitori, Rin thought. Rin took another drink, he needed one, “I can’t give him what he wants.”

“What’s that?”

“He wants me to just go live in some part of the Japanese countryside with him and give up all my businesses, my goals, everything,” that wasn’t really true, but Rin couldn’t tell Haruka the truth without spoiling everything. The mentioning of Nitori reminded him of his true purpose, “I’m sure you and Makoto have your difficulties once in awhile.”

“Only because of me.”

Rin raised his eyebrows.

“I’m a selfish person.”

Rin laughed at that, “I seriously doubt that. Aren’t you working hard to earn money for his schooling or whatever?”

Haruka sighed, “Yeah. But, I could be doing anything. I’d never been on a plane when I decided to do this. See, I don’t really know what I want to do, but once I tried this out, I enjoyed it. It was one thing when I was doing domestic flights, because I came home every night, but international ones mean that I’m hardly at home. I could quit...I mean, someone who really loved him would quit. But, I…”

Haruka couldn’t believe he had just shared all of that. He had never told that to anyone. He sure as hell didn’t say it to Makoto, though they both sort of knew it. He hadn’t said anything about any of that to Sasabe. Why did he just essentially pour everything out to Rin?

It’s so easy, Rin thought, Mikoshiba, it almost makes sense to me why you abandoned this son and disconnected yourself entirely. He’s easy to crack, Rin reached out and touched Haruka’s cheek, “You should do what you want to enjoy, Haruka. Our problems aren’t so different. My selfishness is why I’ll never work with Nitori. The difference between the two of us is that I’ve already realized and accepted who I am. Don’t be ashamed of who you are.”

Haruka nodded and bit his lip.

Rin figured that was good enough for tonight. Tonight, he had solely hoped to make Haruka comfortable.

To Haruka’s surprise, Rin hopped up off the couch, “Well. This was fun, we should get a drink again some other time.”

He’s already leaving? Why am I surprised? It was just a nice gesture on his part.

“I’ve got to get my beauty sleep for my stupid sister’s fashion show. Who has a fashion show in the middle of January? It’s so goddam cold,” Rin complained.

He flashed a smile at Haruka and started to head for the bar to close out their tab. Haruka watched him from the couch. He returned to Haruka and helped get him off the couch.

“Come on, I’ll get you a cab,” Rin led Haruka outside.

Haruka shook his head, “I’ll just take the bus.”

“No way in hell am I going to let you take the bus,” Rin could only imagine what sort of bad neighborhood Haruka was going back to that JAL had stuck him in.

Haruka bit his lip, he could only imagine how expensive a cab ride would be all the way back to his hotel. Well, he thought, Rin bought the drinks, so I guess I can manage to figure this out on top of the suit.

“Here,” Rin handed him a wad of cash.

“What is this?”

“For your cab fare, idiot. I’m not going to take a guy out and not make sure he gets home safely.”

Rin handed him almost two hundred dollars. That was way more than it would cost, “I can’t take this.”

“You can and you will. Have a nice night, Haruka,” He started to hail a cab for Haruka.

“Matsuoka-sama, w-wait.”

Rin turned back around to him.

“How are you getting home?”

“I can walk from here.”

“Can I go up to your apartment with you?” He had to ask. He was curious.

Rin narrowed his eyes at Haruka. This he had not been expecting. Rin pulled Haruka close, like he was going to kiss him.

Haruka prepared himself for the kiss, feeling his heart begin to pound hard. It wasn’t like it was the first time that Rin was kissing him, but still, it made him almost nauseous with nervousness.

“You can,” Rin offered, “But, I’m not going to touch you Haruka until you figure out what you really want.”

Haruka bit his lip and looked away. Makoto.

“I think for tonight, you should just go back to your hotel,” Rin released him and hailed a cab.

Haruka hesitated as he stepped into it.

Rin sighed as he strolled back to his apartment. All good things come to those who wait, he reminded himself.

XXX

When Haruka got home, he texted Makoto. There was no reason to make him worry about something that hadn’t happened after all. As he collapsed into bed though, he couldn’t help thinking about his date. He played parts of the conversation over again and again in his head. Haruka couldn’t figure out why Rin would have taken him out if Rin hadn’t wanted to spend time with him.

Oh well, he thought. At least I have tomorrow off.

What Haruka didn’t realize was that tomorrow a rather major fight with Makoto was coming.

XXX

Rin got ready for the fashion show. He put on one of his sister’s designs. He sent her a quick text message as he did so, reminding her that he truly did love her, in case she had any doubts, this was his evidence.

The reason being that the design was something he’d never wear. She had given him exceedingly tight black leather pants and a t-shirt that read “Gou” which was also tight. He had sent her his measurements, but she insisted on these types of designs because ‘they show off your best assets, Rin’ or something.

He hailed a cab and got himself over to where the show was being held on the East side. When he got there, he learned that he was seated next to Seijuro. Seijuro was wearing an outfit similar to his, but Gou had also given him some sort of thick leather jacket for the top. He begrudgingly sat down.

“Yo.”

Rin didn’t respond. He simply took his seat. Nitori was seated on his other side. Gou had put him in some kind of track-suit outfit, which Rin kind of wondered about as a design. To be fair though, Rin wondered about all of his sister’s designs. They seemed successful enough though. Nagisa was nowhere to be seen as he had managed to get out of it, because he claimed to need to spend the day in San Francisco and had taken the earliest flight out this morning. To Rin’s surprise, Gou had actually allowed him to pass on the show.

“Rin,” Nitori said with a smile, “I missed you last night.”

“I’m sorry, I was tired,” Rin lied. He had blown Nitori off in favor of solidifying his relations with Haruka. He probably could have met up later with Nitori, but he didn’t want to answer any questions.

Seijuro stared at him for a second which Rin hated. The guy always seemed to be able to tell when he was lying, but Seijuro didn’t comment, instead he said, “How long are you in New York for?”

“I fly back tomorrow. I took care of some work things the last few days. I only stayed out today for this really,” that much was true.

Seijuro frowned, “You better hope your flight takes off then. We’re supposed to get a Noreaster tomorrow. They’re already thinking about shutting down the airports.”

Rin shrugged, “It’s not urgent that I get back. I can work from here. It’s just a pain.”

Seijuro nodded.

“So, where is she anyway?” Rin asked.

Nitori shrugged, “Probably in the back yelling at someone. You know how she is at this event.”

Seijuro laughed and Rin joined him.

“What are our plans for afterwards?” Rin asked. He’d been so focused on work and Haruka that he hadn’t really been in the loop.

“Same as usual? Get drunk at the after party, and try to hook up with models. Is there anyone you have in mind to hook up with?” Seijuro teased Rin.

Rin rolled his eyes. He knew that Seijuro was simply messing with him, and he said things like that to get under Rin’s skin. Usually he was unfairly successful.

Nitori offered, “You’re always welcome to come back to my place.”

Rin bit his lip, he knew that wouldn’t be a good idea, but he also knew that almost every year he had hooked up with Nitori at this event.

Luckily for him though, he didn’t have to answer as it began to start soon after.

XXX

The three of them went to the VIP party which was held a few blocks away from the show. The party wasn’t large. Gou only hosted her biggest investors, favorite models, and friends and family. Rin spoke with all of them as was expected of him. Seijuro did the same. Nitori stayed close behind Rin, always feeling a bit unsure at these types of events.

After they had made a few passes through, Rin decided he could leave. He said “Goodbye” to Seijuro and was perfectly amicable as his sister would want him to be. Nitori followed him out.

“Can I come home with you?” Nitori asked, the alcohol from the party had made him more direct than he usually would have been.

Rin bit his lip, “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Why not? We haven’t ‘caught up’ in a while.”

“Nitori…”

“You can tell me about what progress you are making with Haruka.”

“Nitori,” Rin repeated, this time with a bit more annoyance.

“Oh alright. Well, just know that I love you, okay?” Nitori pulled him in for an embrace, which Rin actually accepted.

Then, the two men parted ways.

XXX

The following day, Rin checked his flight on the web. To his surprise, it appeared to be in service. And so, he headed for JFK. When he got to the gate, he saw Haruka sitting waiting to board the plane. He said a casual hello.

“How was the fashion show?”

“Should have come with me,” Rin teased and then, he sighed, “Same as always. I had to wear a ridiculous outfit.”

“Casual?” Haruka teased back.

Rin laughed, “Stripper. Tight t-shirt and tight leather pants. You can’t imagine the cat-calls.”

Haruka raised his eyebrows and tried hard not to imagine Rin in that sort of an outfit.

“How was your day off?”

Haruka didn’t dare answer. He was looking forward to this flight though. There was no one on his roster except for Rin. He’d already decided how he would show Rin exactly what his day yesterday had made him want to do during today.

Yes, during this flight, he was going to seduce Rin.

The two sat side by side for a little while until Haruka had to board. Haruka got everything set up as usual and prepared a few other things, then, he took one glimpse out the window. Suddenly, he felt a bit of concern. Could this be a sign that it wasn’t meant to be? That he shouldn’t do what he wanted to do?

He doubted that they were going to take off in this. But, it wasn’t his call to make. Rin boarded shortly after he did.

Haruka took his coat and brought him his champagne.

Rin looked around the cabin, there was no one else on the flight, “You may as well sit down. We aren’t going anywhere.”

“What do you mean, Matsuoka-sama?” Haruka asked.

“I mean they’re going to cancel this flight.”

Haruka had to agree, but he didn’t want to, “To be honest, I’m surprised it’s gotten this far.”

“You look concerned, Haruka.”

Haruka had plans for this flight. He wanted it to take off, but he couldn’t give Rin that reason, “They told me at my hotel that they were fully booked tonight. I’d imagine most hotels already are. It’s hard to find a place to stay when they have blizzards,” Haruka was staring out the window. He had been practically praying that the flight would take off. Setting his plans for Rin aside, he was actually concerned he’d have to spend the night in the airport otherwise. He realized though that this wasn’t something he should share with a customer, “So-sorry. I didn’t mean to um, seem concerned. I’m sure it will be fine, Matsuoka-sama. Please let me know if I can get you anything else.”

Haruka started to stand up.

“Sit back down,” he commanded, “as you know, Haruka. I have an apartment here. If this flight is cancelled, you’ll come stay with me.”

“M-matsuoka-sama,” suddenly, Haruka thought that he might actually be okay with them cancelling the flight. Still, he couldn’t indicate that so obviously to Rin, “I couldn’t trouble you in such a way.”

“It’s no trouble,” Rin sat still waiting for them to announce it. He didn’t even bothered getting out his laptop for work. Instead, he just sipped on the champagne.

Just after the last passenger boarded the captain made the announcement. They were going to have to cancel and change the flight.

Rin flashed a smile at Haruka, “I told you this would happen.”

Haruka hadn’t been surprised himself.

“I’m going to see about making some phone calls to find a car service that will pity us enough to drive us back in the snow. You should probably call Makoto and let him know you won’t be seeing him for another day or so.”

“I don’t think he’ll be concerned,” Haruka raised his hand to his lip.

Rin looked at him strangely.

“We broke up.”

Rin fought back a smile, “In that case, you’re definitely coming home with me.”

“M-matsuoka-sama,” Haruka blushed in response.

Rin felt himself smile, “I guess you had a pretty horrible day, yesterday, didn’t you?”

Haruka didn’t respond.

“I hope our drink wasn’t the cause…”

Haruka shook his head. It wasn’t. Not entirely. Makoto had been the one to dump him, strangely. Makoto had been seeing someone else, that came as a complete surprise to Haruka, but at the same time, Haruka couldn’t blame him.

“Hmm,” Rin didn’t entirely believe him, but he didn’t care. This would mean that he could finally begin the next stage of his plans with Haruka, “Well, let’s find us a car, Haruka.”

Yes, it’s true, good things come to those who wait.

XXX


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Long, A/N so apologies.
> 
> A lot of you implied that the breakup was rather rushed, and i agree, in the last chapter it was, but everything is from pov. That’s how Haruka felt. BUT, perspective is everything. In this chapter, we’ll explore what really happened.
> 
> Also, we’ll explore more of the happy Harurin times. bleh fluff.
> 
> Also, 15 CPW which is mentioned in this is like the most ridic expensive part of manhattan. There are RENTALS that go for US$125,000 a MONTH. That is ridiculous. You all are welcome to give me that sort of money. Yes, please. I make $1250 a month. LOL.
> 
> Also, sorry this one gets a little political. I normally wouldn’t include that sort of thing in my writing, but it’s relevant to a future chapter. I tried to be relatively fair in Rin’s criticisms of Japan/the US, the aim is definitely NOT to offend. keep in mind his experiences.
> 
> Oh and as you guys (probably) know this was supposed to be up way sooner, but I contracted some kind of zombie virus and I have been working overtime, so there have been delays.
> 
> I really hope I don’t regret posting this tonight. If there are any obvious fuckups in the chapter (beyond my usual typo here and there or slight timeline continuity error, know that it is THE SICK BRAIN that allowed this to go up). Basically, I felt bad you guys that’s why I posted.
> 
> I love everyone who has had any concern about my sickness, which is a shocking amount of you. Free! fandom is the sweetest.

XXX

“Haruka, it’s so good to see you,” the two of them were sitting down on their bed to watch some television show on Netflix before heading to bed. Netflix was an American online movie streaming site that was impossible to get abroad, but Haruka had found a way to get an account in the states and share it with Makoto.

Haruka smiled, “I know. I feel the same.”

“I feel like I never see you.”

Ever since Haruka had gotten his promotion, Makoto’s little comments like these had significantly increased in frequency. It was nothing major, it wasn’t like he didn’t trust Haruka, but he still displayed his disappointment with the situation.

Haruka usually brushed him off about it. Or he would say something about how like it made their time together seem that much more valuable.

Tonight, Haruka merely clicked on the TV.

XXX

Rin texted Nagisa to let him know that he’d be late to their meeting back in Tokyo. Nagisa didn’t seem to mind the extra couple of days in San Francisco. Rin expected that he was rather comfortable controlling the businesses there. San Francisco was the sort of city that Nagisa fit well into. It was enough city for him to enjoy the wilder side of his personality, but it was a unique city. So much of it was on the water, and so much of the year the weather affected the people in it. It was more like a European city in a strange way. The people were very different than New Yorkers. He imagined that Nagisa felt rather at home there.

After sending the short text to Nagisa, Rin went over to the flight counter. He was in a faster line due to his status as executive platinum with JAL airlines. He rescheduled his flight. Their next available flight was the following day, but Rin knew the nature of New York weather better than to agree to that. This blizzard wasn’t going to go anywhere anytime soon and he was sure to end up in the same situation. He booked his flight for 3 days later. That would give the storm enough time to pass through and the airports enough time to get organized again.

Then, he put in a request on UBER, which due to the fact there was a snowstorm had a special fee. Instead of the usual $1.50 a minute per ride, it was $8.00 per minute per ride and climbing. Rin didn’t care though. He wanted to get in a car and he wanted to get to his apartment. He wanted to wine and dine Haruka. There was a grocery store across the street from his apartment that prided themselves on being 24/7 no matter what. Allegedly, they had even stayed up all throughout Hurricane Sandy. Rin had plans to go there with Haruka and get everything for the next few days, and to simply lock the two of them in his apartment. Especially, especially, given what he had heard about Haruka and Makoto.

Haruka sat in a chair in the boarding area of the flight, waiting for Rin to get everything ready.

“Alright, shall we go pick up our luggage that they’re going to unload from the flight?” Rin asked him.

Haruka nodded. He was feeling rather nervous now. It had been easy to agree to go to Rin’s apartment, but now that he was going to actually do that, he could hardly stand it. Rin’s life was so different from his. What would this be? Some kind of one time hook-up? Rin certainly wouldn’t want any kind of actual relationship with him. This was sure to just be a weird one time hook-up. Haruka knew other people did that, and he didn’t judge them for it, but he had never been that sort of a guy. He got emotionally attached. He knew he was going to get hurt. But, it was Rin. How could he pass up the opportunity to be with Rin?

Rin took him by the arm and they walked towards baggage claim. Being that Rin was in first class and that Haruka was a worker, their baggage was the first off the plane. The airport was in chaos given the storm and given the fact that several flights were being cancelled, but Haruka and Rin were able to slip past all of that and get outside to where Rin’s uber car was waiting. Haruka had never taken a car like this. When he was in New York, if he had the time he took the train, if he didn’t, he took the shared bus. Neither option was particularly fun, but they saved a fair amount of money. Taxis in New York usually had a set fare between JFK and anywhere in the 5 boroughs, but it was beyond what Haruka could afford. A black car was even more expensive than that, especially a ride in an Uber car which had inflated prices during certain hours and snowstorms.

Rin was completely unbothered though.

The driver loaded their baggage into his car and they piled inside. He had bottles of water and snacks for them which surprised Haruka, but Rin looked unphased.

“Where to?” The driver asked.

“15 Central Park West, the cross street is 61st,” it was probably the most expensive building on the west side and Rin had one of their penthouses. The driver knew it well enough to be impressed.

Haruka however knew Rin well enough to know that there was no reason to be impressed. He lived a life that was so far away from anything that Haruka could imagine.

The two rode back to the city and spoke entirely in Japanese to ensure the privacy of their conversation, “What day did you set for our flight back?”

“Three days from now, but we don’t have to take it. We’ll see how we survive the storm,” Rin smiled.

“Don’t you have to get straight back to work?”

Rin shrugged, “I’m going to go for a political position in the next year that will put me entirely in Japan. Before that happens, I’d like to take a couple of weeks off - travel, vacation, who knows. Besides, Haruka, I can pretty much work from anywhere. I just like meeting people face to face.”

Haruka nodded. It was hard for him to understand or even imagine the sort of work that Rin did, “I didn’t know you were thinking about working full-time in Japan…”

Haruka sort of wondered if that knowledge would have made any difference in his situation with Makoto. He doubted it though and now it definitely wouldn’t. Makoto was off with another guy. Makoto had left him for some other doctoral student.

Rin shrugged, “We’ll see. I haven’t decided. Honestly, I’m not sure what the right move is, Haruka. But, I think that I would like to work on Japanese politics. I’ve learned a lot from going back and forth between home and America. Both places have their good sides and bad sides, their positive things, and negative things. I’m sure you’ve noticed that in your trips here too. I’d like to work on changing Japan, so that we can have all good sides, all good aspects. I want to make us the best.”

“What would you focus on?” Haruka was genuinely curious. Normally, he didn’t care much for politics, but he knew next to nothing about what Rin actually did. He just knew that Rin was the Japanese ambassador to the US and so he dealt with a lot of rich people and took a lot of plane flights and that there was more than met the eye with Rin.

Rin smiled slightly, “Class structure reform. People shouldn’t be as smart as you and be flight attendants.”

It was a slight jab, but Haruka agreed. 

Rin continued, “I’d also work on our issues in gender inequality. The US hasn’t figured it out perfectly either, but I visited a girl’s college in Tokyo, and so many of them wanted to be flight attendants. That was their dream job. When I asked how many of them wanted to be doctors, they thought I was crazy. They’d studied all sorts of languages, like you, and they were even rich, this was a private school after all, but the best job they were hoping for was to be some secretary or to be a flight attendant. That’s pretty fucked up.”

Haruka liked his job, but he understood Rin’s point, “I’m surprised you’d want class structure reform.”

“What? Because I’m rich, I can’t think about the little guy?”

Haruka shrugged.

Rin poked Haruka’s cheek, “Just because I tease you, doesn’t mean I hate poor people or anything like that. Although I admit, my stance is unusual for people in my status. My sister would agree to an extent, but her boyfriend definitely wouldn’t agree with me. Hell, I don’t think Nagisa would agree with me either. None of them can really understand why someone who was born into wealth would want to rock the boat, but like, I just don’t think it’s fair.”

Haruka shrugged again. Just when he thought that he understood Rin, the guy showed him an entirely new side to himself. Either way, politics and things like that weren’t really that interesting or relevant to his life.

The two of them were starting to get closer to Manhattan, “I love going over the bridge,” Rin smiled, “I can see my apartment from here and I know I’m almost home.” Rin pointed to it for Haruka and described it, but to Haruka most of the buildings looked the same, especially given the fact that it had started to storm badly, and it was hard to even see any of the buildings. Haruka figured that Rin only saw it because he knew where it was.

Soon after, the pair got out of the car, which Rin paid for with his phone. 

Haruka started for the door of the apartment, which even in the storm looked utterly beautiful. Rin stopped him and told him they were going to go across the street to a place down the block. He allowed Haruka inside of the front entrance only to leave their bags with a doorman.

“I’ll bring them up to your apartment, Mr. Matsuoka,” said the guy. It was weird for Haruka to be on this side of the conversation. At the same time, he felt oddly comfortable.

Of course, Haruka thought, the place is better staffed than most hotels. Even in this sort of a storm, everything is taken care of. This place is incredible. The curtains, carpet, everything looks posh and brand new.

“Would you like me to prepare an elevator for you as well?” he asked.

“That’s alright,” Rin shook his head, “We’re going down the block to get some groceries.”

“I would be happy to pick them up for you, Mr. Matsuoka. We can have them delivered, that way you don’t have to go out into the cold.”

Rin smiled, “That won’t be necessary, James, we aren’t salt. We won’t melt in the snow.”

“Please be careful, sir.”

Rin flashed him a smile, and Haruka couldn’t help wondering if he wasn’t all that special after all. Were James not safe and warm, would Rin have invited him up to his apartment for the week? Had Rin taken James out for a drink at that same bar?

Haruka didn’t say anything. And as they stepped back outside, he focused his mental energy on the cold. He didn’t complain. Seeing the storm, he decided that he was happy enough that Rin had agreed to let him stay at his place. He was sure that there would be no available hotel rooms in any hotel in the city.

Rin saw the color of Haruka’s cheeks though and Rin took off his coat, “Here.”

“I already have one.”

“I don’t even feel the cold, Haruka. Just put it on top. It’ll be big enough. It’s only down the block that we’re going.”

Haruka took it and put it on himself. It was warm and it smelled like Rin. He felt suddenly a lot better as he chased after Rin.

XXX

“Haruka, you’re going to be abroad during Valentine’s Day,” Makoto complained. He was standing in their tiny apartment’s kitchen and looking over Haruka’s schedule. Makoto always checked it at the start of the month and circled the days that he had with Haruka. Haruka marked them in his phone.

Haruka shrugged, it wasn’t an important holiday to him. It was just like any other day. He loved Makoto every day, so why did a certain day every year even matter?

Makoto shook his head, “It’s like you don’t even care. You could have someone substitute for you.”

Haruka sighed, “It’s just a day, Makoto. I’ll be back on the fifteen, we can celebrate then.”

“I guess…”

Haruka huffed and packed his bag. He hated this, but he loved his job. He didn’t want to upset Matsuoka-sama or else he was liable to be fired. Didn’t Makoto see that Haruka was only doing this job for him ultimately?

In his heart though, he knew it was selfish.

But, he liked the feeling of taking off and touching down. He liked knowing that in less than a day, he could wind up in a totally different world. He enjoyed seeing different people, speaking different languages.

The truth was, Haruka never felt comfortable sitting still. I just want to keep moving. I want to keep going places.

XXX

When the two got inside of the grocery store, Rin asked Haruka what sort of food he enjoyed. Haruka claimed not to have a preference. He looked around the store and felt a bit uncomfortable. He had wanted to buy Rin’s groceries to thank him for letting Haruka stay with him, but the prices were way higher than Haruka would have ever spent on groceries.

“Bullshit,” Rin said, “if you say that I’m going to just drag you 10 blocks over to the nearest McDonald’s and buy you a cheeseburger.”

Haruka laughed, “Alright. I’m buying though.”

“You are not,” he pulled Haruka close to him, and let some of the snow fall off of his head onto Haruka’s shoulder. He whispered into Haruka’s ear, “I’ve waited so long for this. Let me spoil you.”

Rin’s words went straight to Haruka’s dick, and were his cheeks not red from the cold, he was sure that they would have turned red from that comment.

Rin enjoyed Haruka’s reaction, it’s so easy, he thought, this will be so, so easy, “Tell me what you like.”

“M-mackerel,” Haruka moaned slightly.

Rin smirked, “Okay. We’ll get some of that.”

XXX

“Haruka, are you excited for your birthday?” Makoto asked.

Rin had been working in Japan for the last two weeks, and Haruka, as a result, had been home. Usually, Haruka and Makoto only had a week to spend together. Or an even shorter amount of time, before Rin had to be back in the US. Usually there were longer gaps too.

But, for some reason, Rin had decided to stay in Tokyo for awhile this trip allowing Haruka and Makoto to sink deeper into some of their issues.

“I guess,” Haruka didn’t particularly care.

Makoto stayed upbeat and cheerful, “I’ve got a lot planned for you. I thought I’d make your favorite meal.”

That made Haruka smile a little.

“And I thought maybe we’d go on a trip or something.”

“I’d be happy just staying here,” Haruka said. This was true, he travelled all the time, and while he loved it, he expected to be jetlagged and exhausted. He knew he would much prefer a day in with Makoto.

“I was thinking about maybe going to Nagasaki and visiting our old places.”

Haruka bit his lip, he did miss Nagasaki cuisine, “Alright.”

But, as usual, Haruka’s schedule changed, and they ended up having to cancel their plans.

XXX

When they walked back. Haruka had four bags, two in each hand, and Rin had a large bag that was overflowing and had to be held from the bottom. The snow had begun to overwhelm the salt, and was beginning to stick, but it was only a block.

Their shoes crunched as they walked over the snow and flakes fell into their hair and onto their shoulders. Some fell into the bag that Rin was carrying. They didn’t walk particularly fast, as the weight of the bags had led to Haruka warming up, and Rin wasn’t cold. 

When they got to the door, the doorman opened it up for them, “Welcome back, Mr. Matsuoka. Your bags have been delivered. Would you like me to carry those groceries up?”

Haruka cut in, “That’s okay. We have them.”

Rin turned to Haruka and raised a brow, but he ultimately agreed, “We’re fine,” Rin placed the bag down in front of him for a moment, but Haruka continued to hold onto his. 

Haruka was ready to go for the elevator. The bags that he was holding were heavy, but there was no way that he was going to let James carry them. He didn’t want James anywhere near anything of Rin’s that he didn’t have to be. He didn’t like the thought of James going into Rin’s apartment or anything like that.

Rin, however, had to be the gentleman that Haruka knew he could be, “James, is there anything you’ll need for this storm? We can bring some food down to you.”

Haruka bit back his jealousy. He’s just being polite.

“Not a problem, Mr. Matsuoka. We have plenty of food in stock and I have everything in storage. My staff and I will be well-taken care of, you never have to worry about that.”

Haruka chewed on his tongue.

“That’s good. Stay safe, we’ll be heading upstairs now.”

“I have your elevator ready. Number four.”

Rin nodded. He rode the elevator up with Haruka. Haruka noticed immediately that there were no numbers in the elevator, “What floor are we going to?”

“The top suite. 45th floor.”

“Of course. You did say penthouse,” Haruka tried not to roll his eyes.

“They have several penthouses in the complex, but yes, I own the top apartment in this building.”

“Is this your private elevator then?”

“No, but for security and privacy, James has control of the elevators. Only a couple of them go up to my floor, and this way no one can reach it without special approval.”

Haruka had heard that penthouses sometimes had elevators that went directly into their apartments. He could hardly believe the lifestyle that Rin lived. He could only imagine what he’d see when they’d reach the top.

They arrived at the top floor shortly after, and Haruka immediately felt envious of Rin. The apartment had 10 bedrooms, 2 offices, an enormous living room, 7 bathrooms, a pool and hot-tub, an outdoor deck that was quickly getting covered in snow, and a beautiful kitchen. The place had built-in hovels, that allowed for optimal viewing of the city, the hudson river, and Central Park. Haruka couldn’t even believe it. He had imagined something outrageous, but this was beyond that. This was beyond what he could imagine. Rin essentially had a mansion in the sky. He couldn’t even fathom what Rin must have had in Tokyo or in San Francisco or Washington D.C. or any of the other amazing places that Rin was sure to own property.

“You ready to cook?” Rin asked.

Haruka nodded, “Just taking it all in. I can’t believe you have a pool.”

“Do you like to swim? Nagisa and I swam together in college.”

“Competitively?”

“Oh not really. Against each other maybe, but not on a team or anything like that. It was mostly because I felt oddly at peace in the water. Did you play any sports?”

“I swam. I took the job being a flight attendant, because this guy who used to coach me told me that it was like swimming in the air.”

“Swimming in the air...I like that,” Rin smiled genuinely, “You’re welcome to use it.”

“Don’t have my swimsuit.”

“You don’t need one,” Rin’s smile turned into a smirk, and then, Rin moved them into the kitchen slowly.

Haruka blushed for a minute, then followed Rin.

Rin brought the groceries all into the kitchen. He smiled, “I thought we’d have a few courses, Haruka. We’d see how long each course lasts, and when we get sick of it, we’ll try something new.”

“Sounds good, Matsuoka-sama,” being in this place made him oddly uncomfortable. It made him feel like he ought to use the honorific. He had hoped for a different experience with Rin, but he wondered now if the gap between them was too large. Rin’s apartment was just so incredible. It was hard for Haruka to even imagine.

“Rin, Haruka, just Rin. You’re my guest and my friend,” Rin said.

“Rin-sama,” Haruka said, partially to be defiant, and partially, because he was caught off-guard by Rin calling him a friend.

“Rin,” he repeated.

“Rin,” the word sounded nice in Haruka’s mouth, but it was hard for him to say, “So what are we starting with, Rin?”

XXX

Haruka had raced home from the train station. He had walked as fast as humanly possibly to get to their apartment. He had done everything that he could to get there as close to 6 PM as possible. He made it at around 6:15 PM. He sent a text to Makoto, letting him know how happy he was to be home, how happy he was that they were going to get to be together tonight.

He had gotten an unexpected trip to Tokyo and was going to be here for three days. Usually, Makoto always reworked his schedule around Haruka’s so that they could maximize their time together. Long distance was difficult, but they were making it work. They were meeting halfway as much as possible.

That was why Haruka was surprised that Makoto was so late. He sat patiently at the kitchen table. But, Makoto didn’t come home until 9 PM.

“Oh hey,” he said when he got home. He went straight for the refrigerator, “Glad you’re home.”

Not exactly the welcome that Haruka had been expecting, but he figured that Makoto was busy at the library.

“I was out with friends,” was his explanation, “we can get food tomorrow if you want. Sorry, Haruka, but I have a test to study for.”

Haruka was a bit caught off-guard, but he knew it was important for Makoto to get along with his graduate school friends. His life doesn’t stop just because I am here, Haruka reminded himself, “Yeah, that sounds good. I’m a little jetlagged. I guess I’ll head to bed,” it was a lie. Haruka was awake, but he knew staying in there would lead to a fight with Makoto. Better to give it some time and to just spend time with him tomorrow.

XXX

Rin had Haruka prepare the cheese tray. He had bought some French bread, and some camembert, brie, and sharp cheddar cheese. He uncorked a wine in his wine chest, that was from Napa Valley. Haruka had been a few times, but he’d never had a wine as expensive as the bottle Rin uncorked.

“We should let it breathe for a bit,” and Rin left it on the counter and Rin led the two of them to some chairs with a small table looking out over at the park. In the snow it was beautiful. Rin’s patio had already dusted over, but it truly looked like a winter-wonderland.

If you have to be caught in a storm, this is the place to be, Haruka thought as he helped Rin carry everything over, including the bottle and some glasses.

The two sat in silence watching the snow and it felt oddly comfortable for them both. They ate some of the cheese and crackers and Haruka was blown away by how good it was.

“Flown in from France daily, Haruka,” Rin explained, “That’s also why it’s so expensive. Still, it doesn’t taste as good as it does in France.”

“Oh?”

“I think it’s the French atmosphere, you know. I don’t know, I’m probably crazy, but like, you could take a sushi chef from Ginza, you could fly the fish straight from the fish market in Tokyo, the same fish he’d be cutting in Ginza. Hell, you could bring the water he uses to cook the rice in bottles from Tokyo, but it won’t taste as good as it would in Tokyo.”

Haruka smiled, “I know what you mean. I’ve never been to France. I want to go though, I want to go to the Mariage Freres, and have tea there.”

Rin smiled, “It’s pretty damn good in their salon. La Duree has fabulous macarons too. You’d love Paris. I can’t believe you’ve never been.”

“I only go where you go,” this was the truth, but there was something oddly romantic about it too that Haruka hadn’t realized.

Rin looked up over at him, and for the first time, it was like he was seeing Haruka as a person, not simply as a tool. He looked back out the window, unsure what to say.

Suddenly they heard a loud noise, and the attention of both of them was dragged elsewhere. It was the sound of elevator doors opening.

“Must be James’s assistant Amy dropping something off, newspaper or old mail or something,” Rin explained. It didn’t make sense that it would arrive in the snow, but given how often Rin was out of his apartment, sometimes the staff found old papers that they had forgotten to deliver while he was in Tokyo and they’d bring them up to him.

Haruka nodded.

It wasn’t James or Amy though. The person didn’t simply take the elevator back down.

They walked through the apartment until they found Rin. It was Nitori dressed in full winter garb. He had come from the East side to check on Rin.

Rin silently cursed, realizing that he had only texted Nagisa and hadn’t texted anyone else.

Haruka recognized Nitori, there was no way he couldn’t. Just when he had thought that maybe, maybe he was important to Rin, maybe he did matter, the way that Rin had just looked at him...of course.

“Rin,” Nitori said, and then he saw Haruka, “And...Haruka…”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: so, enjoy the fluff/happy(ish) sex while part 2 lasts (which actually might be awhile, because christ, I am wordy as fuck).
> 
> bad shit is gonna go down yo.
> 
> oh, and i won’t be updating anything for at least a week. probably week and a half. going on vacation starting saturday, and won’t be back till Thursday. then, i’ll have a shitton of work to do...and the following weekend I have friends from out of town visiting. crazy busy. I’ll update soon after though, I promise. I’m really looking forward to the rest of this story, but my next update will probably be of WIS.
> 
> at least this is a long chapter.

XXX

PART II:

XXX

Rin stood up immediately upon seeing Nitori. He tried his best to conceal the guilt that he felt. Why do I feel like I need to hide this? It’s not like Nitori doesn’t already know. He’s known from the very beginning that this would happen. Hell, he knew before I even met Haruka how I was. He’s always known, but I still...

Nitori’s eyes rested on Haruka for a good 30 seconds, “Well. I should head back home.”

“How’d you get here?” Rin asked. He knew that Nitori sure as hell didn’t take the subway. If they were even running. Do the New York subways run in this kind of storm? Rin didn’t know. He wondered who would have gone driving in this storm though. It was one thing to be on the road when Rin had the car take him and Haruka back from the airport, but it had been storming almost a good hour and a half since then. The blizzard had gotten much worse in that time. Any uber drivers that were out when Rin and Haruka were going home, were sure to have gotten off the roads. Hell, anyone should have gotten off the road.

“Sei,” came the one word response.

Rin rolled his eyes, “Yeah right. Like that asshole would have taken you out in the snow to check in on me.”

“Gou asked,” Nitori was being unusually quiet. Normally, he would have said more to Rin, but not in front of Haruka. Rin knew this.

Again, more guilt. Why? 

Rin smirked though in response and he couldn’t help himself. Even though he was in front of Haruka, he said, “Of course. There’s no way he’d be worried about me.”

Nitori bit his lip, biting back defending Seijuro. Rin wouldn’t want that in front of Haruka. Rin wouldn’t want it in general, but especially not in front of Haruka. Nitori doubted Rin wanted Haruka to know about Seijuro at all. Seijuro and Haruka were connected after all, and Rin wouldn’t want Haruka to put any pieces of his plan together.

Haruka missed the meaning of most of the conversation, but he still felt awkward and uncomfortable. He could sense the intense feelings between the two men, and he wished he could go hide in any one of the five hundred guest rooms Rin had here. I want to be anywhere but here. I don’t want to see him. Especially knowing that he’s the one who Rin…in the bathroom…

It hurt Haruka to remember. The one who said, ‘I love you.’

“Anyway, Sei said he’d wait a half hour then head back to the other side of the park. I should go join him before he leaves. I just wanted to make sure you were okay and that you had food for the storm,” Nitori knew that he was out of place here and he knew Rin well enough to know that later on, Rin was sure to get upset with him. Nitori wanted to get out of there as soon as possible. He could already hear what Rin would say to him.

I was so close and you ruined my plan!

Or something like that. Nitori wished he had listened to Gou who told him to simply keep texting Rin. “Rin can take care of himself, you know that.” Seijuro had actually been the one who told her that Nitori was probably right and the two of them should go check on Rin. “You know how he is. He’s probably holed up there with nothing to eat and no intent of going outside for days. We’ll be right back, Gou. It’s no big deal.” There was no reason for Nitori to tell Rin any of that. Especially, not in front of Haruka. But had he not been, Nitori might have, after all, Nitori truly wished that Rin could see that at least Seijuro was a worthwhile Mikoshiba. Gou loved him after all.

Rin did a half nod in response, “He’s liable to have already left.”

“He’s not as bad as you make him out to be.”

Rin rolled his eyes.

Nitori started for the elevator door. This hadn’t gone as he had expected, but with Rin, when did it ever?

“Send a text when you get back to the east side.”

Nitori only “Mmm”-ed in the distance.

Rin sat back down on the couch, right next to Haruka. The two sat in silence after what had happened. Any progress that Rin might have made seemed far away, as they were both suddenly reminded of their private problems.

Haruka started to say something, but Rin spoke before he had a chance, “I’m sorry about that. Sometimes, he still thinks I’m in high school and that I need him to worry about me. My sister isn’t any better.”

Haruka nodded, “I understand,” a part of me wishes Makoto still had that same sort of concern for me after all.

“But, Haruka,” and Rin looked directly at him. He gave Haruka his most sincere and heartfelt face, and then, he spoke, “there’s nothing between him and me. We used to hook-up, as you know,” Haruka bit his lip, but Rin continued, “but I’ve put a stop to that. Honest. I would have sent him home, even if you weren’t here.”

Haruka’s change in expression was so subtle that it seemed as though nothing changed. But, he smiled. His lips curved slightly into a smile, “Okay.”

Thanks, Nitori, in a weird way, you may have actually sped this up, Rin thought, deciding to make a move. He slid his right hand off of his leg, and he put it onto Haruka’s leg. Haruka’s back tightened and he sat more upright on the couch. He was caught a bit off-guard by Rin’s touch. He looked at Rin with wide eyes, expressing his surprise, but not rejecting Rin’s touch.

Haruka was even more surprised by what Rin did next. Rin leaned close to Haruka’s face, breathed out his name Haruka, and then, planted a kiss right on his lips. Haruka’s eyes widened, reacting to the kiss, but soon after, he closed them. Haruka pressed his tongue against Rin’s lips, eager to deepen the kiss. Rin allowed Haruka to enter him, and Haruka placed his hand on top of Rin’s.

The kiss was electric, and neither man wanted it to end. Haruka rubbed the top of Rin’s hand, eventually interlocking their fingers. Rin, who had first initiated the kiss was the one who decided to end it. He pulled back, slowly, a bit mystified by how much he had enjoyed it. Haruka’s eyes stayed closed for a second while Rin pulled back, but when he opened them, there was a clear look of disappointment on his face. 

Haruka had not wanted the kiss to stop.

Rin smiled slightly at him, taking a breath.

Haruka wet his lower lip with his tongue seductively, “I’ve waited a long time for this, Rin, don’t stop now.”

Rin bit back a laugh. You’ve waited a long time? You have no idea how long I’ve waited, Nanase Haruka. I’ve waited my whole life to find something that I can use like you. And I am going to enjoy every aspect of this as much as I can. Instead though, Rin smiled gently, “I don’t plan on it. This storm isn’t going to let up for a long time, and I want to have as much of you as I can, while it goes on, and even more, when it’s over.”

Haruka blushed a bit, and he felt his pants get tighter. Rin checked him out and noticed this. His eyes met Haruka’s who seemed to give him permission. Rin reached down, unbuttoned, and unzipped Haruka’s pants. Haruka stood up slightly, helping Rin by allowing his pants to fall to his knees. Rin continued to keep his eyes on Haruka’s, still seeking his permission to continue. He didn’t want to go any further than Haruka would allow. Haruka continued to urge Rin to proceed. 

Rin slipped his hands under the elastic of Haruka’s waistband, and leaned in to kiss Haruka again. I can’t rush this. I have to make him feel as comfortable as possible. I have to make him completely mine.

When Rin’s hands slid under Haruka’s boxers, Haruka felt his body jerk up. How long have I wanted this? Since I heard Nitori get fucked by him in the bathroom, and wanted to feel him inside me? No...maybe since I spilled champagne on his pants, and palmed him through them...No. Since before any of that. I’ve wanted him since the moment I first saw him, back when he was teasing me with the languages. I even asked Nagisa about him back then. But, I...I never thought it’d be possible. I can’t believe it. It feels so surreal. And yet, the grip that Rin had on him reminded Haruka that this was very real.

Rin began to slid his hands down Haruka’s hips, taking down Haruka’s boxers as he moved South. He allowed Haruka’s erection to be free. Haruka looked down, Rin’s hands were on him. Rin’s hands were so close to touching his dick. Rin’s hands were touching all over the rest of him. I can’t believe it. His hands felt nice. They were gripping him just tightly enough for Haruka to know that Rin was there.

Rin kissed Haruka, and massaged Haruka’s hips.

Haruka moaned slightly into Rin’s lips.

Rin knew how to make men willing to do anything for him, and so, he pulled back from the kiss, focusing his attention on his hands. Haruka was no different than anyone else who Rin had made his. By the time, that I am finished, you will be putty in my hand, Haruka. 

Rin knew exactly what to do next. He moved his hand over past Haruka’s hard erection, and he began to fondle Haruka’s balls. Haruka’s head jerked back slightly into the couch, and his butt dug into it. Rin reached behind them, rubbing them and Haruka’s inner thighs causing Haruka’s legs to spasm in response.

Rin’s deft hands though, were nothing compared to his mouth. Rin knew this, and so, he got down on the floor in front of Haruka, and put his mouth on Haruka’s cock before Haruka could even react.

Haruka practically jumped back, pushing himself all the way into the couch. He looked down at Rin frantically, “S-stop, I should be -,” I’m the one who always serves you, Rin.

Rin raised a finger and put it on Haruka’s lips, “I want to make you feel incredible.” 

Haruka felt himself relax as a result, but he was still concerned.

He looked back down at Haruka’s erection.

Haruka smiled slightly seeing Rin looking at him, it was sexy as hell that Rin was going to do this. He kissed Rin’s finger, and Rin focused his attention back on Haruka’s hard member. Rin used his tongue to make slight movements across the shaft, all the way up to the tip. Each lick caused Haruka to twitch below him. Rin kept track of these reactions, quickly learning Haruka’s most sensitive spots, and focusing on teasing those. Haruka panted, enjoying the challenge of keeping himself from cumming in Rin’s mouth. 

Trying to give himself something else to focus on, Haruka lifted one of his hands off of the couch and touched Rin’s hair. It’s so soft, he thought. It was hard for him to focus on that though, because Rin decided to put his mouth fully around Haruka at that precise second. 

Haruka watched Rin’s head bob, while the rest of the room disappeared. 

Rin’s work paid off and Haruka allowed a small moan to escape his lips, “Nnngghhh.”

Haruka could practically feel Rin’s lips part into a smile while wrapped around him. Haruka realized that he knew how to make Rin equally crazy though, so he moaned softly, “Matsuoka-sama.”

Rin nearly choked on Haruka. His body had naturally slightly reacted to Haruka playing with his hair, but his moaning brought on an entirely new reaction. How is it possible? This guy is incredible. No matter how badly I want to get him completely under my control, he manages to do things that make me want him like crazy. It means nothing though, anyone would want someone to moan their name like that…

Rin pulled back a second to catch his breath, but he stayed connected to Haruka’s member by a single strand of saliva that dangled from his lips.

So fucking hot, Haruka thought, the ambassador to the US, one of the most powerful businessmen in Japan, is sucking my dick, and he’s making me feel incredible. How is this even possible?!

Haruka pushed his hips forward, inching himself closer to Rin. Not that he thought Rin would, but he didn’t want Rin to stop, so he decided to give Rin a little reminder.

Rin understood and he took Haruka back in his mouth. He utilized both his hand now and his mouth. His speed increased. He moved faster, and Haruka felt himself begin to edge. He closed his eyes knowing what was going to happen, he was close, so close, “mmmmMmmm,” he moaned again, and he started to say, “I’m - I’m gonna -”

But, he felt something change suddenly. Rin had stopped entirely and slipped something on him before he came. He looked down and saw that Rin had put an elastic cock ring on him and was tightening it, making it hard for him to cum.

Haruka bit his lip, the room was still fuzzy around him and all he could think about was Rin’s amazing mouth, which was now gone, “W-why?”

“I’m not going to let you cum yet,” Rin explained. This, this is how they become mine forever, “I’m going to make you ride your orgasm for as long as possible, Haruka.”

Haruka looked down at himself, the cockring made him look even bigger and he was sure that Rin’s teasing had only made him even harder. He groaned a bit. He wanted to cum. He wanted to cum in Rin’s amazing mouth, and he wanted to watch Rin swallow. He knew that Rin would. He was sure Rin would, and there was something unbelievably sexy about that. He wanted to cum inside of Rin.

Rin saw his displeasure, and leaned in to comfort him, “Don’t worry, Haruka. When I let you cum, you’ll see, it will have been worth the wait.”

Haruka nodded slightly, his cock ached too much for him to argue.

Then, with one sentence, Rin was able to regain Haruka’s confidence, “Turn around,” he hissed, “I’m going to fuck you into the couch.”

Haruka felt his dick come back to life. He stood up, he was a bit shaky, and turned around. He sat on his knees and rested his arms on the back of the couch. Rin pulled some lube out from behind one of the pillows. Haruka thought, that must be where the ring came from. He’d been planning this too. I wasn’t the only one who wanted to fuck. He meant to bring me back to his apartment all along and he meant to take me all along. Something about that made him even more eager.

Rin lubed up his index and middle finger. He slid his index finger into Haruka, causing him to shudder into the couch slightly. Rin kissed Haruka’s neck to get him to calm down. Rin took a second while doing so to admire how attractive Haruka’s back was, down to his hips and his ass. Rin bit his lip. He’s gorgeous. 

The sensation was familiar for Haruka, and so, he became used to Rin’s finger quickly. Rin slid another into him, causing his breath to hitch. But, with a bit of time, Haruka became used to that as well. And then, Haruka began to beg. He hadn’t seen Rin’s dick yet, but he had sort of felt it that one time with the champagne, and he knew it was sure to feel incredible in him.

Rin undid his pants, and Haruka felt his insides open-up eagerly from just the sound. Rin took his pants and boxers off quickly. He didn’t show himself to Haruka. Haruka tried to turn around and look, but Rin blocked his view. Rin whispered sexily into his ear, “I want you to feel me in you before you even see me.”

And Haruka moaned in response. He could feel Rin between his cheeks, but Rin didn’t enter him yet.

“Haruka,” he said softly, this will make him go crazy, he’s already mine though. But, this, this will be good too. And it’ll be good for me, “to be completely honest with you, I don’t normally do this, but I want to go in you bare, but it’s your decision.”

As if you’ll choose anything else, Rin thought.

Haruka moaned, it was years before Makoto and him had done it bare. But, the thought of having all of Rin in him, nothing between the two of them, made him go wild. I want to cum, Haruka thought, and I want him to cum in me. I want to feel every drop in me, I want to feel all of him in me. And even if it’s just for a short time, I want him to be mine, and I want to be his, what Haruka said in response came between short breaths. He was getting impatient, “Do me. Now.”

Rin smirked, and he kissed Haruka’s back. He lubed himself up, and slid himself into Haruka.

Haruka moaned, “S-so big.”

“I know,” Rin whispered, “If you saw it, you probably wouldn’t have thought you could handle it.”

“You’re - ah - so fucking obnoxious,” but privately, Haruka had to agree. He was certain Rin was bigger than Makoto.

“You love it,” Rin began to move in him. Haruka felt nicer than Rin had expected. He was oddly familiar in a way, but not like Nitori. Something from much longer ago. He felt a sense of nostalgia, but it was different. Rin couldn’t put his finger on it. He couldn’t figure out who Haruka reminded him of. He’d dated several people and slept with several others over the years. 

Not that any of those people mattered. Rin only had one true objective. Still, Haruka felt oddly familiar, different in a way, but familiar somehow. Rin pushed that aside though, and he moved inside of Haruka.

Haruka’s reply came before he could stop it, and it surprised both of them, “I do love it. I love you.”

Rin almost stopped from the shock of that confession. Rin had expected Haruka would be easy. He knew this would be easy, but he hadn’t expected that so quick. Still, this was perfect. Rin would be the perfect boyfriend, the dreamy rich guy that would make Haruka feel like the lottery. So easy. He whispered in Haruka’s ear, “I love you too, Haruka. I have since the day I laid eyes on you. Something about you makes me want to tease you and dominate you, but you know, I only truly tease the people I love.”

Rin swirled a finger around Haruka’s stomach. Haruka moaned in response. He wasn’t sure how Rin could speak so much. Haruka could hardly get anything resembling a word out. His body ached, but it also felt so, so good. Rin was inside him, and Rin had felt the same way for so long, Haruka’s response came in the form of a moan, “Matsuoka-sama.”

The words went straight to Rin’s dick, and he pushed himself further into Haruka, hitting Haruka’s prostate. There we go, he thought, feeling Haruka tighten around him, “Ah - mmm, Haru -”

Haruka felt his entire body tighten around Rin. Rin felt like he was going to split him in half. I can’t hold back much longer, Haruka thought, I’ve been holding back so long… His body ached.

Rin knew that Haruka was almost at his limit, and so, he reached around Haruka and took off the cockring. He freed Haruka, but kept his hand wrapped around Haruka’s erection. Haruka moaned softly, he was almost in pain, he wanted to cum so badly.

“Cum with me, Haruka,” Rin urged, pushing himself deeper into Haruka, feeling himself get eager watching other man’s spasms.

Haruka obeyed, “Nngh, Mat-su-o-” he started to moan Matsuoka-sama, but Rin overwhelmed him, he cried out, “Aaah, mm Rin, ah I’m cumming, Rin, ah!”

Feeling Haruka tighten around him as he came, caused Rin to follow suit. Rin came hard inside of Haruka, “Ah, Haru, so good, god you’re incredibly tight,” he breathed out as he came.

Haruka’s cum went all over Rin’s hands and the couch. When he finished he collapsed forward onto the back of the couch with Rin still inside of him. Rin slowly pulled himself out and fell back into the couch next to Haruka. He spread his arms behind him. Haruka slowly turned around and leaned up against Rin.

“I meant what I said,” Haruka’s voice was soft, “I’ve wanted to be with you a long time, Rin. I needed a push, but I...I really love you. If you just want a fuck that’s fine, but I…”

His eyes were big and he looked like the most pitiful creature Rin had ever seen. Rin closed his eyes and pulled Haruka close, “Shh, stop that. I told you, didn’t I? I wanted to have you the moment I laid eyes on you. You’re mine, and I’m going to spoil you like crazy, and then, fuck you like crazy. And, Haruka, I am going to love you like no one has ever loved you before. I am certain there is no man in the world who will make you go as crazy I will,” and when you think you are safe with me, when you truly feel like I am yours, Haruka, and when the time is right, I will use you and ruin you and throw you out like the disgusting Mikoshiba trash you are.

Haruka curled up closer to Rin, and the two of them sat looking out the window at the snow. Rin felt completely at peace. He’s mine. He’s completely mine.

Haruka felt like he might actually matter to Rin, and he felt like he would follow Rin wherever he could. He felt happy being right here. I could stay here forever. Right here. Right in this moment. The two slowly got their clothes back on, while they watched out the window.

The storm cleared some. They were able to see a little bit of the park, but not much. Soon after that, it became dark and they heard the wind howl.

“Are you hungry?” Rin asked after a while.

Haruka was still curled up against him, “A little.”

“I’ll get out the fish,” Rin offered. In the end, they had only had things off the cheese tray today.

Haruka smiled, “Spoiling me?” He teased.

Rin leaned over and kissed him on the forehead. The act was oddly natural for him, he thought as he went over to the refrigerator. He pulled out some of the fish sashimi. Most of what he had bought from the grocery store aside from the cheese was pre-prepared by their chefs. It was rather expensive since the grocery store’s kitchen was run by one of the top chefs in New York, but that didn’t matter to Rin. He knew that Haruka would enjoy it. He put it onto a plate and brought it back out to the couch.

The two of them shared the plate.

“Holy shit,” Haruka said taking a bite, “This is probably the best Mackerel I’ve ever had.”

“That’s got to be a lie,” Rin answered, it was good, but he’d had much better sashimi in Japan. When it came to sashimi, nowhere could compare to the Tokyo fish market.

Haruka shook his head, “It’s really good.”

Rin laughed, “We’ve got to get you out more.”

“I’d like that,” he answered casually.

The two of them ate and watched outside. After finishing off the fish, Rin said, “Well, this is a bit embarrassing, but I’m rather spent. What about you?”

Haruka agreed, “Where should I sleep?”

Rin looked at him strangely.

“You have like a hundred rooms,” Haruka explained.

“And obviously, you’re sleeping in mine,” Rin answered.

Haruka shrugged, “Maybe you like your privacy.”

“I do, hence, why I live by myself. But, Haruka, I told you I loved you earlier. You think I’d let you sleep alone?” To tell the truth, Rin would have liked some privacy from Haruka, but sacrifices had to be made. Besides, to his surprise, Haruka was oddly in sync with him. Haruka didn’t seem to mind, in fact he seemed to enjoy the fact that the two of them had spent most of the day in silence on the couch. Rin had done exactly what he would have done had Haruka not been there. That had been a surprise.

Haruka shrugged, “So, which room?”

“In there,” Rin pointed. 

It was a room that Haruka hadn’t seen earlier. The bed was king-size and the room had a giant window. There was art on the wall, Haruka was certain that it was a Renoir, as it was a painting of a girl in a hat seated at the piano, but who in the world could actually have a Renoir in their apartment? Their apartment that they didn’t even live in full-time? He looked at the plaque on the bottom of the frame and sure enough it was a painting by Renoir. Impossible, he thought. Another reminder to him that Rin came from a different world, but he loves me. He made me completely his and he said he loves me.

Rin brought Haruka’s suitcase into his room. Haruka had nearly forgotten about that and gone to bed in his clothes. He thanked Rin, got his pajamas out, and put them on. Rin went off into the closet and changed, putting on only a pair of boxers.

“Is that what you’re sleeping in?” Haruka asked.

“Is it a problem?” Rin asked.

Haruka shook his head, but he flushed, how am I going to get any sleep with that sexy chest next to me? He admired Rin’s body more fully now, the two of them had spent some time naked on the couch, but Haruka was completely spent then. And before that, he had been so needy for Rin that he hardly paid attention, and now; now, he was actually getting to see Rin.

Haruka decided he’d do the same, so he solely put on boxers.

Rin’s eyes lingered on Haruka’s chest, at least he’s attractive. This would be so much worse if he weren’t attractive. But, his being attractive made this difficult in a different way. Rin found that he was actually physically attracted to Haruka. That was a simple fact.

The two of them fell into bed. Haruka went to sleep almost immediately. Rin’s thoughts went through the day. He thought about things he could potentially say tomorrow. Things he should do tomorrow to make Haruka want him more. He thought about exactly what should happen and how. He knew just how to make Haruka fall completely in love with him. He knew he needed to take it slow, but he knew what had to be done. And then, that should be just enough time for me to make my move, he decided.

Before long, Rin drifted to sleep as well.

XXX

“Ah! Ah, oh my god, yes,” Rin moaned. He couldn’t focus on where he was, but he felt so damn good. Whoever was inside of him was utterly amazing. He thought that he probably ought to turn around, but for now, he simply enjoyed the fuck. He felt so, so good. This guy was incredible. 

It struck Rin as a bit odd that he was allowing someone inside of him. Rin never let anyone enter him. Only Nitori, only ever Nitori, and this guy. This mysterious stranger who had somehow talked Rin into it. How had that happened anyway? 

Oh right, he’d gotten smashed. 

Was he smashed now? He didn’t know. He focused on the feeling, this strangely good feeling.

Rin decided he didn’t even care who it was, he wasn’t going to put up a fight, this guy felt so good inside of him.

“I have to admit, I’m enjoying myself too, Rin,” it was Seijuro, but Rin didn’t recognize his voice. He should have, but he didn’t. 

I feel so drunk, Rin thought, but this guy at the club I met is incredible. I’m happy that I went home with him.

Seijuro pushed his hips against Rin’s, and wrapped his hands around Rin’s waist. He hadn’t expected it to go this way, he had solely expected to get the redhead black-out drunk. I just wanted to tease him, Seijuro thought, and then, I wanted to let him know that his sister was mine, but this is better. This is way better.

Rin turned his head and looked at the guy, completely not recognizing him, but Rin knew him. Had he been sober, Rin would never have done this. He pushed his lips against the guys, they felt nice, but not as nice as the throbbing hard cock inside of him. Rin pulled back from the kiss, “God, you feel fucking good. I know I’ve said it like a hundred times, but seriously. I never thought I’d find anyone better than the one guy I thought I could love, but christ, you might be better,” Nitori’s face flashed through Rin’s mind.

Seijuro pushed himself deeper into Rin in response, “Might be?”

Seijuro was not used to being second best and he saw this as a challenge.

“Ah, God, okay, fine, you are. You’re it. Fuck, you’re the best I’ve ever had,” and it was true. Rin looked forward again, and allowed himself to get railed.

The man changed pace in a way. It was different all of a sudden, and Rin felt more blown away than he had before. Somehow in seconds, it had gotten even better, “Really, you’re the best I’ve ever had.

“I know, Rin,” the voice from behind Rin, had changed too, but Rin didn’t notice that.

Rin’s focus was solely on the hands on his hips and the feeling of the man behind him, “Christ, I think I’m in love,” it came out with more sincerity than Rin would have thought possible from himself.

“You are,” the voice replied. Rin turned around to look at the person behind him. He had changed, it was Seijuro before, Rin thought, but now it’s…him inside me...it’s not possible..., “You love me. You said that earlier today, and you think it’s a lie, Rin,” Haruka pumped inside of him, and Rin moaned slightly, “but it’s not. You do. You love me and you don’t even know it yet.”

Rin shook his head, he was completely sober now, “I don’t. But, ah!”

That did feel good.

Haruka pumped inside of him some more, “You do,” Haruka’s left hand went up from Rin’s hips and grabbed hold of Rin’s hand. He took Rin’s and and put it on his chest. It sat over his heart, “Feel that, Rin? Feel how hard your heart beats for me.”

It didn’t beat, it pounded.

Rin shook his head, “No, no it’s not true.”

“You love me, Matsuoka Rin. As much as you hated it, you liked my half-brother in you, and you liked Nitori too. Hell, you tried to promise that at the end of this you’d be with him, but you won’t. You won’t because you love me. You think it’s all a game, but there is no one in the world, who can make your heart pound like me.”

Rin stood in horror looking at their hands on his heart.

“It’s okay, Rin. You don’t have to be scared of it. To be honest, I don’t know why I feel the same way either, I always thought Makoto was the love of my life, but there’s something about you that drew me to you, just like you were drawn to me. In spite of what you think, it’s not revenge, it’s not hate. You love me, Rin.”

Rin continued to stare.

“Say it. It’ll be okay.”

His heart pounded hard, “I...I… - I can’t. I can’t. I won’t.”

“Say it,” Haruka whispered, “You know it’s true, Rin. You know it. Deep down here,” Haruka pushed hard on his chest.

Rin closed his eyes and succumbed, “I love you, Nanase Haruka. I really do.”

There was no response.

When Rin opened them back up again, he was facing Nitori. They were sitting on a plane. Another memory from the past, Rin thought in passing. Nitori spoke to him, “You think you’ve found a tool...but you like him, Rin. You like him so much, you can’t even see it.”

Nitori reached for Rin, but Rin pushed him away, “D-don’t touch me.”

“You’ve never looked at me the way you just looked at him.”

“You’ve never looked at me the way you just looked at him.”

“Never, Rin. You’ve never looked at me.”

His voice echoed, and Rin woke with a start.

He sat up in his bed, completely forgetting that Haruka was next to him. Nightmares were rather common for Rin, but they never happened like that one. Usually, they were conversations with his parents from when he was younger. Or what he expected they would say to him today if they were alive. Everything they said were things he didn’t want to hear, but nothing as terrifying as that. In love with Haruka, what a joke, he tried to assure himself.

He sat trying to catch his breath. His heart was pounding so hard, and his head hurt.

He realized with horror why he’d dreamt that, when I was inside him, Haruka felt familiar because he reminded me of Seijuro. But, Haruka was better than Seijuro. Better than he ever could be. And better than Nitori too. Haruka’s better than all of them. Fuck, Nitori was right. I want him in me. I actually want his disgusting body inside of me. I want him...I can’t...I need to clear my head. I can’t. I absolutely can’t.

“Rin?” Haruka asked looking up. Rin had shaken the bed when he sat up waking up Haruka.

Rin suddenly became much more aware that he wasn’t the only person in his room, “G-go back to sleep.”

“What happened?”

“I thought I heard something,” Rin lied, “must have been the wind.”

There was a blizzard going on, so it was a decent excuse, but his heart was still pounding so hard, and he was sweating.

“Did you have a nightmare?” Haruka asked looking at him.

Rin glared at him.

“It’s okay...I used to have them all the time,” he had them about his parents when he was younger back at the foster home. They still happened once in awhile, but not frequently.

Rin nodded, “Yeah. I had a bad dream.”

He worked on getting his heart to calm down, I need to act normally. I can’t let him know what’s up.

“What about?”

“Nothing, just go back to sleep.”

Haruka was mostly awake though now, as he was a light sleeper, “It’s better if you talk about them.”

“Work related,” Rin lied.

“That doesn’t surprise me, you’ve got a super tough job,” Haruka’s sincerity threw Rin off, “I’ll make you some tea. That always makes me feel better.”

Haruka got out of bed before Rin could stop him.

“N-no, stay here.”

Haruka smiled, “It’s okay, Rin, I’ll be right back.”

Rin sat in the silence catching his breath. He shook the sweat off his body, and rearranged himself under the covers. Then, he leaned against the headboard. A few minutes later, Haruka reappeared with the tea, “Sorry that took so long. Your kitchen has a lot of compartments.”

Rin laughed as he took it. He’s so nice to me. He always seems to do exactly what I need, when I need it. Fuck. I can’t...I can’t let this sway me, I need to keep my eyes on the prize.

“Well, tell me about your dream,” Haruka leaned against the headboard next to Rin.

Rin shrugged, “Not much to tell.”

“Oh, come on. You speak how many languages? Pick one and tell me about it.”

Rin took a sip of the tea. He wasn’t actually going to tell Haruka what he had dreamt about. He tried to think about some kind of lie, he could tell about business that would be plausible. Suddenly, he knew exactly what to say, he smirked, “I dreamed I lost everything. I made a bad investment and it bankrupted Nagisa and me. I dreamed that I became poor as a result, and I couldn’t get any job in Japan. Well, any job except for one…”

“Don’t,” Haruka warned, knowing exactly what the redhead was going to say.

“I dreamt I became a flight attendant, and it was absolutely terrible. I waited on all these rich men, and they were so, so mean to me and they teased me, but in secret, I kind of enjoyed it. Eventually, I became completely enamoured with one of them, and he took me back to his apartment and fucked me into submission. Now, I’m his personal sex-slave.”

Haruka glowered at him.

Rin put the tea down on the bedside table next to him, then he turned to Haruka and tackled him. Haruka fought him off, but Rin successfully pinned him down.

Haruka looked up at him, still annoyed.

“Don’t make that face.”

“You made fun of me! You called me your sex slave.”

“You’d like being my sex slave.”

“No, I definitely wouldn’t,” Haruka was being stubborn, he wouldn’t be entirely opposed.

“Hush,” Rin’s eyes flashed, “I told you I loved you.”

Haruka continued to pout.

“If you make that face, I’m going to have to do this,” Rin started to tickle Haruka. This reminded him strangely of his childhood with Nitori, and it was fun. He was having fun with Haruka. He really did enjoy teasing the dark-haired man.

Haruka shook under Rin and laughed, “Ah, stop it, stop it, Rin, stop it! I can’t breathe - ah!”

Rin paused giving Haruka a chance to catch his breath. But, it was a trick, Haruka flipped him, and Rin landed on his back under Haruka.

A devious expression appeared on Haruka’s face, “You’re mine now.”

Rin looked up at him and braced himself. And he felt truly afraid, because a voice in the back of his head answered, “I am.”

“I’m going to show you a sight you’ve never seen, Rin. I’m going to completely destroy you, Rin, you’re not even going to know what hit you, and when I finish, you’re going to beg to be my sex slave,” Haruka cracked his knuckles.

Rin’s eyes widened. What’s wrong with me? Why...why am I completely paralyzed? 

Because it’s true. Because you want him in you.

But, he quickly became distracted as Haruka started to tickle him.

XXX


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i totally wasn’t planning on continuing that scene from the last chapter, but I’m a sucker for you fuckers, so i decided to do it.
> 
> whatever, i’ll let you have some more of the cuteness for a few chapters. the first half of this chapter continues the previous, then there’s a series of flashbacks, the final of which ties us back into the now.
> 
> enjoy the good parts of this chapter and the next one because the next one will be followed by DRAMAAAAAA.
> 
> glad to be home from my vacation. problem is that i got promoted (sort of) so I have even less time for this shit. but still i make it work. i looked at some of my other stuff and i’m going to get back to that - there’s a fic i want to completely rewrite since i totally fucked it up, and i have some ideas for new fics. i’ve sort of decided to finish this/prioritize this though over everything else, except maybe WIS...I don’t know. I fucking love WIS and you guys should too.
> 
> also. i reread UTL in its entirety for the first time in months. for like half of the third person in that story, i refer to haruka as haru and it annoyed the ever living shit out of me. I will have to fix that at some point.
> 
> okay im done. here’s the chap.

XXX

Haruka sat on top of Rin after his nightmare.

He owns me, Rin thought, somehow, this piece of Mikoshiba shit, has gotten under my skin. No, he thought, no I won’t let this happen.

Haruka’s movements distracted Rin from his negativity though. His hands slid under Rin’s arms and he began to violently tickle Rin.

Rin shook below him, laughing and sputtering. He tried to regain the upper-hand, which Haruka had taken from him earlier, but he couldn’t seem to flip the darkhaired man. Rin wiggled his legs under Haruka, but Haruka had a death grip on them.

Rin’s movements under Haruka caused some friction, and Rin felt Haruka become hard. Rin used this to his advantage, and instead of trying to use his legs to regain control of the situation, Rin slid his left leg past Haruka’s thighs and pressed ever so slightly against his balls.

Rather suddenly, Haruka stopped tickling Rin. Haruka’s grip loosened slightly on Rin, but Rin didn’t take advantage of that. Instead, the two of them stared into each other’s eyes. It was only a minute, but Rin was slightly taken aback. The intensity of the look on Haruka’s face was something difficult for him to handle.

Can he see it? Rin wondered, can he see how weak he makes me? Or can he see the truth? Can he see what I really want him for?

Rin started to turn his head to his right side and look away, but Haruka blocked him by placing his left hand on Rin’s cheek and forcing Rin to face him.

The redhead was made to look into Haruka’s deep blue eyes. He didn’t have to look for long though as Haruka closed them and pressed his lips against Rin’s. Haruka’s hunger for the kiss was evident, and Rin parted his lips slightly to allow Haruka to enter his mouth. Rin felt Haruka’s erection press up against him slightly, and Rin noticed himself become hard as a result.

Haruka moved his hands which were gripping tightly on Rin’s arms down to Rin’s waist. He slid his thumbs under the elastic of Rin’s boxers and lifted up just enough for Rin’s tip to escape confinement. Haruka eyed it hungrily and immediately shifted his weight down to his knees, bending over and lapping at Rin’s manhood.

Rin tried to hold back, but a moan was able to escape from his lips.

Haruka’s lips curled upwards at the sound of Rin’s moan, but he continued to work on Rin. Rin lifted his body up high enough to allow for Haruka to slid his boxers down further. They were in sync, and so, Haruka slid them down, revealing all of Rin, down to his knees. Rin spread his legs slightly, giving Haruka easier access to his body. Haruka worked on Rin using both hands for a moment. With one hand, Haruka slid a finger behind Rin’s balls, and rubbed Rin’s most sensitive skin.

Rin urged Haruka on, with a moan.

Haruka used his other hand on Rin’s shaft, pumping him gently.

Rin barely kept himself from thrusting into Haruka’s hand. He put on hand on Haruka’s hip, as he was yearning to touch the darkhaired man on top of him. His other hand he kept tightly gripping the sheets on the bed.

This went on for a bit, while Rin slowly inched his hand around Haruka’s waist to the button on his boxers. Rin slid his hand under and tugged on Haruka’s dick.

Haruka helped him by slipping off his own boxers.

Rin continued to tug, leading Haruka’s dick to where he wanted it.

Finally, he managed to get Haruka right above his own. Rin put both of them in his hand and rubbed the two of them against each other.

Haruka shuddered on top of him, then he looked down at his and Rin’s intertwined erections. Haruka was a bit proud as he was a millimeter longer than Rin’s, but Rin’s was slightly thicker than his. That said, nothing looked as good as the two of them together.

Haruka nearly came from how hot it was to be pressed that closely to Rin and to know that earlier that day, Rin had been inside of him. He managed to hold himself back. He decided though that Rin wasn’t pumping them quickly enough so he reached one of his hands down and took over. He was faster and slightly sloppier than Rin, but he had less control as he had to keep himself balanced on top of Rin.

Rin took the break to catch his breath. I want him to go further, Rin thought, this is nice, but I want him inside of me. I want him to fill me up. I want him to throw me down and to take me.

Haruka seemed to understand the meaning of the look on Rin’s face, but he didn’t oblige.

“Let’s take this slowly, Rin, we’ve got a lot of time, until the storm’s over.”

Rin didn’t want to take it slowly. He wanted it hard and rough. But, something about the way that Haruka asked sounded nice, everything about Haruka was nice, in truth. When it was Haruka who was asking, Rin was willing to obey.

He nodded slightly, consenting to Haruka’s request. He’d wait.

Shortly after, he lost himself in the friction between him and Haruka. Haruka nearly lost grip altogether it felt so nice for him too. The two men came together, Rin’s hit Haruka’s stomach and Haruka’s fell onto Rin.

Haruka took his hand off of them, and the two of them sat there for a minute.

This is nice, Rin thought, he’s so gentle and so goddamn attractive.

Rin reached over and grabbed a cloth on the nightstand next to him, and rubbed it on Haruka’s stomach, taking care to get all of his cum off Haruka. Haruka moved off of Rin and didn’t bother putting his pants back on. He collapsed next to Rin and rested against the headboard.

Rin took a turn with the towel, rubbing Haruka’s cum off of him, and slowly, he became soft.

He must have been half-asleep. Or maybe, he was still in some kind of post-coital-fugue. Or maybe he was still upset about the nightmare.

Something, there had to be something wrong with him to explain the next thing that he said to Haruka, “I think I know where I want to go on vacation.”

Haruka looked over at him, he didn’t say anything, he was still recovering from earlier.

“Remember, I told you, I wanted to go on a vacation, before I ran for the position that would keep me in Tokyo?” Rin looked over at him. God, he is attractive, he thought, seeing Haruka’s ocean blue eyes.

Haruka acknowledged slightly that he knew what Rin was talking about. He didn’t understand why Rin was bringing this up, but he would soon.

“I want to go to Paris. And I want you to come with me.”

Haruka’s eyes widened.

“Let’s escape the real world for a few weeks,” Rin leaned over and kissed Haruka, and seconds later, before Haruka even responded, Rin’s head hit the pillow and he was fast asleep.

Haruka’s heart beat fast. It was one thing for them to hook up during this storm. It was one thing for Rin to take care of him or to have him on the side, if that was ultimately what he wanted, but a trip together? A trip to a foreign country together? During Rin’s sole vacation time?

Haruka felt his cheeks get hot. He was excited. He was so, so excited. But, he reminded himself, Rin was tired, there was no way that would actually happen. Rin couldn’t actually want him to come along. 

Or maybe he just meant for Rin to be his flight attendant.

Yeah, Haruka thought, that had to be it.

XXX

The following morning, however, while Rin regretted suggesting this to Haruka, because this was actually going to be his first vacation ever since getting out of college, he decided that it would be okay to have Haruka come with him, because this trip to France would surely make Haruka his. And then, Rin would be able to shape him into the tool he needed. This would work out okay, Rin decided.

The two of them sat in one of Rin’s offices looking at the screen on Rin’s massive iMac. Rin was determining an itinerary for their trip to France, “I think we should spend the entirety in Paris,” he was on the web looking making a tough decision. He couldn’t decide between having them stay in the Marriott on the Champs Elysees and having this be a rather fancy trip for him to wine and dine Haruka with, or if he should go for a place on airbnb. That was how he would travel if he were alone. He wanted to do this trip the way that he would have done it if he were alone, but he also, felt the pressure to make this real for Haruka. He wanted Haruka to worship him.

Which of these should I do?

“Haruka,” he decided to ask, “we have some options. And since it is your first trip to France, and considering your abysmal salary, it may be your only trip, I want you to make the decisions.”

Haruka gave him a poisonous look, but he knew well enough to know that Rin was only teasing him, “What?”

“We can either go all out, and stay in ridiculously expensive places, drink wine that’s hundreds of years old, or we can go casual, and I really do mean casual. We can do French the way a student would, which can be equally fun. What would you like?”

To Rin, these were two entirely different options. They were separate. This was because for all of his life he had either been entirely free from any monetary concerns or he had been at the mercy of those that cared for him, the mercy of the Nitori’s. To Haruka, any of this was excessive, but he enjoyed both. Truly, he enjoyed both. In spite of the slight embarrassment, he enjoyed his time with Rin at the bar, he enjoyed casual Rin, but he equally loved the obnoxious first class flying passenger, Matsuoka-sama.

“I don’t know,” Haruka answered truthfully.

Rin gave him a strange look that read how can you not know? Are you stupid?

Haruka sighed and explained, “Look, the truth is that I want both. I love casual Rin, really, now that I know you can be casual, I love that. But, I also loved having the world’s best Mackarel with you.”

Rin snorted, “That was far from the world’s best Mackarel.”

But, then his expression changed into a large smile, “Okay, Haruka. I know how to do it. God, you are so brilliant. I really love you,” they were just expressions, he thought, and continued, “You know what I need better than I do. We’ll do both. We’ll stay somewhere casual, we’ll spend half our time doing casual things like bus tours, but then once in awhile while we are there I will take you places like Jules Verne and I will make you fall so deeply in love with me that you will have a hard time not begging me to do you in front of everyone on the table there.”

Haruka smirked and grabbed Rin’s package through his pants, “Whatever you say Matsuoka-sama.”

Rin fell back into his office chair, “W-we can’t. I have to make the arrangements.”

But, Haruka was rewarded with a moan.

“I guess we can do them later,” Rin sighed.

XXX

“Thank you for agreeing to meet with me, Kikumaru-san,” the woman who stood before him was beautiful. She was wearing a rather casual outfit, considering that she was meeting with one of Japan’s highest ranked officials and business managers, but she wore it well.

“Have a seat, Miss Erika,” he knew that she came from a family of high status. Japan was a class society, and while he came from money and status, it was nothing like what he achieved. As for her, she was the daughter of the owner of most of Japan’s technology firms. Her family was a hard family to do business with given that they were so exclusive. That was why he had agreed to meet with her when she had offered. Most of his firm couldn’t believe that he had actually managed to get her on his calendar. Erika’s family was considered unable to be reached by anyone who wasn’t the emperor himself.

“I would like for us to get married,” she was a woman who went straight to the point.

He laughed. It had to have been a joke, “Why would someone like you want to marry me?”

She ignored his question, “Let me tell you what I know about you, Kikumaru-san. I know that you are involved with a man. It’s in your best interest to be married.”

He kept laughing.

“You can try to play this off as a joke, but I know it. Don’t worry, it’s not something I’ve been told by anyone, or something that I think anyone else knows, but I figured it out and that alone should seem dangerous to you.”

He stopped laughing. She made an interesting point, still he conceded nothing, “Very well then, why? Why would you want to marry someone who you suspect is involved with a man?”

“Please, let’s be honest with each other. I promise you that I will always tell you the truth about everything. I hope you will do the same for me. I think this will be the best possible arrangement for the both of us,” she spoke slowly and sincerely, “and so, I will tell you something equally shameful about me.”

He raised a brow.

“I feel nothing sexual for anyone. No one at all. Not man or woman. I think that might be how I know about you. I can sense the best kept secrets about people in that regard.

She paused, “In truth, I’m not sure why, but either way, it’s something I know about you, and it’s a sentiment I don’t feel.”

He nodded urging her to go on.

“Some people in my family say something terrible, something unspeakable happened to me, but I don’t remember it. 

His brows raised, but she went on, “For me, this is just how I am. I don’t have any interests in that regard. I like people, I find them beautiful, but I don’t want to be with anyone.”

“So you think I’m a good match for you?”

“Yes. Because I want a child, and I’ve found a doctor who can medically do it who will be discrete. That way, we don’t have to be intimate, which I think is preferred for both of us.”

“What makes you think that I want children?”

“I’ve followed your business deals for a long time, Kikumaru-san. I’ve seen you make what others would call ‘a bad deal’. But, if they look below the surface, there’s something else that compels you. Usually, it’s helping out someone who needs it most. You seem like the sort of person, who would love children, someone who would sacrifice anything for that love. I admire that.”

“You’re a strange woman.”

“It’s an offer you can consider. I think it would be in the best interest of both of us.”

He nodded. The arrangements were made soon after and the twins were born.

XXX

“We have to talk, Rin.”

He repeated the words again and again in front of the mirror. No matter how many times he said them, he didn’t feel like he got them right. Something about the way that he said them made it feel as though something was missing.

Rin was going to be upset about this, but he had no choice, he had fallen in love.

The two of them sat in the Cheesecake Factory in Union Square in San Francisco. It was one of Nagisa’s favorite places in America. This was the last time that Rin saw Nagisa for awhile. The next time they were supposed to meet was his sister’s fashion show, but Nagisa ducked out of that. They wouldn’t meet again for a very long time, and when they did, that meeting would change everything. During that meeting, Nagisa would make a move that would completely ruin everything for Rin. But, that was in the future.

“Thanks for getting lunch with me,” Nagisa began softly.

“You sounded so serious when you invited me out,” they were on their dessert course. Nagisa had taken awhile to build up his courage.

Rin had ordered the s’mores cheesecake. Rin wasn’t always a cheesecake fan, but when Nagisa saw the picture of it during one of their past trips, Nagisa had to order it. Rin tried a bite, and fell in love. It was the perfect amount of sweet combined with marshmellow fluff. It was truly indescribably good.

Nagisa had ordered some other Hershey’s cheesecake. Nagisa tried to order a different cheesecake every trip that he made. He wanted to try them all.

“I don’t know whether it’s serious or not,” Nagisa hedged.

Rin raised a brow, “You can tell me anything. You’ve always been able to.”

“You’ve probably noticed, I’ve spent more time in San Francisco recently.”

Rin hardly noticed, with the use of technology, it didn’t exactly matter where Nagisa was physically. Rin was really the only one in the office who still liked to physically meet with his clients. He was old-fashioned in that way. Besides, Rin and Nagisa did a lot of business in San Francisco, so it made sense that Nagisa would be following operations.

Nagisa continued, “I met someone here.”

Rin’s eyebrows raised. That was a surprise. He had never known Nagisa to be the type to settle down. They’d had a time when they had thought the two of them would be an item, but Rin had put a stop to that as he was certain Nagisa couldn’t settle down. Hell, even when Rin had slowed down and mostly stopped going out after what happened while they were in college, Nagisa continued. Nagisa partied his whole life.

The next part was the part, Nagisa was most concerned about telling Rin, “I want to quit, Rin.”

Rin dropped his fork, “What?”

“I want to quit. I know, we made a pact. I know that you helped me more than achieve my end of it, but I...I don’t want to do it anymore. I want to just live off of what we’ve done. I’ll keep my end for you. I’ll help you achieve what you want to achieve and then, I’m out. I’m out of politics, I’m out of our business, I’m out of everything.”

Rin just stared at him. This came as a complete shock to him, but it was Nagisa. Losing him would be like losing Nitori or losing Gou. He felt just as hurt as when Nitori told him that Nitori wouldn’t help him anymore with his revenge. At least Nagisa still seemed to support his revenge verbally, but the truth was written on his face.

Nagisa didn’t want to be a part of Rin’s life anymore. He’d found someone and replaced Rin.

Rin sighed, he’d learned a lot though since Nitori had left him. He’d handle the Nagisa situation with more care. After all, he didn’t want to lose Nagisa, and if he had known back then what he knew now, he’d have handled the Nitori situation better too, “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yeah. It’s okay. You’re really happy with this guy?”

“Yeah.”

“What does he do?”

“Restaurant chef.”

“What?” Rin asked, “So he’s a gold digger?”

“No. Not at all. He just...he makes these beautiful dishes all for me and I don’t know. He’s sweet.”

“How’d you meet him?”

“He’s the personal chef for one of our clients.”

Rin nodded, “Okay.”

“What about your revenge, Rin?”

Rin shrugged, “I’ll figure it out. Lately, I’ve been feeling like things are moving in the right direction, what with my new planned self-promotion potentially coming up, Haruka is soon to follow. Promise me you’ll still hang out with me when I’m in town or when you’re in Japan?”

Nagisa agreed, “I’m sure I’ll probably go back and forth a few more times. Maybe I’ll even take him.”

“I’d like to meet him.”

“You will. Whenever your sister decides to get married, I’m going to have her use him as the caterer.”

Rin smiled, “Okay good.”

“I’m surprised. I was really worried about telling you this, but you’ve handled it well.”

I’m glad you think so, thought Rin, but he didn’t say that, “You’re my best friend, Nagisa. I want you to be happy.”

And it was true.

XXX

Nitori remembered the day that Rin and Gou joined their family like it was yesterday. He had been about five years old at the time. It was one of his earliest memories. It was one of Rin’s and Gou’s earliest memories too.

His father had come into his playroom, stood him up and told him, “Starting today two children will be moving in with us. But, I want you to forget that. Ai, you must behave as though they have always been here. You must pretend you’ve always had siblings. If anyone asks, you must say they have always been here. So, do you have any siblings?”

“No,” Nitori answered. He didn’t.

His father slapped him, “Wrong. You have two siblings. One boy and one girl, Gou and Rin.”

Nitori felt tears appear in his eyes and his cheek stung.

“Let me ask you again, do you have any siblings?”

“Y-yes. I have two of them,” he sounded unsure.

“That’s good. Now, if anyone asks you, anyone who is not me, if a police officer asks you, do you have any siblings what do you say?”

“No,” Nitori had been told not to lie to policemen.

His father slapped him again, this time hitting the other cheek, “You must tell them yes, Ai. These are your siblings and if anyone, ANYONE finds out otherwise, I can’t tell you how much danger we’ll be in. Mommy and Daddy, we’ll both be hurt badly.”

Nitori nodded not understanding it well, but it was the only time his Dad had ever slapped him, and it would be the only time his Dad ever would.

“Now, I’m going to introduce them to you.”

In walked Rin and Gou. Gou had a big smile on her face and a barbie in her hand. She was wearing a pink dress and babbling about some party. Rin was looking off in the distance. He didn’t look at Nitori at all.

“You must protect them both, Ai. They are the precious children of my most important friend,” his father’s voice had softened.

Nitori nodded. He invited Rin to play with him, but Rin wouldn’t reply. He just went over and sat in the corner looking out the window. Gou took him up on it, “I’ll play with you.”

“Okay. Let’s play house.”

In truth, even though Nitori told the lie, it wasn’t true. Rin was never his sibling. He never saw Rin as a sibling. Rin was impossible to reach, impossible to have, but Nitori wanted to be by him, he wanted to be close to him.

Nitori looked over from his bed to Rin. It had been several years since then. The two of them had gone off to boarding school together and been roommates since they were in sixth grade. They were seniors now, and yet, Rin still had the same exact expression as back then. Rin was sitting on his bed looking out the window.

“Rin,” Nitori said, “You’re going to Todai?”

Rin looked over at him, “I want to follow his footsteps.”

“I’m going to school in Kyoto, I think you should too. There’s beautiful cherry blossom trees that bloom in the Spring. I think it’ll be lovely.”

“Kyoto isn’t far from Tokyo, we can visit each other.”

“Are you going to keep this up then?” Nitori motioned under Rin’s bed. He kept a locked trunk there which was full of newspaper articles that Rin had collected over the years about the circumstances of his father’s death.

Rin said nothing.

“I don’t think I can do this anymore.”

“Do what?” Rin asked.

“I can’t watch you spiral anymore.”

Rin shrugged, “Do whatever you want Nitori.”

Nitori’s face fell. No matter how much he wished he could, he knew he’d never fill the void in Rin’s heart. Some days were easier than others though.

XXX

Haruka looked down at his cellphone. It was a text message from his old swimming coach. His old coach was going to be subbing on a flight from Tokyo to Nagasaki. He’d be stuck in Nagasaki for a couple of days, and then he’d head back to Tokyo. He wanted to take Haruka out.

Haruka replied that he’d enjoy getting coffee or meeting up. After pressing the send key he heard Makoto walk in, “Hey.”

“You’ll never guess who I’m going to see next week.”

“Who?” Haruka wasn’t exactly one to make friends.

“Our old coach.”

“He’s coming to Nagasaki?” Makoto smiled, “You’ll have to take him around. If I have time I’ll join you guys.”

Haruka and Makoto were both attending college in Nagasaki, but Haruka was taking a slightly slower path. He wasn’t quite as sure as Makoto about what he wanted to do. Makoto took several extra classes and seminars at their college and colleges nearby. He was determined to become a history professor, which made his schedule much more busy than Haruka's.

In the end, Makoto wasn’t able to join them at lunch. Haruka had expected that, but either way it was nice for him to get to see his old friend and coach.

“Sasabe-san,” Haruka bowed low to show extra respect.

His coach just laughed, “No need to be ceremonious. It’s so good to see you! I’m so happy to get to visit you. Usually, they have me on international flights now, but a friend needed a favor, so here I am. Working on my vacation. I figured it’d be nice to catch up. Shame Makoto is so busy..."

Haruka nodded. He had ordered their coffee and sandwiches before Sasabe had arrived, he didn’t want Sasabe to feel compelled to treat.

“So, what’s new? You two are living together, right?"

Haruka felt his face burn, “Ye-yeah.”

He was never quite sure what his coach thought of that. Japan was slow at modernizing, but his coach was a bit more worldly than most. Haruka volunteered more information mostly to help stabilize himself, “We’re college roommates. He’s studying to be a scholar.”

“And you?”

“I…” Haruka wasn’t sure, “I don’t know.”

“I always thought you should have just continued your training.”

“There’s no way I could have become a famous swimmer.”

“You’ve got an incredible body for it though Haruka, I mean, of all the people I helped train, you were really the best.”

Haruka looked away, “Well I don’t know. Honestly, I just want to get started working.”

“Working?” Sasabe raised a brow, “Doing what?”

“I don’t know. Grad school for Makoto is going to be expensive and he won’t use any of the money I got from my inheritance. He thinks I should just save that. Any money he wants from me, should all be earned by us, he thinks.”

That made sense to Sasabe. Most of the children in Haruka’s foster home had nothing left for them. Haruka had always been taken care of by some mysterious patron. Sasabe decided to try a different line of conversation, “Have you ever been on a plane, Haruka?”

“No,” he’d never been out of Japan and he’d only ever gone around Japan on trains or in cars. He’d once been on a boat.

“It’s a bit like swimming in the sky. Why don’t you drop out? I know you’ve only got one year left, but if you want, I could find you a job working for JAL. You’ve got the language background and that’s all they really care about.”

“How much would I make? Enough to support Makoto?”

“Not at first. But, if I could get you into international flights, you’d be amazed by what you can get paid and you can go anywhere in the world for free.”

“Anywhere in the world…” Haruka had always wanted to get out of Japan. There was something missing from his life. It was like he’d always just been floating along. School, swimming, everything. He just did it. No passion, nothing.

Sasabe bit into the sandwich, “I’ll get you the paperwork. You can start domestic and come home most nights. If you don’t like it, you can always quit.”

Haruka nodded.

XXX

A few nights after Seijuro had slept with Rin, while Gou was still in Tokyo, Gou, Seijuro, and Rin had dinner together.

“Rin,” Seijuro smiled, “It’s a pleasure to finally meet you.”

Rin shook the other man’s hand a bit warily, so we are pretending we’ve never met? 

He looked at his sister trying to figure out why she would possibly do this. He had promised her to accept this boyfriend of hers into their family, but why did it have to be him? Why did it have to be the son of his father’s worst enemy? For the moment, he decided to ignore the fact that he himself had succumbed to Seijuro. He stayed silent, trying to recall what his father had said to him on their last day together. She’s a free spirit. But, he simply could not. He had also promised to protect her after all, “I can’t do this.”

“Rin,” Seijuro warned.

“It’s fine,” Gou said, “Look either you put away your pride, Rin, or you will lose me.”

Rin’s eyes widened. That was not a threat that she made easily. His sister was a bit of a drama queen, she was one of the most famous American models after all, but she didn’t threaten him. She knew to be patient with him. She knew he had her best interest at heart. This was not a threat made lightly.

A brief smile of victory spread across Seijuro’s lips. Rin furrowed his brow. He hated this situation. But, when he looked over at his sister and saw how happy she was with Seijuro, he had to relent, “Alright. Fine. I’ll allow it,” and then he turned to Seijuro, “But if you hurt her -”

“I’d only be hurting myself, Rin-chan,” Seijuro smiled.

“You two are going to be living together in Manhattan?” Rin asked.

Gou nodded, “He’ll move into my apartment on Madison with me next week.”

“Take care of her for me, okay?” Rin asked.

Gou shook her head, “I’m the one that has to worry about you, Rin. No one is ever going to marry you.”

Rin shrugged, “Well, what are we having for dinner anyway?”

This was what Rin remembered when he looked down at his cell-phone as he and Haruka boarded the airplane to France.

“Seijuro is going to propose soon,” was what the text message read that had brought all of that back.

Rin smiled, yes, that would be perfect. Everything would be on schedule then. Rin wrote back a quick response, “On my way to Paris with Haruka. He’ll be my date whenever that wedding does happen.”

The two of them boarded the plane and Haruka finally was able to get his ticket away from Rin, “First class, really? I thought we were being mostly casual,” he teased.

“First class is casual. Having a private plane would be taking it to the extreme. Really, Haruka, there is no way to fly except first class,” Rin answered.

Haruka shook his head, “I’m actually really glad you don’t have a private plane.”

Rin looked over at him.

He smiled softly, “I never would have met you.”

“I doubt that,” Rin answered, “I think our meeting was fate, Haruka.”

And of all the romantic things that Rin said to Haruka, he held that one with the most truth. After all, what were the chances of him finding the Mikoshiba bastard?

XXX


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: the beginning of the end. just remember, over all this story does have a happy ending for Rinharu I -promise-.
> 
> i promise i promise i promise
> 
> also, pretty much everything that happens in this chapter is going to be important later on. also, i know that i rushed this chapter. sorry not sorry i think it fits better later on, and jeez i hate writing fluff and the trip to france ooooozes fluff and I’ve written like 3 chapters in a row of goddam fluff.

XXX

The two of them boarded the flight to Paris. Rin had changed their tickets from going to Tokyo to going to Paris. He had also let his coworkers know that he would be taking some time off. A couple of them were surprised, others who were privy to more information about Rin, knew that Rin needed the time off to prepare for his future in Japan. His next move in Japanese politics was going to be huge. He needed to relax before that time.

None of them knew about Haruka, and Rin kept it that way. Haruka was something for only his closest friends and family.

After all, Haruka had a special connection to his past.

They boarded the flight, and Haruka sat down next to Rin. He had sat so many times next to Rin in first class, but never as a patron of it.

The eyes that he gave Rin came with a look that Rin understood. Haruka wanted to fuck, right here, right now. There were other passengers in first class for this leg, but Haruka didn’t care. He wanted Rin to take him over to the bathroom and fuck him inside of it.

All of this was conveyed by the look in his eyes.

Rin shook his head, “Not going to happen.”

“Why not?” Haruka pouted. He was already hard, and he had been expecting this since Rin had asked him to go on this trip.

“Because I want you to be well-rested for when we get to France. There’s a lot that we are going to do the minute we land. Time to get your beauty sleep,” Rin patted Haruka’s head. Then, he picked up one of the pillows and rested it in Haruka’s lap, “I promise it’ll happen someday.”

Haruka pouted.

“Okay, it’ll happen on the flight from France to Tokyo. Fair?” Rin asked.

Haruka nodded, “Promise me.”

“I promise you,” and truly, at that moment, Rin meant it. Rin had no idea what would happen during the next couple of weeks that would cause him to lose Haruka, he had no idea that he wouldn’t be able to keep that promise.

Rin placed his head square in the middle of the pillow. Haruka looked down at Rin, curled up in his lap. His eyes were closed and he looked at peace. Haruka calmed down his erection, and decided that this was nice enough, he could live with not being fucked by Rin during the flight. I’ll have many more with him, Haruka thought, feeling truly happy for the first time.

The plane ride itself was rather uneventful, but everything changed when they landed.

They got off the flight and walked quickly through Charles De Gaulle. Haruka couldn’t help looking around everywhere, listening to the French all around him. Being in France was already way better than he had expected. Rin moved rather quickly through the airport, eager to get him and Haruka to Paris. Rather like JFK in New York, or Narita in Japan, Charles De Gaulle was a good distance from Paris. He was eager to get Haruka to their temporary apartment. And he was even more excited to take Haruka all around. He had planned a significant chunk of this trip and he wanted to make the most of his time with Haruka. But, he was also looking forward to it as he wanted to enjoy his time in France. It wasn’t often that he got to go on vacation to France and he never went there for work, so it was nice for him to be back.

Although he moved Haruka through the airport quickly, he did make one stop. There was a small stand in the middle of the airport. It was a Paul’s stand. Paul’s was a famous pastry store in France, so famous that even Haruka had heard of it, “Let’s grab some coffees, and wake you up. I don’t think you got as much sleep on the plane as you should have.”

It was true, Haruka, who was never jetlagged somehow had not been able to sleep on that flight. Something about this whole thing was nagging on him. Something about everything just felt wrong somehow. It was all too good to be true. When he was with Rin actually doing things with Rin, he could forget it, but during quiet times, he’d remember. It was probably just his own insecurities, but something about all of this felt wrong. What does he even see in me?

The two of them stood in line. Rin ordered all kinds of different snacks, everything from macarons to coffee. It was probably too much for the two of them to eat for breakfast, but he assured Haruka that they would eat all of them eventually. He additionally bought a coffee for both himself and for Haruka. The French didn’t really do to-go, but as this was the airport Paul’s, they were able to get the coffee to-go.

After that, Haruka expected that they were going to spend the next hour and a half or two hours in line as was standard for passport checks. He had forgotten though that he was traveling with the Japanese Ambassador to the United States.

Rin was able to go through a special line, and of course, Haruka was able to come with him. The two of them were able to get their baggage quite quickly after that, and then they went to stand in the taxi line.

“There’s a train that goes straight into Paris, and is relatively easy to take, I’ve done it with my sister a few times, but I don’t want to keep up with all this baggage. Let’s just take a cab?” Rin asked Haruka’s permission. After all, he wanted Haruka to be comfortable with him. He wanted Haruka to enjoy this trip.

Haruka nodded. He didn’t really have a preference about that.

The two of them piled into a cab, and the driver took them to their apartment in Paris. Haruka spent the whole time with his head outside the window, looking around the French countryside that they were driving through.

He did talk to Rin some. After the hand job that he had given Rin while Rin was trying to prepare for the trip when they were back in New York, Rin stopped allowing him to be part of the decision, so Haruka knew very little about Rin’s plans for the trip. He asked, “Where are we staying?”

“About four subway stops from the Eiffel Tower. I’ve stayed in that part of the city before, lots of ex-pats, but it’s really quite nice. The apartment we’re staying in has a view of the Eiffel Tower supposedly,” Rin answered. He had stayed in that part of Paris before, but never rented this exact apartment on airbnb.

The rest of the drive was done in silence. Haruka’s attention seemed to be held by the outside world, and Rin was just happy to check his emails from work. Even on vacation, he couldn’t completely go off the radar.

They arrived at their apartment building and Rin paid the taxi driver. The building was probably several hundred years old. There was no elevator and it was at least a 5 floor walk-up. Rin and Haruka were staying on the third floor. The super had been expecting them and gave them keys and everything else that they needed. Their apartment itself was rather small, standard for the middle class in Paris. It was a one bedroom, with a tiny bathroom and tiny kitchen. It did have a living room area that had been converted into something of a smaller bedroom. Both rooms had a view of the eiffel tower. In the view, it was small and in the distance, but they could see it. They could also see some other buildings in Paris. It was overall a nice place, but definitely nothing compared to Rin’s apartment in New York.

It was nice though. It was cozy. It was similar to the apartment that Haruka had shared with Makoto, that Makoto was sure to have left by the time that he got back to Japan. Haruka sighed and sent those thoughts away.

Rin opened the windows up, “The breeze feels nice, doesn’t it?” He asked turning back around to Haruka.

Usually, the weather in Paris was exactly the same as the weather in New York, but for some reason, this year, New York had a rather intense winter, while Paris’s was mild. No one in Paris was complaining about that though as it brought several tourists in.

Haruka nodded.

“Well, now that we’ve dropped everything off, how would you like to go for a walk? There’s a little cafe over here in this neighborhood that I like,” Rin offered his hand to Haruka.

Haruka took it.

They locked up their place and went for the walk. The cafe that Rin brought him to was only a few blocks east of their apartment. They walked past some other places that Rin pointed out to him, a laundromat, a couple of grocery stores, and some other little shops that Rin was familiar with. There was even an old video rental store in the neighborhood, which surprised Haruka as he had thought that most of those had gone out of business.

They arrived at the cafe soon after. It was in the direction of the Eiffel Tower and its name was based on that. The two sat down outdoors. The day was beautiful, it was in the low 60s, and Haruka felt happy to be there. He liked the apartment, he liked being with Rin, and he could still not believe he was in France. The waiter came over and spoke English with Rin. Rin asked if Jeremy still worked there in French, and the guy was surprised to learn that Rin not only knew French, but that he knew someone at the restaurant. Haruka was pretty impressed too, and slightly jealous. He wondered if Rin kept track of everyone he ever encountered.

Rin ordered a full lunch for the two of them, as they had barely nibbled on what he had bought earlier at Paul’s. Most of it had gone into the refrigerator.

When the waiter left, the two sat in silence for awhile, Haruka broke it a bit bitterly, “You can continue working on your phone if you need to.”

“It’s all handled for now. I’m happy to be on vacation with you, Haruka, I just have to address somethings to prepare for my next political move,” Rin leaned back in his seat, he didn’t want to think about that right now.

“What is that anyway?” Haruka asked, he wasn’t that interested in politics. It wasn’t that Haruka couldn’t follow them or wasn’t smart enough, in spite of not finishing college, he was incredibly smart. He just hardly followed the news or politics because it bored him, but Rin made things that he wasn’t that interested in more interesting.

Rin laid his elbow on the table and rested his chin on his hand, “It’s a secret right now, but I’m planning to run for Prime Minister, Haruka.”

Haruka’s eyes widened. That was the highest position of power in Japan. That would make Rin the most important and powerful person in Japan. Sure, there was the Empress and Emperor and their children, but they were solely figureheads. Rin would hold the actual power. He couldn’t believe Rin was running for such a position, “Is that what you want to do?”

Rin shrugged, “I told you, once upon a time, Haruka, that everything was about motivation. I wouldn’t have gotten as far as I did, if it weren’t for the right motivation.”

Haruka didn’t ask, he assumed Rin was after power, “What would you have done without that motivation?”

Rin smiled, “Who knows? Maybe I could have been a flight attendant.”

Haruka narrowed his eyes, “I’m serious.”

“To tell you the truth, I think I would have become a teacher. I really enjoyed learning and I think I’d enjoy sharing knowledge. I don’t think there’s any career more honorable than teaching. I’d want to teach people who had fewer options,” Rin started to laugh awkwardly. He’d never told anyone that before, he doubted even his sister knew that, but he was telling the truth. He thought he would make a good teacher.

Haruka’s eyes widened. It wasn’t a career that he had imagined for Rin, but he could see Rin being motivating to kids, “Well. You’ll change the world more as Prime Minister.”

Rin laughed genuinely. Haruka didn’t understand why what he had said was funny to Rin, but he wasn’t bothered by it, “I hope that is true.”

Their food arrived soon after and the topic was dropped. They moved onto other things like discussing how good the food was.

XXX

“Everyone always says that the Mona Lisa is a disappointment, but I don’t think so,” Haruka declared. They were sitting in Mariage Freres having high tea.

Rin sipped on the tea, there was a slightly arrogant smile playing across his lips. He enjoyed taking Haruka to all the places that he had been so many times, it entertained him to see Haruka’s reaction to all of them, “I don’t disagree with you actually. I think that it gets a lot of unnecessary flack.”

They had just come from the Louvre and walked over to get tea. They had walked all through the little tourist shops near the Louvre. Rin could hardly believe everything he had squeezed into the week, they had been all around Paris, they had gone to everywhere from Sacre Coeur to Opera, they had gone on day trips to the Loire Valley, they had even gone to Mont St. Michel on a day trip. Somehow, Haruka had talked Rin into fucking him on the lawn near the Eiffel Tower, and as a private joke about the whole thing, they bought a large touristy Eiffel Tower for each of them to put in their apartments.

Today and tomorrow, Rin had planned for them to spend a significant amount of time in the Louvre. When they got bored of art, they’d do things like ride along the rivers on the Batobus.

The two had truly enjoyed their trip. It was hard to believe a week had passed, and yet, when the two of them thought of everything they had done, it felt like a lifetime.

Haruka put his cup down, “It definitely does.”

His eyes darted around the tea room, looking at the giant cannisters of tea, “It’s really nice to get to be here, Rin. My orphanage house mother was a huge fan of this tea. I don’t know why. I mean, aside from the fact that she was the French teacher and that it is good, but like...I don’t know. It just, it’s nice to be here. I’m happy to be here. They have a location in Japan, but it’s like not the same.”

Rin smiled, “I know what you mean.”

He wondered if Haruka’s father had provided her with the tea. He knew that Mariage Freres was popular with the upper crust when Rin was a child. His birth father had liked it quite a bit. It would make sense that his birth father’s sworn enemy would have liked it too and possibly introduced it to Haruka’s orphanage mother, when he had dropped Haruka off.

Rin had mostly been able to evade his work messages, only addressing them at night, and so, when his phone buzzed at the table, he had planned to read it quickly and then, ignore it.

But, it wasn’t a work text. It was from his sister, “Dinner reservations for five tomorrow, JV at 7.”

Five? She must have invited Nagisa, Rin thought.

Rin’s eyes widened.

“Something wrong?” Haruka asked, taking one of the miniature scones off the plate.

Rin sighed, “I think my sister got engaged. Or is getting engaged.”

“To the guy you don’t like?” Haruka asked.

Rin nodded, “Yeah. They’re going to meet us for dinner tomorrow.”

“Here?” Haruka asked stupidly. He shouldn’t have been surprised that the Matsuoka family traveled on a whim to France.

Rin continued to nod, “Yeah, in the restaurant at the top of the Eiffel Tower…not casual.”

Haruka laughed.

At least one of them could, Rin thought, but at the same time, he was glad. This meant that it was time for the next stage of his plan, “Haruka, I want to take you somewhere special today, before our dinner tomorrow.”

“Okay, where?” Haruka asked.

“It’s going to be a surprise.”

XXX

Rin had taken Haruka to Rue de la Paie in the Place Vendome, where Cartier, a famous French Jeweler had a store. There, he had planned to buy the two of them matching rings. To his surprise though, Haruka would only let him pay for one, “I want to buy the one for you.”

“But -” Rin had tried to protest.

“I hope you know what this ring means to me, Rin,” Haruka said, “It means I really love you, and I want to be with you forever.”

And somehow, even though it had only been a short time that they had known each other, and an even shorter time that they had been hooking up in this way, Rin couldn’t fight Haruka about this.

“I love you too.”

And later, as Rin slipped the ring onto Haruka’s finger, he realized something with horror. He realized what had been nagging at him in the back of his mind. He realized what he hadn’t wanted to face. I love him. I really actually love him. I have to...for my father...I have to…

The ring slid onto Haruka’s finger easily. Haruka looked up at Rin seductively.

Rin didn’t kiss him though. He put both his hands on Haruka’s cheeks, “I love you. I really love you.”

“I know,” Haruka bit his lip, a bit surprised by the intensity of the emotion that Rin was displaying, because it seemed so obvious to him at that point, “I love you too, Rin.”

But, Haruka didn’t know. He had no idea. 

Because Rin loved him enough to change. Rin had never loved anyone enough to change. Not Nitori, not even for his sister’s sake, but for the son of the man who he thought he hated, Rin could actually change.

He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t go through with his plan. And he hated himself for ever wanting to hurt Haruka. The thought of him ever having wanted to hurt Haruka made him sick to his stomach.

XXX

The two of them walked from their airbnb apartment over to the Eiffel Tower. They wore matching suits that Rin had tailored for the two of them. They walked hand-in-hand, wearing their matching Cartier rings from the “Love” collection. The feeling of the metal against Rin’s finger made him happy. He felt strangely at peace.

It seemed as though Rin had finally been able to let go of everything that had ever held him back. He had let go of his plans for revenge. He planned to still go back to Japan and run for Prime Minister, but he planned to do this in a different way than before. He no longer wanted to rise to the top alone, he wanted to have Haruka by his side. Haruka managed to control Rin’s temper in a way. He made Rin feel whole. And he made Rin completely forget everything but the two of them. They were all that mattered. Just the two of them. Their pasts, Haruka’s family history especially, didn’t matter to Rin.

Rin had a new plan. He wanted to go against Mikoshiba, but solely to ensure the safety of his relationship with Haruka. He knew that he had to tell Haruka the whole truth as part of this. This was the only way that they would ever work. And Rin, for the first time ever, planned to let someone else entirely in. He planned to let Haruka in on everything. He would tell Haruka the whole truth, even the nasty parts.

And Haruka would understand. Rin was sure that Haruka would understand. He was that kind of person after all. He was someone who Rin could put all of his faith into.

Rin thought about these things as he walked by Haruka’s side to Jules Verne. He said little to Haruka as they walked. Haruka looked in all the windows. He didn’t really mind the silence, after all, on his finger sat a ring from Rin.

He had never been this happy in his life. Makoto was nice and good, but Rin was different. Life with Rin was an adventure. They were always moving, they were always going places, and Haruka knew that even if they stayed just in Japan, the same would be true. On the road in front of him, there laid so many new experiences.

They walked rather briskly and reached the Eiffel Tower within a half hour. When they got there, Nagisa was already there. He was slightly surprised to see Haruka, after all, he hadn’t seen Rin since before the fashion show and hadn’t really known about all the updates in his life. His eyes immediately went to the rings on their fingers, but he said nothing. He gave Rin a slightly strange look, but Haruka was admiring the architecture of the Eiffel Tower.

They’d spent a lot of their downtime over there, having even slept together in the lawn in front of it, but it was truly magnificent to Haruka.

“How was your trip?” Rin asked.

Nagisa shrugged, “You know how it is from California. Takes forever to get here.”

Rin laughed. The distance to France from California was similar to the distance to France from Japan.

“Still,” Nagisa smiled, “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

Rin smiled, “You didn’t bring your friend?”

“He had to work, but he’s jealous. He wants to try the dessert here.”

“Is it famous?” Haruka asked.

Rin nodded, “They make a dessert that looks like one of the bolts in the Eiffel Tower. It’s delicious, but nothing is as good as the pomme frites. Don’t worry, you can have whatever you want.”

Haruka smiled.

Shortly after, they were joined by Rin’s sister, who caused Haruka to instantly blush and who he assumed was her boyfriend, an orange haired man. All of them were in suits, with the exception of Rin’s sister, who was wearing a large sunhat and a white almost beach style dress. It was surprisingly casual compared to the rest of them, and wrong for the season, but Haruka figured that it was one of her dresses.

Rin commented immediately, “What the hell is that? There’s no back and you’re - jeez, you’re not wearing a bra!”

“Oh hush,” Gou was used to her brother. This is how it had always been.

Seijuro looked at Haruka a bit strangely, then he looked at Rin. He bit his lip and raised a brow. Rin didn’t meet his glance. He planned on saving his explanation to Seijuro for later. Not that he felt he owed him one.

Seijuro held out a hand to Haruka, “Seijuro Mikoshiba, pleasure to make your acquaintance.”

Haruka’s eyes widened, “Seijuro Miko...Mikoshiba?!”

Rin sighed.

“The one and only,” Seijuro smirked.

“Y-you’re the president of JAL,” Haruka’s eyes widened.

“Among other things,” Seijuro smiled.

“Wh-why didn’t you tell me that he was the president of JAL?” Haruka glowered at Rin. This guy was basically the ultimate boss of Haruka.

Rin smiled, “I admit, I kind of wanted to see your reaction.”

Nitori had mentioned him back in New York, when he made his unexpected visit, but Haruka hadn’t put together that “Sei” was actually Seijuro Mikoshiba.

“It’s really not a big deal,” Seijuro said with a slight smile.

“I-I’m Nanase Haruka. I…” Haruka was too embarrassed. He felt so out of place. He had known that Rin was rich and had powerful friends, but he had never considered that Rin would have slept with the president of his company. Nor would he have expected Rin to hate him.

“It’s fine, you can relax,” Seijuro was kind, considering how Rin had talked about him.

Rin’s sister was the next one to speak, she was shivering after all, “Can we head in?”

They walked over to one of the bottom posts of the Eiffel Tower. There was a guard standing there with a walkie talkie. It had a private elevator that was only accessible by those who had reservations at Jules Verne. He immediately recognized Seijuro and Gou. The two of them frequently went to Jules Verne, after all, “Welcome back, Mr. Mikoshiba, Ms. Matsuoka.”

They smiled, “We have guests with us as well, Sam.”

“Yes, of course, I recognize Mr. Hazuki and Mr. Matsuoka. And you are?” He motioned to Haruka.

“Nanase Haruka…” Haruka kept looking over at Rin. He felt so nervous, but the slight tug on his hand by Rin made him feel more comfortable.

The man crossed off his name, “Welcome to Jules Verne, Mr. Nanase.”

Haruka nodded, and the man put them all into the elevator. The elevator went straight to the top of the Eiffel Tower, to a small restaurant inaccessible except by the elevator. The restaurant itself was very fancy, with only a few tables and a large bar. The tables all had views out over Paris. They were seated at a table with a view that went so far that Rin and Haruka were even able to see beyond the area of their apartment.

“Nitori couldn’t make it?” Nagisa asked.

Gou shook her head, “He’s in Japan, couldn’t get away from work. I blame you for that Rin.”

Rin smiled slightly, and explained to Haruka, “He’s helping me make some arrangements for the thing I was telling you about.”

“He knows you’re running?” The look on his sister’s face was one of surprise, but that didn’t register to Haruka.

Seijuro decided to diffuse the situation, “Rin, will you go to the bar with me? I’d like your help in choosing the wine.”

As if, Rin thought, but this would be good, he wanted to talk with Seijuro.

The two of them went off to the bar.

“I want to talk to you about a few things,” Seijuro said. His voice was solemn.

Rin nodded, “I have some things I want to discuss with you too.”

“Oh?” Seijuro asked.

“Since I noticed neither you, nor Gou have rings on tonight, I can only imagine you’re going to propose,” he paused.

“That’s right. I have a favor related to that. Rin, I...I want you to be my best man.”

“W-what?” That surprised Rin. He hadn’t expected Seijuro to ask him something like that, “There has got to be someone better you can ask. You could ask anyone and they’d be better.”

“I don’t agree. For a long time, I’ve been trying to let you know how much I care about you, and I feel like this is the way to do it. You and your sister are my family. I love both of you very much. I want you to do this for me, if you wouldn’t mind,” Seijuro asked. The look that he gave Rin surprised him. The look in his eyes was genuine. He actually wanted Rin to be his best man. He actually wanted to be a part of Rin’s family.

Has it always been me that has hated him? Has letting go of all that hate, falling in love for the first time, enabled me to see that all along everyone has wanted me to be happy? Even him?

Rin couldn’t help himself though, over the years, he’d been in too many spats with Seijuro, “I always knew you were a dispicable person, but it seems like the rest of the world must think so too, if you’ve been rejected by enough people to ask me.”

“You were my first choice,” Seijuro didn’t swoop to Rin’s level.

“My sister must have made you do this.”

“Actually, it’ll be a surprise for her too, if you accept, that is.”

Rin looked at him, really, all along it was me looking at everything from the wrong perspective, “Fine. I’ll do it, but I want a favor.”

Seijuro sighed, “What?”

“I want to meet with your father.”

“I told you to keep me out of that, Rin,” Seijuro looked rather hurt.

Rin put a hand on his shoulder, “It’s not for that reason.”

Seijuro raised his brows.

“I...I’ve changed, Sei. In the last two weeks since you saw me at my sister’s fashion show, so much has changed,” he looked over at Haruka, “I...I fell in love.”

“With Haruka?” Seijuro laughed, “you’ve got to be kidding. As always, Rin, you’re completely transparent. He’s obviously my half-brother. I never knew I had one, not that I really care, you know me better than that, but come on. What’s your plan here? Go to my Dad and say you’ll out that and shame my family? Have him kill himself to collect his honor? Come on, Rin, this seriously has to be your worst ever plan, and I’ve known you for a long time.”

“It was,” Rin admitted, “I met him over a year ago. I thought it was luck, when I met him, that finally the universe had done something for me, but I was wrong. It was fate. He healed me, Seijuro. I mean christ, I bought him a ring. I’d never do shit like that, not even for a plan. He’s made me into a different person, a kinder person, and I like it. I like who I’ve been over the last two weeks more than I’ve ever liked myself. I want to speak with your father because I want to let it all go. I want to tell him that I want to let it all go and I want him to do the same. I want us all to move on from the past and I want to live in peace with Haruka. I want to change Japan into the kind of place where we can all live peacefully.”

Seijuro touched his face, “Jeez. I never thought I’d see the day,” he smiled, “I’m happy, Rin. I’m really happy for you. Alright. You’re lucky, my father happens to be in Paris. I’m planning on seeing him myself tomorrow, I’ll give you his hotel information and you can pay him a surprise visit. Now, let’s order some drinks. We have a lot of things to celebrate tonight.”

Rin nodded.

They looked over the menus and Seijuro added, “Rin, will you tell him everything? All the truth? Including who he is?”

“I don’t want to,” Rin paused, and Seijuro looked him over, “But, I plan to. After I see your father. I plan to open up to him tonight. It’s not going to be easy, but I want to tell him everything. I want to have him know all the truth. I want him to hear it from me, and I want to see where it takes us. It’s going to be hard, but I think we can survive it. I really do. I think he’s...he’s going to understand. If he hears it from me, he’s going to understand. I think that he’ll be able to forgive me, and hopefully, someday, I can even forgive myself.”

“I really am happy for you, Rin. I think it’ll work out, don’t worry,” Seijuro smiled and put an arm around him, then he pointed to a wine and champagne combination, “I think we should get this one.”

Rin smirked, “Looks good.”

The dinner itself was rather uneventful. The food was incredible, and they all enjoyed looking out the window. Shortly before the dessert, Seijuro had asked for the champagne to be brought out. Next to one of the glasses, on a silver plate sat the engagement ring.

Gou smiled, she had known this was happening, but it still made her feel so happy. Most of her friends and family were beside her after all. She wished that Nitori could have been there, but she understood why he hadn’t been able to be. Besides, she knew that she would catch up with him later on, “It’s beautiful.”

“It was my grandmother’s,” Seijuro explained to Haruka. Gou, of course, had seen the ring before, “I couldn’t bear for them to actually put it in the champagne.”

The ring had a pearshape cut diamond on it in platinum, and it was stunning. She handed it to Seijuro and he slid it onto her finger.

“Will you marry me, Matsuoka Gou?” Seijuro asked, humbling himself and blushing slightly.

She smiled down it and at him, “Yes, of course, I love you.”

She held his hand for a minute and they all drank champagne.

Rin felt happy. It was all coming together.

Their dinner and dessert was finished shortly after and Seijuro paid for everyone. Rin announced to Haruka that he had to have a short business meeting that Seijuro had arranged for him, which Haruka didn’t seem to mind, “I’ll meet you back in our apartment.”

Haruka agreed, saying that he wanted to finish his glass of wine. Nagisa was doing the same, so he said that he would entertain Haruka for a bit.

Rin, Seijuro, and Gou headed downstairs, with Gou stopping off to use the bathroom. Seijuro said that he would put Rin in a cab, and meet Gou back at the bottom of the Eiffel Tower. They wanted to spend some private time together, understandably.

Seijuro led Rin to the street and they found a cab for them. Seijuro told the cab the address of his father’s hotel and told Rin the room number.

“Hey,” Seijuro said to him, “I’m happy for you. I really believe that you and Haruka will work. Be safe doing this, okay?”

Rin nodded. Then, he was off. He’d waited for this moment his whole life, but it was sure to go differently than he’d originally planned.

Still, he felt happier this way than he ever had.

XXX

Rin got to the hotel. Ironically, it was the Marriott on the Champs Elysees, where he had originally planned to stay with Haruka, before he had opted for the airbnb apartment. We’re not so different, are we?

“I’m pleased to get to meet you face to face, Matsuoka Rin,” the man who stood in front of him was the spitting image of Haruka Nanase. Rin wondered how he hadn’t realized it immediately, and yet, there were features of his that matched Seijuro’s as well.

Rin felt something inside of him lurch forward.

“Come in. Have a seat.”

Rin followed him into the office part of the suite and sat down.

Mikoshiba laughed, “I have to admit I’m impressed by you, Rin. Or should I say, Erin?”

Rin’s eyes flashed.

“I didn’t realize it in those news articles. They must have airbrushed your exact coloring…” He paused, but not long enough for Rin to comment, “And while we move in the same crowds, I was never close enough to you to see it, but had I met you face to face, I’m sure I would have seen it. You are definitely Kikumaru’s son, his spitting image.”

Rin’s lips tightened into a line.

“I’d guess you hate me, a sentiment I have to say I share.”

“Why did you ruin my father’s life?” Now that he was here, Rin couldn’t help having some of his own questions answered. The bitterness had disappeared, mostly, thanks to Haruka, but he still needed some answers.

“Ruin his life?” Mikoshiba laughed, “I think there are probably some facts you’re missing.”

“You outed him, you shamed him, and you forced him to kill himself and his wife and to fake the deaths of my sister and me.”

Mikoshiba continued laughing, “I never forced your father to do anything that he himself hadn’t already decided on. Tell me something, did you ever figure out who your father’s mysterious male lover was?”

Rin bit his lip, he hadn’t been able to figure that out. He’d poured through the articles, but there was never anyone who stood out. If there hadn’t been picture evidence, no one would have believed it was true. But the pictures were obscured, it was impossible to figure out who the other man was.

“I’m guessing not. Let me tell you then, it was me.”

Rin’s eyes widened, “Impossible...you were his -”

“His enemy and his rival, yes. But, it was more than that. So much more,” Mikoshiba sighed, “allow me to educate you on some history, Kikumaru Erin.”

Rin was quiet for once.

“Your father and I met in grade school. Most people, my son even, think we met in college. That’s not true. I met him long before then. I beat him at almost everything, but he was a good rival. Once in awhile, he’d manage to outdo me, but I’d quickly get better at whatever game it was that we were playing. This was true until a certain point, when I lost to your father for what I thought was forever.”

Rin raised his brows.

“Yes, I fell absolutely in love with him. But, your father never opened up in the same way other people did. He figured out a way for us to be together, but he didn’t let me in on it. He couldn’t. He married your mother, your mother who knew the situation and whose sole motivation was her status and her desire to have children. When I found out he had been secretly married and had fathered you and your sister, I was enraged. That’s when I met Nanase. I fathered my own child. But, when your father revealed his plan to me it was too late. I had already entered my own marriage with Seijuro’s mother and he became angry. I had already abandoned Haruka, and I offered to do the same with Seijuro’s mother who had become pregnant by that time as well. I asked him to do one thing, I asked him to abandon his own children to just run off with me. We’d forget our rivalry and live together. But you, you and your sister had changed him,” Mikoshiba laughed, “He wouldn’t leave you. And I became bitter. Our battles began in politics and in business, but eventually, I realized there was one way to get the ultimate revenge on him. I’d take his family away from him, and leave him empty just as he had done to me. That’s why I released those photos.

“When he died I assumed he had to have the last laugh, he took you two into the afterlife with him, ensuring that he’d never be alone. And when he died, I realized how wrong I had been. It wasn’t game, you and your sister were real people. We were real people.

“Seeing you alive though, makes me all the more aware of how wrong about him I was. He really loved you more than me and so he left you to live. He and his wife loved you so much they sacrificed themselves to give you a new life.”

Rin felt his anger boil inside of him, but he let it go, “I’m not here about any of that.”

“Really? I would have thought for certain you were here to rattle me about my bastard. Wasn’t that your plan all along?”

Rin wondered if it had been Seijuro who had revealed that when he informed his father that Rin was going to be paying him a visit. He doubted it though, perhaps the old man had realized it on his own.

“Make me do the same thing your father did, try to collect my honor? 

“Your father sought no honor in his death. He made it look like it was about honor, but he did it purely for you. You have no idea how much I despise you and your sister and yet, isn’t it funny, how your sister and my son have ended up together?”

“And me with your other son,” Rin smiled, “I’m not here to threaten to release Haruka’s birth history. I’m not interested in revenge anymore. Haruka doesn’t need you to recognize him, he does well enough on his own, though I guess he did have help from you growing up.”

“Help from me? What help?”

“The money you sent to the orphanage.”

“I never sent any money, I never wanted anything to do with that piece of dirt,” then Mikoshiba paled and he let out a gust of air, “Your fucking father. Christ.”

It was my father’s favorite tea.

Mikoshiba laughed, “You get it don’t you Rin? I thought Haruka was the mark of the end of my relationship with your Dad, so I abandoned him. I would have done the same with Seijuro for him, but when that wasn’t going to work, I decided to keep him. After all, Japan cares so damn much about legacy. Your father though, your father loved you children so much, he left part of his fortune to Haruka knowing I wouldn’t take care of him after what my mistake led to. Not only did he save you and your fucking sister, he saved my own son.”

Rin mentally thanked his father for that.

“So, if not about the bastard, what threat are you here to make then?” Mikoshiba asked.

Rin smiled, “I want you to leave us all alone. I want you to let Gou and Seijuro get married, and I want you to leave me and Haruka alone.”

“That’s it? Don’t you want me dead for what I did to your parents?”

“Not anymore. I’ve let it go. I’ve let it all go, your ‘piece of shit’ son, helped with that. You should let it go too. This story has helped, but Mikoshiba-san, I let it go before that. There’s no reason to ruin your life. My father did a lot right, but he missed one point. It’s harder to live and let your enemies live. In the end, my father escaped his problems. I can say he did it for honor, you can say he did it for me and my sister, but it was an escape. Continuing to fight would have been harder. So, I’m doing it for him. I’m living in peace. You should try it too.”

And with that, Rin stood up and walked out leaving Mikoshiba to himself.

XXX

It’s time for me to make my move. The words played again and again in Nagisa’s head. They were words from long ago, but he knew what they meant. They meant that Rin was going to change the lives of those around him. They meant that things were in motion. And now, it seemed as if they were finally coming true. Nagisa had always supported Rin. Always. That was part of the pact that they had made. That was the pact that they had made. Rin had supported him, hadn’t he? Nagisoka had more than doubled his parent’s fortune.

Would he be considered a traitor by Rin, his truest friend, for doing what he wanted to do?

He sighed. He mentally apologized to Rin. It’s simply the right thing to do.

“Haruka-san, can I speak with you a moment?” It was just the two of them sitting at the table after all. They had been sitting in silence, but Nagisa broke that.

“Of course. What is it? Would you like to order another drink?” Haruka assumed that Nagisa wanted more to drink. Nagisa tended to overly enjoy the first class snack selection. And Haruka assumed that since Rin was off taking care of business, he had the time to have another drink.

Nagisa shook his head, “I’m oka- actually. Yeah, I’ll order something with some real alcohol in it.”

Haruka called over the waiter, and Nagisa ordered a bloody mary. Haruka went for a refill on his wine. 

When their drinks came, Nagisa drank the whole glass in one gulp. Haruka raised his eyebrows, so this was going to be a serious conversation.

“I want to ask you something,” Nagisa said.

Haruka nodded.

“How do you feel about Rin?”

Haruka looked down, how he felt about Rin embarrassed him. He’d been in love with Rin since he’d first waited on Rin. It was wrong, but it had led to the end of his relationship with Makoto. And yet, Haruka couldn’t feel bad about that. One look at Rin and he felt a type of comfortable that he couldn’t describe, “He’s everything to me.”

Those were big words for Haruka, but he felt comfortable saying them to Nagisa. Nagisa went pale. This was going to be hard. Haruka had fallen, Haruka had fallen hard. Nagisa had known this was going to happen, but that was before it seemed solid. Nagisa wished he had stopped this sooner, “You can’t trust him. You have to end things with him to protect yourself."

“He’s your best friend,” Haruka was surprised that Nagisa would speak so negatively about him.

“He is. But, he’s not yours. You can’t trust him. He’s just using you. You’re a pawn to him, you’ve always been a pawn to him.”

“What are you saying?” Me? A pawn to Rin? I have nothing to offer Rin.

“Why do you think Rin had you promoted?” Nagisa was going to have to break Haruka in order to help Haruka, this was going to require another drink, he ordered a second one, “He’s using you.”

“Using me for what?”

“Have you ever heard of KCorp and the Kikumaru family?”

"I vaguely remember the scandal," for Haruka it was a bit how the scandal with Clinton was for Americans born in the early 90s. They were alive, they knew something bad had happened, but it was hard for a child to grasp the details.

"Rin is one of the surviving Kikumarus. Rin's parents killed themselves after his father's arch enemy Mikoshiba, Seijuro's father and the owner of JAL, released photos of his father partaking in some, well, rather vanilla gay sex. It was a huge scandal though and his father faked Rin's death and Gou's death. They changed their names and moved in with the Nitori family."

“What has that got to do with me?" He wondered why Rin wouldn't open up and tell him this information himself. Could he have been afraid? Trying to protect me from anyone who would want to hurt him?

“You, Haruka, are an important piece. Because you are almost certainly Mikoshiba's bastard. He hid you away, and Rin intends to use you in order to cause Mikoshiba the same pain that befell his own family. He wants to put you in front of the media and watch them crush Mikoshiba, the way that Mikoshiba watched his father get crushed. His end goal is for Mikoshiba to kill himself. Just like his father and mother had to.”

Haruka’s eyes widened. I was only ever a tool to Rin. All for this? Everything he ever did, was for this? The ring twirled on Haruka’s finger.

“That’s right, and he believes that you’re the son of the man who he holds responsible for everything. Haruka, Rin doesn’t actually want you, he wants who he thinks you are.”

“Why are you telling me this?”

“Because you don’t deserve to be involved in this. No one does, but especially not someone as sincere as you.”

Haruka looked at Nagisa thoughtfully. He knew about Nagisa’s past with Rin. He knew that Nagisa had been involved with Rin at one point. But, he also knew Nagisa well enough to know, Nagisa was not telling him this out of jealousy. Nagisa had his own special someone now it seemed.

And suddenly, Haruka realized how stupid and naive he had been. He had known it from the beginning though, hadn’t he? Rin was out of his league. There was no way that Rin could ever be actually interested in him. And sure enough, he hadn’t been.

“If you want, I can take you home,” Nagisa offered.

“No, that’s okay. I can take care of myself,” and that, that much was true. Haruka was a survivor.

XXX

When Rin went home after the visit to Mikoshiba’s suite, he found a note on the refrigerator. The handwriting was neat, and obviously belonged to Haruka. It was written in Japanese, and it was only one sentence long, “I know everything.”

Taped to it was the ring that Rin had given him. Rin ignored that for the moment, and his eyes narrowed on the words.

Know everything? He thought, I doubt it.

He reached for the phone, but Haruka didn’t pick up. He left a message that came across as more angry than he had intended it to, but he was bothered by this. After everything, after giving up and deciding to just simply live peacefully with Haruka, this had happened? “Haruka, whatever you think you know, you’re wrong about. Give me a call.”

Then, he reached for a beer in the refrigerator. Rin wasn’t a big beer person, but he was annoyed and he wanted to just get drunk and escape. He had planned on telling it all to Haruka tonight. He had planned on letting Haruka in on everything. He appeared to be too late though. He wondered who’s fault this was.

It couldn’t have been Mikoshiba, he thought, could it have been Seijuro though?

Then, suddenly, he knew.

Nagisa.

XXX

That night, when he was drunk, Rin realized what he’d known all along…

What goes up, must come down.

That had happened to his father after all. His father had risen so far politically, and he fell so far.

The faster you rise, the harder you fall.

And that had happened to him with love. He had never felt it, so of course, when he felt it for Haruka, it was good. And when it ended, his life felt like it was over.

And ultimately, he realized what he had known deep down, this was why he had never fallen in love. He wasn’t meant to have peace. He wasn’t allowed to have peace.

There was only pain. There had only ever been pain in his life. Love was pain.

But, he had the chance to make a difference. And he wanted to take it.

“I’ll become prime minister,” he slurred to himself, “I’ll save Japan. This won’t ever happen this way again. And when it’s over, I’ll let it all go. I’ll be free.”

XXX


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So, I originally guessed that this story would be like 20-30,000 words...and now it’s longer than UTL. Kind of proud.
> 
> So, this chapter doesn’t have much Rinharu in it, but it’s pretty important. Hope you enjoy the crazy cliff-hanger you guys. (And I’ve been looking forward to it for a long time).
> 
> Like I’ve said a hundred times before though, this has a happy ending, so don't freak out too much, okay?
> 
> Oh, and sorry if this seems rushed.

XXX

In the aftermath, Rin ended up staying in France a few extra days. He didn’t know what else to do with himself. He had the vacation time off, after all. There was no reason to return to Japan yet. Besides, if he went there, there’d be a lot for him to deal with. He had to meet with Nitori and that was sure to be troublesome. The flight to get to Japan would be the most painful though. He had gotten so used to flying with Haruka as his first class captain, he wasn’t sure how he’d handle looking up and not seeing him there.

Rin had a few visitors during his remaining time in France.

Seijuro was the first and most problematic. He came by the day after, which Rin had to give him some credit for. After all, Seijuro had just gotten engaged and he was taking the time to check in on Rin. Rin had to give him some credit for that.

“Wow, this place is really…” Seijuro looked for a word that wouldn’t come across as insulting, he decided on “cozy.”

Rin ignored him, and grabbed two beers. He handed one to Seijuro, who looked at it a little surprised, “It’s kind of early, no?”

Rin shrugged, “Congrats, you’re engaged. Best time of your life.”

Seijuro laughed, “You’re that upset, huh?”

“Yeah,” Rin admitted. There was no use hiding it, he was sure that he looked like hell. He hadn’t showered and he was still hungover from getting drunk last night. He’d come home to find that Haruka was gone along with all of his bags, and the only thing that was left was a short letter, if it could even be called that, and the ring that Rin had given him.

Rin had hurled the metal across the room last night when he’d been drunk, but he had gone this morning and fished it out from behind the refrigerator where it had landed. Until Seijuro had come over, he had sat at the kitchen table twirling it in his hands.

“Well, it’s a bummer how it turned out. Especially after how well your conversation with my father went,” Seijuro said, his voice was solemn.

“You spoke with him about that?” Rin asked, genuinely curious.

“Not really, but he gave me his blessing with regards to the engagement, which was a shock. That was the first time he’d ever shown any sort of interest in me and my life,” Seijuro ran his teeth over his lower lip.

Rin’s curiosity got the better of him and he had to ask, “Did you know that they were lovers? My father and yours?”  
Seijuro raised his eyebrows, “No. No, I didn’t. But, that makes sense. I think out of everyone, yourself included, he was probably the most bitter about your father’s death. Somehow, I don’t think that was the outcome that he expected, and my father isn’t someone who likes surprises.”

Rin smiled ever so slightly. The whole situation would have been amusing to him if it weren’t so depressing. He’d finally had the chance for revenge and he passed it by to try to have love, and of course, he’d ended up empty handed. No revenge, no love, just him, alone.

“Anyway, I came here to talk with you about something else,” Seijuro started.

Rin raised his brows.

“Don’t get mad.”

Rin narrowed his eyes.

“I called Haruka,” Seijuro sighed.

Rin didn’t say anything. There was nothing to be said. He doubted that Seijuro had fought for him, so that would mean there could only be bad news.

“I tried to talk with him about you, but he wasn’t interested in hearing what I had to say,” this didn’t surprise Rin, but Seijuro went on, “He attempted to submit his resignation, but I wouldn’t let him. I made him an offer instead. I swore to him that I’d never mention you to him again, and I’d ensure that you never saw him again.”

“Thanks,” the sarcasm in Rin’s voice was so thick it could be cut.

“Before you get upset, hear me out. I told him that he should be apart of his family’s legacy.”

Rin chewed on the left side of his lip.

“I asked him to work with me, I’m bored with running JAL. He’s got quite a big heart and more experience and understanding of those who would be working below him. I’d train him of course, but I think that ultimately, he has the potential to be a great leader. Eventually, I’d like to completely hand him the reigns,” Seijuro explained.

“Your father will never go for that,” Rin wasn’t bitter, he simply felt confident that he knew the man well enough to know.

Seijuro smiled, “Like I said Rin, your little talk was quite effective. He’s already agreed.”

Rin’s eyes widened, “And Haruka?”

“He agreed. Mostly because I told him that it would really piss you off.”

Rin laughed bitterly.

“I’m teasing, honestly, I think he doesn’t know what else to do with his life.”

Rin didn’t say anything to that. He was obviously unhappy with the situation.

“If you can’t be the one protecting him, Rin, don’t you at least want him protected?” Seijuro asked.

“Yeah,” Rin answered closing his eyes, “Is there anything else Seijuro?”

“One more thing,” Seijuro walked over to him and closed the distance between the two of them, “I love you, Rin. I really do. I’m sorry this happened to you.”

Rin allowed Seijuro to take him into the embrace. He said nothing. He just stood in Seijuro's arms feeling weak and miserable.

The worst was that there was no one to blame but himself.

Seijuro pulled back, “If you are still up for it, I would still like you to be my best man. But then, after that, I’m guessing you’re going to step down from the race and take some time off?” Seijuro asked. He was referring to Rin’s intent to run for prime minister of Japan.

“I’ll do both. I’m going to be your best man, after all, you don’t have any other friends you could ask,” Rin smirked at him slightly, “As for the other, I think that by being prime minister, I could change Japanese politics forever. I think that I could ensure that nothing like what happened between our families ever happens again. And then, after that, I’ll be done.”

“I’m really proud of you, Rin,” Seijuro kissed the older redhead’s forehead, “I never thought you’d come as far as you have.”

Rin smiled softly, “Yeah.”

XXX

Haruka didn’t fly back to Tokyo that night. He intended to be on the earliest flight the following morning though, so that he could be out of France before he’d have to face Rin. So, he took a cab to a business hotel that was right next to the airport. It was like the French equivalent of a Marriott.

Haruka was bitter and upset. He felt so used. All along, he never once saw me. Everything he ever did was just to keep me close to him, so that he could use me.

He hated Rin. But, more than he hated Rin, he hated himself. He hated how insignificant he was, how unimportant he was.

And yet, he couldn’t believe it. He’d never known his father, and all along his father had been the head of JAL? He had been a bastard? He’d known that his mother was some small time violinist in Nagasaki. He’d wondered how they met. He imagined that his father had probably gone to some concert and gotten drunk and that Haruka had been an accident.

An accident that he had no problem leaving in an orphanage.

All along Haruka had believed his father had been dead or if he hadn’t been dead, that he’d been someone without the means to raise a child. Someone who thought that Haruka would genuinely be better off in an orphanage.

But, no. No, even as a baby, he had been a pawn in some game.

It hurt. It hurt so much.

Haruka sobbed into his pillow, and eventually fell asleep.

The following morning, he awoke from a dreamless sleep. He looked at his phone and saw a missed message from Rin. He deleted it without listening to it. He was sure that whatever Rin had to say, it would be another lie, another game. And he was not going to allow himself to be used in such a way. There was a message from Nagisa too, to his surprise, but Haruka wasn’t interested in hearing it. Maybe Nagisa felt guilty for selling out his friend. Whatever it said, Haruka didn’t want to hear it. He deleted that message too, without listening to it.

He was about to dial JAL airlines, when an unknown number appeared on his phone. He hesitated, it could be Rin calling from some other number or Nagisa, neither of whom he wanted to talk to. But, it could also be someone else, hell, it could be Makoto.

He decided to pick it up. If it was Rin or Nagisa, he’d just hang up and toss his phone in the toilet. He could get a new one.

He answered, “Hello?”

“Haruka?” the voice on the other end was familiar.

Haruka nodded to no one in particular, “Yeah.”

“We met last night, I’m Seijuro Mikoshiba,” Seijuro had been nice last night. Seijuro was technically the ultimate boss above Haruka. Haruka could hardly believe that Seijuro Mikoshiba was calling him.

Then, he remembered, he’s my half-brother, I never knew that I had a brother, but he’s it. Haruka didn’t know what to say, “Uh, hi.”

“I wanted to talk to you about some things.”

“If it’s about Rin, I don’t want to hear it.”

“I think you probably do. You may have started as a pawn for Rin, but he really did fall in love with you at some point, trust me, I’ve known him a long time. He’d given up any plots or ploys, all because of you.”

That caused Haruka’s heartstrings to tug, still, he didn’t want to get hurt again. He couldn’t handle being hurt again. Everything had happened too fast, he’d lost Makoto, he’d been used by Rin. None of this was going how he wanted it to, he just needed a break, “I really don’t want to talk about that.”

“Okay, well, I had to try. I wanted to make you an offer, Haruka,” Seijuro began.

“An offer?”

“Yes, I’d like to promote you. I’d like to work alongside you and to train you. Eventually, I’d like to give you complete control over JAL airlines.”

Haruka’s heart stopped, “I...I was just planning on resigning. I think I need some time to myself...I mean, a lot has happened over the last couple of weeks. And I mean, Rin is the entire reason that I was promoted to begin with. I’m sure if I refuse to serve him, I’ll be canned,” hell, that almost happened earlier this year, Haruka thought.

“You don’t have to worry about that anymore. I really want to prepare you to be the leader of JAL. I think you’d make an excellent one. I’ve been reviewing your record, and well, it is in your blood after all,” Seijuro offered.

“I really don’t understand. What do you have to gain by doing that?” Haruka figured it if Seijuro wanted to pass off the responsibilities, he could give them to just about anyone and still make plenty of money.

Seijuro’s smirk could almost be heard over the phone, “It’d annoy the everliving shit out of my soon to be brother-in-law. What can I say, my reasons may be different than yours, but I do enjoy making him miserable.”

So, once again, I’d be a tool in another game.

Hearing no response, Seijuro continued, “I’m sure he’d be upset if you agreed to it.”

Well, that had to count for something, Haruka thought, he deserved to get to cause Rin some pain, “Fine. I...I guess I’ll give it a try.”

“I think you’ll do an amazing job. I’ll be heading back to Tokyo next week, we can begin then. You’ll start work in the Tokyo office.”

“I have one condition, Seijuro,” Haruka stated.

“Oh?” He was expected Haruka to ask for more pay, which of course would be granted.

“Don’t ever mention him again. Ever. I know you’ll have to talk with him, I know you’ll have to do things with him, I understand that. That’s in line with your soon to be familial obligations. After all, you are marrying his sister, but I don’t want to know. Okay? I don’t want to hear about him at all. Not ever,” Haruka was pretty mad after all.

Seijuro covered up a sigh, “Okay.”

He felt badly for Rin, but he knew that Rin would be happy over all. After all, he was doing this to help Haruka, and as long as he could keep tabs on Haruka, and ensure that Haruka was happy and safe, Rin would be happy too. He knew it wasn’t what Rin actually would want, he’d seen the way that Rin had looked at Haruka last night, but it was better than nothing.

And Seijuro genuinely did love and care for Rin. So, he’d sacrifice some of his time to take care of Haruka.

XXX

Seijuro wasn’t the only visitor that Rin had. The day after Seijuro’s visit, when Rin was sitting in his kitchen chewing on a homemade ham and cheese sandwich on a baguette, while drinking some hot chocolate looking out the window at the Eiffel Tower, he heard a knock at his door.

He looked through the peep-hole and saw a tuft of blonde hair and the small man to which it belonged. Rin sighed before opening the door.

Nagisa made a pouty face at him to indicate his guilt, his face was serious, more serious than usual, “Can I come in?”

Rin let him pass.

“This place is pretty nice,” Nagisa snooped around, “reminds me of the apartment we stayed in when we came here to celebrate graduation from college. Do you remember that?”

That had been a relatively short trip before Rin had started working as ambassador. His start date had been pushed back 5 days so that he could go with Nagisa to France to celebrate their graduation, “Yeah, I remember. Are you hungry?”

Nagisa denied it, but the true answer was written on the blonde’s face.

Rin fixed him a baguette sandwich as well and some hot chocolate.

“Thanks,” Nagisa said looking away. He felt miserably guilty about what had happened. He had mentioned offhand to Seijuro that he had talked to Haruka about his true identity, causing Seijuro to freak out. How was Nagisa supposed to know that in the last three or so weeks since he had seen Rin that Rin could have changed so much? But, it was clear to him now. His lively friend from college was a shell of his former self.

The two of them sat at the apartment’s table by the window.

“I...I came here to say -” Nagisa began.

But, Rin cut him off with his hand. He swallowed his food and spoke, “Save it. It’s not your fault. I mean, I had been planning to tell him everything that night, but honestly, my guess is that he probably would have reacted that way whether he heard it from me or from you. There’s no reason to be upset with you.”

Nagisa couldn’t let it go though, “I...I tried calling him.”

Rin shrugged, “I doubt he’ll listen. Don’t worry about it. Honestly, Nagisa, don’t worry. I plan on devoting myself one hundred percent to work. I think that’s the best thing to come out of this. I’ve never really cared about anything as much as I cared about my pointless revenge, but now, now, I’ve let it go. I can live like a normal human being. And I can actually do something worthwhile. I’m okay with how it’s turned out. Honest.”

His pained expression betrayed him, but Nagisa knew Rin well enough not to comment. If Rin wanted to go on behaving as though he were happy, then that was how Rin would be. Nagisa couldn’t change that.

“Either way,” Rin continued after taking a bite of his sandwich, “I know he’ll be okay, and honestly, that’s all that matters to me. Really. Seijuro is going to help him become who he should have been by his birthright, and he’ll be more than taken care of.”

Nagisa still didn’t think that was good enough, but he was happy that Rin wasn’t mad with him.

“Are you going back to San Francisco soon?” Rin asked.

Nagisa nodded, “Is that okay?”

“Yeah. I don’t expect you to spend much time in Japan. I do want you to come to my inauguration though. Promise?” Rin asked.

Nagisa laughed, “I’ll see you before then. I’m going to your sister’s wedding.”

“Oh right,” Rin sighed, “I can’t believe Seijuro asked me to be his best man.”

“Are you really that surprised? It gives him a good couple of months of legitimate excuse to harass you,” Nagisa smiled at Rin.

Rin laughed.

Nagisa’s voice became more serious though, “I’m happy that you two are getting along better, Rin. When I talked to him yesterday, it sounded like you were.”

“Yeah, he’s not such a bad guy deep down,” Rin chewed on his sandwich.

The two of them finished their meal mostly in silence, and before long, Nagisa went back off to his hotel and Rin was alone again. Rin looked down at his cell phone and felt a pang of guilt. He hadn’t looked at anything from work in over 24 hours.

With a sigh, he trudged over to his laptop.

I have to dedicate myself one hundred percent, if I really want to make a difference.

XXX

Haruka sank into the bed in his apartment. It was weird to be here. Makoto and all of his things were gone, which didn’t come as a surprise to Haruka, but it left the apartment surprisingly empty.

Haruka shouldn’t have been surprised. Most everything that mattered to him could fit into his JAL issued baggage, which wasn’t terribly large. Still, he felt like his apartment was oddly empty. It looked as though no one at all lived there. No one with any personality. No one with any depth.

Who was Nanase Haruka anyway? He had been thinking about this a lot since discovering more about his parentage.

As a child, he had been different than Makoto. Makoto could remember both of his parents. For Makoto, there was genuine loss in their deaths. For Haruka, they had never existed. As a child, he made up stories about them, and as he became an adult, they became more realistic in his mind. His father no longer lost his life fighting dragons, but more likely had been some teenager who got his mom pregnant.

But, for his father to have been the leader of JAL? That was never something he guessed. He never imagined that he had a sibling either, even if Seijuro was only a half-sibling.

He was going to have family and now he was going to be promoted to an entirely different job. Haruka knew that he could handle it, he wasn’t worried about that, but it was weird.

Everything changed.

A small voice in the back of his mind reminded him that none of this could have happened without Rin, but he silenced it. He didn’t want to think about Rin. He had made Seijuro promise, after all, that if he took the job, Seijuro wouldn’t mention Rin.

He wanted to know how Rin was doing, he wanted to know what Rin was doing, but at the same time, every time he thought about Rin, his chest tightened and he felt like he was going to throw up.

All along he just wanted to use me, Haruka reminded himself. He didn’t even see Nanase Haruka, he only saw Mikoshiba.

XXX

A few days later, Rin took a flight back to Tokyo from Charles De Gaulle. He had known that Haruka wouldn’t be in first class. But, he still couldn’t help feeling his heart sink when he looked up and it was some anonymous woman waiting on him.

He ordered his standard champagne before takeoff and felt his eyes drift over to the bathroom. He remembered promising Haruka that he would fuck him in the bathroom on the way back to Tokyo. He had been too tired on their trip from New York. He mentally kicked himself for passing that opportunity.

That passing thought about Haruka led Rin to spiral for a moment. He felt so much pain when it came to Haruka. He felt so much guilt when he thought about Haruka. Rin looked down at his bag, he had come up with a solution for all of that.

Anytime that Rin thought about Haruka, he escaped into his work. Rin picked up his laptop and paid for the on-flight wifi.

He threw back the glass of champagne, and began to work. He didn’t have time to think about Haruka, he had a mission.

And Rin was always most successful when he set his mind to things.

XXX

“So, is this a campaign trip, or is this a personal trip?” Seijuro asked looking at their tickets. He immediately noticed that the Nozomi train that Rin had booked them in the Green Car, or first class car, were for Nagasaki.

“A bit of both,” Rin answered honestly, “You don’t have to come, but we have a couple of things to discuss related to finalizing your wedding. I just figured I could kill two birds with one stone. Talk with you and manage some of my affairs related to work.”

“It’s always work with you these days, Rin,” Seijuro commented, “I have to say I’m a bit worried about you. Nitori calls me and checks in once in awhile. Have you talked with him since you’ve come back from France yet?”

Rin sat down in the seat on the Nozomi, taking the reserved one next to the window and slid his bag under the seat, “No.”

His answer was simple and short. He had texted Nitori some to manage his campaign, but when Nitori called he hadn’t answered. He’d given that task to his new assistant.

“You do realize you’re going to see him in person at my wedding, right?” Seijuro asked.

Rin frowned, “Yeah, well, that’s not for a few more months.”

“You can’t avoid him forever, I’m not sure why you want to anyway,” Seijuro was now seated next to Rin.

Rin scratched his head, “It’s just not going to be easy. He wants something from me that I can’t offer him, and I always promised that when I finished my stupid quest for revenge that I’d go to him. I can’t keep that promise.”

“You could,” Seijuro stated softly, it wasn’t like Rin was going to end up with Haruka, and it wasn’t like Rin hated Nitori. He cared for him deeply, Seijuro knew this.

“That’s not fair to him,” Rin sighed, “Anyway, I didn’t make this trip to talk about any of that. Let’s talk about the wedding before we get to Nagasaki.”

They discussed several matters ranging from seating to finalizing food. They were in touch with Gou via text message while doing so. During part of the trip, Rin took a nap. He was constantly working after all, and even though he had taken the day off, he planned to do some campaigning while in Nagasaki. He only intended to rest his eyes, but ended up falling asleep.

Around seven hours later, the Nozomi train stopped in Nagasaki. Rin and Seijuro got off and took a taxi to the location that Rin had intended to.

“I’ve got some errands to run, and some phone calls to make, you have fun,” Seijuro said to Rin. He would have been more than happy to go with Rin, as he actually didn’t have much to do, but he knew that this was something Rin wanted to do alone.

Rin walked up the steps to the orphanage and sighed, it had been redone within the last twenty years. Rin assumed that his father’s donation had something to do with that. Now, Rin was going to do the same thing. He was going to write this orphanage into his will. If he died, all of his money would go to them. After all, they had taken such great care of Haruka, and all Rin could think was, what if my father had dropped me off here instead of with the Nitori’s? He wanted to ensure that the future generation truly had it better.

Rin opened the door to the visitor center. There was a woman behind the desk who had to be at least in her mid-fifties, some of her hair was grey.

She gasped when she saw Rin, “I-It can’t be.”

This reaction surprised him, “Uh, hi. I’m here to see the manager of this place.”

“T-that would be me. My father used to run this place, and when he passed away, I took over all operations. My name is Maria, and you...you can’t be…”

“Matsuoka Rin,” Rin stated.

“You’re Kikumaru’s son,” she said still in shock, “you’re...you’re supposed to be dead.”

Rin smiled gently, “You met my father, then?”

“Yes.”

“He left me and my sister with a friend of his. It’s good that you’re still here. Do you mind if we drink some tea?”

She was thrust into the past.

Rin smiled, “I just came back from a trip to France not too long ago. I believe my father shared some tea with you when he visited. Haruka has had it too.”

“You met Haruka?” She asked, pulling him into a private meeting room and closing the visitor’s center for the moment.

“Yes,” Rin answered, “But, I’m afraid history repeated itself in that regard.”

This made a sad expression appear on her face. She started to boil some water while she listened.

“Anyway, I’m not here about that. I’m here because I’d like to make a pledge to your organization.”

“A pledge?” She asked.

“Yes, I’d like to make a standard donation, but I’d like to pledge that when I die all of my money is left to here. You did a wonderful job taking care of Haruka, and it’s only fair that more children continue to have the opportunities he did.”

The pot began to heat up, and Rin pulled out some of the Mariage Freres tea from his bag.

“Rin...I never offered to your father for you and your sister to stay here...that...that was one of my biggest regrets for a long time. Obviously, he managed his affairs well and you’re okay, but I...I want you to know, that if something ever happens, you would always have a home here,” she mixed the tea into cups with the water.

He looked at her with a bit of surprise, “I don’t think you have to be worried about me. But, I appreciate that and I’ll keep it in mind. If anything in my life ever goes wrong, who knows, maybe I will end up here. I always wanted to be a teacher,” he found himself admitting that for the second time recently.

“We’re always in need of good teachers,” her response was simple, “I am sure that you would be able to offer a lot to our students.”

“I doubt that,” Rin said. He was smart and well-educated, and he truly did respect teachers. He honestly believed that if it were not for his youthful desire for revenge, that he would not have gone on the life path that he had. Still, he doubted that at this stage he could become a teacher.

“I’m serious though. If you ever need anything, or if you ever decide that you want to retire and become a teacher, you would be more than welcome here,” Maria was genuinely happy he had come. She regretted her whole life the way that she had held her conversation with Rin’s father. She had been so young then, and her view of the world was completely different. But, now I can make it right with the son, she thought. Even though she was sure that he would never need it, she had to offer.

“Well, I’m glad I made the stop then. As I’m sure you know, I’m running for Prime Minister right now, and I have to go to a campaign rally here in Nagasaki, but I wanted to stop by here first,” he took a large swallow of the tea.

She nodded, “I understand...And thank you, Rin.”

He smiled at her.

“I...I’m really sorry about what happened to your father. I hope that someday, you and Haruka can figure out whatever it is that went wrong between you two,” She sipped on the tea.

He shook his head, “Doubtful, but I’m not worried about that. It’s my own fault. Anyway, I have other things to focus on.”

“I think you’ll make some changes that this country really needs,” she poured herself another cup.

“I hope so.” He smiled at her gently. He was happy that he had come here. All that time he spent winning money for him and Nagisa, he had nothing to spend it on. He had no idea what to do with it, but having seen Mikoshiba, he was able to gain a new understanding of his father. He was sure that his father would have been proud that he came here. He was sure that his father would want him to invest in Japan’s youth. Not only monetarily, but also, as a powerful citizen. He intended to change the track of Japan’s future.

And soon after that, Rin went to his campaign rally. It was a smashing success, and it seemed as though Rin was going truly likely to win the race. The media brought up his family history and the fact that he had actually been a Kikumaru, but strangely that seemed to gain him even more fans. People liked how far he had come. For once in his life, Rin was certain that he would be able to do something the way that it should be done.

XXX

Rin completed many rounds of his campaigning around Japan. He went to all kinds of places from Hokkaido to Sapporo. Meanwhile, Haruka continued to take over the reigns of JAL. They lived completely separate lives in spite of their shared connection, Seijuro. Seijuro tried to invite Haruka to his wedding, but Haruka knew that he would have to see Rin and so he turned down the invitation. The day finally came for the wedding, and Rin was Seijuro’s best man. Nitori acted as Gou’s “father” and walked her down the aisle. The wedding was on the beach in Hawaii and it was absolutely beautiful. It was relatively small, only Seijuro’s and Gou’s closest friends.

The after party was quite nice. Rin toasted both his sister and Seijuro, Nitori and Nagisa did the same. Rin was finally able to meet the guy who Nagisa had been seeing, Rei, and it became clear that they were really a good match. His sister had Rei cater the wedding and Rin had to admit that the food was incredible Rin was happy for Nagisa. Nitori sort of evaded Rin for most of the night. The bride and groom left the party relatively early, but everyone else stayed drinking and listening to music on the beach. 

It cooled off and as the crowd cleared out, eventually, even Nagisa and Rei left, leaving just Rin and Nitori.

They both sat in the sand looking out at the water. The water wasn’t terribly peaceful. It kept thrashing and inching closer to them, but it backed off every time.

They both had several starts and stops to their conversation.

Finally, Rin said, “I’m sorry.”

Nitori turned to him surprised, “What? Why?”

“Because, I owe you and your family so much. Without you guys, I...I don’t know where I would be. A couple of months ago, I went with Seijuro and visited an orphanage that my father went to before he died,” Rin paused. He knew that Nitori knew about the trip. Nitori knew about everything that had to do with Rin’s campaign trail, “I just...I’m sorry. I look back on our childhood, our adolescence…even the last year, and I just, I’m just sorry.”

“It’s not your fault, Rin,” Nitori wasn’t nearly as drunk as he had hoped to be at this wedding. His voice was sober.

Rin sighed, “I just...I promised you that after it was all over that I’d be with you.”

“I told you that you fell in love with him. I knew you’d fallen in love with him,” Nitori’s words didn’t come with bitterness. He seemed to accept them as fact.

Rin sighed again and a wave in the distance crashed. He looked at the moon’s reflection against the water and longed to be swimming in the ocean, “Still…”

“Honestly, I’m okay with it. I get why you don’t want to be with me. I’m second best and it’s because of that, that I’m happy. You didn’t just settle for me, Rin. You really fell for him, and you were really able to let go of all that anger. That makes me happy. I mean, I’m not thrilled that I can’t have you and never will be able to have you, but I just...I get it,” Nitori dug his hands into the sand.

Rin turned and kissed his cheek, “Thank you,” the words were almost a whisper.

It would be easier to turn to Nitori and tell him to just ignore all of that for a few minutes. It would be easier to slip inside of Nitori and forget the pain and emptiness that Haruka had left him with. It would be easier to forget that his sister and Seijuro were happy, Nagisa and Rei were happy, and that if he did this, he could pretend to be happy. For five minutes, he could feel ecstatic.

But, Rin knew the pain that came with that. And he’d changed. In the last few months, in the time since he had first been with Haruka, he had changed.

Everything had changed.

He had started to face the sort of person that he was, and he didn’t want to be that anymore.

He knew he couldn’t have Haruka, but at least he could have peace.

Rin stood up and went to his hotel room. Nitori followed him, but only because his room was next door. The two men went to their separate rooms, and fell asleep alone, neither particularly happy with the outcome.

XXX

Soon after the wedding, Rin returned to Japan. His sister and Seijuro went to celebrate their honeymoon, and Rin went to do more tours of Japan.

They’d paid off, his hard work had paid off.

It was announced almost three weeks later that Rin would be Japan’s new Prime Minister.

Rin called Nagisa on the phone to celebrate, “You’ll have to come to my inauguration. As nice as your man in San Francisco seems, you know you’re going to have to come to my inauguration, right?”

Nagisa laughed, “Of course. I wouldn’t miss it for the world. I’ll be there with your sister, Nitori, and Seijuro. Is there anyone else invited?”

“No one interesting. Name anyone we worked with back before you retired, and they’ll be there,” there were too many names for Rin to bother listing.

Nagisa laughed again, “Alright, well, I’m booking my ticket.”

“Sounds good. I look forward to seeing you soon.”

XXX

Haruka didn’t really react to the news when he heard that Rin would be the new prime minister. He had pretty much entirely enveloped himself in work. He found that he had something of a natural knack for business. He wasn’t sure where it came from, but he figured that he gained the understanding purely through his time serving as the first class attendant.

He viewed the business from the perspective of someone working at the bottom, and his care for the lower level employees earned him company loyalty in a field where it is not usually present. They immediately took to Haruka and the overall status of the company improved. He was additionally good at developing partnerships with other airlines. He remembered Rin saying that JAL didn’t fly across the US. So, he partnered with some of the America based airlines and extended the reach of JAL.

Haruka hadn’t followed the election at all, as he didn’t watch the news, since it mostly disinterested him. Also, seeing the redhead everywhere made him sick to his stomach. It made him yearn to call Seijuro and beg to speak to Rin. But, he wasn’t going to do that. He had sworn he wouldn’t do that. He had sworn he was moving on.

He’d even been out to bars. That wasn’t really his thing, but he had gone to try to just find someone to hook up with. It was only natural, after a certain amount of time, he decided. But, no one talked to him, and he found that no one seemed interesting enough for him to reach out to.

He didn’t know when Rin was elected though.

It was his assistant who mentioned it. It was no secret in the company that Haruka had worked First Class for a long time, and somehow it got out that Rin had been a passenger of his. Workers became especially interested in their connection when they learned that Rin’s sister was marrying Haruka’s half-brother, who was still largely involved in the company. Haruka avoided their questions though. He didn’t want to answer anything about his relationship with Rin. He just said that he knew Rin was always successful with politics.

Still, he was surprised to learn that Rin had become Prime Minister. Strangely, when he heard that news he thought back to their time in France, the time when Rin had told him that he wanted to be a teacher and Haruka had told him that he would make more changes as Prime Minister. He remembered how Rin had laughed when he’d said that.

Everything I ever said to him was some kind of a joke. I was so naive. And even now I’m still powerless.

Haruka opted to ignore any mention of Rin after that. He didn’t watch the news and he sure as hell was not going to watch Rin’s inauguration.

XXX

The day of his inauguration came sooner than he could have guessed. After being elected, everything was a blur. Rin felt truly in control of his life and his destiny for the first time ever. It wasn’t perfect, but he could make changes. He could fix lives, and he could potentially atone for everything.

A lot of rumors were floating around as the day inched closer. There had been one in particular that was troubling to all of the people closest to Rin. There was a rumor that there was a rather serious death threat against Rin. It was hard for Rin to take it seriously. Death threats in politics happened on a daily basis. The fact was that when you hit a certain point, and you were as vocal as Rin, you were bound to piss of some people. As an ambassador, Rin had faced threats too. Nothing had ever come of them.

And Rin truly believed that words were more powerful than weapons. He believed that he could convince people to rally to his cause, he could convince them to change. He could move Japan forward. Eventually, those who were pushing back would see that it was for the best too. And then, there would be peace.

“Mr. Matsuoka, I believe that you should have more people guarding you during this. I believe that you should definitely utilize bullet proof glass. And while I know that you may not want to hear this, you should consider cancelling this event,” his hired guard had told him. Having a guard for Rin was a new thing. Being the Japanese Ambassador to America, he once in awhile had a guard, but they were always different and they were contracted for a short time. Having someone whose sole job was to protect him was new.

Rin shook his head, “It’s Japan, Mike, not even the Yakuza use guns. This isn’t America, there’s no one who will come after me and there is no reason for bullet proof glass,” his guard was half-Japanese, which was made him more interesting than most of the lot that was interviewed for the position.

“Rin,” Nagisa urged. He had come all the way from San Francisco to see this speech. Rin’s new job after all had been the only thing that had made him happy after all this time.

Rin put an arm on Nagisa’s shoulder, “You guys act as though I’m about to speak in a warzone. This is Japan. I will be fine. I am just one voice. If Japan is not interested in becoming more liberal, then we simply will move slowly. It is fine.”

“Your voice is important though, Rin, don’t forget how hard you’ve worked to become Prime Minister,” Nagisa warned him.

Gou, Seijuro and Nitori were on the other side of the room. Nitori said nothing because he knew better than to try to tell Rin to do anything. Gou wasn’t thrilled with what was about to happen, but she knew better than to fight Rin. After all, he had the ultimate trump card to play with her, if she challenged him on any of this. She had married his worst enemy. There was no way he'd listen to her now.

“Can I speak with you, Rin?" It was Seijuro who asked. Everyone looked at him, interested in seeing what he'd say. He cleared his throat, "er, privately?” 

Rin looked at him, “Sure why the hell not?”

They went to a corner.

“Why are you doing this? You know there’s a death threat against you. No one else is going to put it that bluntly, but you know it. You have to realize this is stupid.”

“Aww, since when have you ever shown such concern for me, Seijuro?” Rin teased.

Seijuro bit his lip and looked away, “Rin...I really wish you didn’t say shit like that. You were my best man. You and I...we,” For a moment, Rin thought that he was about to mention the past, he didn’t thought, “you...you’re my family.”

“I know, I was just teasing, it'll be fine, really. I’m really happy we’ve been getting along better recently, and I’m eternally grateful to you for taking care of Haruka, but you don’t need to worry about me,” Rin patted him on the shoulder, then he turned to Mike, “I’m ready to go out there.”

The event was enormous. Thousands and thousands of people had come from all over Japan to see Rin’s inauguration and National Address. The front seats were reserved for newscasters, foreign diplomats, Japanese government officials, but others had also come to hear him speak. His guests sat in the left-side of the audience somewhere near the front. On stage, it was only Mike and him.

Rin began by talking about the greatness of Japan and the history. It was nothing unique in a political speech. He talked about how happy he was to be starting out as the Prime Minister. He acknowledged that politics were something important to his family. His own father had been heavily involved in them, as it had come out during his candidacy that he was a Kikumaru. He said that he had learned a lot about the important things from his father - family, hard work, and ultimately, freedom to be with whomever you choose. He talked about how as an ambassador in America he had seen how acceptance for gays had grown. He talked about things like gay marriage, but he also talked about things like the way he wanted to change the social structure and how he wanted more gender equality.

His speech was rather uneventful, as he had expected. He finished smoothly and there was a lot of clapping.

“There will now be five minutes for questions,” Rin stated.

The questions were all prepared in advance by the media to cut to the heart of his policy so that newspapers and blogs would have something to write about for the next week. Rin was ready for the questions and stood confidently.

A man in the middle of the front row stood up, “I have the first question for you, Kikumaru.”

Rin narrowed his eyes a bit. The lights on the stage were bright. The man’s voice was clear and loud as it came with through the small microphone on his lapel.

So, far no one had referred to him by that name. They had recognized it when everything about his father came out, but no one said anything except to provide support for Rin. The general consensus in Japan seemed to be that Matsuoka Rin was the best thing that could happen for the country, the best possible leader.

Mike stepped closer to Rin.

Several gasps became audible.

“He has a gun!” One voice in particular screamed.

There was shouting and people got down.

The man spoke gently, “Why should a degenerate like yourself be in charge of Japan?”

He raised the gun, and pointed the barrel at Rin.

People near the man started to move to the other sides. Mike started to step even closer to Rin. Rin waved a hand.

“Sir,” Mike said under his breath.

“You have a family to think about. It’s fine. Just stand back. That’s an order,” Rin’s voice was firm.

“Matsuoka-sama…” but he obeyed Rin.

Rin stepped further forward on the stage, “I understand your frustration. Let’s talk it out. Ask me anything you wish and I will answer it. Anything. Truly, I am sure that we want the same thing, we want the best for Japan.”

“There’s nothing that a liberal scumbag like yourself could say that would be good for Japan, and there’s no reason to talk,” and he pulled the trigger.

Seijuro moved quickly, to block Gou from seeing it and to keep her from running to the stage. She tried to pull away from him, but he was stronger. Nitori just stood stupidly watching with his eyes wide.

The sound of the gun firing scared most of the people there. Most had never heard the sound except in movies. After all, most Japanese policemen didn’t even carry guns.

One, two, three, four, it went on until the chamber was empty.

Several people screamed, some were crying. The police had a hard time getting people out to leave safely.

The bullets whizzed through the air at Rin, but he didn’t see them. He did not see a single one, he only saw the smoke from the gun chamber and felt the pain that knocked him backwards.

He fell onto his back and everything went black.

As he fell, he felt strangely calm. In the end, I was able to try to do the right thing. What a nice way to die...

His sister screamed against Seijuro, “No, no, no, no," but Seijuro didn't let her go to him.

The gunman went his own direction, the police were focused on him, but the people in Rin’s life didn’t care about him. They only cared about the redhead, who they were watching die right before their eyes.

Mike called 9-1-1.

But, it was sure to be too late, and deep down, they all knew that.

XXX


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: i realized when i reread this story after submitting the last chapter that Nagisa plays literally the same role in this story as he does in UTL.
> 
> I really liked the idea of everyone thinking Seijuro had simply gone crazy and refusing to believe him even when he tells the truth. I think there’s either going to be one or two more chapters you guys.

XXX

Haruka’s phone beeped. He was preparing his breakfast. It was hard for him to believe how much his life had changed in the last couple of weeks, but he had enjoyed working for Seijuro. Slowly but surely, he was healing from the pain. He had been able to delve into his work and when he did, he could forget everything else.

It was the time that he wasn’t working that he remembered the pain.

He was living in a new apartment though, which helped. It had been much worse when he was going home every night to the dark apartment that he had lived in with Makoto. The old apartment itself was fine. Haruka wasn’t accustomed to the life that came with the money that he had suddenly come into. But the memories that he wanted to avoid, flooded him when he went to the apartment he used to share with Makoto and he couldn’t handle that. The new apartment in Shinagawa was better. It was significantly more expensive and not terribly fancier, but it was better.

He figured the text was from Seijuro which was why he didn’t rush over and address it. He hadn’t heard from Seijuro in a few days, but that didn’t mean anything now. He had mostly taken over JAL, and he was a pretty successful manager. As a result, Seijuro had been able to step back. He spent most of his time travelling with Gou on one of his private jets, going to her latest fashion shows and following her around. 

There were some things that Seijuro was still involved in though. Haruka imagined that the text was about the new merger that they were working on with one of the American airlines.

To his surprise, the text was actually from Makoto. He hadn’t talked with Makoto since their breakup. After all, it made him sad to even think about Makoto, and he knew that any conversation that he had with Makoto would have been filled with some kind of bitterness. Not that what had happened was Makoto’s fault. Even though Makoto had been the one to actually cheat in the end, Haruka hadn’t been the best of boyfriends to him. The wound was too fresh for Haruka to reach out to Makoto and talk to him though. And Makoto hadn’t reached out to him, which made Haruka surprised that Makoto would text him. He hesitated opening it.

Still, Haruka’s curiosity got the best of him and he finally decided to read it.

Three words.

“Are you okay?”

It was a weird text message to receive after months of not speaking.

“I’m fine. Why?” Haruka typed back.

“Have you seen the news?”

The news, what news, Haruka wondered. He clicked on the TV. 

To his surprise, there was an emergency announcement and it was being made on every channel. Haruka flipped through a few, but it was the same on all of them.

Japan’s newly voted in prime minister, Matsuoka Rin, or Erin Kikumaru Jr., was assassinated at his inauguration national address.

Haruka stared at the screen.

It couldn’t be true.

It just couldn’t.

He didn’t want to see Rin, he was mad at Rin, but he didn’t want Rin to be dead.

Haruka got lightheaded and he started to feel like he might fall over. He sat on his couch and watched the announcement over and over again unable to comprehend it.

XXX

Gou stood in the hospital room looking at her brother. He was on all sorts of machines and she hated this.

She went through all sorts of different emotions. She started somewhat optimistic. She squeezed his hand, and she told him that it was going to be alright. She told him that he would be alright. He would live.

But, tears started to stream down her face.

What if he doesn’t wake up? She started to wonder. What if he really dies?

Her grip on his hand tightened, “You have to wake up. You can’t leave me alone, Rin. Everyone else in our family left me alone. Everyone except you. You can’t do it. You can’t.

“You have to...promise me, Rin. Promise me…”

And she could have sworn that she felt the slightest twitch in his fingertips.

But, that had to be her imagination.

She knew the reality of the situation.

She knew that her brother wouldn’t make it through this.

XXX

Rin was sitting at his desk. He wasn’t sure how he had gotten there, but it was his desk in his apartment in New York. He hadn’t seen it in a while, he thought in passing. He had never spent much time at that desk. Usually, when he was in New York, he went into his office at the UN. He liked his office there. He liked it better than his office in Tokyo. He liked it better than the Prime Minister office, which he would soon be working entirely out of.

Papers were strewn across his desk, which wasn’t common for Rin. He tended to keep his desk completely organized. And if it were the slightest bit messy, the maid helped organize it.

The writing on the papers was illegible, but he didn’t focus on them or even bother reading them.

His Dad was sitting in a chair on the opposite side of his desk. When did he get there?

“Dad…” Rin started to stand up, he started to try to greet him, but something held him back. There was some tight pain in his chest and arm.

“It’s okay, I’ll come to you,” his Dad came to the other side and gave Rin a big hug, “I’m so proud of you.”

What for? Rin thought, but he didn’t say that.

“I wish I could have been there for all those moments, but I’m so proud of you. You’ve become a better man than I ever could have imagined,” his father praised him and then sat back down on the other side of the desk.

Rin looked around, he hadn’t noticed it at first, but things were different about his apartment in New York. He couldn’t focus on certain things, as though he couldn’t remember what actually was there, “Am I dead?”

“No.”

“Why are you here?”

“You’re dreaming,” his father’s answer was simple.

Rin realized this wasn’t the first time that this had happened. He had frequent nightmares after all. They were always like this, details were missing. Occasionally, like in the case of this one, he was cognizant that it was a nightmare.

This one seemed oddly less dark though. Usually, his father chastised him. His father never praised him.

Rin sighed.

“Tell me about your life.”

About my life? Rin wondered. It’s terrible. It’s been a terrible year. I’ve done so much, but for what? I’m going to end up alone.

“I want to die,” Rin finally settled on.

His father’s expression hardened, “Don’t be so cavalier about that.”

Rin didn’t look away though, “I’m serious. I...I have no hope for anything. I’ve disappointed practically everyone and there’s just no point. I have so many things I want to change, but I just, I don’t have the patience to see them through.”

“You have to make yourself happy.”

“I don’t even know how. Besides, it’s not like you’re one to talk.”

His father bit his lip.

“I just want to die.”

Promise me, Rin. Promise me. The words seemed to come from somewhere else. Rin didn’t know why he heard them. He didn’t know where he heard them from.

“What was that?” Rin looked around. His father hadn’t said them. He hadn’t said them.

His father smiled slightly, “You may say you want to die, but your body feels differently, Rin. The people around you feel differently. They want you to fight.”

“To fight…” Rin repeated, “Why?”

“You have to find that reason on your own. Think, Rin. We’ve got plenty of time.”

And he did think. He thought for what seemed like years. Time moved differently in dreams after all.

Finally, he decided on something, “I want to live my own life as it should have been.”

“Your own life as it should have been?” His father asked.

“Yes. You should have sent me to the orphanage. Or you should have taken Haruka out of there. I don’t know. We should have been together.”

“It was too dangerous,” his father’s response was simple and logical.

Rin shook his head, “I don’t know. I’m not saying I have the solution, but that’s where I want to go.”

“Why? You’re not a child.”

“I want to be a teacher. I want to do what I want to do. I want to just live like a normal person.”

“You’re not a normal person, Rin. You never have been.”

This was more like his standard nightmare. His father telling him what he could and couldn’t do. His father telling him how he would fail.

But, then it changed.

“And that’s a good thing, Rin. I think you should be who you want to be, if it’ll make you happy. I’ve always just wanted you to be happy. I want you to live, Rin. It’s harder to live. And someday, I want you to face your problems head on.”

The pain burned. He reached for it, and it hurt, but he touched his chest.

And when he did so, he woke up.

XXX

Almost a week had gone by when Rin came to.

His chest had a lot of pain, which he noticed immediately, as did his left arm. He looked to his left and saw Seijuro staring at him.

“We didn’t think you’d wake up. None of the doctors did,” the look on his face was of genuine surprise and concern. It was an expression that sort of surprised Rin.

“I’ll call your sister and a doctor,” Seijuro reached for his cellphone.

“W-wait,” Rin was still weak, “let’s talk for a minute. What...what happened?”

“You were shot by a member of the extremist conservative faction. He's been caught and detained. Confessed to the whole thing. Thinking that you’d never wake up, the media announced your death yesterday, making a whole bunch of people rally to your cause,” Rin raised his eyebrows. Then, seeing the deep thoughtful look on the redhead’s face, Seijuro couldn’t help himself, “Shame you're not actually dead, things'll probably go back to normal.”

Rin ignored his last comment, "They really are working on my ideals? Making them happen?”

Seijuro nodded, "You'd be surprised how moving your assassination was."

It even bothered Haruka, but Seijuro didn’t say that.

Rin smiled slightly, "Then Rin Matsuoka will stay dead."

"What?" Seijuro asked, but the wheels were starting to turn, “N...no…”

Rin looked at him, "They really think I'm dead?” Rin corrected himself, “Or dying? All of them? Even Gou and Nagisa? Nitori?"

Seijuro nodded slowly, "No one thought you'd wake up, one of the bullets scraped your heart and another your lung...all of Japan thinks you're dead. If you watch the video footage of the attack, it looks like you died immediately. We haven’t given the media any updates on your medical condition...your sister didn’t want to talk to them. You know how much she hates the Japanese media,” Rin had to smirk slightly about that. He shared her sentiment. Her sister directed most of her anger about their parents at the media. “Considering there were no updates and days have gone by, it's already been broadcast. You’re good as dead."

Two vital organs...

Rin sat quiet for a minute. He was deep in thought. 

"Recently, you've been saying you're my brother and my family, and everything...will you do me a favor?" Rin asked.

"Anything," he meant it, but Seijuro knew he wouldn't like whatever Rin was about to ask.

Rin smiled, "It's for the good of Japan that I stay dead. And really, it's not my first time taking on a new life,” he winked at Seijuro, who didn’t smile in response. Rin’s voice became serious, “I need your help though to do it successfully. Whatever money you can give me, and no one can know, not even my sister."

"Why are you doing this?"

"Losing Haruka - This last year has been the worst year of my life, but I've finally done something right to atone for it. Now, I want to be free. I want to do what I want to do. Being alive will jeopardize that. I really think this way I'll finally be free to live my life without the expectations of anyone, no strings. Not Haruka, not Nitori, not Gou, not my dead family haunting me. Just me. Just doing what I want to do," Rin smiled, “I can be free at last.”

"You're high," Seijuro deadpanned. He was strongly regretting agreeing to watch Rin. How the hell was he supposed to know that Rin was going to wake up on his watch and go completely batshit insane? But, he wanted to help Rin, because he knew that if he didn’t, Rin would never forgive him. Rin was finally starting to seem to come around to seeing Seijuro as family. This was his chance to prove that once and for all. Sorry Gou, he thought in passing, I’m probably going to do yet another stupid thing for this guy’s sake.

"Probably," the painkillers were pretty strong.

"Will this make you happy, Rin?"

His answer was short and decisive, "Yes."

"Okay."

Seijuro stood, walked over to the redhead and kissed his forehead, "I've wanted you to be happy a long time. Because just as I love your sister, I love you too."

He did. There was something about the Kikumaru's. And so, he opened up his wallet. He revealed about $5000 dollars in cash, which was hardly any money to him, “I’ll give you all of this minus what I need to pay off the nurse. You can go to my house in Hakone for now. No one in my family ever goes there. It’ll be empty and there are some doctors there who I’m sure will be willing to look the other way. There’s a safe there with some more money. The password is your and your sister’s birthday. I’ll get you healthy in secret, and then, you can go your separate way. I’m going to give you my cell-phone.”

There was something about the look on Rin’s face that made Seijuro concerned, “Rin. I want you to promise me something.”

Rin’s eyes flashed at him.

“If I do this for you, I need you to promise me one thing.”

Rin didn’t like the idea of that, but for now, he didn’t have much choice.

“I need you to promise me that you won’t simply disappear. I need you to promise me that you’ll always be somewhere that I can find you.”

“I promise.”

It was a white lie though. Because Rin knew Seijuro well enough to know that eventually he would break and tell Gou that Rin was alive. Or that she’d be able to figure it out on her own.

And he didn’t want to do it anymore. He didn’t want to smile for anyone’s sake. He didn’t want to conceal his true feelings.

He simply wanted to disappear and he knew exactly where to go. It was something of a loop-hole. It was a place Seijuro knew, a place they had gone together, but it wasn’t somewhere that he’d ever come up with. It wasn’t somewhere he’d ever expect Rin to go.

Yes, Rin planned on finally living his own life the way he always should have, the way that he was meant to.

Rin planned to go to the orphanage in Nagasaki.

XXX

Haruka grabbed yet another cup of coffee. He couldn’t believe it, Rin dead? It wasn’t possible. His whole chest hurt. He watched the video of Rin’s inauguration again and again. He watched Rin die before his eyes again and again.

It was so fast. And in the split seconds, he swore he saw Rin smile. He swore that Rin was happy. But, Haruka was miserable.

I never thought...I never thought he’d die. I never thought that this would happen. I just thought we’d live separately for awhile and who knows, maybe eventually, maybe I’d go and hear him out. Maybe the time would pass and we’d fall back into each other. Or maybe not. But, death? That wasn’t in the cards.

Haruka picked up his cell phone and dialed Seijuro’s number. There was no answer, but Haruka left a message, “Call me when you have a chance...I...I need to talk to you.”

He didn’t hear from Seijuro for days. And he didn’t go into work. Not that it mattered. Japan was in enough chaos in the aftermath, the absence of the JAL CEO was not something that anyone was particularly concerned about. There was a whole bunch of legislation being pushed through and there was a lot of debate about who would take over Rin’s place.

Haruka hardly could convince himself to get out of bed during those days. He ordered food and laid in bed. He didn’t even know how the time passed. It didn’t feel like it did.

Eventually, Seijuro called him back. His voice was cold, “Hey.”

“Is...is it true?” Haruka couldn’t actually ask the question. He just couldn’t. Asking if Rin was dead was too much for him.

Seijuro thought about the lie that he was about to tell. He wanted so badly to tell Haruka the truth. He wondered if it would make a difference. He wondered if Haruka would go to Rin and if the redhead would smile. But, he remembered his promise, “Afraid so.”

There was silence on Haruka’s end. His whole body seemed to have lost the ability to hold itself together. Still, he didn’t express that, “I see.”

“You’ve been out of work for awhile, I saw,” Seijuro commented.

Haruka didn’t answer. Finally, he said, “I’ll go back tomorrow.”

“I think that would be for the best. Sometimes, distractions are all we have.”

“Will there be a funeral?”

“Closed casket. Just for family and Nagisa. You can come if that’s what you want.”

“I wouldn’t feel right,” and he wouldn’t. It was too painful to think about.

Seijuro swallowed hard, “I’ll meet with you tomorrow, Haruka.”

“Okay.”

They hung up soon after that.

One more day to forget.

XXX

The conversation on the phone had been bad enough, Seijuro knew that the conversation with Gou was going to be much harder.

She was sitting in the dark in their apartment in Tokyo when he got home.

He flipped on the lightswitch and sat next to her. He didn’t say anything. He just sat.

“You know, you’re going to think I’m crazy for saying this, but it doesn’t feel like he’s dead. I feel like he’s alive. I feel like he is somewhere and I just can’t reach him. I feel like he’s off on another one of his trips. Like we’re just our normal distance apart. Not like he’s dead. I feel like he could walk through the door, and say that he was sorry, he had to take some time off, because he had been so busy with work. I feel like he could send me a text message bitching about whatever design I sent him to wear.

“I just don’t feel like he’s dead.”

Seijuro closed his eyes. It was so hard for him. On the one hand, he wanted to comfort her, but on the other he thought of his promise to Rin.

The ring on his hand felt heavy though. It felt so heavy.

Forgive me, Gou, he thought. And he knew, he knew that when the day would come that she would know, she would. She was so forgiving and understanding of him. She would be able to understand this.

She would have to.

“It’s going to be okay.”

XXX

Rin went to Hakone as he had promised Seijuro. After all, he needed time to heal more, and he needed more money than Seijuro had given him, and there was sure to be more in that house. Their families stored money in secret safes all around the world. Rin knew that the combination was Gou’s and his birthday, and that he would be able to take it all easily and get where he needed to be.

He was sorry for doing this. He felt badly for being this selfish. Part of him wanted to call all of his family and friends and say, “Don’t worry, it’s all okay.”

But, he needed to do this. He had promised his father that he would take the time for himself. He had promised his father that he would go and he would actually live.

And he thought that in doing so, he could be happy. He thought that this would be the best possible thing that could happen.

XXX

“I had to call you, and talk about him with you. You’re...you’re the only family I have left,” Gou whispered into the phone, “I’m worried about him. I don’t know what to do.”

“He told me the same story a while ago. I think he’s told it to Nagisa too. Maybe even to Haruka...well, maybe not. He...he just needs time, Gou. He can’t accept what he saw. He can’t accept that he was the last one to see Rin. He can’t accept that he was with Rin when he died.”

Gou stayed silent on the other end of the phone.

“That’s why he’s come up with this whole story that he helped him escape and that he let him live in the Hakone house and that Rin must have just taken off again. He probably intentionally threw away his old phone, to help him live with what happened. As for the house, you know it’s much more likely that someone broke in and emptied the safe. You and I both know that. That house is completely unguarded. I don’t think anyone has gone there in years, himself included. It was all boarded up. Some kids probably just broke in and vandalized it,” Nitori comforted her over the phone. He understood why Gou was so upset. Gou wanted to move past her brother’s death. That in and by itself was an impossible enough task. Seijuro had only made that worse by creating some story about even collecting another body be Rin’s ashes, paying off several people in the process.

But, Nitori was able to understand his perspective as well. After all, for as much as Rin and Seijuro butted heads when Rin was alive, they had become close. Seijuro wasn’t able to cope with the fact that he had been there when Rin died. Nitori imagined that had he been in Seijuro’s place, he would have been equally traumatized.

Hell, he thought that he might even have come up with some ridiculous story that he had hidden Rin off in some other house.

Gou sighed, “What should I do?”

“Give him time. Give him time to heal. Maybe encourage him to do more work with Haruka. He seems to like working with Haruka and helping him. That’ll probably take his mind off of Rin.”

“And what about for me?”

“Hang in there. You should do the same for a bit. You should do your work on your pieces. Run the fashion show next week in New York like normal. I’ll be there along with Nagisa. You’ve loved that for as long as I can remember. I’m sure that’ll help,” Nitori’s voice was pained though. He remembered the last fashion show that Gou had put up last year. He remembered coming onto Rin and Rin rejecting him. He remembered everything else that had happened up until then.

Their conversation ended soon after that.

Rin, Nitori thought painfully, I wish I had stopped you. I wish I had made you live with me instead of letting you run for Prime Minister. Most of all, I wish that I had been good enough for you.

But, Nitori knew that there was no way that he could have changed anything that happened. Rin was a free spirit, and that was half of why Nitori had loved him.

XXX

When Rin opened the door to the orphanage, he felt a strange sense of dejavu. But, it was different. So much was different. He had cut and dyed his hair black, but those who knew him would easily recognize him. He wore long sleeve shirts to cover up the scars. He had mostly healed, and he had enough money from Seijuro’s safe to get him here, but not enough to live permanently on. Certainly not enough to stay in hiding.

But, that didn’t matter. He didn’t need much money now.

Maria was at the front when he opened the door and she immediately recognized him, “It’s not possible...I watched the video...you...you can’t be alive.”

“Seems I’m rather hard to kill,” Rin smiled, “but it should have come as good news for you, the orphanage received quite a stipend when I died.”

She frowned, “I didn’t wish it upon you though, Rin.”

“I was teasing. I’ve decided to go by Yodobashi Eri. You can call me Eri.”

“Keeping part of your original name still?”

“I need something besides the scars to remind me of my past lives,” He smiled, but his voice became more serious, “I wanted to ask you if you were serious about your offer.”

“It’s your money still technically, so you can have any of it that you need.”

“You misunderstand me, Maria. I mean about finding shelter here.”

“Well, we can pay you with your own money. Would that work?”

“It should,” Rin smiled, “I hope you can redo some of the buildings though too, and hire other great teachers.”

“What would you like to teach?”

“Not sure. Whatever language you need taught,” Rin answered. He had always been good with languages after all.

“We could always use an English teacher…” She bit her lip, “How would you feel about slightly younger kids? Middle schoolers?”

“That’ll be nice.”

“We have lodging here for the teachers too. Using your donation, we’ll probably build more though.”

“You really have to stop referring to it that way,” Rin warned.

“I know, but it’s hard for me to believe. Does anyone know you’re alive? Other than me?”

“My brother-in-law, and probably as a result everyone who ever mattered to me. They don’t know where I am though,” Rin answered.

She pursed her lips, “You should be with your family.”

“I need some time away. Some day maybe I’ll go back to them.”

“Okay…” She said, “Well, let me show you where you’ll be staying and where you’ll be teaching. I’m really happy you are okay, ‘Eri’. And I’m happy that you are going to be here. I think it’ll be good for you.”

“I hope so.”

XXX


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Sorry for the delay in update on this one. Took some time to sit down and actually write this out. I hope the Haruka and Rin students aren’t too weird. I liked the idea.
> 
> If you like SnK - AoT, you should check out my new crack craigslist fic.

XXX

“Haruka,” Rin kissed him gently, and rested his hands on Haruka’s shoulders.

Haruka felt his heartbeat quicken ever so slightly. The two of them were in bed in their rental apartment in France.

“Haruka, I love you so much,” Rin kissed his lips. Haruka felt his eyes close. Rin began to touch all over him, every inch of him.

He felt his heart race and his breath quicken. A small moan escaped his lips. Haruka knew what was coming next, he could feel Rin slide his hand down Haruka’s thigh.

But then, Rin stopped.

Haruka opened his eyes and started to open his mouth to ask why Rin was stopping.

Rin looked so sad. He looked completely heartbroken, and it caused Haruka’s chest to hurt.

“I’m dead, Haruka. You left me and it killed me. You should have picked up your phone. You’ll never see me again.”

“W-what? Why are you saying that?” Haruka asked, he was surprised. He couldn’t understand why Rin would say such horrible things to him. He especially couldn’t understand it considering their present position.

Rin touched Haruka’s chest, “You know it, Haruka. You know I’m dead. You watched me die. Again and again. Remember?”

Haruka shook his head, it wasn’t possible. Rin was right here in front of him, he wasn’t dead. But, when Haruka looked down there was blood everywhere.

Haruka woke up with a start. He hardly remembered his dream. He knew that Rin had been in it, but that wasn’t anything new. Ever since Rin had died, he had been all that Haruka could think about. As hard as Haruka tried to escape into his work, he couldn’t forget the redhead.

Haruka glanced over at his clock. Three AM blinked in red back at him. He sighed. He sat up and felt some cold sweat in his hair. He got out of bed and went straight for his cellphone. His assistant had sent him a couple of emails over the course of the night. He started to address them.

This was all he could do now, he thought.

XXX

Rin’s transition into the school went better than he’d expected, he seemed to have a natural knack for teaching. This came in part from the fact that he’d always had great language teachers and he simply did what they had done for him that had worked. His students were all great, all so full of life.

There were two in particular who had come to care especially about. One of them reminded him of how he had been when he was a kid, or perhaps how he would have been if he had been able to stay more positive. The other seemed so locked in his own world and yet, something about him seemed to brighten around the positive one. He’s just like a young Haruka, Rin imagined. It was strange, he would have thought such thoughts would cause him pain, but they didn’t. He knew that Haruka was doing well, he knew that Haruka was better off without him and as a result, Rin was perfectly content.

A few weeks into his transition into the school, Rin broke the class into small groups to work on question formation in English. 

“Hey, Mr. Eri,” the redhead who reminded Rin of himself called Rin over. He was working with Haruka but apparently they had a question.

“Yes?” Rin asked.

“Is it true that we’re going to get a pool here?” He asked in Japanese.

Rin did his usual response to this, “I’m sorry, I don’t speak any Japanese. Ask in English.”

He frowned slightly, “A pool is going to build here?”

Rin sighed. Question formation was a difficult skill. Rin ignored that he had used the wrong tense, choosing to focus on the question formation part of the grammar as that was part of their lesson, “It’s better to ask if a pool is going to be built, since you don’t know the answer. Remember that type of question - that you asked me is for seeking confirmation when you already know the answer. The correct type is ‘Is a pool going to be built here?’”

“Is a pool going to be built here?” the one who was like a young Rin repeated.

Rin nodded and he noticed that the quiet one seemed to perk up any time the word ‘pool’ was said. Yes, he’s just like Haruka, remembering Haruka’s reaction to his pool in New York, “Yes, there is going to be a pool here.”

“Wow, that Rin Matsuoka was really the best. I’m so glad he died and gave the school a whole bunch of money.”

And Rin actually laughed at first in response, but then he said, “You shouldn’t talk that way about the dead.”

“It’s true though. We wouldn’t have you as a teacher without him. He must have been a pretty good guy to leave all of his money here, every adult’s always talking about how he was the greatest politician Japan ever had,” he jabbered on.

“He wasn’t a good man,” Rin answered softly, then he realized that sounded strange and he added quickly, "No politician is." 

The one who looked like Haruka eyed him suspiciously. Rin patted the young Rin on the head, “but you’re right. He was a good politician.”

Class was dismissed soon after that.

XXX

Haruka’s rise to power in JAL may not have been normal, but he had sure been successful. In the last year since he had been running JAL he had tripled their profits. The company was rolling in money, and he was continuing to build partnerships and develop their business. Their investors were blown away. Most people didn’t believe that airlines could make money, but somehow, Haruka had been able to turn profits people couldn’t even imagine.

It seemed inevitable that as a result they would have to start addressing philanthropy. After all, any business that makes money has to give back. And Haruka came from humble beginnings.

“Haruka,” Seijuro advised him, “You should donate to your foster care system. Make it so that those children can go on trips abroad or something. Tie it to the company of course,” after all, part of giving back was the PR that came with it, “but, you should play that card. You should remind people where you came from.”

“Rin left my orphanage with plenty of money,” Haruka’s voice was bitter.

Seijuro nearly dropped his phone, Haruka tended to pretend that Rin never had existed most days, “Well, you should go visit it at least then. See if there’s anything else they need. Maybe they can invest some of his money in JAL for the future of those kids. Don’t think about him, just think about them.”

“I know you’re right, it just...it just makes me sick is all,” because, Haruka thought, he tried so hard to fix what had happened and I never gave him the chance. Rin, even in death, you haunt me.

Seijuro sighed, “I’ll go with you. If you would like…”

“Thank you,” Haruka’s voice was so quiet, it was almost a whisper.

XXX

Rin walked back to his apartment one day after class on the day of the American Thanksgiving holiday. He had always enjoyed Thanksgiving in the US. It wasn’t celebrated in Japan for obvious reasons, but it was one of the more fun holidays as an ambassador. He was always invited to the best family parties during Thanksgiving. 

Holidays were truly a great way to learn about a culture. That said, it had been a tough lesson in class. He had to talk about the holiday and how Americans spent the time with family to a whole bunch of rather young students without any family. They had a Thanksgiving dinner together though and Rin ended the lesson saying that they were all each other’s family. Then, he took a class photo with his students.

That was nice. And the truth was, they had become his family. He had never been a Nitori. The Nitori family had always taken care of him, but he wasn’t a Nitori. And Gou was his family, but she was different. When their parents died, it brought them together as siblings, but Rin had never been able to be the brother to her that he should have been. Besides, they were always so far apart physically, even when Rin was in New York, he lived on the other side of the city.

Rin sighed as he trudged back to his apartment. The apartment that Maria had put him in was close to where the foster dorm was for his students. On the way back, he frequently passed by some of his students.

Today, he saw the young Haruka sitting by himself. He appeared to be crying. He stopped though when he recognized Rin.

“Mr. Eri,” he said softly.

“What’s wrong?” Rin asked.

“Nothing,” he stiffened.

“You can talk to me.”

“You wouldn’t understand. You have parents, you probably even have siblings, I just...sometimes I wonder what that’s like,” the young Haruka wiped away his tears.

Rin sighed and sat down on the ground next to him, “You’re right, I can’t quite understand that...I knew my parents. They may have died, but I remember them.”

This seemed to surprise the young Haruka. Rin didn’t share much about himself after all, none of his students knew that his parents were dead or anything about his parents. Rin tried to avoid talking about anything in regards to his past, but the situation seemed to demand it.

“Your parents are dead?” He asked, genuinely surprised.

Rin nodded.

“When?”

“When I was like six years old.”

“I didn’t know either of my parents,” the young Haruka said, “they both died when I was too little to remember them. Car crash.”

Rin wrapped his arm around the student, “It’s okay to be sad about that. But, you’re not alone. You’re surrounded by people in the same situation. People who all love you.”

He nodded, and he wiped away some of the tears, “Mr. Eri, when do you think the pool will open?”

“Do you like swimming?” Rin asked.

“I’ve only gone a few times, but it feels nice to move through the water. It’s a feeling I can’t explain...it’s just so peaceful.”

“I think it’s going to be built soon. It probably won’t open for a year,” Rin answered, thinking that he would have to see what he could do to move that along. It seemed like a lot of the kids were interested in the pool.

“Do you like swimming?” The student asked Rin.

Rin started to say that he went swimming in high school and college, he even started to say that he had a pool, but he stopped himself. He remembered that was not his life. And even if they opened a pool here, he wouldn’t be able to swim in it. After all, he had sworn that he would never take off his shirt in front of anyone at the school except for Maria. It was too risky for him and for them if anyone saw his scars, “I...I don’t like the water. It scares me.”

“Well, you could be our coach then,” the kid stood up and smiled, “I’d like that.”

Rin stood up too, “I’ll have to see. It’s hard work being a teacher. You go head back now. And if you ever need anything let me know.”

“Thanks, Mr. Eri,” and the kid who looked like Haruka headed for his dorm.

Rin went back to his apartment.

XXX

“Eri, can I speak with you after class?” Maria had stepped into their classroom.

“Of course, I’ll go to your office after this lesson.”

He wondered what that was about, but he wasn’t concerned. He figured that perhaps it was news about the pool. Ever since he had arrived it seemed to be the most exciting thing for his favorite students and the rest of his class seemed happy about it too. He wanted them to get anything and everything they wanted. He was happy that he had donated all of the money from his past life here. Having done so, but being alive gave him some control over what happened after all.

He walked slowly over to her office after class.

“Thanks for coming, Rin.” They were in private now and she could use his real name. They sat down at the same table that Rin had been at with her in what seemed like forever ago.

“No problem, what did you want to talk about?” He asked.

She started to pour some tea, “I have some news.”

Rin raised his eyebrows.

“We’re going to throw a special Christmas party this year,” she paused.

Rin’s face lit up, “I think that’s a great idea. I’m sure the kids will love it. We can use some money and make it really special. There’s more than enough. We could have someone dress up as Santa. We could even get them special ordered candy canes and other things from America, so that I could tie it into their English classes. We could get a tree flown here. We can have them make wish lists and get them their favorite things...I’m sure they’ll be impressed. 

“I also wanted to look into what it would cost to rush the pool plans. Several of my students have indicated that it’s something they really want. I don’t think we could do that by Christmas, but perhaps we can buy them some gear for Christmas... Although, I guess that if we bought them new swimsuits now, they might grow out of them. Well, either way, I think a Christmas party is a great idea.”

Her expression darkened slightly.

“What’s wrong?” Rin asked, suddenly alarmed. He knew the money wasn’t the problem.

“It’s being sponsored by JAL, Rin. H - Haruka reached out to me...I guess as part of their philanthropy program he thinks it would be a good idea to have a party here. He said that considering the mark you had left as a politician in Japan and that you choose to leave your money in the children of the future...well...he felt was really honorable. He thought that he would come and meet the children throw the party, and then, possibly donate trips for the students to get to travel and learn languages. That was his favorite thing after all while he was here...learning languages, and of course...travel is so important to him,” she looked away.

Rin’s eyes widened, “Did you tell him…?”

“No, no of course not. I just...I wanted to let you know that he would be coming here.”

“I think I’ll have to miss the party, I can help you with the planning, but I won’t be attending...” Rin said, his voice was dry. This had been the last possible thing he would have expected. He mentally kicked himself. Haruka grew up here. Of course it makes sense. What the hell is wrong with me? Why did I think this was my safe haven?

“Are you sure that’s what you want? Perhaps if he saw you now...you might be able to work it out.”

Rin let out a long sigh, “I think this is for the best.”

“If that’s what you want,” she set her cup down on the table.

“Is that everything you needed?” His face was expressionless.

She watched the steam come up off the tea, “Yes…”

He stood up, “I’m going to head home then. If you’ll excuse me.”

She nodded.

He headed for the door.

“Rin -” she called out.

He turned around slightly.

“I understand if you won’t go to the party, but...I hope you won’t leave. I think you really make a difference for the students here. I’ll understand if it’s what you want, but...I think they really need you. They’ve improved so much since you came here, and not only in terms of their English,” she smiled at him weakly.

He nodded, “I won’t leave. I promise. I just...I’ll tell them that I’m sick when it comes time for that.”

She winced a bit, “Yeah. I understand.”

And Rin went back to his home.

XXX

Seijuro sighed as he walked the streets of New York. December was the best time of year to be in New York. Everything was lit up, it was cold, but not bitterly cold. It was like one giant winter festival. He trudged the steps up to Rin’s old apartment.

He’d gotten into a fight with Gou about the place. He thought that they might as well sell it or at least rent it out. Nothing had been right between the two of them since Rin had died. Seijuro was terribly upset about the fact that she refused to believe him that Rin was still alive, and she was upset because she claimed that Seijuro only told her this to hurt her.

Since to both of them it didn’t seem as though Rin was coming back, alive or not, he thought they should sell it. There was no reason to hold onto it, but she didn’t want that to happen. She wanted it to stay exactly how it had been. Even if she didn’t believe he was alive, she couldn’t let go.

And so, he went over to go check on the place and pay the bills.

XXX

Rin sighed, he had agreed to help set up for the Christmas party, but he was regretting his offer. The school was in the process of using his money to build some new buildings that would allow them to have even more children. Additionally, they would include a hall that would be large enough to host donors in the future, but for now, he had to help empty the desks out of his classroom. After all, it was his classroom that was the largest and would be the best for the Christmas party.

He moved the desks rather slowly. It was so damn hot as he was wearing his usual long sleeves and jacket to cover up his scars from his incident. He was sweating profusely.

A student walked by, it was the young Haruka. Rin smiled and nodded at him, “Can I help you, Mr. Eri?”

“You don’t have to,” Rin smiled and wiped sweat off his forehead, “Getting it ready for the Christmas party.”

“Oh, I can help,” the young Haruka took a table, “I’m a little excited for that.”

“Is that so?” Rin asked.

“There’s a rumor going around that we’re going to get twice as many presents this year,” he smiled a little deviously.

Rin laughed knowing it was true, “Who knows.”

“Will you go to the party, Mr. Eri?”

“Yeah, of course, I’m a teacher after all,” Rin was lying. He’d contract a “sickness” at the last minute, but there was no reason to say that.

“I’m glad. I heard we’re going to have some special guests, the head of JAL who used to be an orphan here and his half-brother who is the brother-in-law of the Matsuoka guy who gave us the money for the pool and everything else are coming. I want to meet them,” he helped Rin carry a table.

Rin was really starting to get hot, he wiped his forehead again, “Oh? Why’s that?”

“Well, I heard they’re going to start a scholarship for travel. I’d like to travel around the world and see everywhere. You’ve been to America right?” he was being surprisingly talkative. 

He must have been pretty excited about the party, Rin thought. That or he was opening up to Rin, which would have also been nice.

Rin nodded, “A bit yeah. I lived there for awhile.”

“You’re looking really warm, Mr. Eri,” he showed some concern.

“Yeah, these tables are pretty heavy, I’m alright though. Don’t worry,” Rin smiled. It must have been because he was delirious, but he couldn’t take it. He took off his shirt.

The second that he did it though, he regretted it, remembering his scars.

The student stared at them. He seemed to realize that he was staring though, and then, he looked away.

“W-what happened to you?” his curiosity made him forget his manners, but Rin’s chest had scars in the shape of holes as did his left arm.

Rin sighed, the heat had made him forget, “It’s nothing. Don’t worry about it.”

“Is...is that how your parents died?”

Rin sighed again. He looked away, and then he closed his eyes. And he lied. He lied because he had to. He had to lie to protect this life of his. Even if Haruka was going to temporarily intrude on it, he would be gone soon enough and Rin could continue living in his perfect world. He was alone, but he was happy. He was making a difference and he was helping people in need.

And he was living a normal life.

But, some scars never go away. Luckily, one thing that Rin had always been good at, had been lying.

XXX

A few days before the Christmas party, Rin came down with some kind of terrible “sickness”. Maria substituted for him in order to help him with the lie. She knew it was what he wanted after all. The students made it all rather clear that they missed Mr. Eri and preferred his lessons, but she said that there was nothing that could be done.

They seemed to sort of forget that though in their excitement for the Christmas party.

Seijuro and Haruka had gone together. The whole way to Nagasaki, Seijuro told Haruka that this was going to be a good thing. This was going to be a great thing for their business and it was going to be a good way for Haruka to be a role model to the children who were presently in the same situation that he had once been in.

Haruka knew that Seijuro was right, but he also knew that going there was going to cause him to think about Rin. He knew this because it was where Rin had donated all of his money and he knew that by bringing Seijuro, Rin was going to come up in conversation. After all, Seijuro was Rin’s brother-in-law. Haruka didn’t want to think about Rin. He tried so hard to not think about Rin, because Rin made him feel horribly guilty. Rin made him feel sick, but there was nothing that could be done about that now.

Half of him didn’t want Seijuro to come with him at all because of his connection to Rin, but the other half of him knew that he needed Seijuro to get through the visit. Besides, he thought that Seijuro might need this vacation away from Gou too. He and Gou seemed to be having some problems ever since Rin had died. Haruka figured that was to be expected though. Gou had lost her only brother and only true family after all.

When they arrived, Maria, who had once been Haruka’s dorm mother and French teacher, greeted them.

“It’s been so long, Haruka, I’m so proud of you,” she beamed.

That made him smile. She had always been special to him, “Well, let’s go meet them.”

She led Seijuro and Haruka to a room full of children of all ages. He noticed immediately how many more kids were living there, “Lately,” she explained, “We’ve been able to take on more children, and with more help from JAL, we could have even more...we’re hoping to build an entire school. Right now, we’re working on a pool and some new buildings.”

She and Haruka talked, while Seijuro made a point of talking to the kids. He immediately identified a kid who looked just how he had imagined Rin as a kid. Nearby him was a kid who looked sort of how he imagined a young Haruka, “Merry Christmas to both of you.”

“You’re Seijuro Mikoshiba right?” the young Rin asked.

“That’s right.”

“So, you knew Rin Matsuoka then?”

Seijuro nodded. He tried not to let himself feel the pain that he associated with Rin’s name.

“Rin Matsuoka is my hero,” the young redhead started.

This made Seijuro smile, “Is that so? Do you want to be a politician? Or an ambassador?”

“Not really. Mr. Eri, our English teacher, says that all politicians are bad people. He said that Rin Matsuoka was probably Japan’s best politician, but that he was a bad person. But, I think Rin Matsuoka was probably okay, he left us money for a pool.”

Seijuro smiled slightly at that, “Do you like swimming?”

He nodded, “And thanks to Rin Matsuoka, we’re all going to have twice as many presents this Christmas, and we get to have Mr. Eri as a teacher, he even lived in America. He’s my favorite teacher.”

“He lived in America? Do you want to travel around the world?” Seijuro asked.

He nodded again, “I do now, because Mr. Eri has told us all about America. It sounds really cool.”

“I’d like to meet this Mr. Eri, perhaps we can arrange for your class to go on a trip.”

“He’s not here,” the one who looked like Haruka piped in.

“Oh?” Seijuro asked, “Why not?”

He had expected that every teacher in the orphanage would be on call for this event. After all, fundraising kept the school running.

“He’s got the flu, but we can show you a picture of him and our whole class. Maybe next time you come visit you can meet him,” the one who looked like Rin offered. He pulled out a book from one of the cubbies, after all they were in the English classroom, inside was a photo of them at Thanksgiving, “We threw a Thanksgiving party. I want to attend a real American Thanksgiving someday.”

Seijuro took the picture and looked at it. His eyes fell onto Rin.

He remembered their last conversation together. Their conversation that Gou so fervently denied ever happening.

“I need you to promise me that you won’t simply disappear. I need you to promise me that you’ll always be somewhere that I can find you.”

“I promise.”

“Rin…” Seijuro said softly before he could stop himself, so you really did keep your promise, “You said this Mr. Eri was sick?”

“Yeah.”

“Where is he?”

“He lives in the teacher dorm,” the one who looked like Haruka said softly. There was something about the look on his face that displayed a strange sort of understanding. The same sort of look that always appeared on his half-brother’s face.

Seijuro smiled, “Thank you.”

He felt some tears begin to appear in his eyes. He walked over to Haruka, “You’ll have to excuse me, I’m going to go outside for a smoke for a bit...I’ll be back.”

Haruka nodded, “In the meantime, perhaps, I can speak with you,” he addressed the students that Seijuro was leaving behind.

XXX


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: oh fuck. Guys, I had the idea for a few more sad chapters and I just...I can’t resist...
> 
> Sorry…
> 
> But, there will be fluff intermixed!
> 
> I’m sort of wondering if I can hit 100k words on this one. So, now I’m kind of trying for that, but I don’t want it to be forced as one reader indicated...bleh.
> 
> As I don’t have anyone who betas my work, I am kind of stuck with my own thoughts. Sorry guys if you totally hate the next (few) chapter(s).

XXX

“I’m so happy that you came to visit me, Rin,” Nitori leaned on him.

The two of them were sitting on a massive blue plastic sheet under the cover of several cherry blossom trees in Kyoto. Rin had taken the Shinkansen out to see Nitori at his request. The two of them were juniors in college and they didn’t get to see each other anywhere near as frequently over the past few years as they had growing up.

Every time that Nitori saw Rin, he said to him that the cherry blossom trees in Kyoto were unbelievable and that Rin should come visit during that season. This year, he had finally been able to convince Rin.

Rin took a swig of the sake. Nitori had bought the two of them quite nice sake and cherry blossom flavored candies and other snacks to eat while they did the viewing.

He wanted to tell Rin that this was all he wanted. This was all he ever wanted. He just wanted to be right here, next to Rin, together. Rin would never understand that. Rin needed more from life. He needed his revenge, his pointless revenge.

Don’t you get it, Rin, he wanted to ask, your parents deaths mean nothing if you throw away your life?

He didn’t want to fight with Rin though. He wanted to enjoy this moment. Moments like this one had become far and few between after all. If he spent all of these moments fighting with Rin, then Rin would never want to spend time with him.

Nitori took a swallow of the sake. He had already begun to feel a bit lightheaded from the alcohol. He couldn’t wait for the evening. He knew that Rin would take his drunk ass home and fuck him gently. Nitori would tell Rin that he loved him and Rin wouldn’t hear it, but that would be okay too.

Nitori could hardly believe he had a full week like this. It was going to be so nice.

Why, Nitori thought, why does something about all of this seem wrong? 

He thought hard, something about this seemed impossible. There was something far away telling him that this couldn’t be happening. This can’t be real, not anymore.

Nitori awoke with a start. He coughed and sputtered. His chest ached, he wondered if he had stopped breathing in his sleep.

When he caught his breath, and he calmed down, he mentally calculated how many more months there were until the cherry blossoms.

Not many, he thought, I should text Rin and see if he wants to come again this year.

Then, he remembered.

XXX

Seijuro knocked hard on the door to the teacher apartment that was marked Eri. He had found the teacher apartments by following some signs.

Rin didn’t bother checking the peephole. He figured that it was Maria. No one ever came to his apartment except for her after all. He suspected that she had walked over from the Christmas party to check on him. He wasn’t actually physically sick, but he was heartsick. She knew that, and so, he thought that maybe she had slipped out.

He found Seijuro there instead.

“You’re alive,” he was crying, but they were tears of joy.

Rin was rather surprised to see Seijuro, Maria knew that he knew that Rin was alive though, so perhaps she had told him, “You did help me get out of the hospital.”

Seijuro took him into an embrace which Rin let him have, “You don’t understand. I cracked. I told Nitori first, and then I told your sister. But neither of them believed me. They convinced me that I imagined it. They convinced me that I dreamed it up because I couldn’t handle you being dead and that I felt guilty for being the last one to see you alive. I...I started to believe that they were right. Rin, you left without a trace. But, jeez, you really did go somewhere I’d be able to find you. You kept your promise, God, Rin, I’m so happy to see you.”

Rin’s expression softened, “I’m happy to see you too, Seijuro.”

And it was true. Because even when you escape from your life, even when you think you want to leave everyone behind, even when you want to live a dream, you can’t help missing reality just a little bit. And the truth was that he really did love Seijuro. Seijuro truly was a good brother-in-law to him.

Seijuro wiped away his tears and then he frowned, “We have to talk.”

“What is it?” Rin asked.

“You, you need to let Haruka know you’re alive while he’s here.”

“Not a chance,” Rin answered, “He didn’t want to talk to me when I was alive, he definitely doesn’t need to talk to me now. He’s better off with me being dead.”

“He’s not,” Seijuro answered, “he blames himself for your death. He regrets not talking to you.”

“JAL seems to be doing well, last time I checked,” Rin answered. Rin couldn’t help himself after all, once in awhile, his curiosity got the best of him and he checked the stocks. Saying that JAL was doing well was putting it mildly.

Seijuro bit his lip, “That’s true, but…”

“But, what? He’s happy, he’s a successful businessman. You did exactly what you said you’d do, you took care of him, when I couldn’t and when he no longer wanted that from me. I’m happy for him,” it sounded cold, but Rin knew that Haruka was better off with Rin dead.

“He...he’s talented, that is true, but he’s hurting, Rin. He hurts so badly. Your death did something to him. You went through all of that to try to atone, right? You wanted to end your selfishness. You wanted to sacrifice your happiness for his, but Rin, letting him think you’re dead is the most selfish thing you’ve done to him,” Seijuro explained, “I’m not saying that it’s going to be easy, but you need to reveal it to him. He won’t believe it from me.”

Rin hadn’t thought about his decision that way. He hadn’t considered that it might have hurt Haruka. He honestly had not. He didn’t want to face Haruka though. But, Seijuro was right, if his pretending to be dead was truly hurting Haruka, then that would defeat the purpose of what he was trying to do. He was trying to be a good person, “Okay.”

“Come to the party with me...but not in that.”

Rin changed into a suit and followed Seijuro.

XXX

Maria smiled when Rin entered, she truly had hoped that he would change his mind and come to the party. 

Rin looked absolutely stunning in his suit. Seijuro followed after him.

“That’s him,” the kid like Rin said, he looked at Rin and was delighted, “You made it, Mr. Eri.”

Haruka turned to see the English teacher that the kid had spent what seemed like the last hour idealizing looked like. He was very surprised to find himself face to face with Matsuoka Rin. His eyes widened and he stumbled backwards. Rin had cut and dyed his hair, but it was obviously Rin.

“It’s nice to meet you,” Rin held out his hand, “My name is Yodobashi Eri. You must be Nanase Haruka, the head of JAL airlines. You’ll have to excuse me for being delayed, I was getting over some kind of stomach flu.”

Haruka said nothing. He knew several languages and yet he couldn’t form words in a single one. It wasn’t possible. It wasn’t possible. He had to be dreaming. Haruka took his hand though and shook it. The hand was firm and yet gentle, and it definitely belonged to Rin. He bit his lip.

Rin turned to his students, “I did make it. I’m feeling a little better and so I thought I should stop by. I hope you all weren’t too much trouble for Maria.”

The one who looked like Rin smiled deviously.

The one who looked like Haruka shook his head, “We behaved for her. We were just talking to Mr. Nanase about how he wants to start a scholarship for students to fly to the US. He was telling us about Mr. Matsuoka.”

“Is that so?” Rin asked, slightly curious as to what Haruka would be saying about him.

“Yes, he was a client of mine, when I was a flight attendant for JAL,” Haruka explained, somehow, he managed to make those words come out of his lips. It wasn’t possible, right? Matsuoka Rin was dead. Haruka had watched him die on TV.

Rin nodded, “That’s fascinating. I’m sure that Mr. Nanase has many things that he can teach you all about business and language. You should listen closely to him.”

Haruka stared at him, unable to comprehend what was right in front of him. They didn’t exchange any more conversation though, as Rin stepped away. Seeing Haruka after all that time had been strange. He felt like his chest might drop from his body. He hadn’t been physically ill before, but he definitely was now.

He knew that he ought to stay longer at the party, but he simply couldn’t. He had done what Seijuro had asked. He had allowed Haruka to live without any sort of guilt. He had revealed himself to Haruka. And suddenly, it felt like the home that he had built here was gone. All of the comfort he felt in teaching was replaced by the look on Haruka’s face when he saw Rin. That horrified look as though he had seen some kind of monster.

What I do now, it doesn’t matter, I’m a terrible person. I’ll always be that terrible person. Even though Japan is changing thanks to me being dead, it's just not enough.

His scars ached and he rubbed them.

I told you back then, Dad, I really wish I had died.

Rin walked back to his apartment.

XXX

Rin was awoken by a hard knocking. This knocking was different than Seijuro’s knocking. It was rougher somehow and it was messy.

Rin opened the door. He found himself face to face with a slightly drunk Haruka.

“Come in,” Rin said softly.

Haruka did. Rin lived in a studio without a whole lot of space. His kitchen table was also his dining room table and his living room table as a result. He led Haruka to that and the two of them sat down.

Rin said nothing.

“You...you are the worst thing that ever happened to me,” Haruka declared.

Rin winced and closed his eyes.

“You spent so long trying to apologize to me and then you...you went and you died, and you all along you weren’t really dead, but I...I felt so badly, you have no idea, I thought you were dead, and I just...I didn’t know how to handle that, Rin,” Haruka was drunk. He wasn’t sure if he was making any sense.

Rin rolled his tongue over his lower lip, “I know you don’t want to hear me say that I’m sorry, Haruka, but I am. I don’t expect you to ever forgive me. I...I never wanted to bother you after what happened. I wanted to change things, but not bother you. And when I ‘died’ it seemed to all work out. I planned on staying dead to you forever, but Seijuro, somehow figured out where I went and tonight he told me that you’d be happier knowing I was alive. You can still pretend I’m dead. I can move on from here, if you want to start spending more time here. I’ll do whatever you want.”

“I wouldn’t ask you to do that. God Rin, I...I thought all that time that I knew you. I thought that the man on the plane when I waited on you was you. And I thought you fell in love with me and showed me was who you were. But, it wasn’t. That was what hurt. But, I think now, seeing you tonight, I even think that when we were in France you may have actually shown me the real you. Seeing you with those kids...you really were serious when you told me that you wanted to be a teacher. And you...you’re obviously good at it.”

Rin looked at the patterns that the wood on his table made. He was torn. Because Haruka was right, he was finally happy with what he was doing. Matsuoka Rin had made the money, and Yodobashi Eri was able to do the right thing with it. Rin's death had made changes in Japan and it had allowed him to be cleansed as a person.

Yodobashi Eri was able to be who Rin had always been meant to be, he just didn’t have the courage to be. He was so wrapped up in revenge that he had lost himself and being a terrible person had become easy for him. Being Yodobashi Eri was harder, but it was right. He was right and he was better.

But, he hated the pained expression on Haruka’s face. It was an expression that made him want so badly to want to just disappear.

He said nothing.

“Rin...I wish I hadn’t been born a Mikoshiba,” Haruka said finally, “because I would know if I would have originally caught your eye for anything other than that with one hundred percent certainty.”

“You would have,” Rin answered, “I didn’t recognize you immediately, Haruka, when we first met. Something about you just set me off. If I had recognized you when I first met you, I wouldn’t have given you such a hard time. I would have been much nicer to you than I was at the beginning.”

“What?” Haruka asked.

It made Rin feel sick, because it sounded so manipulative, but it was true. He would have been as kind as possible to Haruka, he would have gone that route had he recognized Haruka immediately, “I would have been much nicer to you, if I had known who you were at the beginning. Because I would have seen it as the easiest route to what I wanted. Instead, there was something about you that just drove me crazy, so I acted crazy. When I realized who you were, I changed that method, but the fact is Haruka, I was attracted to you before I realized who you were. And, after a while, I forgot who you were at all. I don’t care that you’re a Mikoshiba. I did for awhile, I won’t lie about that, it’s pointless to do so, but I really fell in love with you, Haruka.”

Rin ached for tea. His head was pounding.

Haruka looked at him a bit in shock, “Rin…”

“Anyway, none of that matters now. It’s better for Japan if I stay dead, so that’s what I’m doing,” Rin rubbed his temples, “I’d appreciate it if you’d keep that illusion up. And if you want me to leave Japan, I will. I’ll do whatever you want me to do, Haruka.”

“I want you to do what will make you happy.”

Rin was quiet for a minute, and then he volunteered, “I’d like to stay where I am.”

“Okay,” Haruka leaned his head to the side, “Ugh, I’m pretty drunk. I had to get pretty drunk to face you. I drank your favorite, so much damn champagne.”

Rin didn’t laugh, “I can call a car to take you back to your hotel, if you would like.”

“Nah,” Haruka shook his head, “I’ll just walk back.”

“I’m not going to let you do that,” Rin said softly.

“Ugh,” he moaned a bit, “I’d like to just stay here. I don’t want to move. I’m going to have a killer headache tomorrow.”

Rin let out a sigh, “You can stay, if that’s what you want Haruka. You can sleep in the bed. I’ll take the couch.”

“I don’t want to take your bed from you,” he couldn’t stop the words that followed, “We could share it.”

Rin bit his lip, “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

It was hard enough for him to be this close to Haruka, he couldn’t imagine spending a night in bed with Haruka. Not after everything.

“You’re probably right,” Haruka didn’t have the energy to fight him, “Alright, I’ll take the couch.”

“I’m not going to let the head of JAL sleep on my couch. Take the bed, it really doesn’t bother me,” and with that Rin stood up and went over to the couch, “Anything you want in here, Haruka, you can have. If you need anything, just ask. I’m going to sleep.”

Haruka bit his lip, this wasn’t going how he wanted it to. How did he want it to go though? He wasn’t thrilled with Rin, but he didn’t want it to be like this, did he? After he thought Rin was dead, it killed off part of him too, but Rin was alive. And yet, Rin was far away. He thinks I really hate him. I did really hate him, but I...I hurt him too. What the fuck am I doing? It’s cruel of me to stay here.

He went over to Rin’s bed. It was comfortable, it was small, like everything in the apartment, but it was comfortable.

“Rin?” Haruka asked, testing the waters.

“Yes?” Rin was completely awake. He knew he wasn’t going to get any sleep, not while Haruka was here, but he didn’t want Haruka to know that. He didn’t want to do anything else that would upset or hurt Haruka.

“I...I do forgive you...I do,” his voice was shaky, and not just from the alcohol.

Rin shut his eyes hard, fighting back some tears, “Good night, Haruka” was all that he said.

XXX

Haruka woke up before Rin. His head pounded and he could hardly believe that what happened last night had been reality. When he looked around where he woke up though, he knew it to be true.

It still felt surreal though. He decided to explore Rin’s living space as Rin was still asleep. He didn’t want Rin to wake up, but he wanted to piece together Rin’s recent life.

He walked around the small studio and examined everything. He was quiet. He was cautious. He didn’t wake up Rin.

He looked at almost everything, and he realized that there was nothing from Rin’s past life there. Rin had literally given up everything to move here. He’s changed, Haruka thought, he’s changed so much. We both have.

There was something about it that made Haruka feel strangely sad. He sighed, and he went over to the bathroom. He’d use it quickly and then he’d leave.

Most of Rin’s bathroom was a mess, which surprised Haruka. Everywhere Haruka went with Rin had always been crisp and clean. He tried to remember if Rin’s bathroom in New York had looked like this. He didn’t think so. He wondered if maybe it was because there was nowhere to store anything, but he realized that the glass mirror doubled as a cabinet. He wondered why Rin didn’t just put all of his contact solution, toothpaste, toothbrush, everything in there.

He started to put things in there, thinking Rin probably was simply tired after work, and that he would help Rin, since Rin had let him stay at his place.

He opened the cabinet expecting it to be empty.

It wasn’t though. Sitting inside were two gold rings and a piece of paper. Haruka recognized the rings, after all, one of them used to be on his finger. He stared at them for a minute. Then, he glanced over at the note. He recognized that too, after all, he had been the one to write it. He felt his throat close up and he swallowed hard.

Rin hadn’t let go of everything, it seemed.

Haruka put the toothpaste back on the sink where it had been before and he closed the cabinet. He understood why Rin didn’t put anything else inside.

He doesn’t want to look at them every day...but he...he can’t let go of them.

Why? Why out of everything, why did he hold onto them?

Haruka left quietly soon after. He hadn’t wanted to talk to Rin sober when he woke up, and he definitely didn’t want to now.

XXX

The next morning Haruka was gone before Rin woke up to say goodbye. Rin wasn’t even sure if he was upset about that or happy. It would take him awhile to recover from Haruka’s visit to school. It would be even worse, he thought, if Haruka did decide to donate some of JAL’s money to the orphanage, because it would mean that he’d see Haruka more frequently. It was hard to say how he felt about that though. He hated it on the one hand, but it was an opportunity to see Haruka. The one person that he had ever been able to love. The one person he would give anything to, to be able to go back and to do everything right.

He made himself some tea and replayed the conversation again and again in his head. He couldn’t seem to move past what had happened though. Haruka had been here...he had seen Haruka.

There was a rather loud knocking at his door. He went over and checked the peephole. He couldn’t help being slightly disappointed by who he found on the other end, but he opened the door.

“Hey,” Seijuro smiled at Rin.

“Come in,” Rin let Seijuro in and then closed the door behind him.

Seijuro sat at the table, in the same seat that Haruka had been sitting in just a few minutes before, “I’m happy you went to see Haruka.”

Rin realized that Seijuro didn’t know that Haruka had stopped by last night, he didn’t reveal that information. That could be between Haruka and Seijuro. Rin said nothing.

“I think he’ll be better off knowing you’re alive,” Seijuro smiled at Rin, “So, thank you for that.”

Rin nodded.

“I’ve come to ask you a favor, Rin,” Seijuro said.

“What?” Rin asked.

“I want you to talk to your sister.”

Rin shook his head, “She’ll be pissed at me. No way. Besides, I just...I’m not ready for that. I’m not ready for her, Nitori, Nagisa, any of them. I’m just not.”

“It’s only going to get worse, the longer that you wait,” Seijuro said softly, “And besides, Gou...Gou needs to know you’re alive Rin.”

“You already told her, I thought, you said she didn’t believe you.”

“She didn’t...and, we fight about it,” there was something strange about the look on his face.

As much as he would have hated to admit it a long time ago, he knew that Seijuro and Gou were perfect for each other in every way. Could it be that his selfishness, his deciding to hide out from his family, could be ruining their relationship? What had he done?

Rin sighed, “Okay...I’ll...I’ll go home during New Years.”

“That’s good, Rin,” Seijuro smiled, “If you need any money…”

Rin shook his head, “Maria gives me any money I want. Technically as long as I’m still alive it’s mine.”

“Why do you live here then?” Seijuro asked. There was no way around it, the place was tiny.

Rin smiled, “Because I don’t need much, Sei. I never have.”

“Well, either way, I’ll book your tickets. There’s no reason for you to pay to fly to New York.”

“Is that where you and Gou will be spending New Years?”

Seijuro’s eyes narrowed, “It’s where Gou will be.”

“You’re not living with her?” Rin asked, surprised.

“Not right now.”

“When was the last time you went to New York?” Rin asked.

He took a deep breath, “Good question. I stay in your old place when I’m there. We still have it.”

“Have you talked to her recently?”

“I try everyday. She doesn’t want to talk to me, Rin. It’s my fault, really. I pushed you being alive too hard and it hurt her, but I couldn’t bear seeing her reaction to you being dead any longer. It was just bad,” he explained.

Rin bit his lip, “I should be able to get out there as early as Christmas.”

“That should be fine.”

“Would you like to fly out with me?” Rin asked.

Seijuro shook his head, “I’m going to spend Christmas with Nitori.”

Rin gave him a strange look.

“Whatever you’re thinking - don’t bother,” Seijuro smirked and touched Rin’s cheek, “The only person other than your sister who’d I’d sleep with is you.”

Rin glowered at him.

“You should see Nitori though too. He hasn’t been well. He thinks you’re dead, and his father’s gotten pretty sick.”

That news surprised Rin, he was sure that it had been broadcast, but Rin didn’t really follow the news lately. Not since he had arrived here at least. He checked in on JAL once in awhile, mostly to make sure Haruka was still okay.

“Perhaps I’ll spend my New Years vacation visiting everyone and making amends then,” Rin sighed.

“I don’t think that would be such a bad idea, to be completely honest,” Seijuro was being quite serious, but then he laughed, “No one could be more difficult than seeing Haruka, right? You could go in order of difficult for the remaining three. Obviously Nagisa will be easiest...the question is who will be harder to admit your selfishness to? Your sister or Nitori?”

Rin thought for a minute, but the answer was obvious, “Nitori. My sister will understand why I did what I did. She’ll be upset and hurt, but she’ll understand why. Nitori though...Nitori doesn’t understand anything I do.”

Seijuro threw his head back and sighed.

“But, you’re right, none could be worse than Haruka.”

XXX


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: There’s really not much Rinharu in this chapter. Sorry about that. I have the next Rinharu scene planned, and thought it would happen in this chapter, but this started to get long and I need somethings to happen, before the next “arc” so to speak. 
> 
> Sorry for the update delay, i’ve had some craziness at work, and this week i’m going on vacation, but i wanted to get an update out before my vacation. next update will probably be a week and a half, and then i’ll probably kick up this story, because there will be a new free season!
> 
> oh, and enjoy that cliffhanger. You're welcome.

XXX

After what seemed like an eternity, Christmas had finally arrived. Rin and Gou had moved into the Nitori household five months before. Their lives had changed so much in the previous year. About a year ago, they had been Erika and Erin. Now, they were Rin and Gou. It was Christmas Eve. His sister was sitting on her bed, and she was cheerful. She loved Christmas.

"Do you think that Mr. Nitori will bring us Christmas cake from Ebisu? He's on a trip to Tokyo. He said he would bring it, just like Dad used to," she yammered on and on. Christmas was her favorite holiday. It was probably because she was more spoiled on Christmas than she was on her birthday. Plus, she loved the special Christmas cake that was made once a year in Japan, special for Christmas. Her favorite rendition of this cake was from a bakery in Ebisu in Tokyo and it was really a treat. Their father used to bring it all the way from Tokyo for them. Mr. Nitori knew that, their new "father". He was sure to do the same. He had done all kinds of things to try to make the Kikumarus feel at home in their new household.

Rin nodded, "I'm sure he will," but it wouldn't be the same, Rin thought. Nothing was ever going to be the same. Nothing about living with the Nitori's had been the same as their old house. Sure, Christmas was going to be better than the typical day, because they were sure to get everything they had asked for and more. But, it was also sure to be worse, because holidays were reminders that their family was gone. Holidays were reminders that they would never see their family again.

Rin leaned against the wall on the left side of his bed. He sighed deeply. He wished that his parents would walk through the door. That was his deepest Christmas wish.

But, he knew better than to expect it to come true.

Nitori came through their door at that point, he was cheerful, a big smile spread across his face, "Hey, you guys, Dad's home."

Rin's eyes widened, but it was stupid. Nitori meant his Dad, not Rin's Dad. His sister hopped off her bed and went racing towards the door.

Nitori started to turn and follow her, but he noticed that Rin hadn't moved, "Are you going to come have some cake?"

Rin chewed on his lip, "Yeah. Give me a minute."

Nitori's bright face darkened a bit, "Are you...okay, Rin?"

"Yeah, fine," Rin slid off the edge of his bed.

"I've never had this Christmas cake, that your sister is all excited about," Nitori said.

Rin tried to smile, "Yeah, she's obsessed with it."

"Do you like it?"

"It's alright," Rin saw the look on his new brother's face and tried to fake being happier a bit harder, "You'll really like it. It's pretty sweet."

Nitori's face lit up, "Come on then, let's go try it."

And the two of them chased after Gou.

XXX

"Thanks for meeting me in New York," Seijuro sat Haruka down at the island in Rin's old kitchen.

Haruka marvelled at the place. Everything was covered with sheets, now but he had so many memories of being here. All of the furniture was protected, but the place was still the same as it had been. It was hard for him to believe that he was here again. His eyes kept darting around the rooms. It was just weird to be back here. He couldn't believe that Rin was dead. He couldn't believe Rin had been dead for almost two months now. Haruka slightly regretted agreeing to meet Seijuro in Rin's old apartment. He knew that it was where Seijuro was staying now, when he was in New York. Haruka didn't ask any questions about why Seijuro was staying in Rin's apartment instead of his own. Haruka could piece together what the issue between Seijuro and Gou was, but he didn't want to hear about it.

He had agreed to meet Seijuro in Rin's apartment because it was closer on the way to the American Airlines offices where they were going to go meet people and sign for the merger. He hadn't anticipated how hard it would be for him to come here.

He slowly acknowledged what Seijuro had said, "Ye-yeah."

"I'm sorry, we probably shouldn't have met here," Seijuro's voice was soft. He didn't know how to talk about Rin's death with Haruka. Haruka had been obviously shocked when it had happened. But, now a certain amount of time had passed, Haruka was sure to be moving on.

"It's just weird to be here. I never thought I'd see this place again. And...for everything to be covered this way..."

"Well, we were planning on selling it," Seijuro explained.

This made Haruka look up, "What?"

"It makes sense," Seijuro said softly, "Gou wants to keep it though."

"If...if you ever do decide to sell it, I'll buy it," the expression on Haruka's face was unreadable.

This surprised Seijuro, "You would?"

Haruka nodded, "There would be something satisfying about buying it after how I felt the first time I came here. Some kind of weird retribution, I guess."

It wasn't his most mature idea, but Haruka was still slightly bitter about what had happened with Rin. Or was that it? A voice in the back of his mind reminded him of the real reason that he wanted to buy this place, "You want it, you want it because you first came here with him, and you miss him. And now he's gone...everything, every connection to him is gone." But, Haruka pushed that thought aside.

Seijuro looked away, "Well, it's probably good we held onto it. I've been staying here. I'll let you know though if I can ever convince Gou to sell it. Hell, I'd probably give it to you."

"I could buy it," having his own money made Haruka particularly wary of anything that seemed like charity.

"I didn't mean it like that, I know you could buy it, Haruka, I mean, it's just a headache to keep up with, if no one is living in it. I think you'd get more enjoyment out of it than some stranger, that's all," Seijuro's voice was a little silent. He felt a strange urge to tell Haruka that Rin was still alive. Was he wrong about that? He had cracked and told Nitori. Nitori was so strange about Rin though. Nitori said that he had only imagined it. Haruka would want Rin to be able to come back here and live someday, Seijuro told himself. But, something kept him from telling Haruka that Rin was alive.

Because the truth was, Seijuro wasn't sure that Haruka wanted to know that Rin was alive. Not yet at least.

XXX

Haruka rode the elevator to the top floor of his office building. It was almost Christmas, he thought in passing. The holidays didn't really matter to Haruka. They had mattered to Makoto. But, back then, Haruka was busy during the holidays. They did somethings, but Haruka was mostly working. He couldn't remember the last time that he had been able to take a full holiday break during Christmas and New Years. They were among the most famous holidays in Japan and as a result, there were thousands more flights than usual. This meant that JAL needed all hands on deck during that time. He had always been busy being a flight attendant during that time.

Now was really no different. He planned on working through the holiday. He had organized everything differently than Seijuro or his father had though. He had structured the December scheduling in such a way that every one would be able to get some time with their families. He thought that was important, and it was evidenced by the morale in the office. Everyone was really happy to have the extra time off.

He had gone to the orphanage for the charity event and that had been quite the trip, but now that he was back, he felt like he needed to work all the time, even if everyone else took time off. It hadn't been a vacation exactly, but to his coworkers, it probably seemed like one.

He had taken a short break to get dinner, but he was back in the elevator. He looked at his watch, 10:30 PM. Was there a meal after dinner? If so, that was the meal he'd be having, another late, late dinner.

He didn't expect to see anyone else on the top floor, after all, his staff had gone home. To his surprise, when the elevator doors opened, there was a light on in one of the executive offices. He found himself looking at Seijuro.

"I guess I was caught," Seijuro said with a weak smile.

Haruka raised a brow, Seijuro usually told him when he was going to be in the office. Not that it was something that upset Haruka, after all, this business had only recently stopped belonging entirely to Seijuro and Seijuro had been so welcoming of him into his family. It was just odd that Seijuro hadn't said anything or that he'd be here that late.

"I thought for sure you had gone home for the night," Seijuro sighed.

Haruka just stared at him.

Seijuro explained, "Sorry, I came to book some tickets for Christmas."

"You could have just texted me, I would have done that for you," after all, Seijuro still got the 'family' discount. He didn't understand why Seijuro was being so weird about this.

Haruka walked over and looked at Seijuro's computer. Then he saw it, Rin Matsuoka's new name was on the register.

"Oh," Haruka said, "Well, I would have been happy to book that for you too."

"I wouldn't have asked you to do that."

"Are you flying with him to New York?" Haruka asked looking at the tickets.

Seijuro's expression was sad, "Unfortunately, no."

They didn't talk any more about Rin being alive. Thankfully, Seijuro hadn't made much of a deal about that. The two of them hadn't talked about it at all. Seijuro was very respectful about Haruka's feelings towards Rin. He always had been.

Haruka hesitated slightly, but he felt guilty for hesitating. Seijuro had been so nice to him all along, and so, he asked, "Do you want to spend Christmas with me?" 

Seijuro smiled at him, "That's okay, Haruka, I won't burden you like that."

"It's not a burden, you can stay with me in Shinagawa."

"I've got plans to visit a friend."

"A friend?" The words came out harsher than Haruka had intended them to. He just didn't think of Seijuro as someone with many friends. Rin had been right about him in that regard at least.

Seijuro glowered at Haruka, "Yes, I do have a few of them."

"Sorry."

"Nitori," Seijuro answered, not meeting Haruka's eyes.

Haruka flinched, "Oh."

"Yeah, his father is sick and he's -" Seijuro stopped himself. He had been about to mention Rin. That would have been rather thoughtless of me, Seijuro thought, thankful that he had caught himself in time, "Well, he's in need of some company I guess."

"I see. Well, I've got some work to do." Haruka took a last glance at the name on the ticket that Seijuro had printed.

XXX

Seijuro sat in the car with Rin on the way to the airport, "Here's your ticket," he said as he handed it to Rin.

The two of them were in the back of a blackcar. Rin had taken the highspeed train from Nagasaki to Tokyo. It would have been faster to fly, but there was something about the train ride that Rin enjoyed. He almost enjoyed it over flying, well, recently at least.

Rin frowned visibly. It frustrated him slightly to be flying JAL, after all, he knew that Haruka was not going to be his server, and it would suck to get on the flight and be reminded of that whole thing. But, he also didn't want to ask Maria for the money it would have cost for him to book a ticket from the kids money, when he knew that he had a free option.

Rin thanked Seijuro though. They were about to pull up to Narita. The ride to Narita in a car was slower than by train, but it was also nice to have Seijuro's company and to have some privacy.

"Thank you for going to see her," Seijuro said, "I know it requires some bravery on your part, but I really appreciate it."

Rin smiled, "Thanks for making me go. It's the right thing. I need to stop being so selfish."

Seijuro returned the smile.

"Take care of Nitori for me. I'll be seeing him during New Years...and I'll visit his father too," Rin avoided Seijuro's eyes during that part of the conversation.

"I will, I'm sure it'll make him happy to see you again, Rin," Seijuro sighed.

Rin threw his head back into the seat, "Yeah, we'll see."

"I've brought something else for you to take to Gou."

"A Christmas present? Shouldn't you give that to her yourself?" Rin asked, still hoping that Seijuro would take this flight with him.

"Not exactly. It's cake from Ebisu, it's in the trunk with your bags. You don't have to tell her it's from me," Seijuro looked at his feet.

Rin had forgotten how much Seijuro loved his sister. As much as he had hated Seijuro early on, that was something he couldn't deny. He thought of everything. Rin had only gotten her a small necklace that reminded him of her that he'd seen in a jewelry store in Nagasaki. Rin was her damn twin brother. How could he have not gotten her the cake? He had even been to Tokyo. He had been so close to the shop and it didn't even cross his mind. But of course, Seijuro had gotten her favorite thing. The two of them were really perfect. Rin just stared at him, "Jesus Christ, the two of you need to figure your shit out."

"You're one to talk. Anyway, we're here."

The car pulled up to the curb. The driver got everything out of the trunk for Rin including the cake. He gave a final hug to Seijuro, "Take care."

"Have a safe flight."

Rin went through security and everything as normal. When he boarded the flight, he became painfully aware of how long it had been since he had been on a flight. He hadn't flown since he had gone from Paris to Tokyo, when Haruka had dumped him. When he was running for Prime Minister, everywhere he had gone was in Japan, and so he took a combination of trains and boats to get around. He never flew. And he hadn't been Prime Minister long enough to need to fly.

The flight attendant was a young male, probably close to the age that Haruka had been, when he had first been serving Rin, but his hair was lighter. It was the color of Nagisa's.

"May I take your coat, sir?" He helped Rin out of it. He appeared to be American, based both on his hair color and the accent with which he spoke Japanese. Rin didn't comment on that though.

Even though it was close to Christmas, first class wasn't booked. Rin was the only passenger and since he was flying free, he hardly counted. Rin wasn't too surprised that it was empty though. Most people couldn't afford to fly in it after all, business class looked rather booked from the small glimpse of it that Rin saw through the crack in the curtain.

Rin took his seat. The man disappeared for a second and appeared with a tray of drinks. A tray that he had seen in Haruka's hands many times.

"I have some drinks to offer you, sir."

Before he could list them, Rin stated plainly, "Champagne..." Rin paused reading the blonde's nametag, "thank you, Jeremy."

"Not a problem. Please let me know if I can do anything else for you, Mr. Yodobashi."

Rin nodded, "Thank you."

It felt weird. The whole thing felt weird. His stomach ached hard. He knew that was because of the guilt that he felt. He was afraid to see his sister. What if she didn't forgive him? But, he knew she would. After all, he never had to explain anything to her. Not ever. She just put up with him, she understood him. The one who would be harder, he thought, was Nitori. Nitori's reaction to him being alive was sure to be unpredictable.

Rin clicked off the reading light above him. He closed his eyes. He didn't expect to fall asleep, but he knew it wouldn't be long before his stomach ache turned into a headache, if he didn't at least try to sleep.

It didn't feel like it had been very long at all when he heard the announcement that plane was going to be landing. Rin opened his eyes. He looked out the window and saw the familiar sight of New York. He was able to recognize several of the landmarks from the sky. He could hardly believe he was already in New York. He must have fallen asleep, he realized. Sitting next to him on the empty seat was a tray with a lot of food. Meals that he had missed. He ate some of it gratefully.

A strange thought went through his mind as he ate. The food was a lot better than it previously had been on JAL. Had he been friends with Haruka, or had it not been totally weird to do so, Rin would have texted Haruka and told him that the food was much better with him in charge. That would have been weird though. But, perhaps not as weird as seeing Haruka just the previous week. Rin had never thought that would be possible again. He thought that he would go through his whole life and actually die without ever seeing Haruka again. His heartbeat quickened slightly as he thought about how Haruka had said that he had forgiven Rin. Had Rin dreamed that, that night? Had Haruka actually forgiven Rin?

Rin sighed. He was tired. It really hadn't felt like he had gotten any sleep at all on the plane. It was mid-morning in New York and he wanted to just go to his old apartment and sleep, Seijuro had given him back his keys. But, going to sleep would set him completely on the wrong timezone. He knew better than to do that. The wheels of the plane started to drop down and their descent had begun.

Rin listened to the scream of the plane against the wind, and he looked out the window.

He'd go straight to his sister's.

He got off the plane and started for customs. When he got to the line, he naturally went towards the line for Ambassadors. He mentally kicked himself, and got into the foreigner line. The line was massive. It took hours, literally, for him to get through and for him to pick up his luggage. There was a man standing with Rin's fake name on a whiteboard waiting for him by the luggage area. Must have been Seijuro, Rin thought, sending him a quick thank-you text.

Seijuro simply replied with a smiley face.

The man took care of Rin's luggage. The whole thing felt surreal to Rin. It was weird, it had been a long time since he had been this pampered, and from the time that Seijuro had picked him up in Tokyo, it was like he was back in his old life. It was natural to him, he hadn't forgotten how to be rich, but it was strange. It felt a bit like a dream, but that may have simply been the jetlag, Rin reasoned.

"72nd and 3rd?" The man asked.

Rin nodded. That was the location of his sister's apartment on the upper east side.

The man loaded Rin's luggage and bags into the car, but Rin held onto the cake bag. When they got into the car, the driver asked Rin if he was coming home or going on vacation.

Rin hardly knew how to answer the question, "A bit of both. I used to live here, but I'm just visiting my sister."

"You from Japan?" He asked. He had seen the itinerary and having dyed his hair to hide his unique red, Rin looked more Japanese.

"Yeah," Rin answered.

"I've never been. I want to go to Tokyo at some point."

Rin stopped himself from asking why, sarcastically. The fact was, to a New Yorker though, he would have just expected Tokyo to be another city. Not that he didn't love Tokyo, but coming from New York, it seemed like an odd location, "I live in Nagasaki," he answered, "It's a pretty big distance from Tokyo, but it's nice."

"Nagasaki, that's one of the ones that was bombed right?" Americans were always so straightforward.

It amused Rin slightly, to them though, the history was far away, he knew that. He knew that the man meant nothing by the question, just trying to connect, "Yeah."

"Huh. Do you have cherry blossom trees there?"

Rin nodded. Then, he felt a strange sense of sadness, cherry blossoms always made him think of Nitori. He wondered if he had ever gone to do cherry blossom viewing with his family before he lived with the Nitori's. I must have, he thought, but he had no memory of going with his real parents. The only memory he ever had of cherry blossoms were with Nitori. He hadn't been with Haruka long enough for the two of them to share that.

Rin looked out the window, they were crossing the bridge. It was clear, the sky was white and ready for a snow storm, but it was clear. It gave him a perfect view of his apartment building. His eyes looked over to a different part of the city though, he looked over at his sister's apartment. He sighed slightly.

When they arrived, the man helped him unload his luggage. He slightly regretted not having the driver take him to his apartment to drop the luggage off first. Still, he knew that if he had, he would have gone straight to sleep.

Rin took his bags up the handcap railing and went into his sister and Seijuro's apartment building. The building was gorgeous. Seijuro and his sister had had many conversations about simply buying a brownstone on the upper east side, but they loved their complex. It would have been more private, but they loved the building that they lived in. It was oldstyle Manhattan and just plain beautiful.

Rin took the elevator up to the penthouse. The guard knew that he had been okay-ed by Seijuro and so, Rin had no problem getting up there without alerting his sister. She didn't even bother leaving her room. After all, she assumed it was a delivery. Rin put his suitcases and everything near the entryway, then he walked up the stairs. Their apartment was big enough that it essentially had two full floors allowing them to have even larger windows. The second flood of his sister and Seijuro's apartment was where the master and two guest bedrooms and three bathrooms were. The first floor had everything in terms of entertaining and office space. It didn't have as many rooms as Rin's apartment, but it was equivalent in terms of space, everything was simply larger.

Gou spent most of her time in her bedroom. She had part of her studio there and she drew her designs. It was where Rin could almost always find her.

He went up, and sure enough the door was closed, indicating that she was in there. It was odd that she closed the door to her apartment when she was alone, but she said it made her feel like she could concentrate better.

He knocked on the door.

"What is it?" She asked.

"It's me," he answered, expecting her to recognize her voice.

She hadn't been expecting a masculine voice, and while it sounded like Rin, she knew better. It had to be Seijuro, "Sei?"

"I thought you were going to Kyoto, open it."

Rin opened the door, "Not Seijuro, I'm afraid."

She looked over from her desk. She was wearing her glasses. She didn't normally wear glasses, but when she was working at home, she did. She dropped her pencil.

"Rin..."

He cracked a slight smile at her and walked over.

She stood up and gave him an awkward hug. He had obviously been the last person she had ever expected to walk through the door.

She had gotten thinner, he realized. Since she had started running things and stopped modelling for the most part, she had put some weight on. She hadn't become chubby or anything, but she didn't have to have any particular shape for work. She was back to her model size though. Smaller, possibly, Rin thought.

"I don't understand," she said pulling back.

"Seijuro told you," Rin answered.

She nodded. She knew after all. She hadn't believed it, but she did know. She was happy, at first, a little, but then, she became angry, "I just...I don't understand. I don't understand why you did this to me."

"To you?"

"Yes, Rin, to me. You didn't tell me. You let me think you were dead. How could you fucking do that? Do you know what it's done to me? I...I thought I was all alone in this world. I fight with Seijuro over you. I can't draw worth shit, because all I think about is the stupid jokes you used to make about my designs, and so I haven't drawn shit. I sit here in front of the paper and I try, and it's all crap. And you were alive? All along what? You just needed space?"

Rin nodded, feeling guilty, "I...I thought you'd understand."

They were twins after all. She had always understood everything Rin did.

"Yeah, I do, I get you needing space, Rin," She shook her head though and she started to cry, "I get you needing time after Haruka, and I get why you saw an opportunity. It really was the perfect time. And I get why you told Seijuro, but why didn't you tell me? That's what I don't understand. I don't understad why you wouldn't include me in this."

"I knew Seijuro would tell you."

She laughed, it was so cold though it hardly sounded like it came from his sister, "You what? You thought what? That it would be perfectly fine for him to tell me? What? After I thought my world had ended, that he could just make it better by telling me that you were alive and you didn't want to see me or talk to me? What the fuck is wrong with you, Rin? I knew you were selfish and I knew you were a dick. I've always known that about you, but it was always you and me against the world. What was this, some kind of long planned retribution, because I dated Seijuro when you didn't want me to?"

She spoke so quickly that Rin could hardly get a word in edgewise until that point, "N-no of course not."

He had come to love his sister with Seijuro. He thought they were a great couple. He hadn't seen his sister get like this in years though. And he knew that once she did, it was going to be awhile before she'd stop.

"Yeah, whatever you say, Rin. I'm sure that's what this is all about, all along you've been bitter and upset about that. So, fine, you decided to punish me this way. Well, I bet you're fucking happy now, he and I are probably going to get divorced. I'm sure he's been sleeping with half of Japan, and I just don't even care. I've got a lawyer and I'm going to divorce him. I had hoped you were him, so I could just get this stupid marriage over with. So, there you go. All along you got what you wanted. Are you happy?"

"G-gou," he said. He couldn't believe this. He hadn't expected her to be thrilled with him, but he hadn't expected her to be this mad either.

"Just get the fuck out of here. I don't even know why you came to New York. You didn't want me to be in on your little secret to begin with, so I don't know what's changed."

"I...I'm sorry," he knew he had fucked up. He knew that from the beginning, and he knew that the more time passed the worse it would get. But, he hadn't expected this either.

She shook her head, she was so mad with him, that she was shaking, "I'm serious, Rin, get the fuck out of my apartment. Go back to Japan for all I care. Seriously, I don't care if I ever see you again. You fucking decided to go off and abandon me. So, go. Get out, go live the life you wanted far from me."

"You don't mean that," he knew his sister's temper well. He hadn't seen it in awhile, not since they'd lived with the Nitori's. But, he knew that when she got like this, when she was truly hurt, she said a lot that she didn't mean. It was some kind of self-preservation technique for when she had been badly damaged by the actions of someone else.

"You know nothing about me any more, Rin. It's been what, a year since you 'died'? What the hell do you know? Really, I wish you'd never come. Please, get out or I will kick you out," her voice was weaker now, but the strength of the demand was the same.

And so, Rin turned and left. She cried, but he knew that this was for the best. If she ever cooled off, maybe she'd forgive him. Otherwise, he had to just give her space. He deserved this after all. It was him who had left her.

He got his bags, all except for one. He left the Christmas cake on the entry table. He grabbed a piece of paper from his bag and the necklace. He wrote more than he intended, "I'm sorry. The necklace is your Christmas present, it made me think of you. I bought it in Nagasaki, that's where I am now, if you ever forgive me. If not, you should at least forgive Seijuro. The cake is from him. He really loves you, he always has. And you're right, I really fucked up, but I never meant for it to be the way you took it. Sorry."

And then, he left.

When she was sure he was gone, she went downstairs. She was yearning for something to eat. She saw the bag by the entry way and she sighed. Then, she got a closer look, it was from Ebisu. She saw the note inside and she sighed.

She cried.

Then, she picked up the phone.

XXX

Haruka sighed. He needed to take a break. It was Christmas time after all, he deserved something of a break. He looked at his watch, it was close to midnight. He collapsed down onto his desk. The work seemed to have no end in sight. That's the funny thing about work, he thought, just when it seems like you get one thing taken care of, ten more new things pop up.

But, he also knew that at a certain point, he wasn't being as productive by staying. He grabbed his briefcase, which had been an early Christmas present from Seijuro, and he headed for the elevator. As he got inside, he walked past a billboard where his coworkers posted different things that they wanted to go to. On the board, he saw advertised a light show in Roppongi. It was famous and it happened every year. It was the one that he used to go to with Makoto. Basically, to celebrate Christmas, in Roppongi, one of the small business neighborhoods of Tokyo, they would put lights up on hundreds of trees. It was a rather romantic thing, but it was also just generally fun. People would get hot drinks or hot tea and walk through.

Haruka looked at his watch, it was late, but the show would probably go for another two hours. If he hurried, he could catch the last train and go walk around for a bit.

He raced over to the station, and caught the Hibiya line going to Roppongi. He got off the train and walked around the area. He saw a few couples still looking at the lights. It made him feel oddly lonely. He didn't miss Makoto in a way, not the way he missed Rin, it was different, but he did miss having someone to do these sorts of things with. What was life if it was lived without love?

Haruka walked around and finally sat down on a bench with a view of the trees. He would call an uber when the lights went off for the night around 2. For now, he just wanted to take his break and enjoy his time.

He sat for a good ten minutes when someone sat down next to me.

"Haruka?" the sandy haired man asked.

Haruka looked at him, it had been over a year, almost two, since he had seen Makoto, "Ma...Makoto..." it took a minute for it to register to Haruka that it was really Makoto.

"What are you doing here?" Makoto asked, checking his watch. It was late, and this was probably the last place he expected to run into Haruka.

Haruka exhaled deeply, and as the air in Tokyo was cold and crisp, his breath came out white, "I just...I needed a break I guess. I remembered how much fun we used to have here, and it's not like there's anything else to do in Tokyo at this time."

Makoto smiled, "I needed a break from my studies too. How have you been?"

It struck Haruka that Makoto probably thought that Haruka was still broken up over Rin's death. He couldn't tell Makoto that Rin was alive, "I...I'm alright. My new career keeps me busy," it was the same as his old career, technically, but with much more responsbility.

Makoto laughed. It was a typical conversation with Haruka, in his mind. Haruka didn't share a whole lot, and yet the emotions evoked by him were clear, "I'm glad to hear that."

"I...I'm sorry about how we ended," it had been a long time, but with everything that had happened with Rin, Haruka felt oddly ready to take responsibility for his own faults in his relationship with Makoto.

Makoto shook his head and put an arm around Haruka, "You don't have to apologize. You fell in love."

This surprised Haruka, it was like he had almost forgotten. The truth was that he had loved Rin, and he still did. It was something so simple, and yet, hearing it from someone else seemed to trigger something within him.

"I just wish you'd been able to be with him forever."

"What if there was a way?" Haruka asked.

Makoto looked at him strangely. This made sense, after all, Makoto thought Rin was dead, Haruka reminded himself. It had been a strange thing to ask, "You mean like if he were alive?"

Haruka nodded.

"I think you should have been with him. Your family situation aside, which is just weird, by the way, you never got as excited about me as you did about him. When I heard it didn't work out between the two of you, and when I learned who you were, I was surprised...I know though, Haruka, if he hadn't been assassinated, you would have worked it out."

"You really believe that?" Haruka's question was sincere. He may not have been with Makoto anymore, but he took Makoto's advice to heart.

"I think that it was fate that the two of you met. Really."

Haruka watched the lights on the trees twinkle. Something about it all made him feel strangely re-energized. It would take time, but perhaps, his new situation, and Rin's new situation, their role reversal would work out.

Perhaps, they really could love again.

XXX

Rin sighed when he got to his apartment. He was a little glad that James wasn't manning the front desk. Rin wasn't sure how he would face James. He wasn't sure if James would recognize him with his hair different, and he didn't want to find out. He doubted James would even know that Rin was supposed to be dead, but Rin didn't want to have to explain why Seijuro was now living in his apartment and why it had been so long since Rin visited it.

When Rin reached the pent house, he found that most of his furniture had been covered. Seijuro had warned him about that, but Rin still expected it to look the same. He sighed. He hadn't been there since he had been with Haruka.

That had been at about this time, Rin thought strangely, but it was almost a year ago.

Rin found his refrigerator empty, which didn't come as a surprise, but he had still been yearning to eat something. He felt kind of annoyed at his sister. He knew that she was right to be mad with him, but the things that she had said were not okay.

He wanted to call Nagisa. Any time his sister ever annoyed him in the past, he bitched to Nagisa. He still hadn't told Nagisa that he was alive.

He sighed. He knew that Nagisa would have taken his boyfriend, the chef, to New York for Christmas. He was sure that the two of them would visit his sister for Christmas. Rin knew that he had to be in the city.

And he knew that Nagisa had sold his New York apartment when he quit the job. He explained to Rin that he really wouldn't get enough out of having it.

Rin knew where Nagisa would be staying. After all, there was only one hotel worth staying in, in the entire city in Nagisa's mind. Rin sighed, and then he went downstairs. He grabbed a cab, "The plaza," was all he said.

Rin looked at the different store fronts in Manhattan as the cab sped around the city. When he had ridden back from his sister's apartment, he had been in such a bad mood, that he hadn't even bothered to look around. Now that he had cooled off a bit, he found himself wanting to see what had changed since the last time that he had been in Manhattan. Some stores and restaurants had changed, but for the most part, the city was exactly as he had left it.

The cab dropped him off just in front of The Plaza.

Rin went up the familar red carpet and walked inside. He didn't bother asking the front desk where Mr. Hazuki was staying. Rin knew the answer. He took the elevator to the top floor. The master suite, he was sure that was where he would find Nagisa. After all, when it came to travel, Nagisa never chinsed.

Rin knocked on the door.

He heard Nagisa's voice from the other side, before he saw the blonde. He was teasing his boyfriend, "You call room service?"

"No?"

"Maybe they're delivering some champagne," the blonde's voice got louder, "Come in."

Rin simply knocked harder. He covered the peephole, eager to surprise the blonde.

The door opened.

Nagisa's eyes widened, "R...Rin? You..it's not possible."

"Hey. Can I come in?" Rin realized that he had left the small gift he had for Nagisa in his suitcase, but that didn't matter he was excited to his best friend.

"Of...of course," Nagisa let the door open, he turned to Rei, "I'm...I'm going to..."

Rei only nodded, and he went off to another one of the rooms in the suite.

Nagisa led Rin to an office looking area with a view of the park. The two of them sat at the table. Nagisa's voice was wistful, "I can't believe it."

"I thought Seijuro had told you," Rin's voice was rather quiet.

"He did, he told everyone. I think I was probably the last person he told, but yes, that information made its way around all of us. But, that doesn't mean I ever expected it to be true," Nagisa's voice had a strange air to it.

Rin chewed on his lip, "Well, it's true. Here I am. I visited Gou first, and she was a bitch, and now, I'm visiting you."

Nagisa scoffed, "You sound surprised, Rin."

"Don't tell me you're mad too," Rin met his eyes. That, he hadn't expected from Nagisa. Nitori, sure, his sister a little, sure, but Nagisa? Nagisa was his best friend.

Nagisa rested his head in his hand, "A little, to be honest."

This surprised Rin.

"Rin, I really believed you were dead. I mean, I get why you'd need time, I even get why you wouldn't want to be around us, I get that better than anyone. After all, it's partly my fault what happened. You've always been independent. You've never needed any of us, but like, we love you. We all love you, and you left us. You let us believe you were dead, for what? Because you needed to take a break from your life?" Once Nagisa had begun, it became clear how angry he truly was.

Rin looked down at the table, "I'm sorry."

"I know you are, and I know I'll forgive you. I'm sure your sister and Nitori will too, but you can't just expect the time to mean nothing."

Rin nodded. As upset as he was with himself and with the situation, he was happy that he had chosen to spend his winter break reconnecting and fixing things. It was time to come home.

XXX

It was mid-March the next time that Haruka saw Rin. It had been about three months since they met at the Christmas festival. A lot had happened since then. A lot had changed. Things Haruka didn't even know had started. Rin was finally getting used to his new situation in life, and he was getting accustomed to his new friendship with Haruka.

The two of them were having lunch near the campus.

"I'm happy that you came out here for the unveiling, it's great press for the school," Rin chewed on his salad. He was always happy to see Haruka, and to be near Haruka, even though he knew he couldn't have Haruka any more, this was much better than where their relationship had been a few months ago, and way better than it had been a year ago.

Haruka nodded, "I'm glad you were able to push the pool plans. I'm sure this will make the students happy."

"Not as happy as you taking them on a trip to America will."

"That won't be for a few months. We'll have to discuss that during my next trip. I'm thinking that it could be during this fall, like a month long trip. What do you think? They could go to a few different places, New York, California, somewhere in the South even? Or Chicago? Some different places," Haruka had obviously given this quite a bit of thought.

Rin nodded, "Sounds good. I'm sure where ever they go they'll be happy. I think this is a really great thing that you and JAL are supporting."

Haruka smiled, taking part of his salad onto his fork. There were a lot of reasons that he was so into it. One of them was giving back, Seijuro was right about that, this was the right thing to do for his business. But, that reason was the least meaningful to him. The main reason, was that he'd given everything a lot of thought, and the truth was that he loved Rin. He really loved Rin, and meeting Rin in December had reminded him of that. Talking it over with Makoto had been nice. It wasn't going to happen over night, but he thought that this time, perhaps he and Rin could do it right.

What he didn't know, was that presently, Nitori was living with Rin.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Sorry for the delay :(. I know I promised this way sooner than it came. I had a few things come up. I -do- intend to finish this story, WIS, and for you AoT fans, CCE. Someday, I even intend to finish Last Semester. It’s gonna be a shock I know.

XXX

“Sei,” her voice was quiet over the receiver, “It’s time for you to come home.”

She stood at the bottom of the staircase up to their room, her eyes on the bag from her favorite bakery in Ebisu.

“I want to, babe,” the heartache associated with the length of time that they were apart was heavy in his voice, she had missed that. She had missed the sound of need in his voice. Had she forgotten so easily how much he’d loved her? She stared harder at the bag as he continued, “but, I don’t think I can.”

“Nitori…” she said softly. She understood. And for the first time in months, they were on the same page. She genuinely understood. She knew how sick her ‘father’ was. She had not yet made the trip to see him. It was too sad for her, too hard for her to imagine losing yet another family member.

But, it was coming. It would come soon.

And she knew she had to face that fact, “Then, I guess I’ll have to come to you. Should we meet in Tokyo?”

“I’d like that a lot,” Seijuro answered, “Though, I’d really rather be in New York right now.”

“Manhattan is never better than it is in December,” she agreed.

She could almost hear him smile over the phone.

XXX

“Rin,” Nitori’s eyes widened as he opened the door. He hadn’t been expecting the man on the other side of it. He hadn’t ever been expecting to see him again, “What are you...how are you...it’s not possible.”

Rin’s face broke into the slightest smile, “You know that it is, Nitori. You heard from Sei. I know that you did.”

“I just...I can’t believe you’re alive. Rin, I...I’ve loved you my whole life, and when I thought you died, I died too. I would rather you be with Haruka than be dead,” the last sentence came out of his mouth before he could stop it. In truth, Nitori wasn’t sure he meant it. 

Rin didn’t respond though, he only looked away.

To Rin’s surprise, it seemed as though Nitori was the easiest of his friends and family for him to win back over. 

Or so he thought. That would change quickly.

“I heard that your father is sick,” Rin started, Nitori had moved to the side and allowed Rin to enter his house. It had been a long time since Rin had visited Nitori’s home in Iwatobi. The mansion and connected houses were massive, but Rin hadn’t been in years. After college, he decided he’d never go back. Things never work that way, and he had been back since, but not frequently. He only came when he felt that he had to, and this was one of those times.

Nitori nodded slowly, “Seijuro came for Christmas to help me with him.”

Nitori’s father had pancreatic cancer, a death sentence. There was nothing that could be done for him. Nitori had been spending most of his time off from work, visiting with his father in the hospital, simply waiting for his father to die. And in the last few months, it’d gotten much worse. Rin knew it wouldn’t be long, “I should pay my respects.”

Nitori only stared at Rin. Rin had difficulty displaying his gratefulness to the Nitori family. He’d spent a lot of years denying any sort of connection to them, denying any sort of love for them, but deep down, he was thankful to them. Nitori knew this, but it still caught him off-guard.

“I can take you,” Nitori offered.

Seeing the exhaustion and shock written on Nitori’s face though, Rin turned him down. Rin smiled slightly, “I should probably go alone. I think you need a break.”

XXX

Rin ended up walking to the hospital. In his need to win the people over close to him, he’d forgotten to take care of himself. Living in Nagasaki, he’d been walking around a lot. It had been good for him to do this to build his strength back. And so, he walked from Nitori’s house to the hospital. It was only a few miles and he arrived there after only about an hour. He went up to the room that he knew Nitori’s father was in, and he immediately regretted not bringing anything with him.

But, when he saw the state of the man in front of him, he knew that there was no gift that would have made any difference.

“Rin,” Nitori’s father shifted in the hospital bed. He hadn’t expected Rin to come, “You look just like your father.”

Rin smiled slightly at that. Nitori’s father, his foster parent, meant that as the most sincere of complements.

“I’m surprised you came back here. I never thought you’d come back here. I knew you weren’t dead, but I didn’t think you’d ever come here after that stunt. You, like your father, hated it here. Sometimes, I wonder if he would have been better off throwing you in the same orphanage that Mikoshiba left Haruka,” his words were slow, and came with a lot of effort.

Rin didn’t answer.

“I’m happy you came back though. I think you can do it all differently, Rin. I really believe that. My son loves you. And I know you don’t love him. But, Rin, if I could ask you one thing, as my dying wish, it would be for you to pretend.”

Rin didn’t meet his eyes.

Nitori’s father went on, “Your father never did that. He was so cruel, but I don’t think he even realized it. I don’t believe he knew that I loved him. Though, I can’t think of any other reason why he would have known I’d raise you and your sister.”

The way Nitori’s father spoke was strange, it was more as though he were talking to himself than directly to Rin. He was asking Rin a favor, but he hardly spoke in Rin’s direction. He appeared to be talking past him.

Rin sighed. This was why he never came home, this was why Nitori was so hard for him to deal with, because Rin knew, he knew deep in his heart that he owed the Nitoris’. But, owing someone isn’t the same as loving them, a voice in the back of his head reminded him.

But, without Haruka, was there any point?

The stood in silence for awhile.

“How much longer have they given you?” Rin asked, at last, breaking the silence.

“Another six months probably.”

This answer surprised Rin, he would have guessed hardly a month.

Rin’s foster parent continued, “Well, if you count living here to be living at all.”

Rin sighed, “I’m going to head back to Nagasaki before long. I imagine Nitori will stay here until then.”

“Take him with you, Rin. He shouldn’t have to watch me die.”

“I don’t think he looks at it like that.”

“I don’t want him to see me die. I don’t want him to see me like this anymore. And the longer that he stays here, the more that he’s out of the world of the living. He shouldn’t have come here at all,” Nitori’s father never wanted this. It was part of life, part of living, but he loved his son, and as much as he wanted his son to stay by his side, it was killing Nitori.

Rin bit his lip, “I’ll take him away then.”

“Thank you.”

More silence.

“Rin, is it better to pretend, than to be alone?”

Rin sighed, “I already agreed to take him away.”

“Yeah, I guess you did.”

What did it matter? Haruka would never be his. And it wasn’t like he was settling for Nitori. He did care about him.

XXX

When Rin returned to Nitori’s house, he found Nitori on the couch.

“How was it?” Nitori asked not looking up.

Rin didn’t answer.

“I’m sure he was happy to see you. You were the son he always wished he had,” Nitori’s voice was rather bored. This comment surprised Rin, in a way, he knew that it was probably true. Nitori always did what was expected of him, but Rin was naturally good at almost anything he put his mind to and when Rin wanted something, Rin achieved it. Nitori could be content with not having to compete for everything. That said, Rin knew that Nitori’s father loved his son very much.

Rin laughed, “I don’t believe that.”

“You were always so much more driven than me, for the wrong reasons, but you were driven.”

“He was more proud of you than he’d ever be of anyone, me included,” Rin sat down next to Nitori on the couch.

“This house is so big,” Nitori changed the subject abruptly, “I never noticed it, but this house, is really big, Rin. When he dies, I’m going to sell it.”

Something about Nitori was different, Rin realized. He should have noticed it sooner, with how agreeable Nitori had been when he’d come home. It was like Nitori had completely closed himself off to everything. His thoughts were so disconnected from reality that Rin found it hard to talk to him.

“You don’t mean that,” Rin answered, “You have to remember the good things, Nitori.”

“And what good things would those be, Rin? Hmm? When he dies, I’ll be all alone in this big, giant house, with no one and nothing, but money. There’s no point. I’m better off in New York, where at least I can be the third wheel to either Nagisa and Rei or your Sister and Sei.”

Rin sighed. He remembered his promise, “Come live with me.”

Nitori turned and looked at him, “You’re kidding, right?”

“I’m serious. Just come with me to Nagasaki. Just for awhile, until you get out of this slump.”

“I can’t leave while my dad is in the hospital.”

“Do you want to be miserable, Nitori? Honestly,” Rin glared at him, he couldn’t understand it. Nitori was impossible for him to meet half-way. Always, always the timing seemed wrong, or Rin couldn’t get his head in their relationship, and now, finally, after so many years, they could work their issues out, and Nitori wanted to stay in the shit town they grew up in, and watch his Dad die, alone?

“I can’t leave him, Rin.”

“He doesn’t want you to remember him this way.”

“That’s the circle of life,” there was strong bitterness in his voice, “besides, why would you ever want me to live with you? You know you’ll never see me as anything.”

“He asked me,” the second the words came out of Rin’s mouth, he realized that he should have lied.

“You’re such an asshole, Rin. You’re a cruel, rotten asshole,” Nitori leaned back into the couch, “Since, you seem to be so honest these days, I guess I can share some truth with you too, Rin. A part of me felt oddly relieved when you ‘died.’ I was disappointed, of course, but it was like all that painful hope just disappeared. And then, you saunter back in here, and it’s all back again.”

Rin closed his eyes, feeling the pain of a migraine coming on. Rin repeated the words that he’d said so often lately, “I’m sorry.”

They sat in silence for a minute.

“Look, not that I think I have any right to tell you what to do, especially after everything, but even if you don’t come with me, you shouldn’t be here. You shouldn’t be alone in this house.”

“Whatever, Rin,” Nitori wouldn’t even look at him. He was angry, he was hurt, and he’d been in this pain for so long.

They were back to silence.

“I can’t do this anymore,” Nitori spat, “I don’t want us to be like this. You and I, it’s never been easy, but it’s never been like this.”

“I know.”

And again, there was silence. This time, at least, Nitori seemed to be thinking.

Finally, without hesitation, he turned to Rin and said, “Fuck me.”

“What?” Rin looked over at him.

“You promised. Remember?” Nitori didn’t look at him, he stared at his legs, “You promised anytime I ever asked, you’d fuck me.”

Rin rolled his eyes, “You can’t be serious.”

Nitori gave him a look. It was mixed need and spite.

Rin closed his eyes, “If it’s what you want, you know I’ll say ‘yes.’”

But, Nitori didn’t have a need for words after that, as his hands were already sliding up Rin’s thigh.

XXX

It was March, the middle of March. The pool was finished, and Rin’s students were all so excited. Rin had a hard time getting them to focus on their lessons, but that was okay. He knew that the novelty of the pool’s opening would quickly wear off. He wanted them to enjoy it in the meantime.

“Mr. Eri, are you coming this weekend to the opening ceremony?” the one who reminded him of himself as a child, asked.

Rin laughed, “I don’t know.”

“You should,” the one who reminded him of Haruka spoke up, “Haruka Nanase is going to be doing the ribbon cutting, isn’t he?”

“Yeah yeah,” the young Rin answered, “Supposedly, a whole bunch of newscasters and paparazzi are going to be coming. I’m gonna get my picture taken and end up on the national news.”

Rin just laughed.

“You should come too, Mr. E,” the young Rin said, “it’ll be fun. We’re going to have a bit schoolwide race, and I hear we’ll even see Grandma Maria in a swimsuit.”

“Don’t call her that or I’ll have to give you detention,” Rin answered.

The young redhead shrugged his shoulders.

They couldn’t be blamed, it was going to be exciting. Rin himself couldn’t help being a bit excited, after all, he was going to see Haruka again. That was a common thing lately. Every month or so the two of them would see each other and discuss Rin’s students with Maria. But, this would be different. He was going to have lunch with Haruka all by himself.

XXX

The day for the pool to open arrived soon after.

“Haruka’s going to be here to cut the ribbon and open the pool in your memory, isn’t he?” Nitori asked.

The two of them were sitting in Rin’s bed. It was almost noon, but Rin hadn’t bothered to get up yet fully.

Rin sighed, “Yeah, he will be. But, only because he’s been making so many other donations lately. And because it’s good publicity for the school.”

“Will you see him again?” Nitori knew that Rin had gone to lunch with Haruka earlier that week.

“Yes. But, you don’t have to worry about that, Nitori. It’s only to talk about his philanthropy projects, as usual.”

“You say that, Rin, but…” Nitori gave Rin the same look that he always gave Rin. The look that said that he knew that Rin still wanted more from Haruka. But, Rin knew better than Nitori. Rin knew nothing would happen.

Rin didn’t answer him, it would only lead to a fight, and there was no reason for them to have one, “What are your plans for today?”

It was a Saturday. Nitori had been living with Rin for almost 2 months now, but he still hadn’t found anything that interested him. His father was still in the hospital, but on the phone he seemed much more cheerful to Nitori. He was happy that Nitori had gone with Rin to live his life. His Dad only ever wanted him to be happy. And he was happy, sort of. This had been all he’d ever wanted, right? To live simply with Rin? It was empty though. There was literally nothing that Nitori wanted to do for himself. He had stepped down as CEO from his company to take care of his father, and he didn’t want to go back to Tokyo. He had no reason to manage his businesses, he had no reason to do anything. There was nothing he wanted, nothing he needed that he didn’t already have.

And so, he did nothing. He’d sit around Rin’s apartment. Occasionally, he’d decide to go over to the grocery store and make the two of them dinner, but that was rare.

“I don’t know. Maybe I’ll download a book on my kindle and read it.”

Rin said nothing. He couldn’t force Nitori to do anything. Nitori had never gotten Rin to do precisely what he wanted, and similarly Rin had never been able to Nitori to do what he wanted.

“I’m going to take a shower.”

“Do you want me to join you?” It wasn’t a real offer, and Rin knew that.

“It’s fine.”

Something of hurt showed on Nitori’s face, but Rin figured that was his imagination.

XXX

Rin showed up to the pool ceremony late. He was intentionally late. He wanted to get there after the ceremony ended, he wanted to arrive after everyone congratulated Haruka on the announcement of his donations to Nagasaki’s orphanage, after everyone talked about the sad death of Matsuoka Rin or Kikumaru Rin. Rin hated being involved in conversations about himself.

His students were happy to see him when he arrived, and clearly a bit surprised that he showed.

“We figured you wouldn’t make it, Mr. Eri, you’re so late,” teased the redheaded one.

His other students were equally happy, “Are you going to come swim with us?”

“No,” Rin answered, “I’ll just sit and watch.”

The one that looked like a young Haruka didn’t seem to be too surprised by that. Rin figured that he probably wasn’t. After all, Rin had accidentally once showed his scars to him.

Rin sat over in the stands, and watched everyone playing in the pool. Maria was in one corner of the pool, on a floating chair, supervising. To his surprise, Haruka had joined all his students and was swimming and having fun with them.

Rin watched them all for a good hour or so, and then, Haruka stepped out to use the bathroom and get a drink.

On his way back to the pool, he approached Rin, “You should come in. You could go back to your apartment and grab a swimsuit.”

“I don’t have one,” Rin answered.

“Then just wear your boxers. I don’t think anyone will care.”

“I’m alright. I’ll just watch everyone, and hang out.”

Haruka looked at him strangely, but he seemed to give up, “Whatever, Rin.”

Time passed, and Maria let them all know that they were going to have to go home. She reminded them that they had the whole summer ahead of them and that they could come swim again tomorrow. The older ones complained, but for the younger ones it was clearly getting late. She dragged them back their dorms for showers and dinner time.

That left just Rin and Haruka alone in the pool area.

“I don’t get it, Rin,” since his students were gone, Haruka was using his real name, “I know you’re not afraid of water. You had a pool in your New York penthouse. You promised me we’d swim together some day back then, if I remember right. I don’t get why you won’t just jump in and swim with me.”

The two of them were standing near the edge of the deep end as Rin had moved from the bleachers to help wrangling the students and sending them off to the showers.

“I just...I don’t want to,” his new friendship, if it could be called that with Haruka was nice. It was fragile though, and the slightest wrong move could set them back again. Since it wasn’t perfect, and Rin was already keeping one secret from Haruka, that he was living with Nitori, Rin preferred to simply avoid the water. After all, he knew that Haruka seeing his scars would only remind him of their not so happy past.

“Oh for fuckssake,” and with that, Haruka pushed him.

Rin lost his balance against the edge. That he hadn’t been expecting. He hadn’t thought Haruka would actually push him in. The moments before he hit the water sent a rush of adrenaline through him. Rin flopped into the deep-end causing a big splash. Haruka jumped in after him.

Rin pulled up and treaded water, taking a deep breath. He glowered at Haruka.

Haruka smirked in response.

Seeing the look on Haruka’s face, Rin had to smile at him.

“Now then, see? The water is nice,” Haruka was referring to the temperature.

He was right. It was perfect. Rin looked again around the room, the pool, and the stands inside, everything was perfect. He was happy that his money had built this. He was happy to be here, with Haruka, enjoying life. He’d never expected to feel this way with Haruka again. He was content.

“You might as well take off your shirt and pants, and just swim in your boxers,” it wasn’t meant to be suggestive. Haruka had clearly only said it because of the fact that Rin’s clothes were all filling with water and were clearly not meant for the pool.

Rin shook his head, “I’m fine as is.”

“Come on, I want to race. You won’t even be able to stand a chance,” the clinging of the fabric would slow Rin down, giving Haruka an unfair advantage.

“Nah, I’m really okay,” seeing the disappointed look on Haruka’s face, he lied and added, “We can race another time.”

Haruka sighed, “I don’t get it.”

Haruka inched over to Rin, slowly closing the gap between them. The gap between them now was only about a foot, “You’ve got to be uncomfortable.”

Rin shrugged, “Really, I’m fine,” he leaned on one the edges of the pool to help support himself.

To his surprise, Haruka reached for his shirt.

Rin froze, “S-stop.”

“Really, quit freaking out, and just let me take off your shirt,” Haruka pulled on it.

Rin caved. It was Haruka after all. Rin could only resist him to a certain point, and he’d more than put up a fight. Haruka released Rin from his shirt, and tossed the shirt to the side of the pool. As he turned back towards Rin, he spoke, “There, isn’t that way bett-Oh.”

He finally realized why Rin didn’t to take off his shirt. When he looked at Rin’s chest, he saw 6 scars in the shapes of holes. Rin looked away. Haruka had never seen his scars from the assassination attempt. Rin figured that Haruka probably didn’t even know that he had scars until that moment.

They were silent.

Haruka broke the silence, “Can I...touch them?”

Rin’s heart stopped, the question surprised him, “If..you..want to…”

Haruka reached out slowly with his right hand. He ran it along the left side of Rin’s chest. Rin was perfectly still. Haruka was gentle, afraid, completely different than Nitori’s way of handling him, and Rin was absolutely delighted by the touch. He’d never expected to feel Haruka’s hands on him ever again.

Haruka’s fingertips slid down Rin’s chest, slowly moving over the bumps in it.

“Do they hurt?”

“Not anymore.”

“You must have been scared.”

“Not really.”

“Liar.”

Rin laughed, “To be completely honest, Haruka, I could not have cared less back then, if I lived or died. When I was in the hospital, I hoped I’d never wake up.”

Haruka gripped the side of Rin’s chest, “Stop. Don’t say that.”

“It’s the truth,” the sincerity in Rin’s voice scared Haruka.

Haruka’s hold tightened, as if, he were going back in time and protecting Rin from the shooter, “Please, just stop.”

They weren’t more than a six inches away from each other. Rin’s eyes met Haruka’s. Haruka’s hand was still on Rin’s chest. Haruka pulled him closer. Just a little bit closer. Rin could feel Haruka’s breath.

Rin started to say Haruka’s name, but he was stopped by Haruka pressing his lips against him. Rin allowed himself to be taken by the kiss. He pulled Haruka closer to him. He felt Haruka’s wet skin push against his. He leaned Haruka against the side of the pool and wrapped his arms around Haruka’s hips.

Rin felt himself begin to slip into the pool, and that’s when he pulled back.

“Should we go back to your apartment?” Haruka’s voice was a whisper.

My apartment, Rin thought, Nitori…

Shit.

XXX


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: The second to last chapter. Sorry for the wait...I’ve had a rough couple of weeks. Also, for those of you who are curious, I did not delete my tumblr. It’s under “Kikubeamblah” now. I actually made it pretty (after, what? A year?)

XXX

Rin pulled back remembering Nitori. Shit, he thought. This was such a big mistake. He could imagine the pain that would be written all over Nitori’s face if he found out. And Rin couldn’t blame him, but Rin couldn’t break up with him either. It wouldn’t be right.

“Uh, I don’t think we should go back to my apartment.”

“My hotel then?” Haruka offered.

“Look, I just think we’d be better off giving this some time,” Rin looked away. He didn’t want to take any time. He wanted to bend Haruka over the nearest bench and make his moans echo through the entire gym.

Haruka looked surprised. Rin, wanting to go slow? To be fair, he realized, it was years before Rin had actually put any sort of moves on him, but that was only because he had been dating Makoto, right?

Rin sighed, “It’s - I just think it’s getting late. I think you should think about whether this is what you really want Haruka. And, if so, then we can talk.”

That sounded good to Rin, that sounded more mature. He didn’t want Haruka to take any time to think at all, but Rin needed him to take some. After all, he couldn’t keep hurting Nitori, especially if Haruka wasn’t actually intent on committing.

There was a strange look on Haruka’s face, a look that indicated that he might have actually been hurt by this outcome. But, he didn’t express that, “Fine. I’ll go back to my hotel then.”

With that, the two of them split off. Haruka went for the showers in the gym. Rin went back to his apartment.

XXX

Haruka was confused. One hundred percent confused. Rin fell in love with him in France, Haruka knew that was a fact. Then Haruka left, because he felt like Rin had only been using him. But, it had become clear he was wrong. And after time, after a lot of time, he forgave Rin. He saw how much Rin had changed and he forgave him. So why, why would Rin push him away? He was sure that Rin still loved him. If he didn’t love me, why would he have kept the rings, Haruka wondered.

He realized that perhaps Rin was really being serious about Haruka needing to decide.

Could it be that he thinks I don’t love him?

That’s when Haruka decided that the best course of action would be to surprise Rin. He’d make some grand gesture, do something entirely out of his comfort zone. And then, then, Rin would see. He’d be reminded that Haruka was the timid subservient one in their relationship, and Rin would embrace him and fuck him and everything would finally be back to normal.

Haruka finished washing his hair and stepped out of the shower into the brand new locker room. He ruffled through his bags and found a change of clothes. He put them on quickly, and googled on his phone the nearest florist.

XXX

Rin went home and cursed. It was late. Later than he had wanted it to be. Nitori was sure to give him the third degree. And rightfully so, a voice in the back of his mind reminded him. Rin sighed. His chest was tight. He could still feel the lingering pain of Haruka’s touch on his old wounds.

Why had Haruka done that? Why had Haruka kissed him?

Rin regretted not taking Haruka up on his offer to go back to Haruka’s hotel. That would have been wrong, he reminded himself.

It would hurt Nitori, and Rin had sworn that he was done with that. Besides Nitori though, it would have also hurt Haruka when he inevitably found out that Rin was living with Nitori. Rin knew that would be bad.

Rin unlocked his door and found Nitori at the dining room table, reading something on his kindle. The silver haired man looked up, “You’re back.”

Rin nodded, “Dinner?”

“In the refrigerator. I ordered Italian.”

Rin didn’t ask if Nitori had left the house, he knew the answer. Rin instead went over to the refrigerator and pulled out the leftover Penne Alla Vodka. He stuck it in the microwave, still in the container and set it to 2 minutes. The microwave roared, and Rin stood in the kitchen waiting for it to be heated.

When the bell dinged, he took it out of the microwave and grabbed a fork out of one of the drawers. He didn’t bother putting it on a plate. He took it over and sat next to Nitori.

“How was the pool?” Nitori had taken notice of the smell of chlorine and Rin’s wet red hair.

“Not bad. The kids love it,” then he added, apologetically, “I’ll shower in a bit.”

“How was Haruka?”

“Fine, I guess.”

“Did you guys talk?”

“Not really,” they didn’t talk much. They did other things, but Nitori didn’t need to know those details.

Nitori “mm-ed”, and went back to his book.

The rest of Rin’s dinner was in silence. Nitori read, and Rin played with his penne.

“I’m going to shower,” Rin said after almost an hour.

Nitori only nodded, he didn’t look up.

Rin threw the empty container away, and went into the bathroom.

Nitori sat and continued to read. He heard the water start, and he sighed. He hated days like this, days where Rin shut him out. They always happened when Haruka visited. He didn’t know how to tell Rin that it was okay. Nitori understood that even now he was second best. He’d always be second best. And he was slowly becoming more and more okay with that.

Nitori heard a knocking at the door. He stood up and opened it. He expected it to be Maria, because she came over every few nights to talk to Rin. He started to say that Rin was in the shower and he’d be out in a moment.

Instead, Nitori was face to face with someone who he hadn’t seen in years.

He was face to face with Haruka.

Haruka, held a bouquet of white lilies, and looked equally surprised to see Nitori.

The two of them stared at each other in silence. Nitori started to invite him inside, but Haruka shook his head.

“I’m so stupid,” was all he said.

The shower had gone off, and Rin stepped out of the bathroom wearing only a towel, to see the door open and Haruka standing outside of it.

Shit, he thought.

Haruka looked at him, and shook his head. Then, he turned and walked away.

Rin started to go past Nitori. Their eyes met. Nitori’s face said, “Please don’t go after him.”

But, Rin did. He raced down the street after Haruka in his towel, unable to be embarrassed by what he knew to be an unusual sight. Haruka sped up, but Rin caught him by the arm.

The bouquet fell out of his hand, as Rin pulled Haruka to face him, “Stop!”

Haruka looked at Rin. They were silent for a moment. Then, Haruka shook his head and shook Rin off of his shoulder.

“That’s why you didn’t want me to go to your apartment,” Haruka laughed.

Rin looked pained, “Just, please let me explain, it’s … it’s complicated.”

“Did you sleep with him?” Haruka asked.

Rin bit his lip, “Yes, but -”

“Are you still sleeping with him?”

He wanted to lie, he wanted to lie so badly, the word came out in a whisper, “Yes.”

Haruka shook his head, “I can’t believe it.”

Rin said nothing.

Then, Haruka laughed again, “I guess you haven’t changed much after all, have you, Rin? You’re still the same fucking playboy you’ve always been. I was stupid to think you loved me. So, so stupid. You were at the fucking top of the world, got dropped to the bottom, but you’ll still be the same fucking asshole who only cares about yourself and what you want. I really thought you came here to repent, to do something selfless. But, in the end, you just saw another opportunity to play with me. What were you going to do? Fuck us both until you got bored with me?”

Rin looked down at the crushed flowers, “It’s really not -”

“Save it. Just, save it. I’m not anything to you and I get that. You can do whatever the fuck you want Rin.”

“Haruka, I lov-” Rin started.

“Stop, just shut the fuck up,” his face contorted, he was obviously hurt, “I wish you really had died.”

Rin put his arm back on Haruka’s shoulder. He didn’t say anything. He just squeezed it softly. Then, Rin said, “Let’s call you a cab.”

Haruka pushed his arm off, “Just get away from me. I’ll take care of myself.”

“Okay,” Rin answered, and he move the towel slightly as it had started to slip down.

Haruka reached for his phone. He dialed for an UberX car - 5 minutes out, the app told him. He sighed, knowing that they would be 5 of the longest minutes of his life.

Rin stood next to him in silence.

Haruka sighed. His adrenaline from the fight was wearing off.

“Please don’t leave,” Rin said softly.

But, Haruka ignored him. The car showed up soon. Instead of saying his hotel, when Haruka stepped inside, he said, “Tokyo.”

He’d have his bags shipped to him later. He wanted to be far away from here.

The tires of the car drove over the flowers on the street.

Rin watched the car pull away, and he sighed.

In the car, Haruka realized, there was one question he hadn’t asked Rin.

Why did he keep the rings?

But, he figured it was just another game to Rin.

XXX

Rin returned to his apartment. He was sure he’d catch a cold. After all, he had stood outside with wet hair and nothing but a towel on for a good 10 minutes. Nitori had left the door unlocked. He had moved over to the bed.

He looked up when Rin came inside. He looked surprised to see Rin.  
Nitori said nothing to him. Rin knew that he was mad.

Rin took off the towel and slipped into his boxers. Then, he went over to the bed and joined Nitori.

“Did you fuck him?” Nitori asked.

“No,” Rin answered, “he kissed me at the pool though.”

“Why’d you come back?” Nitori asked looking at Rin.

Rin sighed, “Because he got in a cab and drove off.”

“Aren’t you going to chase after him? You love him,” Nitori said.

“He doesn’t want to hear me out.”

“Are you mad at me?” Another question.

“No,” Rin wondered if he really meant that answer.

“I never thought...I can leave,” Nitori started to say.

Rin shook his head remembering his promise to Nitori’s father. I owe him this, he thought, I just...I just wish I could make Haruka understand that.

Nitori leaned on Rin, “I love you. I love you so much. I always have.”

“I know,” Rin answered.

“Will you -” Nitori started to ask.

Rin cut him off with his lips, “I promised you I always would.”

And Rin needed to, deep down, he knew Haruka was right. This may have been the easy way out, but he needed a distraction. And, he had made a promise. This was the right thing, right?

XXX

The uber driver hadn’t believed him when he first entered the car, but Haruka had been dead serious. He wanted to go back to Tokyo and he didn’t want to wait for a train or plane or anything. He wanted to sit in the back of a car and sleep. He wanted to be shut off from the world for a bit. Just a bit.  
He fell asleep for most of the ride, and when they got to Shinagawa at 7 AM, he strongly regretted his decision to do this. He wanted his suitcase, he wanted his things that were still in the hotel in Nagasaki. He sent a quick text to his assistant, ordering him to get them.

Then, he exited the car, thanked the driver (who was still quite surprised), and started for his apartment. He had a strange craving for coffee. He knew that he ought to go to work. He ought to do something, if he didn’t, he was liable to go up to his apartment and not come down for weeks.

He sighed and headed for a nearby Starbucks.

That was a decision he’d quickly regret.

He walked the few blocks over, and felt strangely okay. He knew that this was better than going straight up to his apartment. I will be okay, he told himself again and again. He remembered the look on Rin’s face. He remembered Rin standing outside, running after him in nothing but a towel.

And then, he remembered the look on Nitori’s face.

Bet you weren’t expecting this, it said.

I win, it said.

You will always be low class, it said, you’ll never get Rin Matsuoka.

Yes, the look on Nitori’s face confirmed all of Haruka’s worst nightmares. It was a look that reminded him of his place in the world. A look that brought him back to when he was nothing more than a flight attendant.

Haruka felt a bit woozy.

He tugged on the door of the Starbucks.

When he got inside, he found none other than Gou Matsuoka sitting at one of the tables.

XXX

The text from Gou was short, “Thank you.”

Since his trip to New York, Rin hadn’t heard from her for literally a month and a half. Rin hardly expected to hear from her again. Nagisa had forgiven him when he found out that Rin was back with Nitori. He seemed to think that Rin needed his best friend for guidance at that point, and he put aside the past. Rin’s twin sister was an entirely different battle. She held wrath that couldn’t be beat.

She’ll come around.

That was what both Sei and Nagisa had said.

And, sure enough it had been true. Around Valentine’s Day, she decided to forgive Rin.

They had started talking on the phone again, shortly after that.

“Well,” she said, “Fill me in, tell me everything.”

“There’s not a lot to tell.”

“I heard you’re sleeping with Nitori,” She cut to the heart of the matter.

Rin rolled his eyes.

“That’s got to be the stupidest thing you’ve done aside from faking your death,” his sister was always quite clear with her opinions.

Rin said nothing to defend himself.

“I get it though. I get why you’re doing it, Rin. But it’s wrong. It’s all kinds of wrong.”

“Because he’s our brother?” Rin teased.

She didn’t joke around, “Because you deserve to be with someone you love.”

“I do love Nitori,” Rin answered.

“You know what I mean.”

“Tell me, sweet sister, how am I supposed to pull that off?”

“I don’t know,” she answered, “I just...I think it’s what you deserve.”

“It makes me happy to know you can pretend to feel that way, honest. I know I pissed you off, and I know you’re probably still mad, but it makes me happy to know you’d at least lie to make me smile.”

She could hear Rin’s smirk on the other end, “I’m serious, Rin. I heard from Seijuro that you saw Haruka at the Christmas party.”

“And we’ve been meeting to discuss the kids, but, so what?”

“Well, just know that if I ever saw him, I’d give him a piece of my mind.”

Rin laughed, but then he cleared his voice, “Please promise me you’ll just leave it alone.”

“I can’t. As much as it breaks my heart on the one end, because I do want Nitori to be happy, he is going to kill you if he continues to do this to you.”

“I’m an adult, Gou. I can make my own decisions.”

“I know that...I just...this wasn’t the way it was supposed to be.”

“Nothing ever is.”

“That’s not true. Some things are,” she was referring to Seijuro, Rin assumed.

“Not in my life.”

XXX

Haruka wished she hadn’t looked up. If she hadn’t looked up, he could have left without her seeing him. It would be rude not to stay and say “Hello” though, now that she had seen him.

He knew he shouldn’t feel this way about her. She wasn’t Rin, and she was married to his half-brother, but he still didn’t want to talk to her. Looking at her reminded him of Rin, and considering the day he’d had yesterday, he would have liked to avoid any contact with a Matsuoka.

Still, now, he had no choice. He waved at her. She smiled at him, “Grab something to drink, and then, we can chat for a bit,” she said motioning to the empty chair at her table.

He nodded robotically.

Haruka went up to the counter and ordered himself a green tea latte with 2 shots of espresso. He didn’t normally drink them with espresso, but he figured that he’d need the extra caffeine for the conversation that he was about to have.

His name was called, and he picked up his drink. He grabbed it and walked over taking the empty chair at her table.

“Long time no see,” she said. She was pretty bubbly, exactly as Haruka had remembered her.

He nodded, “France was the last time.”

That seemed so long ago.

“Are you here with Seijuro?” It was a rather personal question, Haruka realized after asking it. He wasn’t entirely sure if the power couple was back together again.

She nodded enthusiastically, “Yep. It’s a quiet time for me in New York, so I figured I’d come hang with him in Tokyo. I’ve been here a few months now…”

He smiled. He was glad to hear they were doing better. In spite of his feelings about her brother, he didn’t wish any pain on Seijuro.

She decided to change the topic, cautiously, “I heard that you’ve started talking to my brother again.”

Haruka looked at his cup.

“Did something happen?” She asked, knowingly.

“No, nothing important,” he answered. It was a lie, but the sooner that Haruka accepted it, the better.

She shook her head, “You’re lying, aren’t you? I would have thought you’d stay in Nagasaki longer. Didn’t the pool at the orphanage just open yesterday?”

Haruka nodded slowly, “I drove back last night.”

“You drove back?” That was unusual for any Japanese person.

Finally, he cracked, “I...I went to his apartment.”

Her eyes widened.

Haruka knew that she knew what that meant.

“Nitori,” she said knowingly.

Haruka’s grip on the cup tightened slightly.

She sighed. Then, she said, “Rin loves you, Haruka.”

“I seriously doubt that.”

“He does.”

“He lives with…” Haruka didn’t finish.

“Nitori…” She sighed, “Nitori has a special power over my brother. He’s a wonderful person, don’t get me wrong. I’m eternally grateful to him and his father. And I think, I mean, I really believe that if Nitori ever stepped back and saw what he was doing to Rin, he’d stop and pull away from him. Because like you, Nitori really does want Rin to be happy. But, the problem is, for the first time ever, Nitori can actually pretend that Rin is truly his. And, because my brother feels guilty about not loving him, he plays exactly the part that Nitori needs him to.”

“That’s stupid of Rin and it’s still self serving. It’s not like Rin gets nothing from the relationship. If he had any conviction at all, he’d end it.”

She sipped on her drink, “Haruka, you’re a really special person, if you’d have enough strength to break someone’s heart that you owe a lot to, especially knowing it means you’ll end up alone.”

I want to become a flight attendant.

I should break up with him, but it would hurt him, right?

Do I even love Makoto anymore? No...but...do I know how to be without him?

Haruka’s eyes widened.

Gou smiled at him softly, “Haruka, I believe you are the only person my brother will ever love. But, if you can’t empathize with the situation and help him learn that it’s okay for him to be with you, frankly, you should just leave his life altogether.”

Haruka looked away.

Rin, would you be mad if you knew I did this? Gou wondered, taking another sip of her drink, Would you prefer to have him as a friend than not have him at all?

“I don’t know what the best course of action is, for us to get to that point - the one where we work.”

“Can’t help you there. You have to figure that out on your own,” she answered. And that was true. At a certain point, Rin and Haruka had to figure some things out by themselves.

“Can you do me a favor?” Haruka asked.

“Anything.”

“Don’t tell him about this.”

“Didn’t plan on it.”

“Thank you.”

XXX

Haruka took what remained of his coffee over to his office. When he reached the top floor, he found Seijuro there.

“You’re back earlier than I expected,” Seijuro said to Haruka.

Haruka nodded.

“How was the pool opening?”

“Fine.”

Silence.

Seijuro knew better than to bring up his brother-in-law to Haruka. Haruka had put a big giant X over that long ago.

Haruka kept replaying the conversation that he had had with Gou in his head. He decided to ask for Seijuro’s advice, “What do you think of Rin and Nitori?”

“What?” Seijuro asked, certain that he must have misheard.

“Nitori, Rin. What do you think of them?”

“You mean...like together?” Seijuro asked, starting to put realize that Haruka must have seen the two of them together.

“Yes.”

Seijuro hemmed and hawwed.

Haruka folded his arms, waiting for an answer.

Seijuro let out a sigh, “I’m not sure whether you know or not, but I slept with Rin once.”

Haruka had forgotten about that, but figured it was hardly relevant.

“He was very drunk at the time, and obviously, long before he met you,” Seijuro reflected, “but back then, he told me that he thought I was better than the one person he thought that he could ever love.”

Haruka raised his brows. Rin hadn’t really discussed the details of his experience with Seijuro, he had only complained about it.

“Rin never loved Nitori, Haruka, and he never will. Never. And to be completely honest with you, based on the many years that I knew him, I never thought Rin would be capable of love at all. It sounds sad to say, but there are some people who simply cannot love for one reason or another. Nothing wrong with that. Some people are stronger single than they are with others. Rin’s life and associated choices, led me to believe that he was that sort of person.

“There was a time that I used to mercilessly tease him about that comment regarding Nitori. He felt so guilty for actually saying something that deep down he knew to be true. Hell, Nitori knew it too. Part of why I teased him was because I genuinely believed Rin couldn’t love. I figured the comment didn’t actually indicate that he cared about me at all. I just figured it indicated that he was incapable of love. Again, not something I’m judgemental about.

“My opinion of Rin changed the day I saw the two of you in Jules Verne. I’d never seen him like that. You brought out a side of Rin that I don’t even think his sister believed existed. With you, Rin went several steps forward. Rin let go of the darkness of his past. That’s why I allowed him to meet with our father, when I’d forbidden that for several years. Because I genuinely believed that Rin was going to move forward.

“Losing you Haruka, caused him to mature, but it also caused him to revert back in time with Nitori. He is back to pretending. Because it’s easier to pretend. And because, frankly, I think that Rin would rather live in a dreamworld with Nitori, than wake up and recognize that he is completely alone in the world with nothing to live for.

“Hell is a place on earth, Haruka. It’s when you look at the past, and you think ‘if only, I had done things differently, I would be so much happier.’ And when it comes to you, Haruka, Rin lives in Hell. If only, I had let go of my anger sooner. If only, I had never recognized him. If only, I had been honest from the start. These are things I am sure he thinks on a daily basis. And then, he looks at Nitori and I’m sure he thinks, if only, I’d never met Haruka, if only, I’d settled for this long ago. I think the worst thing of all, Haruka, and he probably hates himself for thinking so, but I’m sure he wishes he had never met you. Because you showed him that he could love. You gave him something he never thought he could have. And he fucked up and lost that.”

Seijuro sighed, realizing he had said a lot, “Well, whatever. Rin will be Rin, I guess.”

“Do you love him, Seijuro?” Haruka asked.

Seijuro smiled, “Hitting me with the complex questions, aren’t you?”

Haruka just stared at him.

“I do. I love him very much. If his sister weren’t my soul mate, I think I would be a very different half-brother to you, more competitor than advisor.”

Haruka laughed at that.

“Seriously though, no. He was a great fuck,” Haruka’s eyes widened, “and he’s fun to tease, but he and I would probably kill each other. We’re better as in-laws.”

Haruka laughed again.

“Any more questions?”

“Nah,” a thoughtful look appeared on Haruka’s face, then he said, “actually, we probably ought to discuss European airways.”

XXX


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: First and foremost, I forgot on the last one, but Sakura, my lovely beta, betaed both this chapter and chapter 17 of WGU.
> 
> Now then, this ending is probably going to piss a lot of you off, but this is how i’ve seen it ending since the very beginning.
> 
> it feels nice to be ending this story now. i began it when i started my shitty job and now i’m ending it having given in my 2 weeks notice.

XXX

The day the phone call came was like any other.

Haruka had not been to see Rin since he had left Rin standing on the street in a towel. He continued to meet with Maria, or so Rin assumed, since it seemed as though things were moving in the direction of JAL offering a special package for the students at the orphanage to be able to go on a rather long trip to the US.

But, time had seemed to stop for Rin. That day, everything seemed to stop. He and Nitori weren’t happy exactly, but they continued playing pretend.

He continued teaching. It was quite. His family seemed happy for him. No one seemed angry exactly.

It was as though time simply moved on, but his life had frozen.

That was true until the phone call came.

“It was the hospital,” Nitori said, putting down the receiver, “it’s my father...he...he -”

Nitori didn’t have to finish the sentence. Rin already knew.

_Their father had died._

Rin remembered the man in the hospital. He closed his eyes. He wanted to preserve the memory of his adopted father before that. The memories of his adopted father that were happy. Not that last memory though.

Rin put an arm around Nitori, “It’s going to be okay.”

But, Nitori had already cracked. Yes, whatever had been said on the phone was the end for them. That was it.

Nitori’s voice cracked. He was obviously holding back the immense pain he was feeling.

Rin pushed his lips together and make a “shushing” sound to try to comfort the silver haired man, he repeated himself, “It’s going to be okay.”

“It’s not,” Nitori answered.

The spell was broken.

“What are we doing, Rin? Why are we living this way? God, all this time, what have I been doing? Why did I come down here? Christ, my whole fucking life. It’s all a giant fucking mistake. It was supposed to be different. We were supposed to be different. We were supposed to tackle the fucking world. Why, why are we here? This is so fucking meaningless,” Nitori went on.

He was spiraling.

Eventually, the storm began on his face. Tears streamed from his eyes.

“I don’t want to do this anymore,” he cried, “I don’t want to be this way anymore. I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to be with you.”

“I don’t understand,” Rin said softly, and he really meant it.

Nitori kept bawling, “I just can’t. I just fucking can’t, Rin. I can’t even...I just can’t.”

He pulled away from Rin, who he left mouth gaping.

He went over to his closet, grabbed a small day bag, and threw some things in it, “I’m leaving.”

“What?” Rin asked, completely dumbfounded.

Nitori started shaking, “I just...I have to go. I can’t be here. I can’t be with you.”

Rin bit his lower lip, “Let me come with you. We can go give him a proper funeral, a proper burial,” he started.

Nitori shook his head, “I don’t want you there. It’s a lie, Rin. I can’t go to his grave and lie. I just, I just can’t.”

Rin let out a heavy sigh.

“I’m going. I’m going back to my old house and then to Tokyo or New York. I don’t even know. I just...I can’t keep this up.”

“O-okay.”

And then, Nitori was gone.

XXX

Rin called his sister shortly after. She hadn’t been surprised. The hospital had called her too.

“It’s really awful, Rin,” She said. He could hear the pain in her voice.

Rin simply sighed.

“You shouldn’t follow him. I’ll handle Nitori.”

“I think I should,” Rin answered. He wasn’t trying to be defiant or to disagree, he simply figured that was what he ought to do. Nitori, regardless of what happened was like his family. Rin couldn’t imagine being without him.

“I think, he just needs time, Rin. Rather like you did.”

Rin couldn’t disagree with that.

XXX

“I’m sorry.”

The text came about a week later and that was all that it said.

Rin half-figured that his sister had been the one to send it, but he didn’t want to go there. Just as Nitori needed a break from him, he needed a break from Nitori.

XXX

Time continued to pass. Before long, the summer was gone, and the leaves on the trees had all turned red.

One such leaf, blew from a tree in front of Rin’s apartment and landed at his feet.

It was crushed below his foot, and Rin continued on his way to work. He walked past the student dorms where he found the young Haruka and Rin walking to his class. He waved to them.

The young Haruka volunteered a question, “Have you been okay lately, Mr. Eri?”

Rin smiled weakly, “I’ll be happier soon. Fall always depresses me a bit.”

He had been thinking. It was almost exactly a year since he had escaped here.

“I’m totally excited to have you as a teacher again, Mr. E, I’m ready to learn all the advanced English I can for our big trip that Nanase Haruka’s sponsoring,” the redheaded one completely ignored the mood.

Rin froze, hearing Haruka’s name. They were going to be meeting later that afternoon. Maria had been meeting Haruka privately, but now that the trip was moving forward, she had to coordinate with Rin. He was the English teacher after all.

“Y-yeah,” Rin answered recovering, “you should study hard. If your final exams from last year are any clue, you sure need to,” he teased.

The young Rin rolled his eyes and shrugged his shoulders.

XXX

Rin walked into Maria’s office. To his surprise, she wasn’t there. But, the room wasn’t empty. He was suddenly face to face with Haruka. Haruka, who he hadn’t seen since the big incident.

Rin sighed and he started to leave. He’d wait outside the office until Maria was back.

“Where are you going, Rin?” Haruka asked. His voice was almost a whisper.

“I figured you’d want privacy, until Maria comes back.”

“It’s just us, today,” Haruka answered.

“Oh,” Rin’s face fell a bit. This was going to be a difficult conversation, he knew that.

Haruka seemed unbothered, “Have a seat,” he said, motioning at one of the empty chairs.

Rin took it and sat down. He sighed.

“I want to discuss the trip,” Haruka explained.

Rin nodded.

Haruka had some paperwork laying on the table which he pointed to, “I’ve planned some destinations that I think they should go to, the big cities, and some smaller suburbs, so that they see America. I thought you could come up with some lesson plans, or maybe pick specific things they should do.”

Rin looked over the itinerary that Haruka provided. There were quite a few places he recognized. He skimmed through it rather quickly, but it was quite planned. The students would be spending more than a month abroad, from about November 20th to January 10th. It was quite a trip. Haruka had made accommodations for other teachers of theirs to come too, so that they’d keep up their other school work.

“I can make this work,” Rin said eager to leave.

Haruka nodded, “There’s another thing we have to discuss. You’ll be there for quite some time, so I figured you’d want to plan your own itinerary accordingly. If there’s anyone you want to bring with you, I’d be happy for JAL to support it.”

“No,” Rin answered, a little too quickly.

“You’ll be gone like 7 weeks and when you aren’t chaperoning, you’ll have a lot of downtime. I can get you extra tickets, you just need to let me know how many you want,” Haruka explained. He wasn’t trying to be rude, Rin realized.

This was Haruka’s way of accepting the situation, Rin thought, this was his way of saying that he was fine with Nitori. He has no idea, Rin realized, that Nitori and I aren’t together anymore, but the gesture was nice, “Just a ticket for me.”

“Mmm,” Haruka said.

“Just me, there’s no one I want to or could bring,” this made Haruka raise his eyebrows, but Rin didn’t explain, “If that’s all, I’ve got a lot to do.”

Haruka pursed his lips, “The tickets should arrive in the mail, about a week before takeoff.”

“Thanks,” Rin took the papers, and started for the door. He turned back though and faced Haruka, “I think it’s really a good thing you’re doing this. I mean, I get why, publicity for JAL, caring for the ‘less fortunate’ and all that, but I hope you realize that this is really making a difference in these kids’ lives, and that means a lot. Even if it means nothing to you, this trip is the world for them.”

Haruka said nothing and Rin went out the door.

XXX

_You have to figure it out on your own._

_You have to make it work yourself._

_You have to._

_You just, you have to figure that out._

_We have to figure that out._

_But, can we?_

_Can I?_

Haruka dipped his head back into the water. _Back then, we just flew around. We just fucked. It was easy back then._

_Can we go back? Can I go back?_

XXX

The package from JAL came a week later and Rin found it on his doorstep after class.

Rin had replayed his conversation with Haruka a hundred times, but he realized he must have misunderstood Haruka. He swore that Haruka had said the tickets would arrive one week before the trip. Haruka must have said a week later, he told himself.

Rin picked up the package and brought it into his kitchen. He grabbed a knife and opened it up. Inside were a stack of tickets for his students and an envelope, with his name handwritten in lettering that only belonged to Haruka.

Rin slid a letter opener through the envelope carefully, and pulled out a piece of paper.

It was a note.

“Car service to your apartment, today at four.”

Rin looked at his watch. He had gotten out of school at 3, but he had to talk to some students. It was now 3:45. Rin walked out to his front porch. Unsurprisingly, there was a car service waiting there, early. Rin didn’t bring anything with him except his wallet. He locked the door and went over to the car.

“You’re here for me?” Rin asked.

“Yes,” answered a young male.

Rin smiled, “Where to?”

“Can’t tell you, sir.”

Rin was a bit apprehensive, but he tugged on the door handle for the back door. It was locked.

“Not in that,” said the young man, stepping out of the car. He went to the trunk, “Change into this, and then we can go.”

He had pulled a tailored Armani suit out of his trunk. Rin raised his brows, but he didn’t fight him.

He went back into his house and changed. When he came out, he looked much more like his old self. He looked much more like Rin Matsuoka than Yodobashi Eri. He had even grown lazy lately, with the dye, and his hair was back to its fiery red.

“Now, can we go?” Rin asked. He wouldn’t have been interested in this, except that he was curious. He wanted to know what Haruka was doing. He stopped himself from getting too excited though. It was likely that he only wanted to further discuss plans for the trip for the students.

_But, why would he put me in this get up? Perhaps, I’m meeting more board members or something._

Rin really hoped that was not the case though, he would have the potential of being recognized, something which he could not risk.

Rin slid into the back of the car. He looked around trying to determine where they were going. They got onto the highway and Rin decided to simply close his eyes.

 _What are you thinking, Haruka?_ He wondered.

The car came to a rather sudden stop. His eyes flew open. They were on a runway. A runway for a private airstrip.

“This is it,” The driver announced.

“Huh?” Rin asked the driver, not even sure if he’d heard correctly.

“This is it,” the driver repeated, and he pointed to a plane, “go over there.”

Had Rin not known that the handwriting on the card was Haruka’s he would have been sure that this was a joke from Seijuro. It was something he would have done.

Sitting in the direction that the driver had pointed was a private plane, the one that belonged to JAL.

Even though it wasn’t customary in Japan, Rin usually tipped his drivers. He didn’t bother with this one though, as he was certain that Haruka had taken care of that too. Instead, he simply stepped out of the car and walked towards the plane. He moved slowly, unsure of what exactly was going on.

He reached the plane and there was an attendant standing next to the steps, “Up that way, Mr. Matsuoka.”

Rin froze hearing that name, but he went anyway.

When he got inside, he saw the pilot. The pilot welcomed him aboard, and Rin half-wondered if Haruka was taking him to some unknown location around the world, “You may sit anywhere, Mr. Matsuoka,” the pilot offered.

Rin cringed in response to that name, but tried not to let it bother him. He assumed that Haruka wouldn’t be so cruel as to do something that could potentially actually put him in any danger. And he couldn’t help himself. He’d come this far already. He was curious. Where was Haruka sending him?

Rin looked around. There were a total of about 10 seats on the plane, all were first class, and they were grouped together in a rather large circle.

Rin took a seat in the middle. He fastened his seatbelt, closed his eyes, and rubbed his temples.

He continued doing this until he heard in Japanese, “I trust you’ll be having your usual, Matsuoka-sama, Champagne?”

He recognized the voice. It was Haruka’s. Rin’s eyes flew up.

Haruka was wearing his old JAL uniform. One from when he had been a flight attendant, from before he had been recognized by Rin for who he really was.

Rin was sure this was a dream, he pinched himself.

_It wasn’t._

Rin’s mouth dropped open, “Uhhh,” he started to say something, but he wasn’t even sure what he wanted to say.

Haruka placed champagne down on a small table next to Rin. Then, he carried the tray back into the back. Rin unfastened his seatbelt and started to follow after Haruka.

Haruka was one hundred percent calm, and spoke in Japanese, “I’m afraid that I’m going to have to ask you to sit back down and fasten your seatbelt, Matsuoka- _sama_ ,” again, Haruka emphasized the honorific, “we’ll be taking off soon.”

“H-haruka,” Rin said.

He only smiled at Rin.

Rin felt his face get a bit hot, and he went back to his seat. Haruka put the tray down somewhere in the back, and then, he came out again. He took a seat in the chair on the right side of Rin.

Rin downed the champagne.

“It was pretty good,” he commented, “better than anything you ever served me when you were actually a flight attendant.”

Haruka chuckled.

“So -” Rin started.

“Let me explain,” Haruka stopped him. In the background, the plane had begun to move forward.

Rin looked over at him a bit surprised, but he let Haruka speak.

“Rin, I...I’ve talked to a lot of people, and I’ve given this a lot of thought. It took time, and it needed to, but I...I realized what I’ve wanted all along. From the day that I met you, I have been dying to fuck you on a plane. And what better place to do it than a plane that I own?”

Rin burst out laughing.

“Don’t laugh,” Haruka warned.

“I don’t understand at all.”

“It’s been a long time, Rin, and so much has happened. I think, at the end of the day, we’re on the same page and we want the same thing from each other, but I...I don’t want to have that talk anymore. I just want to fuck you like crazy.”

Rin stared at him. Again, this conversation seemed like a dream.

“Seeing you last week - no - seeing you last December drove me absolutely mad. I’ve been crazy ever since. I just, I need you, Rin. And the rest of the shit, I thought it did, but it doesn’t matter.”

Rin just looked at him for a minute. He looked into Haruka’s eyes, trying to read the man next to him, “You’re serious? You really want that?”

“Yes.”

Rin didn’t laugh this time. Instead, he answered huskily, “Okay.”

Because the truth was, he’d felt the same back in December, back in the pool, any time he’d seen Haruka. It drove him absolutely mad. Haruka would always have that effect on him. Always.

Rin leaned forward and Haruka took him into a kiss. They were taking off.

The kiss was nice and familiar, but eventually, Rin’s curiosity got the better of him.

“So, where are we going anyway?”

“Does it matter?” Haruka asked.

Rin thought for a moment, “Nope. Not a bit.”

Haruka smiled, “Good.”

They kissed again.

But, once more, Rin became curious.

“Okay, but really?”

Haruka shrugged, “I told them to fly around until we got bored, and then, we could just land wherever in the fuck that was.”

“What if we run out of gas and end up in the middle of the ocean?”

“You’re thinking too much.”

“I can’t help myself.”

Haruka put a hand on Rin’s cheek, “For a bit, just a bit, let’s escape together, like we always used to. Every time we were on a plane, every time we were going somewhere, back then, it was always a break. You didn’t work, you didn’t do anything. Sure, there were other people around, but it was just you and me. It was really just you and me.”

Rin’s eyes widened, and then, he smirked, “I want to fuck you.”

“Then come and do it.”

Rin leaned in, but he passed Haruka’s lips and whispered, “I love you. Always have, always will.”

“I know,” Haruka answered. There was no announcement, but the plane leveled off.

“Can we do this? Can we really just go off together?”

“I don’t see any reason why not.”

“Good enough for me,” and Rin gripped him tightly.

Rin unclipped his seat-belt, and pulled off Haruka’s.

XXX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: some of you will probably think it’s a bit anticlimactic i imagine, but i’ve always seen it ending this way. the two of them just getting on haruka’s plane and figuring things out with their bodies. sometimes that’s all it takes.


End file.
